Katy Perry spent this afternoon by her hotel pool in Miami, wearing a little black bikini and making flat-chested girls feel bad about themselves. If not for her annoying personality she’d be perfect. It’s like a fable where the Devil grants a wish but always adds some cruel and ironic twist. Like I told him I wanted to be the richest man in town, and he gave me lots of friends who cared about me. Fucking prick, YOU KNEW WHAT I MEANT!
Katy Perry, Selena Gomez, Robert Pattinson, and Justin Bieber (image not available) were all at Chateau Marmont last night after the premiere of Katy Perrys movie, ‘All Of Me’ or ‘Part Of Me’ or ‘All Of You’ or something like that. The point is tits. Katy forgets that sometimes but not last night. Somebody should write it on a sign that hangs next to her mirror and in her closet.
Like an upscale ghost, Katy Perry hid under a giant Chanel beach towel after arriving at LAX last night. Hopefully that lady in front of her has never done anything to Coco Chanels grave or else she’s gonna have a fucking heart attack when she turns around.
According to AOL and the Huffington Post, Russell Brand mocked Katy Perry during his monologue at the MTV Movie Awards, with exclamation marks thankfully included to indicate the things that are supposed to be jokes.
Brand also made jokes about his short-lived marriage to pop star Katy Perry through Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.
“(And if after recent events you think it’s hypocritical of me to joke about a celebrity beating up a paparazzi), wait until you see what I have to say about celebrities with short-lived marriages!”
And as you would know if you’ve ever seen Russell Brand on stage, he had absolutely nothing to say about short-lived marriages.
“Kanye storming the stage the last time I hosted took a lot of pressure off me, and Kim’s record-breaking short marriage also took pressure off me. Cheers.”
Please believe me when I tell you that nothing was left out and that was the entire joke.
Brand and Perry met at the MTV Video Music Awards in September of 2009.
“The last time I hosted I did marry someone who was there, so I’m keeping my eyes open for a new wife tonight,” Brand said, before shouting, “Fassbender!”
Oh well Michael Fassbender would make a fine wif-WAIT HUH?!? But he is not a lady, you cannot marry him! Oh, Russell, you’ve done it again, you madcap jester!
While Brendon has retreated back to whatever dark place only the power of an Angelina Jolie-related story can draw him from, I have returned to you as mystery writer to make sure that you don’t remain ignorant to the fact that Katy Perry‘s vagina is once again being penetrated. TMZ reports:
The two were also spotted together at the music festival last weekend … and according to some reports, Katy was already referring to him as her “boyfriend.”
That music festival happens to be Coachella, where talented musicians — who most likely have wives and/or girlfriends at home — like Robert Ackroyd, guitarist for Florence + The Machine, get to have casual sex with less talented “musicians” like Katy Perry. It’s like Woodstock, only this time penicillin is no match for what they’ll be transmitting to their significant others.