Jenner Girls Selling Slutty Clothes And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 19, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Kylie and Kendall Jenner launched their new clothing line Kendall+Kylie this week. Ten percent of every purchase goes toward beating the underperforming child seamstresses God hates enough to force produce this crap.

Great, now they are going to have even more money. (Popoholic)

Ashley Benson displays her tits for Flaunt Magazine. (Last Men On Earth)

Lexa Shevchenko topless, wet, and hot as fuck. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Christie Brinkley is sucking on John Mellencamp’s chili dog. (TMZ)

Her name is just Elizabeth and she is just naked. (Drunken Stepfather)

These are the worst “literary” sex scenes this year. (The Chive)

Giada De Laurentiis’ tits are molto huge. (Hollywood Tuna)

Kendall Jenner Braless and Egged

By Lex November 18, 2015 @ 12:46 PM

Kendall Jenner Arrives In Melbourne Braless
Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner were in Australia to celebrate the one millionth man in that country tugging one out thinking about fucking them both over a couch dirty with pet hair. Some woman started screaming and throwing eggs at the sisters but she threw like a chick and completely missed. Police tackled the woman, because the response time on Kardashian threats is several times faster than that for jihadi gunmen. The assailant was later forced to look at pictures of Kris Jenner’s untreated vagina before a koala bear scratched her eyes out so it would be the last thing she ever saw. The Australians don’t fuck around when whore dignitaries come to visit.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Lingerie Clad Angels For Victoria’s Secret 2015 Fashion Show

By Lex November 11, 2015 @ 10:07 AM

2015 Victorias Secret Fashion Show
There’s got to be that one moment of self-consciousness when standing in your underwear on national television and thinking, I could’ve been a nanny to a well off family in Paraguay or maybe an assistant media professor at Mizzou. Maybe when you’re so stupid hot you just think, damn, I look amazing and everybody wants to fuck me, and that envelops you like a warm blanket. This has to be depressing for women who can’t relexively view attractive women as sex objects.

Photo Credit: Getty

I Know a Girl Who Wants to Fuck Kendall Jenner Pretty Badly

By Lex November 04, 2015 @ 12:46 PM

Cara Delevingne sent a cake to Kendall Jenner featuring the two of their faces melded into one, surrounded by candy lips and nipples and a handy veiny dong. I’m not sure how a lesbian says we should be together, but this seems like the right sugary come-on. Delevingne played the cake off as a total joke, which she does so well moments before she’s two knuckles deep into your Fudgie the Whale. She’s nailed a lot of pussy with her demure giggles and stalker cakes.

Jenner celebrated her 20th birthday by getting her friends and family together without bras to show off their tits.  Kim Kardashian was intentionally omitted because she’s too fat to be seen in public. Oh, go have a fucking cry about that Jaime King. It wasn’t me who uninvited her. The Kardashians are a practical clan.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kendall Jenner Tits Seems Pierced

By Lex October 22, 2015 @ 10:40 AM

Kendall Jenner Pokies In Tight T Shirt
Kendall Jenner is the only Kardashian family member not to have centrifuged Carolina hog fat cold pressed into her body each month. Therefore, she’s the least likely to wake up with the sperm of ‘I think I remember the guy, he drove a Porsche’ caked on her ass cheeks. That doesn’t mean she’s not partaking in her version of naughty. Visible tattoos and gauged ear lobes and food is not an option. Piercing your nipples is as rebellious as a fashion model can get without blacklisted for defect. Ditch the bra and head to your whore half-sister’s birthday party. Don’t think about how you’ll never match her naval shore leave whore antics. Dwell on the serenity of not having recurring blisters on your privates. That nipple metal is your dreamcatcher.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kardashian Love Saves Lammy

By Lex October 19, 2015 @ 9:10 AM

Kim Kardashian Kendall Jenner And Malika Haqq Leave Sunrise Hospital In Las Vegas
The good news, you’re alive. The bad news, you’re still married to Khloe Kardashian and she’s gnawing the dried remains of hooker girl juice off your right thigh. Lamar Odom regained consciousness in his Vegas hospital thanks to the adrenaline needle Kris Jenner plunged into his heart when E! producers chided that the Odom coma shots were super boring. The Kardashian family jetted back and forth between parties and appearances in Los Angeles to the Sunrise Hospital dressed in all black because the Whore Scouts teaches you always be prepared for a live TV eulogy special.

Kim Kardashian credited the power of prayer for bringing Lamar back to the world of the living. Members of the Kardashian family and a bunch of other chicks from their spinoff reality shows hit social media pretty hard with all caps religious shoutouts for the man they call ‘Lammy’. Lamar put on a brave face in his hospital bed and focused hard on the two emotionally damaged girls he spent three days ass fucking at the ranch. Does anybody know if this oxygen mask has a crack smoke setting? I’m going to need a bus schedule back to the ranch.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet