monday morning headlines

By brendon January 11, 2010 @ 2:38 PM

Nicole Bahls Having Fun In Rio De Janeiro (USA ONLY)

AVATAR - made another $48.5 million this weekend to bring it’s worldwide total to $1.34 billion, second all time only to ‘Titanic’ which made 1.84. Both movies of course we’re directed by James Cameron and released by 20th Century Fox. They should give him something nice, like an iTunes gift card or something. (hollywood reporter)

MINKA KELLY - is reportedly engaged to Derek Jeter and will get married in November at a castle on Long Island. Ahh yes, New York near the water in winter. They’ve thought of everything! (popeater)

KATY PERRY - might be pregnant, and that might be why she’s marrying Russell Brand. They’re quite a team. Intellectually the kid will be somewhere between a rock and a lizard. (wonderwall)

NICOLE BAHLS - was in a bikini this weekend in Rio. If you don’t know who she is, maybe you should look it up. Then summarize it and send it to me. (flynet online)

katy and russell are engaged

By brendon January 06, 2010 @ 11:15 AM

katyengaged

Katy Perry and Russell Brand are both annoying idiots, so now that they’ve found each other they might as well get married. It’s not like anyone else would be lining up to. Us magazine says…

The wacky pair — who’ve been dating since September 2009 — became betrothed five days ago while on holiday in Jaipur, India.
The exotic trip, “was his Christmas gift.  She told him how much she loved Indian culture while they were eating curry in England, so he surprised her.”
On New Year’s Day, she shared another tourist photo: her hand being painted with a traditional Henna tattoo. (“Isn’t it lovely?” she wrote.) The day before, she perhaps hinted at spontaneous decisions to come later that week: “In India, the motto…you gotta go with the flow…”

I fucking HATE that she wrote, “In India, the motto, you gotta go with the flow”, and I’m not even positive why. Drinking chai tea instead of Starbucks and going to the Taj Mahal isn’t, “going with the flow”. You’re just on vacation you dumb bitch. She’s so annoying and full of herself, it almost makes me think she’s kidding.

are they still together?

By brendon December 30, 2009 @ 12:07 PM

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That was rhetorical by the way because, according to this picture on her twitter, yes, Katy Perry and Russell Brand are still very much together. And today they’re in India at the Taj Mahal. In the caption she says he built that for her, but she’s a god damn liar. That bitch has a lot of nerve.

katy perry is in the holiday spirit

By brendon December 11, 2009 @ 12:36 PM

christmaskitty

I never noticed it until she put up a picture of herself topless in a Santa hat, but now “I was on Katy Perrys twitter” just sounds like a euphemism for fucking her.

(source = twitter)

holy crap

By brendon December 03, 2009 @ 1:08 PM

grammy noms 3 031209

Once a month or so Katy Perry will remember that she’s a hot skinny girl with huge tits, and the Grammy Nominations Concert in LA last night was definitely one of those times. The blond Pam Anderson thing is kind of boring, but Asian girls, Jayme Langford, Katy. These bitches are awesome. It would be like fucking Wonder Woman. She made a bunch of stupid faces on stage of course, but with some practice I could probably throw some roofies in her mouth when she does that, or even better work out some blow gun type thing and shoot it right down her throat. Then an hour or so later I’ll be able to describe Phase 2 of my plan that very same way.

(source = wenn and getty)

afternoon headlines

By brendon November 18, 2009 @ 9:06 PM

135877pcn_perry07

WILL FERRELL – is the most overpaid star in Hollywood when looking at what he costs to hire compared to what his movies make at the box office. Ewan McGregor, Billy Bob Thornton, Eddie Murphy and Ice Cube round out the top 5. Which means I either misread something or Hollywood casts movies by randomly picking names out of a hat. (forbes)

NICOLE RICHIE – has checked into Cedars-Sinai hospital in LA for pneumonia. Did you know pneumonia is the leading cause of death for women? No not really. I just made that up. What is number 1? Does anyone know? And how can we make sure she gets that? (us weekly)

CARRIE PREJEAN – initially claimed she was 17 when she made 8 movies of herself masturbating for an ex boyfriend, but now it’s being reported she was 20 at the time. I can still pretend she was 17 though, right? I don’t think internet reports are legally binding. (radar)

KATY PERRY – went to the gym and then tried on some snowboard gear today in LA. Awesome, right? They should make a movie out of this.   (wenn and pacific coast)