By Lex December 15, 2014 @ 1:33 PM
I’m not sure what goes through a man’s mind when he decides to bare his tranny cheating soul on the We channel for a few shekels. It can’t be the same sensation as pulling down a pass in the end zone while 50,000 fans scream. But fuck, what if it is?
The entirety of the Kendra Wilkinson reality show involves her rehashing the events of discovering that her emasculated purse holding husband was stroking out trannies in Sherman Oaks while she was fully ripe with their second child at home. She cries, she talks about suicide, she kicks him out, she forgives him, will she take him back, will she be a single mom, why does Hank love cock so much. It’s one big tape delayed knuck-fest staged entirely for the cameras and the doughy government check recipients watching at home.
Leading up to the big finale of Kendra’s decision is some inanely staged and rehearsed conversation between the teary husband and wife that would never happen in real life if you saw your husband Frenching a cock on TMZ.
Holy christ, where do you go from there? You’re 32, you’re five years out of the NFL, you got caught whiffenpoofing some half-girl’s noodle, and you’re only job is playing the dipshit crybaby in your wife’s fake reality show. Get the exit bag, Hank, and zip that mother up. Things don’t get better from here. Ask Bruce Jenner.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Matt November 26, 2014 @ 7:17 AM
Kendra Wilkinson said she was unaware being one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends entailed fucking him even though that’s what girlfriend means. ‘Someone I’m seeing’ or ‘we’re dating’ or ‘he invited me to see Wicked’ might imply there’s no sex, yet, or ever for that Wicked bit, but girlfriend clearly means you’ve been inside of her. Ask a caveman, he’ll tell you the same.
According to Wilkinson she thought the girlfriend gig just entailed living in the Playboy Mansion for free room and board. She may be the first stripper ever not deeply rooted in the no such thing as free lunches axiom. I wouldn’t mind hanging out in a mansion in my pajamas all day, but when it entails sucking a wrinkly pump action dick on a contractually obligated basis I’d rather pass. I’ll pay for my own Kung Pao delivery, thank you. Wilkinson is now in a troubled marriage with an unemployed man who secretly loves cock. Looking back, she has to think of that 78 year old and an occasional sludgy quickie rather fondly.
By Lex November 20, 2014 @ 10:27 AM
When you’ve previously made your bones by allowing an eighty year old man to shart pebbles into your gaping maw, your own Jiminy Cricket barometer might be a bit wonky. Eating antelope penis on a reality show ought to send off some alarms. It’s easy to write off the Kardashians doing all sorts of insidious shit for tens of millions of dollars. Kendra Wilkinson is chomping on bushback cock like a sideshow geek for a few clams. If she’s trying to bring herself closer to understanding her husband’s own predilections, she’s going about it all wrong. Antelope cock tastes nothing like tranny cock, though both do have a similar gamey aftertaste. I’m told.
Photo Credit: ITV Press Centre
By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 10:44 AM
Like most new moms with a husband who digs cock and reality shows that cause her to often forget what she’s been told to stay to the press, Kendra Wilkinson and her boobs are headed into the jungle of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here on British TV. The show brings together D-list celebrities, has-beens, and drinking buddies of producers and puts them in a contrived jungle setting. They are beset with plumbing issues and insects until they cry, even though most of them currently live in far worse conditions due to not having worked in years. The outback journey should give Kendra time to reflect on her life, and give her kids time to be raised by a nanny who doesn’t have a sex tape, didn’t sleep with an octogenarian to get her gig, and doesn’t have a husband who slips out at night to stroke women’s dicks. Everybody wins on reality TV.
Photo Credit: Nigel Wright
By Lex October 27, 2014 @ 10:55 AM
After consulting with script supervisors for her reality show, Kendra Wilkinson has decided to give her cheating husband a second chance. When last we checked in with Kendra, she was tossing her wedding ring in the crapper after learning her husband was stroking tranny cock while she was just days from delivering their second child. After hearing secretly recorded audio tapes from Hanks tits and cock versatile hooker, Kendra now feels Hank was set up. What’s a grown man to do when your second kid’s crowning and a shiny new cock is available just seven exits down the 101? Kendra went so far as to defend her husband:
He was never a douchebag. He’s always been the most perfect man on Earth. Now he’s Superman without the cape.
If your wife calls you Superman after you’ve been unemployed for four years and cheated on her with another dude while she was pregnant, you ought consider sticking with her. That’s not to say there won’t be conditions for Hank’s return to the family fold. He’ll have to wear the knapsack of shame and carry the forgiveness shovel when out in pubic. Also, Hank can’t make fun of Kendra for wearing ponytails and playing in a woman’s soft ball league or any hint of reference to her being a lesbian, a former trailer park stripper, or her sex tapes. Let he or she who is super without cape cast the first stone.
Photo credit: INF Photo
By Lex September 22, 2014 @ 1:41 PM
Kendra Wilkinson is taking her tranny cock stroking husband back. The marital reconciliation can’t happen immediately as it’s been laid out for a slow reveal on Season whatever of Kendra’s reality show for a female audience who hate themselves more than they know. During the course of the season, you’ll see Kendra’s heartbreak in learning her husband is experimenting with cock in panties, which on the positive side will at least make her forget for a while how he hasn’t worked in four years. Kendra receives sagely advice from many corners, including her former sugar daddy Hugh Hefner who urges her to reconcile, but if not, to divorce Hank and have him murdered and buried deep at sea before the kids are old enough to remember him.
While the cheating scandal rests on Hank, Kendra will agree to accommodate his needs by dressing more like a lesbian boxer and ordering him to hold her purse more assertively. While this might keep Hank around for a bit, us more pragmatic follks know that a dude who loves dick is hardly going to make the most faithful spouse. It’s like a dog who’s tasted blood, they’re never going to be satisfied with Alpo. You either need to release them into the wild or put them down. I’m guessing all the family life insurance is resting on Kendra’s head, so probably just cost effective to give Hank a couple hundred bucks and release him in downtown Hollywood to find a new pack.
Photo Credit: Fame Flynet