By Lex March 27, 2015 @ 8:54 AM
If Kris Jenner had constructed her girls out of circuit boards and silicon instead of flesh and silicon, the world would regard her as a service products genius. There’s that damn Jiminy Cricket reminding us that turning people into slaves is wrong. Unless they’re of a different race, then it’s cool. The cotton doesn’t pick itself. We despise Kris Jenner because she took her children and forced them through the Play-Doh Armenian whore extruder. There’s no reason to assume Kourtney couldn’t have made an excellent barista or Khloe a reasonably prized piece of commercial farming equipment. They never had a choice. Someone remind this one that Calvin Klein won’t be asking for a hummer. The girls don’t do well off routine.
Photo Credit: Calvin Klein
By Jack March 17, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
In another sign of the apocalypse, Kylie and Kendall Jenner are getting their own insipid video game. Their slutty sister Kim Kardashian’s game made millions of dollars because people are super stupid and downloaded it. I wonder if the goal is to get to the STD clinic before a big date with Tyga.
Read all about this stupid fucking game. (Huffington Post)
Enjoy these pics of girls with huge titties because it’s a Tuesday. (The Chive)
What are the best chests of Instagram so far this year? (COED)
Coco Baudelle’s naked ass is out of control. (Egotastic)
Scott Disick goes to rehab because he’s a fucking drunk. (TMZ)
Celebrate St. Patty’s day with Irish hottie Rosalind Lipsett’s swinging shamrocks. (Drunken Stepfather)
Charlotte McKinney’s cleavage makes life worth living. (Hollywood Tuna)
By Lex March 10, 2015 @ 9:15 AM
At some point little girls playing dress up grow up to be big girls playing dress up, paid in cash and cocaine and famous singer dick. Maybe this Chanel shit cost more than mom’s dresses and somewhere along the way you lost your ability to smile, but it’s basically the same premise. Minus the aggressive lesbian model hovering in your shadow because she’s got you on her clit list. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was little. I wish I could swagger around NASA and Mission Control in a space suit as an adult, but it turns out they arrest you and put you on a 5150 hold. If boys grew tits as they got older they could probably get away with a lot more.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Splash
By Lex February 13, 2015 @ 8:47 AM
When we learned that Kendall Jenner likes salads and shiny objects I was certain we’d tapped the bottom of her revelation well. But this complicated young woman had even more to offer when Allure magazine located the Friends monkey in a dumpster and asked him if he’s pay twenty dollars to see Kendall’s tits up close. In her new interview, Kendall reveals that was extremely shy in high school because she suffered from acne just like you and me. Though, unlike you and me, she didn’t go to high school. At least she didn’t say her helicopter hit the deck hard after taking RPG fire outside Baghdad. Kendall also professed her disdain for tattoos. Her sister Kim always warned her off tattoos, saying, ‘Why would you put bumper stickers on a Bentley?’. It’s really the perfect metaphor, especially in a family where the girls only answer to Rorschach ink blots are Bentley, Rapper Dick, and Eww, Poor People.
Photo Credit: Allure Magazine
By Lex February 12, 2015 @ 9:36 AM
You look amazing. No, you look amazing. We both look amazing. Let’s solve The AIDS. It happens just like that. Girls like Kendall Jenner and that Baldwin daughter Justin Bieber is fucking only using two-percent of their brains. What if Morgan Freemen let them use five-percent of their brains. They could cure diseases with their minds. Or answer all those Change.org petitions. At some point crank up the Algernon meds so they can take dumps unassisted. Modern science is amazing. So are good looking girls without bras. If we could have only one, I’d rather die young in a world with tits.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/INF
By Lex February 11, 2015 @ 8:49 AM
Photo Credit: Instagram/Love Magazine