It’s all the rage for guys to make fun of Kelly Osbourne’s look. But you really need to get past the superficial and look at Kelly on the inside. That’s where she keeps all the good drugs and booze.
Here’s Kelly looking stunning in her own special way at the CLEO magazine relaunch in Australia.
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, WENN
Shit, I wish Kelly Osbourne would stop making me feel bad for her. Between the seizures and the addictions and her parents and her tragic desire to fit in with hot actresses and models, I almost found myself getting her a sympathy card at the local CVS. But the irony of heading to the same aisle where my last four girlfriends have bought me ‘I’m Sorry But I Found a Bigger Boyfriend’ card featuring a picture of a sad puppy was too much.
Here’s Kelly in a bikini in Australia making the other kangaroos jealous of her pouch.
Photo Credit: Splash
There’s no worse feeling than feeling bad for somebody else. This sympathy shit is meant for people with real human emotions, like people who cry when they see puppies or cut off their nads to prevent overpopulation. But even I feel bad for Kelly Osbourne. No, not because of her epileptic seizure last week that sent her to the hospital. But because she just seems like a classically tragic hero. She got dad’s palor but got none of his crazy ass artist genes that allowed such an ugly mug to become a rock god. So she’s chosen to immerse herself in the celebrity model culture where she sticks out like an ingrown toenail amid a sea of hot piggies. She changes her face, her hair, her body, her fashions, her whatever the hell she can find to change, but it’s never to be. Like a short kid putting on stilts for basketball tryouts. Or that chick who wanted to be the next Jan Stenerud but booted the ball eleven yards, on three bounces.
Life is so much simpler when you give up your aspirations. Yeah, you’re a empty mediocre human vessel devoid of dreams, but then you don’t have to tweet photos of an IV drip tapped into your tatted up ham-hock when you’re in the hospital. It’s a tradeoff. I choose not to be the pretty fish. With beer, it’s not so bad.
Those are Kelly Osbournes words, not mine. Well, I mean, they are also mine, because I say that all the time, but Kelly is the one saying it in this particular instance, at least according to Us magazine.
Kelly Osbourne has never been a fan of Christina Aguilera, but the 26-year-old took their feud to a new level during a recent episode of E!’s Fashion Police.
“Maybe she is just becoming the fat bitch she was born to be. I don’t know. She was a c**t to me.
“She called me fat for so many f***ing years,” Osbourne continued, “so you know what? F**k you! You’re fat too.”
Wow this could really spark an awesome new rivalry in Hollywood. At least it could if Christina hears what Kelly said. She should put on a chocolate chip cookie costume and say it again, that way she’ll have Christinas undivided attention.
Mitch Winehouse has been having the time of his life ever since that spotlight-stealing daughter of his finally died. He’s been going on TV, and doing interviews, and last night he held a party at Amy’s favorite bar (the Jazz After Dark in London). Because that’s a completely appropriate way to mourn someone who drank themselves to death 5 days ago. “God I wish she had died when she still had all her money,” he probably thought to himself. “But nooo, Little Mary Live-A-Lot had to drag that shit out for 5 years, like some kind of white-trash Rasputin.”
(image source = pacific coast and fame)
Kelly Osbourne was arrested outside a London club after slapping a gossip columnist who called her boyfriend “stupid”. Which, when you consider he's the mincing gaywad in the picture above, seems kind but whatever. Us magazine says…
Witnesses claim Osbourne threw a fit at London club Punk after gossip writer Zoe Griffin taunted her and continued to insult her and Worrall.
Osbourne went with her lawyers to a central London police station voluntarily earlier this month.
"We can confirm a 24-year-old woman attended a central London police by appointment on Jan. 2," a Metropolitan Police spokesperson said in a statement. "She was arrested for common assault relating to an alleged incident in Soho in the early hours of Aug. 29."
Kelly is a fat pig and I hate her but this time she was right. If someone is standing there insulting you again and again you should have every right to smack them. People are all prissy about violence, but it’s a surprisingly effective solution to many of life’s confrontations. Like here for example. Let's say some mouthy jackass is shouting a barrage of insults at your girlfriend. Well, this whiskey bottle would like to present a counter-argument. It starts like this: thunk.
