By Jack October 13, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Mini-Kims Kylie and Kendall Jenner have been named among America’s most influential teens by Time Magazine. I was going to say this is the day our civilization officially went down the shithole, but it’s really probably just Time Magazine that did.
Read all about the Jenner’s whorish mammoth influence. (Huffington Post)
Sweet mother of fuck McKayla Maroney is flexible. (Drunken Stepfather)
Bethenny Frankel looks like they stuck two water balloons to a skeleton. (Hollywood Tuna)
Hey, wanna see Megan Fox’s black lace panties? (Popoholic)
The Internet wants to euthanize Taylor Swift’s pussy. (The Superficial)
Kate Upton forgot to wear a bra to this photo shoot. (COED)
Sammy Sosa looks like a busted gay ghost version of himself. (Busted Coverage)
By Matt October 02, 2014 @ 10:11 AM
According to a typically spotty US Weekly report, Kendall Jenner is infatuated with Chris Brown. Jenner reportedly took a liking to him after he was released from jail for beating Rihanna. In the world of US Weekly articles written at the 8th grade level, that makes him a ‘bad boy’ and not an abusive sociopath with misogynistic tendencies.
Jenner partied with Brown at the VMA after party where Suge Knight took up to thirty-seven more bullets. Jenner likes a guy who can take control. The kind who can really hold you down and beat the shit out of your face. Normally I’d have sympathy for the naive suburban chick who thinks hanging with a black dude with Bloods gang ties is outrageously rebellious and group text worthy. But this is not a tale of the troubled wayward youth with few options. This is a chick who was bred to crave attention, money, and high profile fucked up famous men. The writing is on the wall. If you’re stupid enough to get involved with Brown you deserve to get punched in your generic looking face. It’s called thinning the modeling herd. You can always pull day shift at one of the seven Burger Kings Kanye bought your sister.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Jack October 01, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Lesbian troll doll Justin Bieber seems to have moved on from not having sex with Selena Gomez to pretending to bone Kendall Jenner. The two have been seen cavorting around Paris together. Probably shopping and talking about boys.
Just come out of the closet already. (Popoholic)
Amazon put a racism warning on old Tom and Jerry cartoons. (Huffington Post)
Andrea Sportono in a see-through shirt is a very good thing. (Drunken Stepfather)
Jennifer Nicole Lee wears a bikini well ’cause she got big ol titties. (Hollywood Tuna)
Diddy thinks J-Lo’s ass is a work of art and Kim’s is aight. (The Superficial)
I totally want to fly Vietjet if their stewardesses look like that! (The Chive)
Oh, good you get to see Ben Affleck’s dick in Gone Girl. (Dlisted)
By Lex September 30, 2014 @ 11:10 AM
Gay vampire fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld decided it’d be super chic to use a protest theme for his latest line of fashion perfect for the woman running a fragrance empire in a 1970′s. Protests are very popular these days. War torn populations begging for basic human rights, starving throngs demanding the overthrow of corrupt governments, and recently deflowered clove smoking girls cruising the catwalk in Paris hawking pricey shmata. No one group owns the right to assemble in protest.
Kendall Jenner and Cara Delevingne carried on their protest march theme even after leaving the show mostly because nobody rebooted their analog programming. They converted the mock fashion show protest into a real live social activation on Twitter by hashtagging Free the Nipple, that online campaign designed to give middle aged men more things to whack off to at their computers. Kendall Jenner officially graduated from being just an uneducated walking mannequin to an uneducated walking mannequin having Cara Delevingne go down on her in the back of a car. Hashtag Fuck High School if you know what I’m saying.
Photo Credit: INF
By Lex September 25, 2014 @ 9:51 AM
There’s no prouder moment for an attention starved whore than when you get to watch your half-sister by way of your tranny stepdad take her first steps on a runway in Paris. Naturally, you can’t support your familial whoreling without ten hours of hair and makeup and a dress that reminds the wealthy men in the audience they can’t plow their uncircumcised cocks through Kendall’s tiny fashion model titties.
Kris Jenner intentionally built a healthy dose of competition among and between her surgically enhanced offspring. Sort of like the Jack Harbaugh did with his sons in football. You can be friends in the offseason but when the whistle blows in a Niners-Ravens game, you’ll fratricide the shit out of your childhood bunk-bed mate. I’m not saying Kim would shank her younger sister if she ever felt she was a threat. Poison seems more like Kim’s dark calling.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Jack September 18, 2014 @ 5:01 PM
Kendell Jenner is whining that she was bullied and treated like shit by the models at New York’s fashion week. Could it be that they resent a girl who volunteered to blow creepy older men to get her gigs rather than being forced to? Could be.
Read all about poor Jenner’s rich bitch problems. (The Superficial)
Anastasia Ashley in a bikini for Galore magazine is highly fappable.(Drunken Stepfather)
I would like to squeeze Chelsea Heath’s booty. Please.(Hollywood Tuna)
Samantha Basalari is much hotter than your girlfriend.(Popoholic)
Mayim Bialik hates Ariana Grande because she’s hotter than Mayin Bialik.(Huffington Post)
Fanny Nequesha left her soccer douche man to wear bikinis for you.(COED)
JJ Abrams releases a Star Wars/Batman easter egg and the Internet creams its pants.(Movie Pilot)