Kesha’s Ass As the Arbiter of Musical Talent

By Lex June 20, 2014 @ 3:53 PM

Kesha Flashes Her Butt Cheek In Shorts Leaving A Restaurant In West Hollywood
Now that Kesha dropped the dollar sign from her name, she looks like a million bucks. Or, like Scott Caan in a wig. Kesha was in rehab earlier this year for an eating disorder. Mostly, she was eating too much drugs and alcohol. Now she’s back to making new beautiful music and set to debut as a judge on Rising Star, ABC’s attempt to create their own American Idol or The Voice except ten years too late.

It’s terrifying for those kids. I feel so bad for them, but I’m really excited. I think people would be surprised how different I would like the talent to be. I want country, I want polka – all of it.

I wasn’t going to watch this show. Now I’m really really not going to watch this show. But I’m happy for Kesha. A new chin and cheeks and nose and vagina and hair and vagina hair and job just have to equal happiness. I hope for my sake.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News

Ke$ha Leaves Fat Shaming Rehab

By Jack March 07, 2014 @ 1:40 PM

Self-described singer and noted gutter scamp¬†Ke$ha left rehab yesterday and seems to be healed. She had been in fat camp rehab after admitting she had developed an eating disorder after some music producer called her a “fucking refrigerator”. She was fat shamed! Also high and drunk which makes fat shaming double shaming with a twist of cocaine. She changed her name on Twitter from Ke$ha with the stupid $ to Kesha Rose, which has vastly simplified the life of taggers who spend their evenings spraying ‘Kesha is a dirty whore’ on freeway signs. She seems to have turned over a whole new leaf, one not involving brushing her teeth with bottles of Jack and acting like the last picked whore at the ranch. That is until she inevitably relapses. She tweeted:

“Life is beautiful. I’m so blessed to have you all.”

Aw. So, does this mean that the disgusting gunt with splatter shots of her on the web, drank piss, and made art out of teeth is gone forever? Unlikely. Even if she doesn’t feel compelled to do that stuff because of her psychology pathology, it’s still what makes her money. Nobody’s going to pay to see Kesha sing torch songs with just a mic and ¬†spotlight at Harrah’s. Her fans will go back to finding other ways to piss off their parents the minute she stops chugging her pee. It’s the disgusting slut catch-22. And it’s too late for her to sell her organs.

Kesha Fat Shamed Into Rehab

By Lex January 06, 2014 @ 5:41 PM

Kesha Arrives At The 2013 AMA Awards In Los Angeles
The term fat shaming amuses me to to end. When I was a chubby kid in grade school the P.E. teacher made me run laps while ordering the other boys to pelt me with dodgeballs as the teacher himself hurled humiliating insults. We didn’t call it fat shaming back then. We called it trying not to get your head hit by a dodgeball and praying for the fucking bell. Sure it turned me into a callous, cold and dark-hearted adult. But I never had to go to rehab for an eating disorder like Kesha. I guess her music producer said she looked like a refrigerator a couple years back and Kesha took that to mean nobody cared about her as an artist or a human being, just how her body looked. All of which is completely true. It drove her to stop eating and looking better in her fucked up slutty costumes which I guess is a bad thing because now Kesha’s in rehab for a month figuring out how to be more perfect:

I’ll be unavailable for the next 30 days, seeking treatment for my eating disorder … to learn to love myself again. Exactly as I am.”

Well, that’s just wonderful. If not totally wrong. You’re not supposed to love yourself the way you are when you’re a fat-ass, or a junkie or a horrible musician or a person who drinks their own urine for attention. You’re supposed to be proud of your good shit and fix your broken shit. This modern self-esteem bullshit is going to cost us 30 days of no Kesha! Dammit. That’s too steep a price. If I had told my P.E. teacher that I loved myself exactly as I am, he would have smothered me with a Presidential Fitness patch and buried me in an unmarked grave next to the tether balls.

Photo Credit: WENN, Ke$ha/Instagram

Kesha’s Nipples Are Missing, But That Doesn’t Take Away from Her Triumph

By Lex January 02, 2014 @ 4:24 PM

Kesha Shows Off Her Butt In Her Video For 'Dirty Love'
For Kesha, it’s not enough just to be a true musical non-genius. She wants to be derided for her crass and raunchy fig bits showing in her music videos as well. Only with total deprecation will she ever find true peace. In her new music video for Dirty Love, the newly face sutured Kesha goes to the great lengths of digitally erasing her nipples lest anybody find something worthwhile in her screeching performance.

Champagne tastes like piss to me
I just want your dirty fucking filthy love

She’s suffering for her art so that we may suffer as well. At some point, this miserable merry-go-round will stop, everybody will climb off to vomit, and Kesha will be left as the rusted dumping ground for homeless denizen. I give it maybe two or three more weeks.

Ke$ha Getting Attention in London

By Lex July 12, 2013 @ 3:53 PM

Ke$ha Arrives In Strange Outfit At A London Radio Show
Kesha has this thing where she tries to look both super kitschy costumed freaky, and also look attractive and feminine at the same time. There’s no shame in batting .500.

Photo Credit: INF, PCN, WENN

Kesha Pleased as Punch She Drank Her Own Pee (VIDEO)

By Lex June 04, 2013 @ 5:59 PM

Without hyperbole, I can say, this is the single most inane interview in the entire history of celebrity interviews. I hate Kesha, I hate this interviewer, I hate MTV, and I hate every single twit in the audience with their stupid planted questions. But, if you can make it through an entire minute, you can hear Kesha talk about how she has no regrets over drinking her pee. I suppose this is newsworthy because most people who indulged in their own human waste would probably be reticent about the experience. But not Kesha. She’s either brave or desperate for attention and without many options. And she’s not brave.