By Lex July 15, 2013 @ 6:53 PM
Khloe’s really proud of her weight loss. She told all the Internet haters she was going to do it, and she did it. All it took was thirty days in the starvation chamber at the Kardashian compound where the plaintive wails of the hungry are drowned out by noise of Kris Jenner’s money counting machines. Still, I wouldn’t go tight leather dress just yet, Khloe. There are haters out there who are going to bring out the cow jokes.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex July 11, 2013 @ 2:42 PM
Lamar met all the other criteria for dipping his wick elsewhere before today. He’s an NBA baller, so right there you got your 98% chance of infidelity. He’s forced to humiliate himself for his wife’s stupid reality TV show career. And, his lady’s got a little problem laying off the carbs. Faced with that backdrop, rumors of Lamar doinking a D.C. stripper seemed right on point. And, today, they appear to be sealed. With release of this video of Lamar being asked about the stripper by a paparazzi. Rather than say, oh, I don’t know, ‘I love my wife and these rumors are outrageous’, Lamar instead decided to go Mickey Rourke crazy on the paparazzi, grabbing up all his camera shit and tossing it around the streets. This reaction could mean many things. Like, Lamar is having his monthly. Or he believes that photographs are sinister inventions of the devil designed to steal his soul. But it mostly means that Lamar is cheating on Khloe.
(If you know that the photo above shows Khloe and Lamar pushing their ‘Unbreakable Bond’ fragrance, you know way too much about the Kardashians. Also, you can have an extra ironic chuckle.)
By Lex July 10, 2013 @ 2:13 PM
If you follow Khloe Kardashian on Twitter because either you’re a young teen girl with emotionally detached parents or you’re a mostly frigid suburban mom, or possibly, have the distinction of being the gayest boy in your high school drama class, you know well that Khloe Kardashian has dedicated herself to weight loss. It used to be strictly through funneling the Kardashian Celebrity Diet amphetamine powder directly into her digestive tract. Now, it’s eating less whole bags of Funions. Khloe wants to have a baby, and fat Khloe just wasn’t getting knocked up. Mildly thick Khloe might just have a shot.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex June 27, 2013 @ 4:17 PM
You never see Khloe Kardashian named in any most-hated celebrity lists like the rest of her family. She’s considered to be the ‘nice’ sister, a label typically reserved for the fat sister. Like here. Khloe spends her days Tweeting love letters to the world and wondering why her black boyfriend won’t make a baby inside of her. But not today. Today is Khloe’s birthday. As is her tradition, Khloe consumed an entire tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter and crushed a garden squirrel to death between her powerful hands. She’s been doing it since she was six. It recharges her batteries for another 365 days of Tweets.
By Lex June 18, 2013 @ 10:33 AM
It’s not exactly clear why Khloe Kardashian believes Kim’s baby is a miracle. Maybe it’s related to all those teen years when mom was perfuming her up and whispering in her ear, don’t worry, you can’t get pregnant from black sperm. Still, Khloe believe it’s a miracle, just like she believes steak is a vegetable, so let’s let her bask once again in being an auntie to another one of her sisters illegitimate children.
By Travis June 11, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Despite only being famous because her sister made a porn movie with a rapper nobody cares about and her mom was smart enough to sleep with and marry two famous, wealthy men, Khloe Kardashian seems pretty cool. If I had to drop a cartoon anvil on the Kardashian sisters in any particular order, she’d definitely be third, and maybe even lower if the two teenagers keep heading down the path they’re on.
Khloe’s always been the bigger sister, too, and now that Kim is pregnant and dressing like a Rooms-To-Go showroom, she’s trying to take advantage of that by showing off her slimmed figure and pretending she’s the hot one now. It didn’t help, though, when she stood right next to her sister, Kourtney Kardashian, at their recent “Kardashian Beauty” launch for ULTA. In fact, I just kept wondering when Snooki started dating the Michelin Man.
(Photo Credits: WENN.com)