Like an upscale ghost, Katy Perry hid under a giant Chanel beach towel after arriving at LAX last night. Hopefully that lady in front of her has never done anything to Coco Chanels grave or else she’s gonna have a fucking heart attack when she turns around.
According to AOL and the Huffington Post, Russell Brand mocked Katy Perry during his monologue at the MTV Movie Awards, with exclamation marks thankfully included to indicate the things that are supposed to be jokes.
Brand also made jokes about his short-lived marriage to pop star Katy Perry through Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.
“(And if after recent events you think it’s hypocritical of me to joke about a celebrity beating up a paparazzi), wait until you see what I have to say about celebrities with short-lived marriages!”
And as you would know if you’ve ever seen Russell Brand on stage, he had absolutely nothing to say about short-lived marriages.
“Kanye storming the stage the last time I hosted took a lot of pressure off me, and Kim’s record-breaking short marriage also took pressure off me. Cheers.”
Please believe me when I tell you that nothing was left out and that was the entire joke.
Brand and Perry met at the MTV Video Music Awards in September of 2009.
“The last time I hosted I did marry someone who was there, so I’m keeping my eyes open for a new wife tonight,” Brand said, before shouting, “Fassbender!”
Oh well Michael Fassbender would make a fine wif-WAIT HUH?!? But he is not a lady, you cannot marry him! Oh, Russell, you’ve done it again, you madcap jester!
While Brendon has retreated back to whatever dark place only the power of an Angelina Jolie-related story can draw him from, I have returned to you as mystery writer to make sure that you don’t remain ignorant to the fact that Katy Perry‘s vagina is once again being penetrated. TMZ reports:
The two were also spotted together at the music festival last weekend … and according to some reports, Katy was already referring to him as her “boyfriend.”
That music festival happens to be Coachella, where talented musicians — who most likely have wives and/or girlfriends at home — like Robert Ackroyd, guitarist for Florence + The Machine, get to have casual sex with less talented “musicians” like Katy Perry. It’s like Woodstock, only this time penicillin is no match for what they’ll be transmitting to their significant others.
Katy Perry married Russell Brand in India of October of 2010, then filed for divorce in America fourteen months later. But then she went back to India earlier this month, and according to Us magazine and some snitch who can’t keep a secret, that made her all sentimental and plagued with regret.
“Katy’s been trying to get him back! She’s a lost soul right now. She’d already been missing Russell. Being back there stirred up even more old feelings.”
Well of course it did. India is dirty and smells bad, just like Russell Brand. It would have been the same if she’d gone to New Orleans, she’d have been wet the entire time.
(image source of katy on saturday at day 2 of coachella = wenn, splash)
Here are some new promo pictures of Katy Perry modeling for Adidas and their Seduction running shoe. What a sexy name! I’ve never wanted to fuck a shoe so badly in my life. Well maybe once. Ok twice. Less than 10 times.