Models Are Mean To Kendall Jenner And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 18, 2014 @ 5:01 PM

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Kendell Jenner is whining that she was bullied and treated like shit by the models at New York’s fashion week. Could it be that they resent a girl who volunteered to blow creepy older men to get her gigs rather than being forced to? Could be.

Read all about poor Jenner’s rich bitch problems. (The Superficial)

Anastasia Ashley in a bikini for Galore magazine is highly fappable.(Drunken Stepfather)

I would like to squeeze Chelsea Heath’s booty. Please.(Hollywood Tuna)

Samantha Basalari is much hotter than your girlfriend.(Popoholic)

Mayim Bialik hates Ariana Grande because she’s hotter than Mayin Bialik.(Huffington Post)

Fanny Nequesha left her soccer douche man to wear bikinis for you.(COED)

JJ Abrams releases a Star Wars/Batman easter egg and the Internet creams its pants.(Movie Pilot)

Kendall Jenner Getting More Naked by the Minute

By Lex September 15, 2014 @ 9:57 AM

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Kendall Jenner’s new thing is being sort of naked. Just like she’s sort of able to count past ten. It’s a no brainer for the girl who’s wanted to be a pretty model her whole life, or at least since adults started sitting her down and letting her know it was modeling or Blockbuster counter candy sorting girl and nobody knew how long those Blockbusters would last. Kendall and her younger sister still make a ton of cash selling tawdry Chinese labor camp accessories and fashions and connect the dot puzzle books to their tween fans. While moms of impressionable young girls who follow the Jenners have accepted the fate of their daughters as ‘probably not engineers’, they do have their limits, like Kendall Jenner being naked. Parents in this country accept switching a kid bloody, but lady nipples are like Satan’s eyeballs. Don’t ye cast your eyes upon them.

Here’s the full set of Kendall Jenner in the Russell James photo book. I can see her nipples and I’m still here. You’re probably safe, but if you get eternal damnation, don’t come back with your shitty emails blaming me.

Photo Credit: Kendall Jenner Instagram (above) Russell James Photographer (below)

Victoria’s Secret Models and Kendall Jenner Get Naked

By Lex September 11, 2014 @ 10:14 AM

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Russell James is one of those rare dudes fortunate enough to earn a living by photographing naked models. He’s sort of like Terry Richardson except he knows how to use a camera and you won’t flee his studio with the imprint of his cock on your cheek. James’ new book ‘Angels’ features a bunch of topless Victoria’s Secret Angels for those sophisticates who like to feature naked lingerie models on their coffee table. Even though she’s not a Victoria’s Secret model and she’s not showing off her tits, Kendall Jenner was included in the Angels book. It’s sort of like running a reprint of the King James Bible with the previously unpublished Book of Barely Legal. She doesn’t belong, but she moves copies.

Photo Credit: Russell James Photographer

Kendall Jenner Is Now Kendall, The Model, Look Away

By Lex September 09, 2014 @ 10:46 AM

Kendall Jenner In Sheer Swimsuit Walking Hilfiger Runway In NYC
The model known formerly as Kendall Jenner has made the final transformation into distant gazing butterfly at New York Fashion Week. What was once a vibrant young girl sobbing over her first period on national television, is now a walking mannequin showcasing unnecessarily ornate wardrobes for the jet set class.

Kendall might just be the perfect fashion model. She’s naturally tall, slender, semi-literate, and no longer cries when men who can help her career lay on top of her in strange hotel rooms. Also, she lacks the basic skill set to do anything other than basic upright walking. You have to commend Kendall for taking a different path than her squat sisters. She can, she could, she did. Also, I can see her titties. So this works out well for everybody.

Photo Credit: Getty

Kendall Jenner Naked Photo Leaked By Her Sister

By Lex September 08, 2014 @ 3:39 PM

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It’s unfathomable that the Kardashians were not touched by the celebrity photo hacker scandal last week. That is until you learn of the proprietary storage cloud Kris Jenner had designed by North Korean scientists. ┬áCuriously, all the scientists were lost at sea while returning home after completing the cock-shaped private storage farm for all Kardashian and Jenner dildo plunging selfies. The entrance to the data center is a subterranean stairwell that opens up underneath Khloe’s food bowl, making it both virtually impenetrable as well as physically. You’d have a simpler time maneuvering the three-headed hound at the river Styx.

Even more unfathomable is the idea there’s going to be naked photos of celebrity blowing up on the web without the Kardashians being included. Kardashians are drawn to publicity like prostitute moths to red light districts. Kim went out and got her nude modeling shots published in GQ. Kendall had nude photos taken by celebrity photographer Russell James for an upcoming photo book that Kourtney Kardashian teased on Twitter yesterday.

Ego-maniacal Kardashian shit just doesn’t happen by wishing upon an aborted fetus. It used to, until they started running out of fetuses because Kris flipped the abacus and determined living babies were now lucrative. Planning, preparation, and a solid whoring instinct. If you could replicate that, there’d be more families pulling in $60 million a year off tits and squeaky voices.

Kendall Jenner Denies Being a Cold Texter

By Lex August 29, 2014 @ 12:25 PM

Kendall Jenner In A see Through Top With Kylie Jenner Promoting Their DuJour Magazine Shoot In New York
In a growing scandal nobody really gives a fuck about, they just need an excuse to show half naked teen girls (myself included), Kendall Jenner denies that she and her working girl sisters were texting during the VMA minute of silence for kids throwing Molotov cocktails at cops in Ferguson:

I just specifically remember not texting and bowing my head down for the moment of silence and that’s all I have to say about that.

Whoa, thanks Obama for giving us a quote in between your national security briefings. I actually believe that these moronic vag-bots text and Tweet so much of their every waking hour that they probably do remember the few brief moments when they’re not typing LOLZ what a bicchh! into their phones. Also a Kardashian is going to remember the one time in her life when she bows her head and a cock doesn’t slide into their mouth. I find these lovely young ladies innocent of disrespect! Now, onto the For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge counts.

Photo Credit: Getty, INFphoto.com, Pacific Coast News