By Lex February 26, 2014 @ 7:28 PM
E! Online, the purveyor of single-ply entertainment news, has reported that Katy Perry and John Mayer are no longer a couple. Just yesterday they announced that Katy Perry looked like she was wearing an engagement ring from the love of her life, so I’m still having to deal with the heartbreak of their particular brand of journalism. A consensus of gossip sites with no real sources peg the breakup as being Katy’s decision, with John Mayer heartbroken for at least the next few minutes he spends not boning other hot Hollywood actresses. Katy Perry really was a blip on his resume of becoming the most prolific Jewish cocksman since God stopped directly ordering Jews to be fruitful. Plus, if he had to kiss Katy Perry now that she she’d swapped spit with Miley Cyrus, it would be like he was kissing Kellan Lutz’s cock. You don’t want to put a ring on that.
Photo credit: Getty
By Lex February 24, 2014 @ 10:13 AM
When I think of all the recently outed brave lesbians like Ellen Page and Jason Collins, I shudder to think how diminished they must feel to see pop music stars using lesbian sexuality for pure spectacle value. Phil Robertson believes the bible tells him that sodomy is sinful. He’s guileless in his beliefs. He’s not using the ‘gay thing’ to rake in cash. He kills ducks. Miley Cyrus planted a big kiss on Katy Perry in the audience of her geek show at Staples Center in the latest episode of really cynical gay exploitation. Though you do have to admire Miley Cyrus’ ability to keep singing even when she lowered the microphone and kissed Katy Perry. That’s a neat trick. It’s become a common sight to see pop music stars wiggling their tongues between their V-fingers, grabbing each other’s tits in public, and making all sorts of Sapphic suggestiveness. But these girls aren’t gay. They weren’t born that way. They’re not going to face non-existent discrimination in Hollywood. Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry and their ilk are cynically using the serious issue of females born to bump clams to shock the public and sell more tickets. That’s just vile. Unless both the girls are super hot. Then it’s fucking amazing. But that’s the exception.
By Lex February 13, 2014 @ 5:06 PM
I’d normally criticize a guy for skipping out on the Super Bowl. There’s not much excuse. But John Mayer spent Super Bowl Sunday at a strip club with Katy Perry throwing down serious cash in the champagne room. He gets a pass. Fuck the Seahawks, I want to see a Spearmint Rhino stripper grind her vagina into Katy Perry’s face. One of the strippers at the club broke the first rule of strip club and shared (or sold) photos of herself and Katy at the Rhino. She got fired dramatically in front of the entire emotionally disturbed stripper staff just to drive home that rule. “Cassidy” was forced to pack her bags and take the long walk of shame all the way to next door where the newly renamed “Savannah” was pressing her ass into a bachelor’s face within twenty minutes time. For strippers, life is just a series of upsides.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Travis February 11, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Anna Kendrick already sparked the horny imaginations of regular dorks everywhere when she described how Katy Perry finger fucked her cleavage at the Grammys, but now she’s backing up their potentially hot lesbian actress/singer affair with images. Anna tweeted a picture of her and Katy from last Friday’s Stand Up to Cancer event, and the future ex-Mrs. John Mayer was again feeling touchy around the Pitch Perfect star. Did Katy only tease Anna with a breast grab or was this photo snapped moments before she took a handful and ultimately charge of the situation, leading to a full-on evening of experimenting and scissoring in a hot tub for two? I don’t know, it’s not like I’ve even thought about it.
By Lex February 10, 2014 @ 1:37 PM
I can’t show you Katy Perry singing at the Beatles tribute last night without paying $270 to dead Michael Jackson, so here’s a few pictures of her panty lines in sweats over the weekend. When Katy belted out Yesterday, we were all reminded that beneath the pop music glitz and spectacle, Katy is just a songbird with enormous jugs that vibrate when she’s trying desperately to find a key.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Lex January 28, 2014 @ 5:21 PM
When I was a child I came across an elderly gypspy woman requiring assistance to cross a rural road. Many people had passed her by, but I took it upon myself to guide her gently to her destination across the way. For my pure act of kindness, the gypsy woman tapped me with the gift of limited omniscience. Mostly, I can’t see or understand any of the important shit, but when it comes to useless garbage, I’m like the all-seeing fucking eagle. I’m telling you now that Katy Perry is pregnant, so that if you happen to be the baby daddy, you’ll have time to get your affairs in order. Mostly passports and whatever loose cash you can find to escape the Thirty Mile Zone. If Mario Lopez reaches you on the phone, you will only have seven days left to live. Run, spunky, and don’t look back.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet