Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
I’m going to go ahead and guess this was Madonna’s idea. Katy Perry has gone through too many boyfriends to be passionate about kink. Personally, I dig this kind of artistic expression. I only wish it were real. I’d like to see Katy Perry pull Madonna’s hair hard while yelling out, “I’m not you in my future, you sickly old Skeletor bitch!” I’m just throwing that out there, Katy can yell out whatever the hell she wants, so long as she pulls hard and makes Madonna regret this whole bondage thing as a way to still get attention at 75.
Photo Credit: V Magazine
Just when you think that Katy Perry is completely out of ways to prove how zany and unique she is, she does something that just blows our minds. Last night, she joined Nicole Richie and others in supporting Marianne Williamson, an independent candidate for Congress, at an event in Los Angeles, and Katy stole the show with her amazing green hair. People must have freaked out when they saw her hair and asked her, “How did you ever come up with this idea?” and she replied, “It’s green!” causing everyone to lose their shit and act like she’s the most original person who has ever walked the Earth. Or maybe she showed up to the event and pointed to her head, and someone pointed out that you could see Nicole’s tits, and then Katy just sulked in the corner for the rest the night. It has to be one of those two options.
Photo Credits: Getty
Now that she and John Mayer have broken up again, Katy Perry is going to need to find a few rebound guys to date before she eventually gets back together with John, so why not start with one who looks like he just woke up on a strip club bathroom floor? According to rapper Riff Raff, he and Katy went on a date last week, and he gave her the “holy trinity” of “Sushi, bowling and drinks,” which is the most boring and disappointing definition of a holy trinity that could ever come from a guy like Riff Raff. Naturally, because she’s a huge pop star with other-worldly breasts and he’s a guy with two hands, he told TMZ that he’d like to take her out again when she gets back into the country, and he said it all while holding on to another girl’s ass cheek. Katy might as well give this human blackface routine a chance, because it’s not like she’ll ever do worse than John Mayer.
Photo Credit: Riff Raff’s Instagram
Miley Cyrus is clearly battling an inferior foe in this pop star lesbo sex bitch down. Katy Perry is still playing a cheeky kid’s game while Miley Cyrus is shoving a whole rubber hand up her shiver and calling Katy a dirty mouthed bitch. Katy tried to turn it back into a game with her response:
Nope. A day late and a molded fist dildo too late, Miley is ripping a cork off a bottle of Old Grand-Dad with her teeth while you’re making lemonade spritzers. You don’t get it, Katy Perry. Miley isn’t fooling around. When she gets to England, you’re not going to give her a silly spanking for the cameras. Miley is going to have her furry midgets pin you down on the banks of the Thames while she unlawfully carnally gets to know you. When she’s done, you’ll be wet and dirty and shivering at the foot of Big Ben wondering if even Russell Brand would ever take you back. You opened the can of worms, Katy. Now Miley’s going to close it, with your twat.
Photo Credit: Getty
Katy Perry knows this cheeky sexualized pop star act is just a bit. You do the Kissed a Girl thing and get half naked in your music videos because it sells records. Then you go home and slap on your fat girl sweatpants eat a pound of olive loaf while watching Hoda and Kathie Lee. Miley Cyrus hasn’t unplugged from The Matrix just yet. She believes she’s the tip of the spear of a female sexual revolution like every teen girl does when she moves out of her parents house and starts to get laid. Katy Perry says when she moved in for the staged peck with Miley in concert, the rabid platypus started shoving her tongue down Katy’s throat like she was her biker lady on a conjugal. Katy pulled away in bacteriological horror:
“God knows where that tongue has been. We don’t know, that tongue is so infamous.”
Excellent point, Katy. Though we’re pretty sure it hasn’t been enveloping the dick of one of the most prodigious pussy slayers in Hollywood like yours has. So quit being such a priss and accept Miley’s tongue down your throat and her finger up your twat if she’s choosing to bless you today with feeling like a real woman. You’re her bitch now. That’s Tennessee law. The next time, she won’t be asking for your opinion.