By Lex April 15, 2015 @ 10:11 AM
I’m not sure if you’re supposed to read the article in GQ about Kendall Jenner or just tug one out to her Photoshopped images. I’m erring on the side of caution and pulling the shades. It’s no simple task to finish with that faint voice of her mom cackling out ‘yes, yes, complete the circle’ but a man knows what has to be done in the face of a Kardashian. Excuse, me, not in, on. Innkeeper, clam dip for all my friends!
Photo Credit: GQ
By Matt April 14, 2015 @ 6:33 AM
I don’t know who Tyler The Creator is but I just joined his fan club. Don’t ruin it by sending me any clips of his music. Tyler took the stage at Coachella and started talking shit to the posers with their selfie sticks and custom hippy garb in the VIP section and singled out Kendall Jenner because it’s fun to watch stupid people relish the attention of being insulted. Especially if they’re too self absorbed to know you aren’t joking. Tyler eloquently dropped the following tirade:
“Y’all the niggas that got money and paid extra. Fuck all y’all, y’all boring. Everybody that’s in the real crowd, though, I fuck with y’all. Y’all gonna have a good time. These motherfuckers too cool. Kendall Jenner here thinking she cute and shit. Hey, Kendall, Kendall, Kendall, I’m over here to your right, fuck you.”
I think we know where he stands on this. Jenner shared a photo of herself being ripped a third asshole with all the humility of Ted Bundy jerking himself off in front of a jury. She posted several additional comments about how much she liked the show because her family doesn’t grasp the concept of negative attention. Go ahead and key her Range Rover. Hashtag RappersLikeMe.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Lex April 13, 2015 @ 11:23 AM
Coachella isn’t just about the cutting edge of Madonna and Drake kissing on stage, it’s about the people. If you’re a ticket buyer who spent their entire last paycheck from the Coffee Bean on a single wristband, you’re in with the tens of thousands sweaty masses taking ecstasy and imagining you’re a musical vanguard. If you’ve got a decent publicist, you’re in the cordoned off wide open area for the celebrities and their pharmaceutical reps. Tell your stylist to read up on Woodstock so she can outfit your appropriately. Bring a boy to make out with because you didn’t do high school and missed all the Hootie concerts. Bad girls dressed like injuns go to the front of the Arts Festival line. Have somebody tell you the name of your favorite band there and hope you don’t get a rash. Don’t forget the second weekend.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex April 10, 2015 @ 10:41 AM
The lovable little fucktard smurf is through with the mea culpa nonsense and now intent on banging every decent looking celebrity daughter in Hollywood. If you’re angry because you’re short and your mom’s a whore and she was the better parent, why not use your baby wang to get back at God. Justin Bieber isn’t The Brain. He can’t conjure up plots for world domination. But he can fuck all the Baldwin and Jenner girls before noon. It’s not a bad bingo card to fill out. There’s some natural rooting interest behind the vengeance filled twerp determined to win his reunion. Bieber didn’t do school so this is his moment to tell everybody what he’s been up to the past ten years. Whip out the photo album of all the models and celebrities who begged you to finish inside of them. That beats Kenny making Junior Manager.
Photo Credit: Instagram/Vogue
By Lex April 08, 2015 @ 9:10 AM
Somebody who counts the money decided it was time to get Kylie Jenner working the Snapchat pole. The teen reality star with the ‘some sixth grade’ education used her first snap video to film herself putting her hand down her sister Kendall’s pants. This is either obscene or by far the best fifteen seconds the Kardashians have produced since Ray J doubled down on the OTC lotion. Snapchat videos are supposed to self-destruct after ten seconds so parents and the god you pray to can never see them, but that technology also took about ten seconds to hack and figure out how to store and save. Kylie noted on her Snapchat that she’s now taking a temporary break from the app to study the works of Kant, or possibly grab some fro-yo and get knocked up by her platonic older male friend, Tyga. With her days free, she could probably squeeze in both.
Photo Credit: SnapChat/Instagram
By Lex April 06, 2015 @ 10:17 AM
Why not get decked out for the club when hitting Easter Sunday service. Did he not make your tits too? Many people criticize the Kardashians for looking like whores headed to church. I applaud them for their honesty. Hypocrisy is the only transgression that can’t be absolved in a house of worship. We are all God’s children. Some of the kids just like to fuck for money.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI