Kendall Jenner Is Anti-Tattoo

By Lex February 13, 2015 @ 8:47 AM

Kendall Jenner Wears A Swimsuit For Allure Magazine
When we learned that Kendall Jenner likes salads and shiny objects I was certain we’d tapped the bottom of her revelation well. But this complicated young woman had even more to offer when Allure magazine located the Friends monkey in a dumpster and asked him if he’s pay twenty dollars to see Kendall’s tits up close. In her new interview, Kendall reveals that was extremely shy in high school because she suffered from acne just like you and me. Though, unlike you and me, she didn’t go to high school. At least she didn’t say her helicopter hit the deck hard after taking RPG fire outside Baghdad. Kendall also professed her disdain for tattoos. Her sister Kim always warned her off tattoos, saying, ‘Why would you put bumper stickers on a Bentley?’. It’s really the perfect metaphor, especially in a family where the girls only answer to Rorschach ink blots are Bentley, Rapper Dick, and Eww, Poor People.

Photo Credit: Allure Magazine

Braless Young Hollywood to Cure The AIDS

By Lex February 12, 2015 @ 9:36 AM

The Braless Ladies Of The AmFAR gala kendall jenner
You look amazing. No, you look amazing. We both look amazing. Let’s solve The AIDS. It happens just like that. Girls like Kendall Jenner and that Baldwin daughter Justin Bieber is fucking only using two-percent of their brains. What if Morgan Freemen let them use five-percent of their brains. They could cure diseases with their minds. Or answer all those petitions. At some point crank up the Algernon meds so they can take dumps unassisted. Modern science is amazing. So are good looking girls without bras. If we could have only one, I’d rather die young in a world with tits.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/INF

Kendall Jenner Flashes A Lot Of Leg On Instagram

By Lex February 11, 2015 @ 8:49 AM

Kendall Jenner Flashes A Lot Of Leg On Instagram

Photo Credit: Instagram/Love Magazine

Cara Delevingne Working Kendall and Kylie

By Lex February 06, 2015 @ 12:30 PM

Cara Delevingne Gets Close To Two Kardashians For Love Magazine Solve Sundsbo
This savvy vagina hunter is barely lifting a finger these days. Her snatch is aerosolizing scents programmed to intoxicate illiterate young women within a thirty click radius. Her kill list reads like the VIP rolls inside the Hollywood Red Tent. It must be some kind of bet she has going. Nobody loves high maintenance pussy this much.

Photo Credit: Solve Sundsbo for Love Magazine

Kendall Jenner Topless With Somebody Else’s Tits

By Lex February 06, 2015 @ 9:51 AM

Kendall Jenner Covered Topless For Love Magazine
I thought the Supreme Court or the Justice League or Alyssa Milano’s mom made it illegal to put fake bare tits on the faces of famous people. Maybe the law states that if you get paid in fat dollars the commandos can’t bust in through the windows and confiscate the printing presses. I’m not sure who green-lit this abomination. You had the world’s most famous porn family on the clock for eight hours and you went and warped up all their pay worthy bits. Who is this for exactly? The Kardashians are the human equivalent of 7-Eleven frozen burritos. You don’t art them up. You shove them in your mouth when you’re drunk at 3am and await the painful shit. Somebody needs to get fired. Or killed. There’s never a fatwa around when you need it.

Photo Credit: Love Magazine

If the Kardashians Tits Go Somewhere Without a Selfie, Did It Really Happen?

By Lex January 30, 2015 @ 10:08 AM

The porn star, the large one, the model, and her British lesbian girlfriend all went to see Sam Smith in concert. God invented Sam Smith so that he could finally take Spandau Ballet into heaven. It’s a big to do when three or more Kardashians are in the same place at the same time. I believe the appropriate term for a group of Kardashians is a whoreling. After the show, Sam Smith allowed the girls to use him as a prop for their selfies as he gave them a few bars of his new sad song about when cock goes flaccid. Kim and Khloe just sighed, while Kendall and Cara finger banged each other and promised their love would be forever. Then somebody made a joke about it being a school night and everybody laughed and queefed.

Photo Credit: Instagram