Kendall Jenner Was the Best of Coachella

By Lex April 14, 2014 @ 4:59 PM

Kendall Jenner Wears A Giant Nose Ring To Coachella
Ever since Tupac’ s hologram got turned off and everybody realized they had to go back to watching the still living shitty acts Coachella stages around their $8 bottled water concession booths, the Indie music and don’t forget arts festival has been running low on wow factor. You can only get away with so many Beyonce surprise guest appearance when she’s there every year. Surprise. Your grandma made an appearance at grandma’s house. A naked hologram of Beyonce would’ve been amazing, but nobody has the guts to piss off the corporate sponsors who become visibly moist at the thought of 100,000 college educated white ‘social influencers’ trapped in the desert. Whoever dresses the Kendall Jenner mannequin decided she could be a thing if only she had a distinctive look. So they borrowed Bruce Jenner’s cock ring which he mysteriously announced he no longer needed and hung it from Kendall’s right nostril like a Guernsey. The nose ring connected to her earring to form the international symbol of illiteracy. Kendall adored the attention though she did note the unusually low hanging hoop made completing the ‘must blow’ list her mom tucked into her front pocket that much more challenging.

Photo Credit: Getty

Kendall Jenner Camel Toe Causing Uproar

By Lex April 10, 2014 @ 4:17 PM

Kendall Jenner Booty In Tights Leaving A Salon In West Hollywood
For years we stared into the gaping lower maw of Khloe Kardashian in yoga pants, her massive lips flapping like Mothra into impossible flight. Then Khloe got wise and with a paid consumer tie-in, solved her vag lines problem

I’ve learned my lesson a million times. I wear Spanx so I don’t get a camel toe!” — Khloe sounding wise beyond her hears in ITN Interview.

And Khloe isn’t even the smart one in the family. You’d think she’s have taught Kendall a similar lesson about flashing her labia majora in the public eye. Unless there was some sinister force lurking in the darkness encouraging Kendall to actually show off her sweaty lady parts. Some mindless crone who absorbs fame and money like sunlight to plants. Some Sith creature with fake nipples that smell like stale Twizzlers and an unquenchable desire to exploit her own young for shits and giggles. As if such a hellish creature existed anywhere but in our nightmares.

Photo Credit: Splash, FameFlynet

Kendall Jenner’s Ass Went Zip-Lining

By Travis April 04, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

The Kardashians could tell us that their vacation to Thailand was an important bonding trip for the family to get out of the spotlight for a while, or that it was a chance to take their TV show to a new, exotic place that most people will never see in their lifetimes. But you and I both know that it was mostly a chance for them to show off their asses in front a new backdrop, because every woman in this family, including Bruce Jenner, would probably flash a nipple if it meant E! ordering one more episode of their show. And look at how well the recently-legal Kendall Jenner is doing in learning from her big sister Kim Kardashian, who once took it doggystyle from Ray J in front of a camera. Sure, this zip-lining video that she posted on Instagram might look harmless, but it’s one wannabe rapper’s dick away from earning this family a cool 9 figures.

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Kendall Jenner’s Bodyguard Blends In

By Lex March 10, 2014 @ 5:43 PM

Khloe Kardashian And Kendall Jenner Go To A Rick Ross Concert In Hollywood
There are many ways to define the word hero. But if you’re my wingman when I hit on Kendall Jenner and you can maneuver her San Francisco Bay Bombers half-sister ten paces stage right, you are the fucking wind beneath my wings. I know somewhere in this world Lamar Odom is checking this out and weeping for the fine piece of ass he left behind. Which just goes to show the extent to which crack will fuck with your mind.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Kendall Jenner Was So Bashful At Fashion Week

By Travis February 18, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

If you looked at 1,000 photographs of models walking in or out of fashion week events or simply sitting in the front row at a runway show, you’d be able to tell who the pros are, because they’re the girls who don’t give a shit that every camera in the place is pointed at them. That’s why Cara Delevingne stands outside a party and makes stupid faces and Barbara Palvin smiles like she knows she’s hot, because they’re both pros who can handle the fame. Then there’s Kendall Jenner, who says she wants to be a model because she posted a titty picture on Instagram for her big girl birthday, and she walks out of a fashion show party like people are throwing balls of shit at her. Good thing she has a country full of idiot teens to fall back on, because her modeling career will be limited to condom commercials and NBA jerseys.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Don’t Fuck With Kendall Jenner

By Travis February 17, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Because she’s a world famous model that comes from a family that has redefined the fashion industry for years with its amazing Sears clothing line, Kendall Jenner was one of the biggest names at London Fashion Week over the weekend. The 18-year old was the all-American girl next door as she strutted through the crowd in expensive clothes with her entourage and a security guard who looked like he was ready to snap on anyone who looked at him wrong. I guess career choices are pretty limited for a guy when he looks like he’s about to gut everyone in the room, as he can either provide private security or work for Comcast. Fortunately, this guy chose the job that will allow him to butcher fewer people.

Photo Credits: Will Alexander/WENN.com