Lamar Odom got slapped with three years probation after he plead no contest to a DUI. Odom’s been in trouble with the law before, and a notorious crack-whore delighter, but given that he had to spend four years having sex with Khloe Kardashian, the court kind of took mercy on his soul. In true celebrity justice form, Odom was also sentenced to three month alcohol education, where he will learn such things as how to mix a proper martini and how many gallons of hooch it will take until he forever forgets what Khloe’s furry snatchball looked like in those crotchless panties she wore for their first-hand job anniversary. Remember when coach told you to just focus on basketball? Why didn’t you listen?
On last night’s episode of Kashing In With the Kardashians, Kris Jenner and her living, breathing ATMs showed off their brand new Christmas card, which shockingly reveals that this family loves taking all of your money. I’m told that the image above is not actually the Kardashian Christmas card and it is, in fact, an orangutan drinking its own urine, and that E! has what it claims is the card in question, as photographed by David LaChappelle. But I think this one is way better, with a better possible alternative being Kendall Jenner’s nipples.
Photo Credits: E!
Lamar Odom is not going away cheaply. Apparently he wants ten million in Kardashian bitcoin to walk away from Khloe Kardashian and the family and keep his mouth shut about all their behind the sausage factory gristle. He also wants his $875K engagement ring back from Khloe, mostly just because during one hour of sobriety last week he suddenly realized how fucking stupid that was. If Lamar doesn’t get his cash, he’s threatening to tell all about Kardashian family plastic surgeries, Kris Jenner’s sinister raising of her offspring, and, worst of all…
“Lamar is also prepared to destroy Khloe’s reputation by discussing their sex tape…” – a source to the National Enquirer
Holy mother of God, no, Lamar. Not the nuclear option. I’m willing to chip in a few bucks, we all should, to have that wildlife documentary burned and its ashes buried in a lead urn in the deepest reaches of the Mariana Trench. Imagine Khloe naked and rubbing cocoa butter on her toot bellowing for Lamar to fill her bucket. Then see if you don’t find five spare bucks in your pocket to stop this madness.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, FameFlynet
Looks like Khloe won her bet with Scott Disick that she could lose the weight of a Mack Truck cab in six months. Surprisingly, it doesn’t even show. She was mostly carrying it in her shoulders. Buried there in singles, for one shining moment, Khloe got to know what it feels like to really be wanted by Lamar Odom. You might be asking yourself how Scott Disick can afford to throw around large quantities of cash given that he’s apparently never held a job in his life. According to the mostly reliable Celebrity Net Worth, Disick’s worth $12 million for banging a couple babies into Kourtney Kardashian and drinking champagne. Now, you can start thinking about killing yourself because this world is not getting any fairer.
Photo Credit: Scott Disick/Instagram
Kris Jenner is the Energizer bunny of pimping out her kids. With all the negative news surrounding the family of late, divorces, illegitimate kids, all the buried babies yet to be washed up during the first winter rain, Kris grabbed her female children, some revealing dresses, and got everybody out to the beach to show off some titty. Of age, barely legal, fat and gunky, underaged, it did not matter. Just get the sun glare and the soft lenses working, the girls in some skin baring outfits, and start snapping away. And it’s all perfectly legal. She’s like the most dangerous Batman villain yet.
Photo Credit: The Kardashians/Instagram