By Lex October 05, 2015 @ 9:22 AM
Last week Kendra Wilkinson shocked the intersection of people with yeast infections and handicapped placards who watch her show by copping to being a former lesbian. Once, for a couple weeks in high school while healing from her no-tell abortion in her uncle’s Stanley Steamer truck. The I’m-a-lesbian-too story didn’t catch on as intended, So Wilkinson doubled down by diving deep into softball. Unlike holding hands with other girls in high school or making out with an equally drunk co-ed at a frat party while Scooter and Jameson egg you on, women’s softball is as lesbian legit as getting an Ellen tattoo on your inner thigh just below your jorts line. It’s hard to know how Wilkinson’s cock dabbling husband feels about her lesbian conversion. As soon as Kendra writes him something to say, we’ll know better.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex September 18, 2015 @ 12:07 PM
Somebody at the Hollywood public relations agencies sent out a memo to make sure your female clients have a go-to gay story. The wave of lesbian confessions from the hybrid scripted vaginas on our TV screens has been tsunami like. Kendra Wilkinson announced she was once gay in high school for two weeks. This came up after ten years of reality television confessions of her entire life story that never before included this tidbit. She had a girlfriend in high school and they held hands and now Kendra can be President of the United State of America. A GLAAD award is being prepped as consolation should the current front-runner former Secretary of State lesbian win out.
It’s unclear how Kendra’s newfound historically rewritten temporary gayness will affect her relationship with her husband who has a fondness for tranny cock. Will this open up a new avenue for forgiveness? Or, like many bull dykes will she simply beat the crap out of her queen husband and tell him to cry in his cage? There’s no science that proves watching any of this will make your cock shrivel, but someday there will be. By then it will be too late.
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By Lex January 14, 2015 @ 11:34 AM
Kendra Wilkinson passed a woman in a mall parking lot begging for spare change and she one upped her by zipping into Ralph’s and snagging the supplicant a $200 gift card. Kendra made the woman promise that she’d never let her daughter grow up to be a stripper who married an unemployed man who loves tranny cock. Also, that she’d spend no more than two-thirds of the gift card on distilled beverages and smokes. The woman thanked Kendra than asked her if she wanted to hold the baby she snatched off the bus earlier that morning while she shopped. Both new mothers giggled then Kendra departed, pretending not to notice the five camera men shooting her.
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By Lex December 15, 2014 @ 1:33 PM
I’m not sure what goes through a man’s mind when he decides to bare his tranny cheating soul on the We channel for a few shekels. It can’t be the same sensation as pulling down a pass in the end zone while 50,000 fans scream. But fuck, what if it is?
The entirety of the Kendra Wilkinson reality show involves her rehashing the events of discovering that her emasculated purse holding husband was stroking out trannies in Sherman Oaks while she was fully ripe with their second child at home. She cries, she talks about suicide, she kicks him out, she forgives him, will she take him back, will she be a single mom, why does Hank love cock so much. It’s one big tape delayed knuck-fest staged entirely for the cameras and the doughy government check recipients watching at home.
Leading up to the big finale of Kendra’s decision is some inanely staged and rehearsed conversation between the teary husband and wife that would never happen in real life if you saw your husband Frenching a cock on TMZ.
Holy christ, where do you go from there? You’re 32, you’re five years out of the NFL, you got caught whiffenpoofing some half-girl’s noodle, and you’re only job is playing the dipshit crybaby in your wife’s fake reality show. Get the exit bag, Hank, and zip that mother up. Things don’t get better from here. Ask Bruce Jenner.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Matt November 26, 2014 @ 7:17 AM
Kendra Wilkinson said she was unaware being one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends entailed fucking him even though that’s what girlfriend means. ‘Someone I’m seeing’ or ‘we’re dating’ or ‘he invited me to see Wicked’ might imply there’s no sex, yet, or ever for that Wicked bit, but girlfriend clearly means you’ve been inside of her. Ask a caveman, he’ll tell you the same.
According to Wilkinson she thought the girlfriend gig just entailed living in the Playboy Mansion for free room and board. She may be the first stripper ever not deeply rooted in the no such thing as free lunches axiom. I wouldn’t mind hanging out in a mansion in my pajamas all day, but when it entails sucking a wrinkly pump action dick on a contractually obligated basis I’d rather pass. I’ll pay for my own Kung Pao delivery, thank you. Wilkinson is now in a troubled marriage with an unemployed man who secretly loves cock. Looking back, she has to think of that 78 year old and an occasional sludgy quickie rather fondly.
By Lex November 20, 2014 @ 10:27 AM
When you’ve previously made your bones by allowing an eighty year old man to shart pebbles into your gaping maw, your own Jiminy Cricket barometer might be a bit wonky. Eating antelope penis on a reality show ought to send off some alarms. It’s easy to write off the Kardashians doing all sorts of insidious shit for tens of millions of dollars. Kendra Wilkinson is chomping on bushback cock like a sideshow geek for a few clams. If she’s trying to bring herself closer to understanding her husband’s own predilections, she’s going about it all wrong. Antelope cock tastes nothing like tranny cock, though both do have a similar gamey aftertaste. I’m told.
Photo Credit: ITV Press Centre