I would need a shoehorn to get my penis into Keira Knightley, but it would totally be worth it because her ass and abs are fantastic.  I can't remember who her boyfriend is, but it's kinda sad how much he wants to be Orlando Bloom.  He probably has a locket of his hair and a little picture of him in the corner of his mirror.  And he probably combs his hair just like Orlando and then lifts his little string-beany arms to do a six-shooter move to his reflection.  I actually heard that this dude was cheating on Keira.  With another dude.  'Cause he's a queer.  What?  No, you're bitter.  No, you are.

Keira Knightley could have a mop handle sticking out of her ass in these pictures, and I wouldnt notice it for ten minutes because everything else here is such a complete train wreck.  Lets skip right past green shoes with a grey dress and the googly eyed meth addict leading her around and focus on … is that a swim cap.  What the hell is that.  And why is it on Keira Knightley.  Antlers would look better on her head than that thing.  Is she going sledding.  Honest to God, a sniper could be shooting at me and I could still put together a better outfit than this.