Kanye West Finally Proposed To Kim Kardashian

By Travis October 22, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Kim Kardashian celebrated her 33rd birthday yesterday just like any of us would, as she attended a party thrown in her honor at AT&T Park in San Francisco, which had been completely rented out by her boyfriend Kanye West for the evening. Kanye actually started the night off by honoring 12 Years a Slave director Steve McQueen at the Hollywood Film Awards, but he made it back in time to not only celebrate Kim’s birthday, but finally propose to her in front of her whole family. This is bad news, of course, for anyone who wagered money on this relationship being a sham, created solely for the purpose of giving Kim a child to exploit and Kanye enough attention for his recent album and upcoming tour.

But if your money is on a hilariously ugly divorce that costs them and the state of California millions and ruins a young child’s life, I’d say you’re in the driver’s seat right now.

Photo Credit: Getty

No Star On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame For You, Kim Kardashian!

By Jack October 17, 2013 @ 1:41 PM

Kim Kardashian won’t be getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame anytime in the near future. That’s because the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, who decides who gets a star, says that her big ass isn’t eligible for immortality. Why? Because she’s a fucking reality star, that’s why! They don’t deserve to be on the same sidewalk with Marlon Brando or Meryl Streep, or, you know, Ryan Seacrest, who at least has an Emmy or something for acting straight. Hollywood Chamber of Commerce spokesman Ana Martinez explained why Kim isn’t getting a star by stating that,

“”We don’t have reality stars on the Walk of Fame. We’re happy to consider reality stars once they get nominated for, or win, an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar. We’ll consider them when they’re legitimate actors or singers.”

Yeah, let’s wait on that. Kanye, of course, thinks this is unfair and told Jimmy Kimmel he thinks Kim shouldn’t be excluded because she’s only famous for being on a shitty reality show or getting pissed on in a sex tape. The other issue is that someone has to nominate her in order to receive the accolade. No one has ever done that for Kim, as Ana Martinez said,

“I hate to say it, but a lot of people just don’t like like her. No one has ever nominated her.”

I’m guessing she didn’t really hate to say that or she wouldn’t have added that part about a lot of people not liking Kim. Lassie and Donald Duck both have stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and they are a fucking dog and a cartoon duck. But, then again, they are better actors and are more real than Kim Kardashian.

Kim Kardashian’s Ass Is Back To Pre-Baby Size

By Travis October 17, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

By the time that North West is old enough to be exploited for her gender and not just her youthful innocence, social media will probably have advanced far beyond the Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. that we know today. But someone will eventually explain to North that her mother, Kim Kardashian, rose to fame by recording herself having sex with Ray J and posting “sexy” pictures of herself online, like this one that she posted yesterday. The most shocking element of this photo is probably that North isn’t actually in the picture, but I’m sure that’s because she was probably on the roof playing with knives for Kris Jenner’s new reality series pitch.

Photo Credit: Kim Kardashian’s Instagram

Kris Humphires Sells Kim Kardashian’s Bling

By Jack October 16, 2013 @ 1:31 PM

Kris Humphires decided to unload the diamond ring he once gave Kim Kardashian for their fake TV marriage. The 16-karat ring was sold at Christie’s auction house  for $749,000 to a mysterious buyer calling in a phone bid. My guess is that it was Kanye. He’s going to set the diamond in the tip of a big dildo and bang naughty groupies with it while relaying the story about how he stole Kim Kardashian away from her husband

Magazines for women are writing about how the auction closing is helping Kris Humphries to finally close the Kim Kardashian chapter of his life, but  Lee Hutton, Kris’ lawyer, says he got over her long ago:

“I’m not sure if the ring or its sale helps with the process of moving on. I think he moved on long before the ring was even put into the auction. Kris, being an athlete, is getting ready for an upcoming seasons and ready for life’s lessons as they come along. This whole process was humbling but maturing.”

Great point, Lee Hutton. Sometimes it takes a fraudulent marriage to a duplicitous whore to build yourself into a stronger man. It does seem to be a common past of many great athletes, so perhaps there is something to this.

Kim Kardashian Credits Atkins For Making Her Look Like a Porn Star Again

By Lex October 15, 2013 @ 2:52 PM

Kim Kardashian Visits Her Store DASH In West Hollywood
Nobody wants to pay a Fat Kim Kardashian. Fat Jessica Simpson may still be making a few hundred million selling her discount retail junk, but no Arab prince is going to hand over six rubies to jizz in the eye of a Fat Kim Kardashian. So Kim started the Atkins diet as soon as doctors told her it would be medically safe for the staff raising her baby. Kim’s had to learn to restructure her diet away from favorite carbs such as breads and pastas, and more toward fatty proteins like Khloe. It’s worked to the tune of a 25-lb. drop for the merchandising whore. With just 15-lb to go to reach her target weight of platinum rapper ass-tap worthy, Kim seems right on track with her career and covering up looks of surprise when people remind her she has a kid.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com, WENN

Stop Looking At Kim Kardashian

By Lex October 11, 2013 @ 2:26 PM

Kim Kardashian Covers Her Face As She Drives With North West In The Car In The San Fernando Valley
Kim Kardashian’s planned disguise of looking just like Kim Kardashian in Kim Kardashian’s G-Class Benz failed as she attempted one of her first rides out with her bastard baby. Kim recently returned from Paris, finding being away from the ladies who give her reports about her baby to be very emotionally challenging. So, it’s bonding time. Which in the Kardashian family means take your baby to a paid photoshoot. Paparazzi were not thrown off incognito Kim’s tracks, even when she tried to pass as a commoner by hoisting her $10K designer handbag in front of her face. Sometimes Kim is such a silly skank.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI