By Lex February 06, 2015 @ 9:51 AM
I thought the Supreme Court or the Justice League or Alyssa Milano’s mom made it illegal to put fake bare tits on the faces of famous people. Maybe the law states that if you get paid in fat dollars the commandos can’t bust in through the windows and confiscate the printing presses. I’m not sure who green-lit this abomination. You had the world’s most famous porn family on the clock for eight hours and you went and warped up all their pay worthy bits. Who is this for exactly? The Kardashians are the human equivalent of 7-Eleven frozen burritos. You don’t art them up. You shove them in your mouth when you’re drunk at 3am and await the painful shit. Somebody needs to get fired. Or killed. There’s never a fatwa around when you need it.
Photo Credit: Love Magazine
By Matt February 05, 2015 @ 6:45 AM
Kim Kardashian is showing her bare tits and ass in another magazine and McDonald’s still carries the quarter pounder. The photos were leaked on Twitter by someone instructed to do so as a member of Kim’s entourage paid in followers. The issue of Love magazine is guest edited by Cara Delevingne which means she’s able to point and answer questions by blinking. She also interviews Kim if you want to read it while doing your taxes and then go pull a Falling Down. Kim has no eyebrows and desperately wants you to know why. I’d posit she’s out of ideas. Her ass is a distorted but appears to resemble a hopalong who gives tours of the Grand Canyon during the icy months. That’s when they store fat. It’s almost like the crack is too long and she’d need to floss it with a bath towel. Brilliant photography. We need more art school graduates.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Jack February 04, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Selfie queen and human urinal Kim Kardashian has said that she really wants to take a selfie with Jesus. Not Jesus the gardener but Jesus of Nazareth. I’m surprised she’d deign to allow our Lord and savior in her fucking incessant selfies. He’d probably stone that ho.
Read all about Kim’s selfie based faith. (The Superficial)
Matthew McConaughey pisses people off for killing Bambi and his mom. (TMZ)
Brazil’s Miss Bum Bum now also topless, that’s a double your pleasure thing (Egotastic)
Adriana Lima in a cutout dress is faptacular. (Huffington Post)
Luci Ford sports a white bikini for you, just for you. (Drunken Stepfather)
Julia Pereira wears a black string bikini and it is wonderful. (Hollywood Tuna)
Britney Spears is back to being highly fuckable in lingerie. (COED)
By Jack February 02, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Kim Kardashian is showing her bare ass again in Love Magazine. The magazine had thrown out a couple other ideas first just so everybody could have a good chuckle.
Look into the butthole of doom if you dare.(The Superficial)
Dakota James in a bikini gives me a special feeling downstairs. (Egotastic)
Whose cheerleaders was more fuckable, the Seahawks or the Patriots? (TMZ)
Kim, Kanye, John Legend, And Chrissy Teigen are just like us and eat at The Waffle House. (Huffington Post)
Paz de la Huerta’s tits are more talented than her. (Drunken Stepfather)
Brooke Burke is still pretty darn fuckable. (Popoholic)
Katy Perry gets Super Bowl tattoo because she’s peaked. (Dlisted)
By Lex January 30, 2015 @ 10:08 AM
The porn star, the large one, the model, and her British lesbian girlfriend all went to see Sam Smith in concert. God invented Sam Smith so that he could finally take Spandau Ballet into heaven. It’s a big to do when three or more Kardashians are in the same place at the same time. I believe the appropriate term for a group of Kardashians is a whoreling. After the show, Sam Smith allowed the girls to use him as a prop for their selfies as he gave them a few bars of his new sad song about when cock goes flaccid. Kim and Khloe just sighed, while Kendall and Cara finger banged each other and promised their love would be forever. Then somebody made a joke about it being a school night and everybody laughed and queefed.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex January 28, 2015 @ 8:08 AM
It’s not unusual for a husband to watch his wife get dressed. Unless it is. It probably is. Kanye has been infatuated with his wife even before they were together. He used to imagine Kim while pounding Amber Rose with his headphones on. That’s a special kind of bond that defies time and space and decency. Kim seems to enjoy the intense attention. She visited Entertainment Tonight to hawk some sort of shit and shared a snapshot of life with Kanye:
I mean, we do everything together from right as I was leaving here, like, ‘How do I look babe? How does my outfit look?’ And you know, he’s like ‘Eww, those shoes are bad, take those off, here, put these on, OK.
That’s darling. Or gay or crazy. We won’t know for certain until the murder-suicide note becomes public. Family and friends will comment in cutaways on the E! Special how there simply were no signs. And we will chuckle and mutter ‘Eww, those shoes’.
Photo Credit: Instagram