Kendra Wilkinson has a new reality show coming on one of the seventeen ladies channels I’ve previously deleted from my remote channel lineup lest I accidentally grow tits and a fondness for grapefruit. The show’s called Kendra On Top, which I suppose is a multi-layered play on words related to the fact that’s how she made her way up in the business, or that she’s the dominant figure in her social sphere, or maybe it just randomly tested well with the 22-49 female demo that got free cheese sandwiches to sit for an hour in a marketing agency testing room. Fortunately for the show, Kendra’s husband got conjugal outed by a tranny hooker while his wife was eight months pregnant. Suddenly, the show has a real hook.
In the previews for the show, Kendra equates learning of her husband’s jock-on-cock infidelities to being shot by a bullet, repeatedly, right in her fake tits. It’s certainly evocative. She mentions that her marriage is down the drain and that she even flushed her wedding rings down the toilet to emphasize the metaphor. The last time a trailer park stripper who had to bone a creepy old man to get her first break in life flushed jewelry down a toilet was never. But I appreciate the dramatic scripting.
It’s hard to blame Kendra for any of this mess. If you’re a dude who can’t stop thinking about greasing up the male boner, you ought sneak that nugget out to your wife before you make two babies inside of her. She still might let you, but at least she’ll be able to time her reality show tears more precisely.
Even assholes who find joy in fucking with women know better than to mess with strippers. These girls were forming their protective coatings of emotional scars and never-agains back before they ever hit the pole. Like the Unsullied, strippers were perfected by life circumstance to be battle ready. When Hank Baskett decided he needed some she-shlong because his wife was ignoring him, you know, with her pregnancy and newborn and all, he opened up a monster world of hurt. Kendra Wilkinson has now officially removed her wedding ring. For Hank Baskett who hasn’t had much of a job since his short-lived NFL career ended five years ago, I’d be nervous. Being 31, broke, and addicted to she-male cock is a dark place to be. I’m totally guessing.
Will he be handsome? Will he bring me flowers? Will he be masturbating a she-male in Sherman Oaks while I’m eight months pregnant and making rent solo again. They really do need to update those wedding fantasy card games for girls. Kendra may be an unstable junkie stripper with cutting issues but she’s also industrious. Sometimes that industry was rimming Hef, but a job is a job. Kendra deserves better than having a husband cruising for tranny Mr. Goodbar in the warm Valley evenings.
During their first romp, “They mutually masturbated her and he touched her breasts and penis,” the source claims. “The entire encounter lasted probably about 15, 20 minutes.”
Hank, I know it’s creepy enticing that a human person might have tits and a dick and be hosting twenty minutes away in the Jewish Alps. But you’re relatively famous. Your two grand hush money is squat compared to what an ambitious tranny can make from TMZ or RadarOnline for gift-wrapping your Crying Game. He-bitch got twenty easy and now you’re sleeping in a motel down the road from your wife and two little kids. Next time, keep your dick in your pants. And tell your girlfriend to do the same.
Former Hefner wet spot sleeper Kendra Wilkinson thinks Miley Cyrus is a great role model for young girls. Kendra is pregnant with her second womb ferret with her husband who played in the NFL for a couple seasons and this time it’s a girl. So, who better than a vapid stripper who climbed her way to fame one boner at a time to judge what makes a good example for kids? According to Kendra it’s Miley Cyrus:
“As much as we think she’s crazy, I think she’s a good example. Let’s not be so trapped in a box. I’m going to teach my daughter that way: be who you want to be. Society’s going to put these rules on you but if you have this feeling that you need to do whatever it is, do it…Now, I’m not saying drugs.”
Yes, because Miley rubbing her twat with a foam finger on national TV is “thinking outside of the box”. Nothing prepares a woman for the challenging world of working in the operating rooms and boardrooms like simulating sex on stage and making Mr. Yuck faces with your tongue. Through Kendra’s prism, I guess if you don’t actually have to take an octogenarian bone in your boot thrice a week to earn your keep, you’re doing more than alright. I pray the kids take after their long term unemployed father.
Even way back when when Kendra’s boyfriend was buying her big fake boobs for her 18th birthday (NSFW) and she was hitting the pole, you could see she was destined to be a great mother or in the least a women bred in foreign captivity. Sometimes when you watch a young woman stripping, you’re inclined to look at her tits or ass but I was looking at Kendra’s future. I saw mom and nurturer. I even foresaw her being anchored to a long term unemployed former football player. But I can tell a lot by looking directly into a woman’s vagina. That’s the very specific gift of second sight a gypsy woman gave me after I helped her do her taxes.
Talk all you want about Tiger Moms or PTA Moms or JAP Moms, there’s nobody fiercer than Stripper Moms. Kendra hasn’t worked the private party dance scene in a few years, but you don’t just shake your georges-in-the-garter roots. You learn to protect what’s yours from the bitches in the dressing room. Even with her next fetus about to flotsam out of her reproductive maw, Kendra was running up and down the sideline at her little’s son’s soccer match over the weekend, screaming like a Banshee. It was like watching an angry bird frightening reptile predators away from the nest. At half time her kid came over and promised to score the winning goal if dad promised to at least look for a job. Then everybody hugged. AYSO has been bringing together families since my assistant coach on the Yellowjackets first sold us kids weed.