Kendall Jenner Needs Quiet

By Matt November 18, 2014 @ 8:02 AM

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Kendall Jenner went on Nightline because that program sucks now and your vote doesn’t count. She explained how she told her sister Kim Kardashian not to attend her fashion shows because it was a distraction from her artistic expression of showing some aureola in an overpriced fashion label tragedy marketed to dumb losers and alimony receiving cunts:

“I think that if my sister was sitting front row, and my sister is who she is, I know this sounds kind of weird, but it almost would have almost taken the attention away from what I’m trying to do on my own.”

Surely people recognize Kim’s rectum from her porno but I don’t quite understand how that effects your ability to prance around in heels. You’re not removing a parasitic twin from its host and it’s not that complicated. Your sister’s legendary saloon whoring shouldn’t have any baring on your ability to serve cocktails. How about showing a little gratitutde. If Kim Kardashian hadn’t taken so many famous black men for the team, nobody would even know your name. Bend over and cough.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kendall Jenner The New Face of Estee Lauder

By Lex November 17, 2014 @ 8:59 AM

Kendall Jenner Estee Lauder Photo Shoot
Kendall Jenner is further proof that high school is a big waste of time for pretty girls. I don’t mean that one sort of good looking girl in AP Chem, I mean the vast majority of girls who God made tall and slender and good looking then decided that was enough with the gifts. What was Kendall going to do with the California high school experience of Algebra and seventeen annual events honoring obscure Mexican folk heroes? Maybe she rises to cash register level permission at the Forever 21. Without high school, she’s authored a dystopian landscape sci-fi book series for girls and now is the face of Estee Lauder:

“She is the ultimate instagirl, and we are excited to leverage her image, voice, energy and extraordinary social media power to introduce Estée Lauder to millions of young women around the world.” — Estée Lauder Global Brand President Jane Hertzmark Hudis

I don’t even know what instagirl means other than some chick with a big title and three names saying it means Kendall just got paid. For all her various faults and epic levels of Satanic evil, Kris Jenner knows her children well. She isn’t raising Stephen Hawkings. If her girls end up in a wheelchair, it’s time to roll them to the glue factory and close out the books. If Kendall Jenner serves no greater purpose than to convince the best looking girls to forgo a basic education she will have done more good than most.

Photo Credit: Estee Lauder

Kendall And Kylie Are Influential Whores And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 13, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Mini-Kims Kylie and Kendall Jenner have been named among America’s most influential teens by Time Magazine. I was going to say this is the day our civilization officially went down the shithole, but it’s really probably just Time Magazine that did.

Read all about the Jenner’s whorish mammoth influence. (Huffington Post)

Sweet mother of fuck McKayla Maroney is flexible. (Drunken Stepfather)

Bethenny Frankel looks like they stuck two water balloons to a skeleton. (Hollywood Tuna)

Hey, wanna see Megan Fox’s black lace panties? (Popoholic)

The Internet wants to euthanize Taylor Swift’s pussy. (The Superficial)

Kate Upton forgot to wear a bra to this photo shoot. (COED)

Sammy Sosa looks like a busted gay ghost version of himself. (Busted Coverage)

Kendall Jenner Is Cruising for a Bruising

By Matt October 02, 2014 @ 10:11 AM

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According to a typically spotty US Weekly report, Kendall Jenner is infatuated with Chris Brown. Jenner reportedly took a liking to him after he was released from jail for beating Rihanna. In the world of US Weekly articles written at the 8th grade level, that makes him a ‘bad boy’ and not an abusive sociopath with misogynistic tendencies.

Jenner partied with Brown at the VMA after party where Suge Knight took up to thirty-seven more bullets. Jenner likes a guy who can take control. The kind who can really hold you down and beat the shit out of your face. Normally I’d have sympathy for the naive suburban chick who thinks hanging with a black dude with Bloods gang ties is outrageously rebellious and group text worthy. But this is not a tale of the troubled wayward youth with few options. This is a chick who was bred to crave attention, money, and high profile fucked up famous men. The writing is on the wall. If you’re stupid enough to get involved with Brown you deserve to get punched in your generic looking face. It’s called thinning the modeling herd. You can always pull day shift at one of the seven Burger Kings Kanye bought your sister.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kendall Is Justin’s New Beard And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 01, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Lesbian troll doll Justin Bieber seems to have moved on from not having sex with Selena Gomez to pretending to bone Kendall Jenner. The two have been seen cavorting around Paris together. Probably shopping and talking about boys.

Just come out of the closet already. (Popoholic)

Amazon put a racism warning on old Tom and Jerry cartoons. (Huffington Post)

Andrea Sportono in a see-through shirt is a very good thing. (Drunken Stepfather)

Jennifer Nicole Lee wears a bikini well ’cause she got big ol titties. (Hollywood Tuna)

Diddy thinks J-Lo’s ass is a work of art and Kim’s is aight. (The Superficial)

I totally want to fly Vietjet if their stewardesses look like that! (The Chive)

Oh, good you get to see Ben Affleck’s dick in Gone Girl. (Dlisted)

Kendall Jenner Tits Becoming Influential

By Lex September 30, 2014 @ 11:10 AM

Kendall Jenner Shows Underboob During Fashion Show And Holds Up Signs After In Paris
Gay vampire fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld decided it’d be super chic to use a protest theme for his latest line of fashion perfect for the woman running a fragrance empire in a 1970′s. Protests are very popular these days. War torn populations begging for basic human rights, starving throngs demanding the overthrow of corrupt governments, and recently deflowered clove smoking girls cruising the catwalk in Paris hawking pricey shmata. No one group owns the right to assemble in protest.

Kendall Jenner and Cara Delevingne carried on their protest march theme even after leaving the show mostly because nobody rebooted their analog programming. They converted the mock fashion show protest into a real live social activation on Twitter by hashtagging Free the Nipple, that online campaign designed to give middle aged men more things to whack off to at their computers. Kendall Jenner officially graduated from being just an uneducated walking mannequin to an uneducated walking mannequin having Cara Delevingne go down on her in the back of a car. Hashtag Fuck High School if you know what I’m saying.

Photo Credit: INF