NICOLE IS NOT PREGNANT YET

By brendon December 04, 2006 @ 5:00 AM

After six weeks in rehab for alcohol dependency, Keith Urban has checked out of the Betty Ford center and is back with Nicole Kidman, his wife of 5 months.  Us magazine reports that the two were seen having brunch yesterday at the Polo Lounge in LA.  Earlier in the day, the New York Post said that rumors of Nicole being pregnant are false and the couple is not expecting.  Not yet, at least.  But they are trying.  The Posts' proof?  Her haircut.  Yeah, okay, why not.

She just got bangs to hide her forehead. As a Hollywood insider said, "If Nicole is pregnant or trying to get pregnant, she will have to stop all Botox treatments like Courtney Cox Arquette did when she was pregnant. It would show most on her forehead." A rep for Kidman didn't return emails.

That's Nic's new haircut up top there.  With the bangs.  Or should I say, "with the definitive proof she's trying to conceive".  And what does her T-zone reveal?  It would seeem she's in deep with a black market panda ring.  God damn you – you won't get away with this Kidman!

NICOLE KIDMAN IS PREGNANT

By brendon November 27, 2006 @ 12:05 PM

The Mirror UK says that Nicole Kidman is pregnant and due to give birth to her first child this spring.  Kidman married singer Keith Urban six months ago and has been plagued by pregnancy rumors ever since, but the paper says this time it's real and an official announcement will be made shortly.  According to The Mirror:

Our source says, "Miss Kidman certainly isn't hiding the changes in her body now and seems to be very comfortable with them. Any woman seeing her now up close can't help but notice she is a mum-to-be."  … While they were married, Nicole, 39, and Tom (Cruise) adopted two children after apparently failing to conceive.

So good news for everyone who believes in the conspiracy theories surrounding the birth of Suri Cruise, the rumors that Tom is not Suri's father, or at least that Suri wasn't conceived naturally.  There's a better chance of Tom getting pregnant naturally than Katie.  Personally, I don't think Tom's gay, I just think he's weird and so childlike stupid, he could figure out time travel faster than he could sex with a girl.  Katie could be lying on the bed in some sexy bra and panties and the room lit with sexy candles and Tom would walk in from the bathroom wearing a helmet made from legos and then try to shove his penis into her foot.

(note – Kidman sure doesn't look pregnant in these pictures from last week)



STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon October 23, 2006 @ 3:39 PM

Oprah Winfrey will tape an interview with Madonna on Tuesday so Madonna can address the controversy surrounding her adopted baby boy.  The show is set to air Wednesday.  Here’s a preview:  Madonna will lie in a fake accent, Oprah will call Madonna "girl" and the baby’s father will get no voice.  Problem solved!  Tomorrow:  the worlds most romantic boyfriends! 

Keith Urban, who married Nicole Kidman in June, has entered a rehab clinic to be treated for alcohol dependency.   He said in a statement that he "deeply regrets the hurt this has caused Nicole".   In a statement of her own, Nicole said, "I'm pale and boney, and people often think their house is haunted when I'm there."

Kevin Federline will slay that dragon named dignity and appear again on RAW tonight, following last weeks show when he was body slammed by WWE Champion John Cena.  WWE.com says, "K-Fed was furious with Cena’s actions and the treatment he received during his visit. As a result, he has informed RAW that he will be in Johnny Nitro's corner for his match this Monday on RAW with Cena."



NICOLE KIDMAN IS WRONG

By brendon October 19, 2006 @ 10:33 AM

Although happily married to Keith Urban since June, Nicole Kidman's new film focuses on infidelity, so she was of course asked her thoughts on the matter by People.com while promoting the movie.  She gave the wrong answer.

"I don't think that sexual faithfulness is the most important one.  It is the easiest type to define, but mental unfaithfulness is far more subtle and dangerous. How far can you go in this type without being 'really' unfaithful? It's a difficult issue for which I don't have answers, only questions."

Fantastic.  So, if we're married, some random dude may be coring you out every other night, but your heart still belongs to me.  Awesome.  My penis and I were talking about this, and let me assure you, sexual fidelity IS the important one.  "Hey honey, you almost done blowin that guy, the kids are in the car, we're gonna be late for soccer practice."  Yeah, that sounds great.  But hey, your mind is all mine.  I'm the big winner!

(the pictures of Urban are because Kidman was asked if she could ever fall in love with someone who was ugly, I have to assume while the reporter was snickering.  Kidman said, "Why not?  Of course I could fall in love with an ugly man … even a very ugly man."    I would say something about Urban here but one of the veins on his giant forehead might start to throb and then a chandelier would mysteriously fall on top of me.)