By Lex July 01, 2014 @ 9:33 AM
All Khloe Kardashian ever wanted was a famous black person with lots of jewelry to subjugate her and make O.J. some grandkids. Khloe’s always felt like the third wheel to her older sisters who were out there having sex on camera and making bastard babies and all the fun things the behaviorists who raised her in her basement doll house told her she was too big to do. After Lamar Odom refused to make her with child, it all seemed so hopeless. I mean, Lamar would fuck a goat on its period if he was high enough. Khloe went through a few guys and a lot of heartache, but with French Montana, I’m pretty sure she’s found the one. Just as long as everybody remembers not to tell Khloe that he isn’t black, there’s no reason this period of extreme bliss can’t go on for another six months.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Splash
By Lex June 13, 2014 @ 12:14 PM
There’s nothing worse than making enough fuck you money to move out to The Hamptons only to have the Kardashians and their caravan of gleaming whore cubes riding into town. Just when you spent all that time ensuring the minorities were all kept at bay, here comes the little pregnant one and O.J.’s daughter with a production list of staged hijinks to run on the locals. It started with the big one flashing her ass on a public tennis court. It always starts that way. I’m pretty sure that’s how World War I began. Nobody in The Hamptons believes in war, so just expect a lot of social shunning and gossip.
Did you see Khloe’s ass today? I did. Do you think she’s going to fuck my husband? No. Yes. Maybe, I don’t know.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com
By Lex June 11, 2014 @ 1:13 PM
Kris Jenner moves the pieces of her retard child army around the master board like Tywin Lannister plotting his armed dominion over Westeros. She couldn’t let the media circle around the meme of her fat, distraught son. The last time that happened she re-invented him as an argyle sock designer. Now, he’s a construction contractor overseeing the renovations to Khloe’s new home.
Having my brother oversee my construction at our new house while I’m in NY is a tad scary. I’m way too controlling lol — O.J.’s daughter on Twitter
I got u don’t you worry. Got the boom boom room all set up and everythangggggg. — Fat Rob responding on Twitter
Khloe’s new house just happens to be Justin Bieber’s old home. I’m sure the neighbors are piss pleased at Bieber finally moving out and the Kardashians moving in. I’d torch that Amityville home nightly. Dutiful puffy Rob is helping Khloe put an underground basketball court into the mini-palace, a place of serenity where she can post up and dominate in the paint as is the athletic wont of her true bloodline. It’s possible the basketball court is the idea of the new rapper boyfriend she snagged to please her mother. Whoever buys that house next will experience the joy of finding the parquet flooring covered with stale jizz and Gino’s pizza rolls. Carry on, Rob.
By Lex June 04, 2014 @ 3:21 PM
The little one and O.J.’s daughter are setting up shop in The Hamptons for the latest Kardashian spinoff series. Khloe and Kourtney Suck the Tip of Long Island will air at some point on E! after Chelsea Handler finds an executive to bone at another network. The show will feature the hilarious and ribald hijinks of the Kardashian sisters eating, talking, and popping. It’s like The Truman Show if Truman had actually wanted the entire world to watch his every waking moment instead of trying to escape from it. Walk toward the light, Khloe. I swear, it’s not a death ray.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Pacific Coast News
By Travis May 20, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Last month, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian were out for a stroll in Melrose, probably discussing how they’re only famous because their sister had really boring sex with Ray J, when they were the victims of a terrifying attack by a psychotic clown who calls himself Richie the Barber. Except, instead of terrifying it was actually harmless and instead of psychotic, the clown is just kind of a douchebag, but that didn’t stop the sisters from filing a police report that was promptly ignored. But according to TMZ, Khloe and Kourtney told police told police three days ago that they still want to file criminal charges on the guy who threw some paper at them as a joke. I imagine that they were reminded that a street performer probably doesn’t have any money to sue for, to which Kris Jenner said something like, “But he’s got kidneys, plasma and blood, so take it all.”
By Lex May 15, 2014 @ 4:47 PM
The only thing worse than a Kardashian wife is a Kardashian ex-wife. Just ask dead Robert Kardashian or Kris Humphreys or Lamar Odom or some guy who beat Kim Kardashian for a couple weeks in Vegas. According to sources both anonymous and unreliable, Khloe invited Lamar out to a Hollywood nightclub and when he arrived, he found her with her new boyfriend, French Montana, who I’m still pretty sure is a t-girl porn star. Not only was her new black cocksman present, but so were E! cameras which tried to frame Lamar as being the jealous ex-husband who showed up out of the blue to harass Khloe:
She totally set him up and he is livid. She wanted it to look like he was stalking her on camera.
By livid, I assume somebody slowly explained to Lamar what had just happened, causing him to hit the pipe and bang eleven whores at the nearest Holiday Inn Express. Still, it was a pretty shitty thing to do to the man you once told the world every single day for three years straight was your life’s inspiration and first man who didn’t let an ‘eww’ slip when he saw you naked.
Following the staged run in, Khloe Tweeted the pain she felt from running into Lamar:
Still hurts… Maybe it always will.
Nothing truly hurts like sticking a knife in a man’s back. Your hand gets all sore and your palm can chafe if you’re not holding the grip properly as you drive the blade into the vital organs. Bitch.