By Travis November 27, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Whenever Ke$ha defends herself against her critics, she claims that we’re all just people who aren’t in on the joke. But the thing about jokes is that when they’re not funny, people don’t always get them, so maybe it’s time that Ke$ha did herself a favor and explained the joke to everyone. Because otherwise I’m going to keep thinking that she’s a pop star who rose to fame because she’s Paris Hilton’s friend, and she decided that she’d overshadow her musical talents by dressing like a low-rent Lady Gaga, in her stupid “All Eyes On Me” outfit, and saying things about ghost rape for shock value. Or maybe she just needs to start every conversation with “Knock knock,” because I get those jokes.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Jack October 30, 2013 @ 4:28 PM
Crazy slut demon Ke$ha gave Yahoo News a little insight into her life by telling the tale of her mother giving birth to her at a house party. It seems that her mother Pebe Sebert, (yes, Pebe), thought it would be a good idea to invite some friends to the house while she gave birth. Ke$ha says that, “House party is a loose term. She just had a bunch of people over, which is something I might do. I’d be scared…and bored.” Sure. Any sane person would want their BFFs around snacking on Bugles while a baby skull is crowning their vagina. Ke$ha paints the scene,
“She had purple hair at the time and a stickpin through her nose…there are pictures of her mid-birth with people just hanging out that are so disgusting!”
Is it any wonder that this girl is whole bag of crazy? I would probably go around dressed like a tranny at the Wonka Factory too if my mom had given birth next to the organic cheese platter at some hippie house party. Kids are meant to come into this world at hospitals with nurses chattering in obscure foreign languages and a doctor who pops in between golf rounds to charge three-grand for the ability not to hurl at the sight of yoked out bloody vaginas. There’s a reason we have traditions.
By Jack October 21, 2013 @ 12:10 PM
Last week we told you about how Ke$ha claims her vagina is haunted by a smelly ghost. Now, this classy dame told a delightful tale on Conan O’Brien about the time she electrocuted her vagina. It seems that the ‘I’m so shocking, check me out’ star does a stunt in her act in which she runs a power sander over her chastity belt to shoot out pubic sparks. One night the sander sent a sharp current up her snooch giving old Ke$ha’s beaver quite a current tweak. I wonder if it was truly an accident. When you are as big of a fame plunger as Ke$ha, I imagine you start to lose feeling down in your nether bits. I would think at this point even a commercial-grade vibrator wouldn’t cut it anymore. Soon she’ll need 1.21 gigiwatts of electricity like the DeLorean in Back to the Future to power up her climaxes. I’m not sure how much more abuse her vagina can take before the cock she was born with reappears.
By Jack October 18, 2013 @ 3:04 PM
Ke$ha claims that her vagina is haunted by a stinky ghost. On Jimmy Kimmel Live she revealed that a phantom took up residence in her snatch while filming a video in Alaska. The revelation came after she went to a hypnotherapist, presumably because she was having feminine hygiene problems. Maybe an ectoplasmic UTI? When Kimmel joked that it’s a more common problem than people realize, Ke$ha said,
“You’re laughing, but it’s very serious, it’s a problem…It sounds ridiculous, but it all honest I believe in all this crazy shit. I believed I had dead people in me.”
The notion of being an apparition trapped between the living and the dead seems horrific enough. The idea that you might be banished to eternal captivity inside of Kehsa’s lady meat is just too heinous to contemplate. What kind of Karmic misdeed must you commit in this life to find yourself banished thusly? Maybe if it’s Hitler or Kim Jong Il or the person who convinced fat women to wear leggings it’d be deserved. But if any poor soul randomly faces confinement to Kesha’s fetid quarters in the afterlife, we truly have a merciless God.
By Travis October 14, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Ke$ha once complained on her boring MTV reality show that people always made fun of her for being what she thinks is unique instead of talking about how talented of a music artist she is. That’s important to recall because here’s a picture that Ke$ha posted to her Instagram account yesterday of her showing off her ass once again. I’m not really knocking the girl’s decision to use sex to sell her music, but she’s pretty much fucked once all of the 13-year old boys beating off to her grainy Instagram photos learn how to remove the Safe Search on their Google accounts and discover the 8 billion naked women on the rest of the Internet.
Photo Credit: Ke$ha’s Instagram
By Travis October 04, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
While Miley Cyrus has evolved to showing part of her nipple and her awkwardly tiny camel toe, Ke$ha must have realized that she’d need to knock the homeless man’s tongue out of her vagina and get back to doing ridiculous shit for attention. First up? She uploaded a bunch of “sexy” photos to her Instagram account, and I’m not going to lie. In the photos that don’t include her face, she actually looks pretty hot. Like this one of her ass with the phrase “High Fashion” and an arrow pointing at her butt crack. If I didn’t know that was Ke$ha, I would totally get thrown out of a strip club for trying to bounce a quarter into that.
Photo Credit: Ke$ha/Instagram