By Lex April 15, 2015 @ 8:31 AM
Katy Perry kept her promise to her parents. Yes, the part about exposing the Jewish conspiracy to defile the world’s currencies, but also the oath to never expose her heaving tits to become famous. If the world could be filled with more women who incessantly tease for cash, what a heaven on earth this would could be. You were married to Russell Brand. You’ve done your penance.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Matt April 06, 2015 @ 6:33 AM
Katy Perry had to change her phone number after she posted an annoying video of her dog on Instagram. Turns out the dog’s tag had Perry’s phone number on it and her fans are dangerous creeps with control shift plus command control. Perry’s phone was flooded with calls from poor area codes so she knew something was up. Perry admits her assistant takes care of the dog so it’s weird she would want her own number on the tag. Sorry I’m in Brunai sucking the Sultan’s dick what’s the problem? Just scrape him off the radiator I’ll order another one. There’s a powerful lesson here ladies. Nobody gives a shit about your dog. When you show us the silly faces he’s making we’re just wondering how to broach locking him in the bathroom while we try and fuck you. Hence your stupid videos appease nobody and people are just mining them for a nipple slip or landmark. Fuck, marry, kill. You got them all covered.
By Lex February 02, 2015 @ 9:10 AM
Everything that does not involve the snap of the football at the Super Bowl is some kind of hyper inflated dreck. From the morose commercials intimating if you don’t have the right insurance your honor student will drown in a small puddle left in the bathtub to Bob Costas re-purposing his grandiose Olympics poetry for the unheralded yard marker guy or the panoramic Oaxacan front yard that is Phoenix. I get it, just a week ago this Seahawks receiver was peeking up women’s skirts at Foot Locker. That Patriot lineman was almost aborted because his seventeen year old mom didn’t know if she wanted to bring her probation officer’s baby into this world. Bring on Katy Perry and her Teletubbies show for the twelve year old girls who’ve been sitting through ninety minutes of screaming drunk grown ups waiting to see Katy in her tit-safe girdle. That’s one hour of conjugal packed into a four hour prison sentence. I wish I could quit you NFL. Same time next year then.
Photo credit: Getty Images/AKM-GSI
By Michael January 06, 2015 @ 11:30 AM
Katy Perry is once again playing the part of beard to John Mayer. She’s one in a long line of women he has used to convince people that he isn’t queerer than a football bat.
Read all about their sham of a relationship. (Dlisted)
Candice Swanepoel shows off her lingerie goodies for St. Valentine’s Day. (Egotastic)
Johnny Manziel gets into a drink throwing match at a Houston club like a little bitch. (TMZ)
In case you give a shit, Cameron Diaz married Benji Madden. I give it a month. (Huffington Post)
Rihanna hangs out in Barbados with her titties hanging out. (Drunken Stepfather)
Gigi Hadid is covered topless for Guess. (Popoholic)
Michelle Lewin exercises in a bikini in the park, like you do. (The Superficial)
By Matt December 19, 2014 @ 6:34 AM
Instagram notified a bunch of celebrities their accounts were being Purged, meaning some of their bogus followers were being deleted. Kim Kardashian lost 1.3 million pretend fans in a few hours, Rihanna 1.2, and Katy Perry 300,000 because her people are wholesome and less like obvious Spam Bots. Humans are easily swayed. You tell them you’re popular and just like that you are. Let alone you don’t do anything besides get pearl necklaced on Beta or cut a hook you didn’t write every few years give or take. Paying for followers is highly necessary when you’re dramatically uninteresting. I’m convinced David Spade did this with actual women in the late 1980′s. This is a new generation. Fake it till you make it. Then keep faking it and deny your popularity is not only greatly exaggerated but also based on a vast conspiracy called taking one of those free classes on Social Networking at the Apple Store.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex November 28, 2014 @ 9:19 AM
Katy Perry skipped the American Music Awards earlier this week because she was winning an even bigger award in Australia, the rake of half a mill a night in appearance fees. Also, the Australians made up some kind of accolate to give her since they know they have to try just a little harder to get the cool people to come to their parties because they live so far away. Katy Perry was pretty much the only person not to show up to the AMA’s despite being honored by the super important bogus awards. This puts her in Marlon Brando and Jack Nicholson territory where you have other people accept major awards on your behalf because you’re busy getting baked and watching the laser show at the planetarium. Player. She had a better week than Ferguson.
Photo Credit: Getty