1Oak Went for the Bargain Kardashian

By Lex December 31, 2014 @ 11:40 AM

Khloe Kardashian Wears A Plunging Neckline At 1 OAK Nightclub In Las Vegas
Kendall Jenner in your harem for one evening runs you the annual salary of a decent utility infielder. You can book Khloe for your Vegas gig for  a dozen tins of beef stroganoff. If you’ve ever spent New Year’s in Vegas, you know that 90% of the customer base is so wasted they won’t know which Kardashian you’re fronting at your club, let alone if she’s the famous Push Me Pull You the cab driver got greased to tell you is a must see in Vegas. It’s a shame that the technology has yet to be invented that can give Khloe the raw whore appeal of her sisters. Something to chat about when she visits her real dad at the Lovelock Correctional Center.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

The Kardashian Kristmas Party

By Lex December 26, 2014 @ 8:45 AM

The Kardashian Kristmas
Things most commonly heard at a Kardashian Christmas Party. You slut. Followed by, I know, followed by, I’m so jealous, and finally, let’s finger each other’s buttholes then go kill mother. They giggle at the last remark because they know without a priest descended directly from St. Paul they are helpless to do the latter. A jaunty game of Scrabble inevitably ends in a scoreless tie proceeds the eggnog fight on the designer dresses which caps off the night. As the girls lay drugged in their woven basket beds on the kitchen floor, Santa approves a Paypal charge and gets twenty minutes to empty himself on the large one. Somewhere, Baby Jesus weeps, but nobody notices.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Khloe Kardashian Has Problem Ass

By Lex November 26, 2014 @ 9:54 AM

Khloe Kardashian Shows Off Butt With See Through Leggings At The Gym
Remember when Lululemon sent out a recall notice because ladies with enormous haunches were stretching their yoga pants to the point of being profane? Time to loosen the rules on the email spam filter.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Nobody Wore Bras to the American Music Awards

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 9:48 AM

Teens, old chicks, strange foreign chicks with pasties who nobody remembers inviting. All the girls went braless last night at the American Music Awards. After watching two minutes of sunken eyed anorexics talking fashion on E!, I discovered braless is a new style trend. I suppose it’s better than tiny hats. The Jenner girls don’t belong at a music awards show, but you ditch the bra and you’re on every short list, including the Cosby mentor program speed dial.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kylie Jenner A Chip Off the Old Titty Block

By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Kylie Jenner Wears Bra Top While She Launches Her New Hair Extension Line In LA
If you’re going for the passed around the reef mermaid look, you could do worse than Kylie Jenner’s new hair extension line. Kylie stood next to her sister Kim with every indicator of a twinsies moment save for Kylie hoisting a Cali license plate I2WHORE. Outside of cancer patients and background dancers for Christina Aguilera, I’m not sure why hair extensions exist. I understand tit jobs, but I’m not sure many rich dudes are looking at artificial hair and thinking, fuck, I’d like to empty my back account for that long tressed babe. If only Kylie had stuck with school past the seventh grade. She could at least have a working knowledge of how her mother was misappropriating her paychecks.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Khloe Kardashian’s Tits Reveal Quiet Desperation

By Lex November 11, 2014 @ 9:07 AM

Khloe Kardashian employed some kind of Interstellar McConaughey quantum physics to show off her tits and legs and still be strapped into sixty-four percent restrictive girdle containment at a sponsored birthday party for her maybe boyfriend, French Montana. Khloe had been dating the rapper until one of her sisters told Khloe he wasn’t black and she felt betrayed and consumed an entire Marie Callender’s. Now she’s gassy and ready to land a decent man with failure to pay child support judgements to introduce to her real father before he dies alone in a Nevada prison. Khloe didn’t ask for this whore’s life, she was born into it. I’ll give her a break if she puts her undercrackers back on.

Photo Credit: Splash/Instagram