Kendall Jenner Smells Sweet

By Lex June 18, 2015 @ 1:59 PM

Kendall Jenner Shows Off Legs For Fragrance Awards
They have award shows for fragrances. Most all of them are bottled in a factory in Guangdong that slightly modifies each brand with a hint more phosphoglycine or a dash more scent of douche to present a unique formulation. Women purchase fragrances entirely based on whose selling it and how nice the bottle looks. So the same way men decide on who they should be married to for the rest of their lives. I like your ass in jeans, let’s bind ourselves for eternity. Perfume was invented to mask body odor. Wash your reproductive parts daily and save yourself ten billion annually. Or just fucking wash yourself daily. There’s no excuse to be French. The drought’s not that bad. Soap remains free in public toilets.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kendall Jenner and The Hadid Sisters Battle The AIDS

By Lex May 25, 2015 @ 7:04 AM

AmFar Cinema Against Aids Gala
These girls are everywhere. It’s like they use some kind of future tech transporter to reassemble their teen tits at fancy parties around the world. In this case, The AIDS fundraiser in Cannes where everybody who’s anybody with a decent rack dances the night away with shout outs to The AIDS. You trying throwing a STD themed party at your place and see how many hot chicks roll up. It’s an art, not a skill. Keep ditching those bras, ladies, I feel a cure coming on.

Photo Credit: Getty

Kendall Jenner Stuns a Bunch of Dudes With Fake Looking Cameras

By Lex May 21, 2015 @ 10:57 AM

Kendall Jenner Bare Midriff At Youth Premiere In Cannes
Kendall Jenner shocked the crowd at Cannes because everybody assumed she wasn’t invited. Jenner did adhere to the dress code with her heels, for which not only did she not complain, but also promised to keep on throughout the evening if her incontinent suitor threw in a Bugatti lease. Kendall rebuffed all tough questions about her unexpected appearance at a film festival by mechanically responding that her dad was becoming a woman and she supports him one thousand percent. In her mind, that is a real number. If she was mute and her left arm functioned as a universal remote, she’d be nearly perfect. I feel horrible for saying that, but relieved that we can be honest here.

Photo Credit: Getty

Josephine Skriver Feels Up Kendall Jenner

By Lex May 20, 2015 @ 9:35 AM

Josephine-Skriver-Pushing-Up-Kendall-Jenner-Boobs
Porntube’s least viewed FFF threesome briefly broke out at a VIP party in Cannes when Kendall Jenner kissed Hailey Baldwin as Victoria’s Secret model Josephine Skriver pushed up Kendall Jenner’s tits. It’s France, where nothing’s gay, just French. This is just three teen chicks going Lord of the Flies but with endless vodka cranberries and haute couture in the stead of lawless primal aggression. None of these girls are associated with the movie business but they are willing to play with their tits on camera for social media likes. Less about Juliet Binoche in Versace. More teen lesbian antics, s’il vous plaît.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kendall Jenner In A Bikini

By Lex May 12, 2015 @ 8:40 AM

Kendall Jenner In A Bikini
From the looks of her mid-Tuesday social media shares, Kendall Jenner is in school just like her sister. This would be some college, home schooled by Cervantes, the foreign-born meister responsible for the academic upbringing of the Kardashians. He also scores them diet pills. He’s the guy behind the guy who’s fucking all the girls. Purell and Diet Rockstar are thrice more effective than morning after pills, but somebody has to hold the funnel steady through the screams. When the kids look back on their formative whoring years, they’ll remember Cervantes fondly. You never forget that one teacher who was too gay to try and get some.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Instagram

Sarah Jessica Parker Still Sneaky

By Lex May 05, 2015 @ 9:33 AM

2015 Met Gala  Sarah Jessica Parker LB
Sarah Jessica Parker snuck onto the red carpet of the Met Gala screaming, I used to be one of you! Police tranquilized her more than she already was, boxed her, and FedExed her to Estonia where Square Pegs is the top rated show on television. Everyone agreed that Parker was insane and promised to attend a fundraiser for the twins she bought a few years back. Nude was in this year for gowns. Also, Kendall Jenner showed off her tits, which she has affirmed is the best way for people to like her. All the girls complimented each other on their prettiness even as they lamented the fact they only make 947% of their male counterparts. Wait for the HBO documentaries and you’ll see just how hard life is for the wealthy and good looking.

Photo Credit: Getty