By Travis February 18, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
If you looked at 1,000 photographs of models walking in or out of fashion week events or simply sitting in the front row at a runway show, you’d be able to tell who the pros are, because they’re the girls who don’t give a shit that every camera in the place is pointed at them. That’s why Cara Delevingne stands outside a party and makes stupid faces and Barbara Palvin smiles like she knows she’s hot, because they’re both pros who can handle the fame. Then there’s Kendall Jenner, who says she wants to be a model because she posted a titty picture on Instagram for her big girl birthday, and she walks out of a fashion show party like people are throwing balls of shit at her. Good thing she has a country full of idiot teens to fall back on, because her modeling career will be limited to condom commercials and NBA jerseys.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Travis February 17, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
Because she’s a world famous model that comes from a family that has redefined the fashion industry for years with its amazing Sears clothing line, Kendall Jenner was one of the biggest names at London Fashion Week over the weekend. The 18-year old was the all-American girl next door as she strutted through the crowd in expensive clothes with her entourage and a security guard who looked like he was ready to snap on anyone who looked at him wrong. I guess career choices are pretty limited for a guy when he looks like he’s about to gut everyone in the room, as he can either provide private security or work for Comcast. Fortunately, this guy chose the job that will allow him to butcher fewer people.
Photo Credits: Will Alexander/WENN.com
By Lex February 14, 2014 @ 1:29 PM
That day you fretted as a mom whether your daughter should drop out of school at fifteen to pursue her dream of being a blankly inhuman painted face exhibited before a bunch of cackling fashion hens, that was the toughest day of your life. But when you see your teen’s nipples coming heel to toe down the runway in a mannequin wig and makeup, you know you made the right choice.
My baby sister killed it today walking in the Marc Jacobs fashion show!!! Kenny you are so dope to me!!! Congrats my baby!!! #NYFW #MarcJacobs #ProudSis. — Khloe Kardashian on Instagram
Killed it is right. Kendall’s soulless countenance, the distant gaze of an abuse survivor, her upright vertebrae. Check, check, check. That ProudSis hashtag isn’t just something the yeti tosses around lightly, that shit has to be earned. Congratulations, Kendall, today you are a grown female object.
Photo Credit: Instagram/@thesocietynyc, @intothegloss
By Lex January 22, 2014 @ 1:59 PM
When the uncannily creative producers at E! invented the real life situation of Kendall and Kylie Jenner getting racy tattoos, even Kris Jenner knew her girls couldn’t get inked permanently. Not for E! money. When those girls get branded someday, it’s going to be by the man who pays their posting fee in the tens of millions of dollars. Probably a wealthy oil sheik, a pedophile who invented a wildly successful iPhone app, or maybe Joe Francis. Rest assured, when they get their ‘Bitch Be Owned By…” tattoos, it won’t be for basic cable cash.
Photo Credit: Instagram/Twitter
By Lex January 20, 2014 @ 5:20 PM
Whenever I read about the record number of people in schools and colleges, and the record number of people out of the work force, I keep thinking maybe we could all learn a thing or two from the whorishly clever Kardashian family. Instead of spending their days in a building being mocked for their stunted intellectual capacity, these girls gave up the fantasy of education and went straight into well paying jobs. The Jenners aren’t particularly better looking than half the sorority girls at USC currently paying $45,000 a year to learn about pottery and where chlaymidia comes from. But they’re earners. Adding to the great economic engine that is our nation’s strength. Kylie and Kendall Jenner are America. And America is about to get naked for some serious cash.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Lex January 13, 2014 @ 5:44 PM
According to HollywoodLife.com, which sounds pretty reputable to me since it contains the words Hollywood and Life, Kris Jenner screens dates for her two teen daughters to make sure the boys are bringing some serious publicity power to the table. I guess this is supposed to be shocking. I’m surprised she doesn’t measure their girth with her puckered mouth to make sure she can still sell her youngin’s as virgins when the big offers come in from the OPEC nations. The fact that Kris only wants her girls dating men who can increase their commercial value seems pretty standard practice for a mom who kicked off her management career by getting her kids to start shagging black celebrities, on camera whenever possible.
Kylie Jenner refuted the report in a a Tweet:
the fact that some people actually believe I would waste my time dating someone as a publicity stunt
But since she could only come up with a noun phrase and not a complete sentence, nobody was sure if her response was valid. Tragic since Kylie would’ve likely been able to complete this thought with just a year or two more in the schoolhouse her mom ripped her out of so she could date famous boys.
Every mom just wants their kids to be happy. Kris is just the smart one who figured out how to measure happiness in terms of raw purchasing power. Her kids will end up hating her, but she’ll probably win a Nobel Prize in economics. That’s just the price of genius.
Photo Credit: Splash, INFphoto.com