Stripper Fired for Sharing Katy Perry Strip Club Photos

By Lex February 13, 2014 @ 5:06 PM

Katy Perry Dances On A Pole During Her Performance At The 56th Grammy Awards
I’d normally criticize a guy for skipping out on the Super Bowl. There’s not much excuse. But John Mayer spent Super Bowl Sunday at a strip club with Katy Perry throwing down serious cash in the champagne room. He gets a pass. Fuck the Seahawks, I want to see a Spearmint Rhino stripper grind her vagina into Katy Perry’s face. One of the strippers at the club broke the first rule of strip club and shared (or sold) photos of herself and Katy at the Rhino. She got fired dramatically in front of the entire emotionally disturbed stripper staff just to drive home that rule. “Cassidy” was forced to pack her bags and take the long walk of shame all the way to next door where the newly renamed “Savannah” was pressing her ass into a bachelor’s face within twenty minutes time. For strippers, life is just a series of upsides.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

These Two Should Just Do It Already

By Travis February 11, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Anna Kendrick already sparked the horny imaginations of regular dorks everywhere when she described how Katy Perry finger fucked her cleavage at the Grammys, but now she’s backing up their potentially hot lesbian actress/singer affair with images. Anna tweeted a picture of her and Katy from last Friday’s Stand Up to Cancer event, and the future ex-Mrs. John Mayer was again feeling touchy around the Pitch Perfect star. Did Katy only tease Anna with a breast grab or was this photo snapped moments before she took a handful and ultimately charge of the situation, leading to a full-on evening of experimenting and scissoring in a hot tub for two? I don’t know, it’s not like I’ve even thought about it.

Katy Perry Homages the Beatles

By Lex February 10, 2014 @ 1:37 PM

Katy Perry Steps Out In A Tight Sweatsuit In West Hollywood
I can’t show you Katy Perry singing at the Beatles tribute last night without paying $270 to dead Michael Jackson, so here’s a few pictures of her panty lines in sweats over the weekend. When Katy belted out Yesterday, we were all reminded that beneath the pop music glitz and spectacle, Katy is just a songbird with enormous jugs that vibrate when she’s trying desperately to find a key.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

I’m Pretty Sure Katy Perry Is Pregnant

By Lex January 28, 2014 @ 5:21 PM

Katy Perry Shows Off Her Cleavage At Universal Music Group's Post Grammy Party
When I was a child I came across an elderly gypspy woman requiring assistance to cross a rural road. Many people had passed her by, but I took it upon myself to guide her gently to her destination across the way. For my pure act of kindness, the gypsy woman tapped me with the gift of limited omniscience. Mostly, I can’t see or understand any of the important shit, but when it comes to useless garbage, I’m like the all-seeing fucking eagle. I’m telling you now that Katy Perry is pregnant, so that if you happen to be the baby daddy, you’ll have time to get your affairs in order. Mostly passports and whatever loose cash you can find to escape the Thirty Mile Zone. If Mario Lopez reaches you on the phone, you will only have seven days left to live. Run, spunky, and don’t look back.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Katy Perry Prayed for Big Tits

By Lex January 21, 2014 @ 6:50 PM

Katy Perry Poses For The February 2014 Issue Of GQ Magazine
While her parents were praying for the mortal destruction of gays and Jews, Katy Perry was praying for big tits. According to her heavily managed interview in GQ magazine, it’s all Katy ever wanted as a little girl:

“I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, ‘God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can’t see my feet when I’m lying down?’”

Once God granted her wish for big yabbos, Katy prayed to God that she could make millions of billions of dollars from them. Then she prayed for Russell Brand’s dick to fall off and for people not to notice that all her songs sounded the same. Most or all of those came true as well. Meanwhile, I’ve prayed to God for the chance to have sex with Katy for six years straight now without so much as a bare tit peek to show for it. Maybe I should start asking Satan.

Photo Credit: GQ Magazine

Katy Perry Likes Her Some Hummus

By Jack December 24, 2013 @ 3:51 PM

Katy Perry’s contract riders for hotel amenities are as demanding as you’d imagine. A rider is basically the blank sheet at the back end of performance contract in which the talent can demand special requests on top of the cash and basics. This is where you can insist upon a pair of granny panties filled with green M&Ms or anus bleaching toilet paper. Katy Perry has a long list of riders and these are just for the spread in her hotel suite:

SmartWater, plain Fage Greek yogurt, organic toasted almond granola, bananas, apples, tangerines, director’s chair, a full-length mirror, fresh crudites to include at least 3 of the following types of vegetables: cucumbers, peppers, carrots, snap peas, jicama, broccoli, cauliflower, sliced deli platter – turkey and Swiss cheese, dried mango slices, flaxseed tortilla chips, Stacy’s Parmesan, garlic & herb pita chips, plain hummus, garlic hummus, bowl of ranch dressing, Mad Mexican salsa verde, fresh guacamole, green and chamomile teas, Sencha Shot green tea (in a can), electric kettle, and a wardrobe steamer.

How many fucking snacks do you need? Especially since we all know you don’t fucking eat because your parents forgot to ask Jesus for thin hips for you. What the hell are you doing with an entire bowl of ranch dressing? Do you dip John Mayer’s cock in it so it doesn’t taste like Jessica Simpson? Why can’t you just enjoy your luxury suite and the several hundred thousand you get each night to lip-synch songs somebody else wrote for you. You’re a good looking monkey with tits. That would explain the hotel feed bag list.