Ke$ha Leaves Fat Shaming Rehab

By Jack March 07, 2014 @ 1:40 PM

Self-described singer and noted gutter scamp Ke$ha left rehab yesterday and seems to be healed. She had been in fat camp rehab after admitting she had developed an eating disorder after some music producer called her a “fucking refrigerator”. She was fat shamed! Also high and drunk which makes fat shaming double shaming with a twist of cocaine. She changed her name on Twitter from Ke$ha with the stupid $ to Kesha Rose, which has vastly simplified the life of taggers who spend their evenings spraying ‘Kesha is a dirty whore’ on freeway signs. She seems to have turned over a whole new leaf, one not involving brushing her teeth with bottles of Jack and acting like the last picked whore at the ranch. That is until she inevitably relapses. She tweeted:

“Life is beautiful. I’m so blessed to have you all.”

Aw. So, does this mean that the disgusting gunt with splatter shots of her on the web, drank piss, and made art out of teeth is gone forever? Unlikely. Even if she doesn’t feel compelled to do that stuff because of her psychology pathology, it’s still what makes her money. Nobody’s going to pay to see Kesha sing torch songs with just a mic and  spotlight at Harrah’s. Her fans will go back to finding other ways to piss off their parents the minute she stops chugging her pee. It’s the disgusting slut catch-22. And it’s too late for her to sell her organs.

Ke$ha Wants Your Teeth

By Jack January 24, 2014 @ 1:32 PM

Ke$ha sent out a Twitter blast to her deluded fans for them to send her their teeth so she can make art. We told you about the fucked up star being fat shamed into eating disorder rehab. It seems that the multi-talented singer isn’t satisfied with the arts and crafts available at the rehab facility. So, naturally she wants her fans’ teeth. Ke$ha has been known to make underwear, jewelry, and other disgusting objects from human teeth. She’s like a Tim Burton character, the one filled with the unidentifiable jizz. The rehab facility, being a bunch of self-serious healers, put the kibosh on the tooth art:

“We can’t accept human remains. There is always a risk that it could be of bio-hazardous material so we are not able to bring in anything that’s real.”

That’s probably a good policy to have, except you’ve already let in Ke$ha. What could possibly be more bio-hazardous? A few dead bicuspids and molars rotted out of the mouths of the average Ke$sha music fan? She isn’t asking to bring in The AIDS monkey. But they are close friends, so you can expect that request soon.

Ke$ha Says She Likes a Little Cunt

By Jack December 19, 2013 @ 1:19 PM

America’s sweetheart Ke$ha recently told TMZ that she really likes cunts. She didn’t mean she wanted to go down on Britney. She was explaining what she looks for in a guy she lets snoggle her stinky parts in the Wendy’s men’s room. The reporter asked her why she doesn’t go out with nice guys. Ke$ha replied,

“I like a little bit of a cunt.”

I wonder what she means by that? In this country we rarely use the word cunt to refer to a man. Instead, the few men with even less class than myself use it to refer to bitchy gnarls like Ke$ha. Maybe she’s using it in the way the Brits do where it just means a bit of an asshole. But an asshole and a cunt are two separate things separated by the taint of human behavior. Ke$ha, for all of the guys out there that want to get chlamydia from a woman who will remind them of their great aunt who could never find a husband, could you be more specific as to what you are looking for in a guy?

Ke$ha is Being Edgy Again

By Travis November 27, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Whenever Ke$ha defends herself against her critics, she claims that we’re all just people who aren’t in on the joke. But the thing about jokes is that when they’re not funny, people don’t always get them, so maybe it’s time that Ke$ha did herself a favor and explained the joke to everyone. Because otherwise I’m going to keep thinking that she’s a pop star who rose to fame because she’s Paris Hilton’s friend, and she decided that she’d overshadow her musical talents by dressing like a low-rent Lady Gaga, in her stupid “All Eyes On Me” outfit, and saying things about ghost rape for shock value. Or maybe she just needs to start every conversation with “Knock knock,” because I get those jokes.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Ke$ha Was Born At A House Party

By Jack October 30, 2013 @ 4:28 PM

Crazy slut demon Ke$ha gave Yahoo News a little insight into her life by telling the tale of her mother giving birth to her at a house party. It seems that her mother Pebe Sebert, (yes, Pebe), thought it would be a good idea to invite some friends to the house while she gave birth. Ke$ha says that, “House party is a loose term. She just had a bunch of people over, which is something I might do. I’d be scared…and bored.” Sure. Any sane person would want their BFFs around snacking on Bugles while a baby skull is crowning their vagina. Ke$ha paints the scene,

“She had purple hair at the time and a stickpin through her nose…there are pictures of her mid-birth with people just hanging out that are so disgusting!”

Is it any wonder that this girl is whole bag of crazy? I would probably go around dressed like a tranny at the Wonka Factory too if my mom had given birth next to the organic cheese platter at some hippie house party. Kids are meant to come into this world at hospitals with nurses chattering in obscure foreign languages and a doctor who pops in between golf rounds to charge three-grand for the ability not to hurl at the sight of yoked out bloody vaginas. There’s a reason we have traditions.

Ke$ha Electrocuted Her Vagina

By Jack October 21, 2013 @ 12:10 PM

Last week we told you about how Ke$ha claims her vagina is haunted by a smelly ghost. Now, this classy dame told a delightful tale on Conan O’Brien about the time she electrocuted her vagina. It seems that the ‘I’m so shocking, check me out’ star does a stunt in her act in which she runs a power sander over her chastity belt to shoot out pubic sparks. One night the sander sent a sharp current up her snooch giving old Ke$ha’s beaver quite a current tweak. I wonder if it was truly an accident. When you are as big of a fame plunger as Ke$ha, I imagine you start to lose feeling down in your nether bits. I would think at this point even a commercial-grade vibrator wouldn’t cut it anymore. Soon she’ll need 1.21 gigiwatts of electricity like the DeLorean in Back to the Future to power up her climaxes. I’m not sure how much more abuse her vagina can take before the cock she was born with reappears.