By Lex October 01, 2013 @ 5:22 PM
Kim Kardashian wanted everyone at Paris Fashion Week to know that her genetic destiny to be a plump Armenian matron remains at bay for now. Her strict diet of amphetamines and chewing on her worn shoes before she mails them off to her fetish fans for thousands of dollars is starting to work, but she needs more time. Flashing a little tit helped everybody ignore her obvious large midsection for at least one more day. It’s a solid strategy until her starving body can consume enough of its own belly fat to get her back into non-stretch band pants. Expect a lot more tit shows in the next three to four weeks.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com, WENN
By Jack October 01, 2013 @ 2:35 PM
The infant Yessiah, North West, received a fortune in baby clothes gifts at Paris fashion week even though she was left back in Los Angeles to to the care of her talking orangutan guardians while her parents party in the City of Light. North’s slutbag mother has been trolling around fashion week trying to gain attention for some product she was hawking, most notably her new even bigger mom tits. The most famous baby in the world that no one has ever seen live got quite a haul from real fashion designers. Kim decided to Instagram pictures of the designer baby threads before she took them to a back alley in the Latin Quarter to trade for some off-brand diet pills.
(Picture Via Instagram/Kimkardashian)
By Travis September 30, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Rapper Kanye West showed up to the Givenchy runway show at the Paris Fashion Week yesterday with his girlfriend and amateur porn star, Kim Kardashian, and a lot of people are saying that she looks great for having recently given birth to their daughter, North West. And those people are obviously just staring at her tits and nodding at whatever Kim’s PR people are trying to have published. What’s that, Kris Jenner? Kim is a size 2 despite looking like she’s still housing a Range Rover in her uterus? Sure, whatever, now back to those gigantic breasts.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
By Lex September 25, 2013 @ 2:58 PM
If you’re like me, you were counting the days until Kim Kardashian launched her fifth fragrance line. If her first four aromas, Essential Scabies, Summer of Chlamydia, Krap Meadow, and Shpilkas, didn’t catch your fancy, just wait for Pure Honey, out today in stores.
I wanted Pure Honey to be both light and sweet but also powerfully seductive. As women we all have these dual natures. We can be girly and playful but also tempting and captivating at the same time. Combining the two elements was the perfect way to capture our full femininity. I created it to be delectable and crave-able, like all beautiful women are. — Kim blogging about her new perfume.
I wish I were a woman with the dual power of being sweet but also seductive, playful but also captivating. I also wish I could mask the stench of Kim’s yeasty cooch with the aroma of pure crave-ability. It beats taking a shower.
Kim was out around town hawking her new stench and showing how well simple starvation works to remove the baby weight. She now has stripper turned rapper baby maker Blac Chyna follow her around everywhere so people will stop yelling her name aloud when somebody shouts out, ‘Hey, who’s the skankiest skeez ho in the house?’.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, INFphoto.com, PCN
By Lex September 18, 2013 @ 3:18 PM
What with Khloe being sad, the Jenner girls not yet knocked up, Kris Jenner losing her TV show, the Kardashians decided to turn ill-fate on its head and go ahead and film a Christmas Special in the middle of September. They didn’t have to, but being that they have a reality show, they are bound to fake the shit out of everything imaginable. Still, the Yuletide spirit runs deep in that family. Kim Kardashian tweeted photos from the decked out home set showing how well her KFC popcorn chicken and bulimia diet is coming along. Khloe’s strength to appear on the Christmas special was rewarded when the entire family gathered together to buy Khloe a publicist to smear the shit out of Lamar in the media. They also handed her a black baby Jesus doll and told her it was a real child and it was hers and they all promised not to tell her the truth until Easter. Fah who foraze!
By Travis September 11, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Before giving birth to her daughter, North West, Kim Kardashian agreed to do a photo shoot for the fashion magazine CR Fashion Book, with Karl Lagerfeld calling the shots. Basically, they played dress-up with Kim, making her look like a circus clown and a pregnant stripper before they smeared jam all over her face and someone shouted, “That’s a wrap!” Either fashion is even dumber than we’d thought or these people were just fucking with Kim and Kris Jenner the whole time, in which case I hope the follow-up shoot is just people firing paintballs at her for an hour.