Kim Jong-un Brings Back the Ladies

Paranoia can be defined as a man so concerned with personal security that he disbands the team of attractive young escorts who suck and fuck him on command. When King Jong-un took over from pops, he eliminated the "Pleasure Squad" of largely underaged girls who served as a harem for the Great Leader. "Pleasure Squad" seems less obvious when drawn in Korean characters where it's a house with a dude with a limp dick and...

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Kim Jong Un Is How Shit Gets Done

In California, it's impossible to fire anybody unless you have photos of them watering their lawns on restriction days. In North Korea, downsizing is simpler. Kim Jong Un discovered that his Defense Minister was nodding off during his speeches and making some Jong Un is so fucking fat jokes at cocktail parties so he had Hyon Yong Choi marched out in front of an anti-aircraft gun and asked if he felt lucky. The ZPU-4...

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Dennis Rodman Appalled At His Image

Dennis Rodman is suing the maker of a video game called Dear Leader! which allows you to fight against America as Kim Jong un and Dennis Rodman. He is reportedly unhappy with the implication of the game and has demanded his character be removed. This is the same guy who has called Kim a "friend for life" and sucked up North Korea's Propaganda Machine as the Gospel while swilling free bathtub booze poured into a...

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North Korea Just Went Ameri-Can-Do on America

America used to be the enterprising bad-asses on the the block. The John Wayne drawling and piece-carrying peace makers who capture the horse thieves then made love to the beautiful women while still stinking of the range. Now we've been hobbled by some tiny dictator who loves cheesecake bites and clipping his toenails to Matchbox 20 songs. North Korea just showed some serious fucking balls. They got a bug up their...

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North Korea Not Responsible For Sony Hack

North Korea has issued a statement denying it was responsible for the hack into Sony Pictureswhich proved everyone hates Adam Sandler. The news came as a surprise to nobody since it's obvious there are no computers more advanced than the Commodore 64 in North Korea. Kim Jong un and some of his foot soldier drones are pissed because Sony's upcoming James Franco/Seth Rogen movie The Interview is a lighthearted take on...

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Kim Jong Un Gimpy

A North Korean mouthpiece says Kim Jong Un has not been seen in over a month because he hurt his leg taking part in military exercises. If this is true it could explain his absence since North Korean doctors have never before treated or seen a fat person and usually mercy kill anyone with a sore throat. The report seems suspicious, mostly because it attempts to conjure up the coolest possible way to become injured:...

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Kim Jong Un May Be Un Living

The gloriously retarded Great Leader Kim Jong Un has not been seen publicly in over a month. Speculation in North Korea is running rampant that he may be ill. Also that someone invented a flying machine. Both notions have been discredited by the state run newspaper. Un has had most of his enemies within North Korea killed by hungry dogs, although it's possible he assassinated people who merely looked a lot like his...

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Kim Jong Un Is Un-Happy (VIDEO)

North Korea is demanding a video of Kim Jong Un's superimposed head be removed from the Internet. Apparently North Korean officials do not understand how the world wide web works because they are still developing ice boxes and water closets. They released a statement saying the video"seriously compromises Kim's dignity and authority". This is pretty much the same thing they said about the James Franco and Seth Rogen...

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The Kim Jong Un Cut Suddenly Becomes Popular in North Korea

I'm still sometimes baffled that North Korea is a real country. Outside of Middle Eastern countries dealing for their weapons in James Bond movies, nobody really purchase anything it produces, save for it's reluctant big brother, China. It's basically a Fred Flintstone quarry pit manned by forced labor. I bet its Farmer's Markets suck too. No ponies and kettle corn, just emaciated peasants singing state sanctioned...

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Kim Jong Un Ordered His Uncle Eaten By Hunting Dogs

Every dog will have his day. Including Kim Jong Un's hunting dogs who got to eat his Uncle and his top aides who were all convicted of attempting to overthrow the Kim's dictatorship in North Korea. They were also charged with being mean to women, as an homage to the few feminists in the country who survived their latest rounds of torture. According to a Hong Kong newspaper, Kim Jong Un watched on as his ravenous dogs...

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Finally, It's Dennis Rodman And Kim Jong Un In Video Game Form

With everyone from George Stephanopoulos to David Stern shitting on him, NBA legend Dennis Rodman retreated to his natural element of HPV and Whitesnake songs at a strip club when he returned from North Korea. The Worm has tried to tell people that North Korean dictator and half-man/half-potato Kim Jong Un is a good guy, but that all went to shit this week when Un's lackeys threatened to nuke Washington. "Now that the...

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