Before marrying Katy Perry, Russell Brand was known to cheat on his girlfriends and sleep around, but Katy says that won’t happen anymore, because she’s so much better than all those other girls. Katy says…

“He’s made no secret of what his life was like before me, but that’s then and this is the future.
“He’s cheated in the past but he knows how good he has it with me and I know he’d never do anything to jeopardize that. I trust him 100%.”
“Like Ludacris rapped, ‘I’m a lady in the street and a freak in the bed’.
“I can’t rate myself, but if you ask Russell I’m sure he’d give me a 10 out of 10.”

Oh god this marriage is so doomed. Girls who think their freaks in bed usually aren’t. Girls who say nothing usually are.
Girl version of hot sex = strawberries in bed.
Guy version of hot sex = a stripper named Strawberry with her tongue in his girlfriends ass.

Katy Perry and Russell Brand will reportedly get married this weekend in a lavish ceremony in India, but this morning Brand was out in London with a new gold band on his ring finger, causing outlets like the Sun to put on their detective caps and try to figure out why.

I truly, TRULY, do not care one way or the other, and maybe this is just my thinly veiled racism coming out, but I don’t think the US would recognize a wedding in India. I think they have to have a civil ceremony with a judge, in England and the US, to make everything legal. Maybe they already did that. So, yeah, they’re already married. There you go. It’s baseless conjecture like this that has made me such an internet sensation.

(picture source = pacific coast news)