A Bump Of Keith And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 10, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Walking corpse Keith Richards is getting up there in years and it is time for him to get his affairs in order. His last wish is to be cremated and then have his kids snort his ashes. Ew. I don’t want crusty Keith in my sinuses.

Read all about Keith’s last wishes. (TMZ)

Alysha Nett is pierced, tattooed, and topless. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Isabeli Fontana in a wet t-shirt for Maxim. (Drunken Stepfather)

Please enjoy Sienna Miller’s sideboob. (Hollywood Tuna)

Golf hottie Paige Piranac can wash my balls anytime. (The Chive)

Selena Gomez is once again scantily clad on Instagram. (Popoholic)

Genevieve Morton in a bikini will make your day. (The Superficial)

Keith Richards: Children’s Book Author

By Jack March 13, 2014 @ 2:27 PM

Keith Richards is adding children’s book author to the long list of things he probably shouldn’t do. The Rolling Stones guitarist and heroin enthusiast is set to pen a book based on his grandfather with the stupid title of Gus & Me: The Story of My Granddad and My First Guitar. His semi-hot daughter Theodora will provide the illustrations, though not of herself naked so I don’t see a purchase coming on. I find this incredibly sad. Keith Richards was the ultimate drug-addled model banging rock star. I don’t want my rock star legends writing about grandpappy unless it’s that you once stabbed him with a broken bottle to stop him from raping your mother. I want my Keith Richards to vacuum rails of coke off a whore’s ass and then play 3 solid hours of the same songs he’s been doing for 50 years. There are plenty of bored suburban housewives to write kids books. And when they tire out, we have actresses too old to work in the movies any longer. They’re followed by celebrity wives who have self-identified literary skills, and, finally, screenwriters whose last gig was an episode of Animaniacs. The pool of children’s book authors is huge, Keith. But only one person can play the riffs on Sympathy for the Devil with blood so strung out even the zombies wouldn’t eat him during a particularly heinous invasion. Stick to your super powers.

Keith Richards daughter is sort of hot

By brendon December 05, 2011 @ 4:22 PM


Keith Richards’ 25 year old daughter Alexandra was out by the pool in Miami this weekend, and it’s not that she looked hot, but my expectations were really low and she exceeded them. It would still be a weird to date someone like this though. Someone with a real famous parent. How could you not think about them, all the time? And trust me, once you say the name a girls mom during sex, you NEVER hear the end of it.

(image source = inf and fame)


By brendon April 04, 2007 @ 9:34 AM

Yesterday the internet went all apeshit with reports quoting Rolling Stones guitarist (and Pirates of the Caribbean co-star/muse) Keith Richards as saying that he once snorted the ashes of his father during a drug binge.  Richards said:

 "The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared … It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

But yesterday MTV followed up with Richards manager, who said it wasn’t true.  They say:

In a buzz-killing mood, though, we decided to check with Richards' longtime manager, Jane Rose. We asked her about the dad-snorting quotes in the NME interview. She responded with an e-mail:  "Said in jest," she explained. "Can't believe anyone took [it] seriously."

Whatever.  That dude did it.  She probably had to say he didn’t because ingesting dead people would seemingly be illegal.  And what the hell was she supposed to say anyway?   “Yeah, he snorted his dad.  He also made a bong from his skull, used his arms to do a funny octopus thing and used his penis as a doorstop”.