Katy Perry Keeps Locks Of Taylor Swift And Miley Cyrus’ Hair

By Jack October 25, 2013 @ 1:07 PM

Katy Perry might just be pulling off some secret voodoo shit. She admitted to AC Slater…er…Mario Lopez in an interview that she keeps locks of Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus’ hair in her purse. It seems that the three useless stars once shared a dressing room together and for some reason she felt compelled to take some of their hair.

“One of the first times I went to the Grammys, I got to share a dressing room with Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. And I asked for a lock of their hair from each one of them, which is totally creepy, but awesome.I put little bows on them individually and put them in my purse. And that was my little secret and I’m a freak!”

Freak indeed. Or witch. Think about it. Katy Perry is now taking the John Mayer emo-stump, once controlled by Taylor Swift, and she’s turned Miley Cyrus into a retarded platypus looking bog creature. If Katy Perry comes asking for your hair, just run in the other direction. By the time you’ve heard the first verse of her new Eye of the Tiger ripoff, you’re already cursed.

John Mayer Getting Closer to Maybe Marrying Katy Perry

By Lex October 21, 2013 @ 6:29 PM

Katy Perry Shows Off Her Cleavage As She Has A Late Night In London
Katy Perry couldn’t figure out a better way to stick it to her Evangelical huckster parents than getting shit-faced in London, showing off her boobs, and telling the world she’s getting ready to marry a Jew. Her folks are going to demand at least $10K in indulgences before they agree to forgive her for that shit.

“He literally is a genius, as is evident from his songwriting. I always tell him, ‘Darling, you know I’m going to have to give your mind to science after you’ve passed, because we’re going to have to understand how all these sparks work.” — Katy Perry commenting on her future husband

That is some praise for a dude who wrote like four decent emo pop songs for teen girls. Maybe she’s referring to the fact that he’s banged Jennifer Ansiton, Jessica Simpson, and Minka Kelly. That there is some actual genius. Katy Perry can’t possibly be as fun. But, she’s super famous and needy and has big boobs, which means soon she’ll be crushing the wine glass as her parents weep softly in their condolence cash.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, WENN

Katy Perry Performs In A Plaid Skirt On Saturday Night Live

By Lex October 14, 2013 @ 10:23 AM

Katy Perry Performs In A Plaid Skirt On Saturday Night Live

Katy Perry Makes The Best Faces

By Travis October 01, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Every time that Katy Perry talks about how much she thinks John Mayer is a genius or just speaks in general, I ask myself how we could have let this woman become a star. But then I remember tits, tits, boobs, giant titty jugs, breasts, tits and it all completely makes sense. She’s also wonderful at making faces while she’s performing that make it look like she’s sucking someone off, like she did last night at the iTunes Festival in London, and if you’re the kind of guy who lets his girlfriend or wife drag him to one of Katy’s shows, at least you have that to look forward to.

(Photo Credits: WENN.com)

Me Tarzan, You Jane With Big Boobs

By Lex September 06, 2013 @ 12:54 PM

Katy Perry Shows Off Her Cleavage In A Tarzan Outfit In Her Music Video For 'Roar'
I’ve decided to go without ever listening to another Katy Perry song. It’s like giving up the evening news, I just think it’ll make me feel less hopeless and depressed. In her new music video Roar, Katy dresses like Tarzan if Tarzan sold records by showing off his tits. Someday, I hope we can evolve to a place where female musicians aren’t obliged to expose their bodies just to promote their art. Just not in my lifetime, please.

Katy Perry And Riff Raff Have The Same Stylist

By Travis August 26, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

I don’t know which is worse: A) That Katy Perry showed up to the MTV Video Music Awards last night with her breasts completely covered up by the rug from a late-70s porn set, B) That Katy Perry rocked the stupid rich white lady wearing a grill schtick less than a week after Madonna’s old, veiny ass did it, or C) That Katy Perry stood on the red carpet and made the same stupid face with her dumb $1,000 grill as Riff Raff did on the very same night.

And it’s a trick multiple choice question, because the answer is: D) That Katy Perry has sex with John Mayer after he wrote a song whining about Taylor Swift.

(Photo Credits: Andres Otero/WENN.com)