Katy Perry is back

By brendon January 30, 2012 @ 1:03 PM

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Katy Perry made her first public appearance since her divorce Friday night at the Mirage in Las Vegas for a charity event called GiveLove. I don’t know who that guy is that she’s with though. I looked but it didn’t say. His parents should be ashamed of themselves for raising such a failure for a son.

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Katy Perry is a Sims character now

By brendon January 17, 2012 @ 6:17 PM

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Imagine if you could isolate everything bad about life with Katy Perry (incessant demands, god-awful music, dancing) and then combine that with never ever fucking her, or even staring at her tits. That would suck right?

Yeah that’s what I thought too. But she’s a new character in ‘The Sims 3: Showtime’ anyway.

I will predict however that at least Russell Brand will buy a copy, and then that “Katy Perry” will have a little “accident.”

Katy Perry is patriotic, has awful fans

By brendon January 13, 2012 @ 5:55 PM

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Katy Perry has kept a low profile ever since her divorce from Russell Brand was announced two weeks ago, and she’s even managed to avoid the paparazzi somehow, but last night one of her fans saw her in Santa Barbara and she was nice enough to take a picture with him. Which he immediately sold. Which lets everyone know where she is and what she looks like now. Awesome. She should probably check her clothes for any listening devices and GPS tags too.

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Katy Perry was too boring in bed for Russell Brand

By brendon January 05, 2012 @ 2:12 PM

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Russell Brand says he used to be a sex addict and have sex 5 times a day, so if it seemed unlikely that the religious and sugary-sweet Katy Perry could satisfy him in bed, that’s because it was.

Russell Brand is notorious for his once-wild lifestyle and attempts to change his bad boy ways. But according to a report in the newest issue of Us Weekly, Brand allegedly wasn’t able to kick all of his bad habits.
“Katy was kinky enough during their first times together and he was very attracted to her,” a source claimed.

Wait, so she was more fun in bed before she got married, but then made sex routine and monotonous? Well this is the first I’ve ever heard of a girl like that. What did he want that she was too good for anyway?

“He likes dirty things. He really gets off on one particular porno with a guy in a wheelchair. He’s attracted to things he can’t imagine happening to him. (And) he has a closet full of sex toys.”

Ok well obviously I didn’t know about the wheelchair thing. Maybe she has a point. Because if you’re a hot girl with big tits, and you can move in the direction that your hair is pulled and open your mouth on command, the sex is gonna be fine. I should write that on my eharmony profile somewhere. I don’t have time for a bunch of games.

Katy Perry and Russell Brand file for divorce

By brendon December 30, 2011 @ 5:10 PM

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Because the best way to kill a story is to announce it right before a holiday, Katy Perry and Russell Brand confirmed the worlds worst secret today and filed for divorce.

A year after their fairy-tale wedding in India, it seems Katy Perry and Russell Brand won’t be living happily ever after.
Brand, 36, filed for divorce in Los Angeles on Friday, citing irreconcilable differences.
“Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage,” he said in a statement to PEOPLE. “I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.”

So does this mean we can deport Russell Brand now? Because that would be terrific.

Katy Perry is almost single

By brendon December 29, 2011 @ 11:44 AM

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Us magazine says, “It was Christmastime fireworks for Katy Perry and Russell Brand this year — but not the good kind,” which leads one to assume Katy Perry and Russell Brand are fighting again, and that Us is under the impression that people shoot off fireworks at Christmas.

After planning to whisk her family via private jet to husband Brand’s London hometown for the holidays, Perry, changed course, opting to fly to Hawaii with friends.
“They had a massive fight. She was like, ‘F–k you. I’m going to do my own thing.’ Russell replied, ‘Fine, f–k you too.’”
Which explains why, come Dec. 25, (Perry) was seen in Kauai — sans wedding ring. Meanwhile, Brand, was in a pub in chilly Coverack, Cornwall.
“They haven’t split up just yet, but things are not good,” says the first source. “The fighting is getting worse.”

One of the main issues seems to be that Perrys parents are deeply conservative Christians, and Brand thinks that’s kind of silly. You would think they could at lead get along at Christmas, what with all the gifts and decorations and the fireworks roasting in an open fire.