Kim Kardashian Has Vague Thoughts On Racism

Now that she's a mom and an international fashion genius, Kim Kardashian (seen above, very enthused to be meeting Tom Hanks' wife) suddenly feels an obligation to reach out to the less fortunate people, who haven't built an empire on sucking Ray J's dick. First, she offered some vague and meaningless parenting advice about how kids should be able to do whatever they want, so when North is old enough to ask why mommy...read more

Kim Kardashian Is Still Single

Kim Kardashian cleared the air today on Twitter of several misnomers that are super important to her, and by the theory of paid vagina transference, are necessarily important to you as well. 1. Kim and Kanye did not get courthouse married before their Big Phat Fucking French Wedding. That was an untruth invented by her mom who has to lie every six hours or her skin becomes gelatinous and she starts smelling like burnt...read more

Kim Kardashian Was Confusing At The Met Gala

Last night, a bunch of beautiful famous people paid $25,000 and more to attend the Met Gala's tribute to Charles James in New York City, and there were also many more people in attendance who both shouldn't be famous and aren't beautiful. Take Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, for example, as the couple stepped out as husband and wife for the first time so they could make some very serious faces for the photographers....read more

Kim And Kanye Are Married Now

While Kim Kardashian won't be having her lavish Parisian wedding until May 24, sharing her love and success with 200 of her closest friends and sex tape partners, the former Mrs. Kris Humphries and Mrs. Damon Thomas is now the current Mrs. Kanye West, according to the state of California. Kim and Kanye reportedly made her third marriage official last week by obtaining their license, but it still won't be assholish...read more

Kimye Getting Married Three Times

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have to get married three times. The two narcissistic walking genitalia are planning a ridiculously over-the-top wedding in France. But they have to also get married in a civil ceremony in California and an additional civil wedding in France before their fuck-off religious service. I guarantee you that she is going to make these two legal formalities huge fucking televised affairs. I...read more

Kim Kardashian Is Passing Out Parenting Advice

It used to be you had to pretend to be a model parent to pass out advice to the rest of the fertile womb klatch. You know, those moms who always seemed put together, gave lectures to other moms or wrote books about how to get your kid to stop being such an asshole in stores simply by getting down on one knee and explaining to them how feelings work. Then you'd have to wait ten years to learn that mom was a heavy...read more

Kim Kardashian Channels Audrey Hepburn

Kim Kardashian slapped on her Spanx and a support bra and a shit ton of makeup and Corinthian hair extensions took a bike ride in Miami. Some people suggested Kim was homaging Audrey Hepburn in her famous black and white biking photo shoot from back in the day. But Kim was insistent that if anybody was homaging anybody, it was Audrey ripping off her game. Then she announced that her baby daddy would sponge out that...read more

Kim Kardashian's Breasts Hit The Town Last Night

Kim Kardashian and her family just returned from a lavish and beautiful vacation in Thailand, and it was so picturesque and perfect that Kim didn't bother taking her own photos to post on Instagram, because she could just take some from Google and pass them off as her own. But now that she's back in America, Kim is all business as usual, and that means that instead of being mostly naked on a boat for the sake of...read more

Nick Cannon Is Still Bragging About Kim Kardashian

"Whiteface" pioneer Nick Cannon went on the Howard Stern show yesterday to talk about the nonstop shitstorm that he's been brewing for himself, starting with his idiotic whiteface routine and leading up to his list of famous sexual conquests. Despite being married to Mariah Carey and having children with her, Nick bragged last week that he slept with, among other C-listers, Kim Kardashian, and he thought that was cool...read more

Kim Kardashian Shooting Selfies Through Thailand

Somebody at E! got a grant from the Thai government to have the Kardashian girls come over and teach all the underaged sex workers how to please foreign men without visible signs of tear. Now more than ever Thailand needs foreign dollars to keep its economy from collapsing. That isn't coming from Tom Yum soup sales alone. Each of the girls have been doing their part to promote Thailand and their amphetamine diet...read more

Kylie And Kendall Jenner In Bikinis On An Elephant

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Kim Kardashian's Dress Deserves a Prize

I don't know how you design a dress that is both see-through, and at the same time can secrete forty pounds of excess gunt. Whoever made Kim Kardashian's dress for the superbly boring Seth Meyer's show appearance deserves some kind of science award. Maybe one of those they give out at the dinners with all the celebrities but only show you quick cuts from because they're super fucking boring. I wonder if this same...read more

North West Pisses on Kanye

Kim Kardashian revealed to Seth Myers that baby North West pissed all over Kanye West during their infamous Vogue shoot. It seems that the unibrowed womb troll decided to use Kanye's chest as a diaper while they were taking a family shot on a couch. North is naked in the picture as a very early indicator of how the Kardashian clain raises their girl children to respect the process. Ihave a new found respect for baby...read more

Kim Kardashian Receives 10 Burger Kings As Wedding Tribute

When you hear that heavyset Kim Kardashian is being tributed, you might typically think of groups of sweaty fat men masturbating furiously onto her new Vogue cover photo. But, no, this one involves food. According to MSN, Kanye has decided to purchase his zoftig bride to be her own Burger King franchises in Europe as a tribute to their upcoming wedding. He's already given her an illegitimate child, an Italian sports...read more