Joan Rivers enlisted Ray J’s help to make a spoof of Kim Kardashian’s sex tape, because it’s not like he has anything better to do than to continue sucking the dust out of the corpse of the one thing that made him famous seven years ago. But even though it was that sex tape that made the Kardashians stars in the first place, TMZ thinks that all of them are still furious whenever people bring it up, and that’s why Khloe Kardashian backed out on a guest host gig on Joan’s show Fashion Police at the last second. Khloe must have only agreed to do it because it’s an E! show, because Joan has always loved being a bitch to the Kardashians, so this isn’t anything new. But she also probably agreed to do it because it’s on TV, and these girls would hump a pack of donkeys in the center of Tijuana if it meant five more minutes of fame.
There are many ways to define the word hero. But if you’re my wingman when I hit on Kendall Jenner and you can maneuver her San Francisco Bay Bombers half-sister ten paces stage right, you are the fucking wind beneath my wings. I know somewhere in this world Lamar Odom is checking this out and weeping for the fine piece of ass he left behind. Which just goes to show the extent to which crack will fuck with your mind.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
The E! Channel has arranged for Khloe Kardashian to guest host their canned laugh track gay squeezer Chelsea Lately while Chelsea Handler is on her BBC adventure staycation. Khloe makes perfect sense as she’s both been fired from her remedial X-Factor teleprompter reading gig and helped co-host her mother’s talk show which crashed and burned miserably in its first run. Still, networks love synergy between their shows, which is shorthand for Khloe costs nothing since she’s already paid to be the troubled fat one on KUWTK. To celebrate the great news that she’d not really earned another job on television, Khloe posted her first ever Vine video. The quick clip shows her body being rubbed down with self-tanner so her tits will glow on television. There’s really no light brighter than the twinkle in the eye of a mildly-retarded girl when she’s told to take off her top for the cameras. I just hope OJ gets to see this before he passes.
Photo Credit: Khloe Kardashian/Vine
Khloe Kardashian may be built like a WWII era German flak tower, but there’s no such thing as a completely impenetrable fortress. An intoxicated Bigfoot hunter wrapped up Khloe from behind as she tried to make her way into Miley’s Bangerz tour. How Khloe’s bodyguards let this potential Sirhan Sirhan lay his paws upon her fecund expanse is something of a mystery. It’s a failure of the very name of their professional occupation. I’d think Khloe qualifies for some kind of Secret Service detail given her inherent importance to the retarded girl social media food chain, Khloe’s inane complimentary tweets about every musical artist who gives her free close-up tickets to their shows keeps several key sectors of our consumer economy booming. Khloe’s the Harry Knowles of bubble gum pop. If she stopped shaving for a couple weeks, you’d really get that analogy.
Photo credit: Splash News
Photo Credit: Khloe Kardashian
It’s hard to tell what is going on in some of these pictures, but the basic idea is that Khloe Kardashian and rapper The Game co-hosted the “Dream at Tru” event at the Tru Nightclub in Hollywood last night, because they’re totally in love with each other now. Even better, the couple was joined by the also newly-single Kris Jenner, who partied with these people who are almost all half her age until the early hours, because when your ex-husband is in the middle of becoming a woman, you deserve to act a little younger than normal. As for Khloe, she’s still married to Lamar Odom, but there’s really no better way to wait out a divorce than by partying with a guy who had a reality show about getting married, but never actually followed through with it, and instead has three kids with two women. But maybe Khloe’s inability to have kids is why these two are perfect for each other, so who are we to question true love?
Photo Credits: WENN.com