By Lex July 24, 2015 @ 1:22 PM
Ryan Seacrest hosted a high school graduation party for Kylie Jenner where he pretended he liked girls and Kylie pretended Laurel Springs is a real place. Laurel Springs High School diplomas are the Hollywood equivalent of becoming a Universal Life Church minister so you can marry your buddy to his girlfriend in Laughlin before the baby shows. Only instead of fifteen bucks and a valid email address this one requires twenty grand and a valid email address.
“Laurel Springs gave me a solid education and the flexibility to continue to film my Nickelodeon TV show, “iCarly,” while establishing my recording career. All my coursework was interesting and challenging and the teachers were great. “– Miranda Cosgrove, proud Laurel Springs alum.
At the graduation party, Kylie herself was quick to point out that graduation was not an end to her education, but a stepping stone to a life of learning. Then somebody added ‘… about big black cock’ and everybody had a good laugh and used the Laurel Springs diploma to roll a blunt. Consider the Arthur Ashe Courage Award 2016 already sewn up.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex July 15, 2015 @ 9:48 AM
Kendall Jenner is being lambasted by people who don’t want to be killed in another Jenner car accident for driving her Mercedes with her foot out the window, her hand on her cellphone, and her face screaming into the camera stage right from the road. I don’t remember my driving training super well, but I’m pretty sure some of those were Red Asphalt no-no’s. Kendall Jenner defenders point to her tits almost hanging out in Beverly Hills. Point taken. It’s a close call. I wouldn’t wish this kind of decision on Solomon himself.
By Lex July 08, 2015 @ 11:23 AM
Through all the sexual clown shit going in her twisted family, Kendall Jenner is able to tune it all out, stare blankly into the distance, and stand tall in her bra and panties. That’s a hero if you ask me. Can’t we have two Arthur Ashe Courage Awards? Every time a model bites her finger Calvin Klein gets an even younger boyfriend. This is what success smells like.
Photo Credit: Calvin Klein
By Lex July 07, 2015 @ 1:48 PM
Kendall Jenner posted a selfie with her hand over her nipple and labeled it ‘coffee?’. If she had the cognitive capacity above crustacean, this might be a double-entendre. But I think she’s actually asking somebody for a coffee. Her assistants, a fan, her gay dad who turned himself into a woman so nobody could accuse him of being technically gay. Bitch be bringing home the paycheck here. She can’t exactly use her phone for calls. Somebody grab her a god damned Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte. The definition of work has changed. You think Obama has to ask twice for a cup of joe? Stopped being sexist.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Instagram
By Lex June 18, 2015 @ 1:59 PM
They have award shows for fragrances. Most all of them are bottled in a factory in Guangdong that slightly modifies each brand with a hint more phosphoglycine or a dash more scent of douche to present a unique formulation. Women purchase fragrances entirely based on whose selling it and how nice the bottle looks. So the same way men decide on who they should be married to for the rest of their lives. I like your ass in jeans, let’s bind ourselves for eternity. Perfume was invented to mask body odor. Wash your reproductive parts daily and save yourself ten billion annually. Or just fucking wash yourself daily. There’s no excuse to be French. The drought’s not that bad. Soap remains free in public toilets.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex May 25, 2015 @ 7:04 AM
These girls are everywhere. It’s like they use some kind of future tech transporter to reassemble their teen tits at fancy parties around the world. In this case, The AIDS fundraiser in Cannes where everybody who’s anybody with a decent rack dances the night away with shout outs to The AIDS. You trying throwing a STD themed party at your place and see how many hot chicks roll up. It’s an art, not a skill. Keep ditching those bras, ladies, I feel a cure coming on.
Photo Credit: Getty