Kim Kardashian Nude, It's Exactly As You Didn't Imagine

I could read the part where Kim Kardashian is such a self-aware laugh riot who felt emboldened and liberated by having her Photoshopped bare ass appear in a New York rag, but in homage to Kim, I'm pretending reading is boring and hurts my head. Also, it saved me two... read more

Kim Kardashian's Kid Trying to Tell Us Something

I'm no psychologist, but I once got paid two hundred bucks for a grad student to ask me an alarmingly large number of questions about sexual attraction to inanimate objects. This $10K Hermes handbag the Belgian nannies forced North West to paint for her mom's birthday... read more

Kim Kardashian Tits Can Sell Anything

This wee porn star will go anywhere at any time for any filthy large amount of money. Long after the Apocalypse Kim will still be crisscrossing Old New York vacuuming up precious metals like a whore version of Wall-E. With the right encouragement Kim could've easily... read more

Mothers Against Whores Target Kardashians

An online petition is circulating to remove a line of Kardashian Kids clothes from Babies 'R Us. The items in question include a fake leather mini skirt with attached diaper cover and a fake fur animal print vest. The clothes are designed for children aged 0-24 months... read more

Kim Kardashian Breasts Ruin Bruce Jenner's Birthday

Why not show a man exactly what kind of woman he can never be. On his birthday no less. While Bruce Jenner toils away with the nails and the hair and the rouge and the squeezing his junk tight enough between his legs to maneuver into women's restrictive undergarments,... read more

Kim K Is The New Lucy And Shit Around The Web

Walking urinal Kim Kardashian compared her reality show to the iconicI Love Lucy 1950's sitcom. Not really compared, she claimed her show was better since it had produced more episodes. I want to get my Ricky Ricardo tux on and slap the collagen out of her lips. Read the... read more

Kim Kardashian's Tits Sells Birthday Tickets

Whenever my birthday rolled around, my parents told me I could invite two friends for ice cream and a movie, the latter of which turned out to be a View Master slideshow under a blanket. We couldn't even afford the Grand Canyon reel. It was usually just pictures of a... read more

Kim Kardashian Assplay Cinema

Sometimes you just want to take your best gal to a weekend matinee. Maybe grandma. Or the nieces and nephews. You don't want to have to explain to a bunch of high fructose corn syrup jacked up grade schoolers where Kim Kardashian ass babies come from. Do you need to go... read more

Kimye Action Figures And Shit Around The Web

Kanye West And Kim Kardashian have made dolls of themselves for North West to play with. You have to wonder if the Kanye doll is a 'Betsy Wetsy' type that can pee in Kim's mouth. You know, realistic play is important. I think I'm going to make me some Kimye voodoo dolls.... read more

Kim Kardahian, Not Without My Baby!

I've often forgotten I have a girlfriend when I'm traveling abroad. Usually intentionally. What happens in a Romanian whorehouse not only stays there, for an extra twenty dollars American you can have everybody who might betray your silence drowned in a chemically... read more

North West Could Use Some Fake Tits

Update: Just to be clear, between attorneys for black Jesus, my own counsel the ghost of Justice Brandeis, and one very pissed-off toddler, I'd like to clearly state that nothing in this post should imply, indicate, or infer that I honestly believe a young child should... read more

Kim Kardashian Attacked, Booed, and Pretty Shoddily Raised

According to the Kardashian fueled celebrity press machine, Kim Kardashian was nearly struck down in Paris by COBRA hellbent on thwarting her social progress for women and the poor and rappers with big cocks who can't afford to live in Los Angeles. Think of her as an... read more