Kim Kardashian's Tits Sells Birthday Tickets

Whenever my birthday rolled around, my parents told me I could invite two friends for ice cream and a movie, the latter of which turned out to be a View Master slideshow under a blanket. We couldn't even afford the Grand Canyon reel. It was usually just pictures of a... read more

Kim Kardashian Assplay Cinema

Sometimes you just want to take your best gal to a weekend matinee. Maybe grandma. Or the nieces and nephews. You don't want to have to explain to a bunch of high fructose corn syrup jacked up grade schoolers where Kim Kardashian ass babies come from. Do you need to go... read more

Kimye Action Figures And Shit Around The Web

Kanye West And Kim Kardashian have made dolls of themselves for North West to play with. You have to wonder if the Kanye doll is a 'Betsy Wetsy' type that can pee in Kim's mouth. You know, realistic play is important. I think I'm going to make me some Kimye voodoo dolls.... read more

Kim Kardahian, Not Without My Baby!

I've often forgotten I have a girlfriend when I'm traveling abroad. Usually intentionally. What happens in a Romanian whorehouse not only stays there, for an extra twenty dollars American you can have everybody who might betray your silence drowned in a chemically... read more

North West Could Use Some Fake Tits

Update: Just to be clear, between attorneys for black Jesus, my own counsel the ghost of Justice Brandeis, and one very pissed-off toddler, I'd like to clearly state that nothing in this post should imply, indicate, or infer that I honestly believe a young child should... read more

Kim Kardashian Attacked, Booed, and Pretty Shoddily Raised

According to the Kardashian fueled celebrity press machine, Kim Kardashian was nearly struck down in Paris by COBRA hellbent on thwarting her social progress for women and the poor and rappers with big cocks who can't afford to live in Los Angeles. Think of her as an... read more

Kim Gets Tackled And Shit Around The Web

A Ukrainian douche named Vitalii Sediuk who likes to fuck with celebrities tackled Kim Kardashian at Paris fashion week. This is the same dude that tried to kiss Brad Pitt and Will Smith and got punched in the face. Kim tried to turn it into her own JFK grassy knoll... read more

Kim Kardashian Is the Big Sister You Wish You Had

There's no prouder moment for an attention starved whore than when you get to watch your half-sister by way of your tranny stepdad take her first steps on a runway in Paris. Naturally, you can't support your familial whoreling without ten hours of hair and makeup and a... read more

Kim Kardashian Violated By Hacked Photos She Probably Leaked

The outraged Olympics are about to begin again in Hollywood. Every reasonably attractive celebrity who ever filmed themselves fingering their clam is about to let their better educated press agents climb the soapbox under their banner. I can only imagine the outrageously... read more

Vanessa Hudgens Naked Selfies, Kim Kardashian Topless Throw Ins As Well, More Celebrity Leaked Photos

Way to fuck up my Saturday night. But, hell, for a chance to see Hope Solo wizard sleeves that even Gandalf would find overblown, not to mention disgusting, I can put down the absinthe. Another round of celebrity photos borrowed from the iCloud which runs about as safe... read more

Kim Kardashian Making More Babies

According to the celebrity asslinguists at HollywoodLife, Kim Kardashian is over the haters who called her Shamu the last time she got pregnant and all her previously imprisoned fat cells multiplied at rates that made even Ebola jealous. Kim's now ready to have a... read more

No One Loves A Whore And Shit Around The Web

With all the hoopla over the celebrity nude photo leak, one has to wonder, why the fuck did nobody care the many times before celebrity photos and sex videos got shat out across the Internet? I'd say it's because people see Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton as lovable... read more