By Lex August 26, 2015 @ 9:15 AM
Kris Jenner brought out her sex mannequin daughter and her friend from Guam trying to be an immigrated harder whore to remind everybody that her posse rolls hard, big, and will do anal for Bitcoin. Kris Jenner was being celebrated for her new cover of Haute Living magazine, which is apparently a magazine in English published somewhere. Jenner is the opposite of that mom who fights with her teen daughter over dressing inappropriately. If you’re not showing camel toe, you’re not coming. I didn’t buy you tits to cover them up. People no longer want to fuck me, stand close and maybe they’ll get confused. Haute Living starts and ends with using sex to sell. Happy National Women’s Equality Day.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex August 21, 2015 @ 10:11 AM
Kendall Jenner tried to spell out the name of a new ADHD drug in the sand to earn herself a $30K bonus but ended up drawing a picture of Khloe’s vagina with a giant three headed black baby pushing through. Her artistic skills are often overlooked in light of everything else she has to offer like a flat stomach and being 5’10 and not questioning voice commands from behind curtains. The entire whore family is in St. Bart’s continuing to take shots of their areolae and powdered over track marks so that gay men in six months will have something to watch on E!. None of it makes much sense. Just smile and wave. The GDP of Guyana is in a check in your mailbox back home. Check for open sores before commencing and you might live to spend it.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex August 20, 2015 @ 10:58 AM
According to people trying to sell magazines next to impulse buy Snickers, Kylie Jenner is pregnant with her older rapper boyfriend’s baby. It’s not a complete shot in the dark as he’s been fucking her brains out since before he had to leave the country to do so legally. This is where babies come from. Insidious black men and innocent white girls. I’ve read the Klan reports. In contrast, HollywoodLife which has never had a named source in its entire history of existence, is reporting exclusively that Kylie Jenner is in fact, not with child:
“Kylie doesn’t want to get pregnant anytime soon, she is obsessed with how her body looks and would like nothing more to have Tyga enjoy it, but not enjoy it too much and give King Cairo a brother or sister”
It’s hard to know whether an uneducated teen in love will try to get that baby or not fuck up her tits so her old man can keep splooging her face from betwixt. Khloe and Kim Kardashian are apparently constantly lecturing Kylie Jenner on safe sex, which in the Kardashian family consists of Diet Dr. Pepper douches and a coat hanger maneuvered in a figure eight in utero because there’s no way your rapper is wearing a condom. This would all be kind of sick if it was happening to somebody you cared about.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex August 17, 2015 @ 11:08 AM
According to RadarOnline with an accuracy rating circling Pravda, Kendall and Kylie Jenner formed a Grinchy idea to ditch the Keeping Up With the Kardashians show and start their own young tits-based empire. Somebody’s been whispering in their ear about how their half sisters are aging, mom is stealing their money and they ought stake their own reality claim like Vagina Dad. There’s not a whore on this planet who doesn’t get tempted at some point to break out from under the yoke of her pimp. It rarely goes down well. Would Kris Jenner shank one or both of her own girls in the yard? Kylie and Kendall Jenner are worth a small fortune. But you can’t cash checks when you have no thumbs.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex August 14, 2015 @ 12:46 PM
Mexico is sending us their rapists. We’re sending them our whores. It makes sense if you studied street economics. Kris Jenner dispatched Kendall Jenner along with Hailey Baldwin and Pia Mia Perez down to Mexico to chaperone her barely legal daughter being fucked on the cliffs of Acapulco by her rapper boyfriend and a dudes selling naranjas on the freeway offramps. Juice never tasted as sweet as when it’s payment for bumping your lady’s snatch. This seems like the right time to quickly build that five hundred foot wall along the Southern border. Summer is coming. But no, that’s not why your urethra is burning.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex July 24, 2015 @ 1:22 PM
Ryan Seacrest hosted a high school graduation party for Kylie Jenner where he pretended he liked girls and Kylie pretended Laurel Springs is a real place. Laurel Springs High School diplomas are the Hollywood equivalent of becoming a Universal Life Church minister so you can marry your buddy to his girlfriend in Laughlin before the baby shows. Only instead of fifteen bucks and a valid email address this one requires twenty grand and a valid email address.
“Laurel Springs gave me a solid education and the flexibility to continue to film my Nickelodeon TV show, “iCarly,” while establishing my recording career. All my coursework was interesting and challenging and the teachers were great. “– Miranda Cosgrove, proud Laurel Springs alum.
At the graduation party, Kylie herself was quick to point out that graduation was not an end to her education, but a stepping stone to a life of learning. Then somebody added ‘… about big black cock’ and everybody had a good laugh and used the Laurel Springs diploma to roll a blunt. Consider the Arthur Ashe Courage Award 2016 already sewn up.
Photo Credit: Instagram