Ryan Seacrest Isn't Cool Enough For Kim Kardashian's Wedding

Despite the fact that we're not a bunch of idiot assholes who don't realize she's full of shit, Kim Kardashian has claimed that her upcoming wedding ceremony is going to be "super, super small" and just feature her and Kanye West's closest friends and family members. It won't be a huge star-studded event, because these two narcissists really, honestly love each other, and not because nobody fucking likes them and...

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Kim Kardashian's Wall Of Roses Makes Sense

One of the cool things about being extremely wealthy is that you already own basically everything in the world, so when holidays and birthdays come around, you can just buy the dumbest shit that you can possibly think of. Like for Mother's Day, Kanye West didn't buy Kim Kardashian a bouquet of roses, 10 bouquets of roses or even 100 bouquets of roses. Instead, he bought her a "wall of roses" because, again, that's...

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Kim Kardashian Shows Off Her Booty In A White Dress Before Her Bridal Shower In Beverly Hills

Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, FameFlynet, Splash [gallery ids="1744253,1744245,1744246,1744247,1744248,1744249,1744250,1744244,1744251,1744252"]

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Kim Kardashian Has Vague Thoughts On Racism

Now that she's a mom and an international fashion genius, Kim Kardashian (seen above, very enthused to be meeting Tom Hanks' wife) suddenly feels an obligation to reach out to the less fortunate people, who haven't built an empire on sucking Ray J's dick. First, she offered some vague and meaningless parenting advice about how kids should be able to do whatever they want, so when North is old enough to ask why mommy...

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Kim Kardashian Is Still Single

Kim Kardashian cleared the air today on Twitter of several misnomers that are super important to her, and by the theory of paid vagina transference, are necessarily important to you as well. 1. Kim and Kanye did not get courthouse married before their Big Phat Fucking French Wedding. That was an untruth invented by her mom who has to lie every six hours or her skin becomes gelatinous and she starts smelling like burnt...

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Kim Kardashian Flashes Her Panties Heading Out With Kanye West To The Met Gala

Photo Credit: Splash [gallery ids="1741225,1741226,1741227,1741228,1741229,1741230,1741231"]

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Kim Kardashian Was Confusing At The Met Gala

Last night, a bunch of beautiful famous people paid $25,000 and more to attend the Met Gala's tribute to Charles James in New York City, and there were also many more people in attendance who both shouldn't be famous and aren't beautiful. Take Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, for example, as the couple stepped out as husband and wife for the first time so they could make some very serious faces for the photographers....

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Kim And Kanye Are Married Now

While Kim Kardashian won't be having her lavish Parisian wedding until May 24, sharing her love and success with 200 of her closest friends and sex tape partners, the former Mrs. Kris Humphries and Mrs. Damon Thomas is now the current Mrs. Kanye West, according to the state of California. Kim and Kanye reportedly made her third marriage official last week by obtaining their license, but it still won't be assholish...

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Kimye Getting Married Three Times

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have to get married three times. The two narcissistic walking genitalia are planning a ridiculously over-the-top wedding in France. But they have to also get married in a civil ceremony in California and an additional civil wedding in France before their fuck-off religious service. I guarantee you that she is going to make these two legal formalities huge fucking televised affairs. I...

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Kim Kardashian Is Passing Out Parenting Advice

It used to be you had to pretend to be a model parent to pass out advice to the rest of the fertile womb klatch. You know, those moms who always seemed put together, gave lectures to other moms or wrote books about how to get your kid to stop being such an asshole in stores simply by getting down on one knee and explaining to them how feelings work. Then you'd have to wait ten years to learn that mom was a heavy...

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Kim Kardashian Channels Audrey Hepburn

Kim Kardashian slapped on her Spanx and a support bra and a shit ton of makeup and Corinthian hair extensions took a bike ride in Miami. Some people suggested Kim was homaging Audrey Hepburn in her famous black and white biking photo shoot from back in the day. But Kim was insistent that if anybody was homaging anybody, it was Audrey ripping off her game. Then she announced that her baby daddy would sponge out that...

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Kim Kardashian's Breasts Hit The Town Last Night

Kim Kardashian and her family just returned from a lavish and beautiful vacation in Thailand, and it was so picturesque and perfect that Kim didn't bother taking her own photos to post on Instagram, because she could just take some from Google and pass them off as her own. But now that she's back in America, Kim is all business as usual, and that means that instead of being mostly naked on a boat for the sake of...

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Nick Cannon Is Still Bragging About Kim Kardashian

"Whiteface" pioneer Nick Cannon went on the Howard Stern show yesterday to talk about the nonstop shitstorm that he's been brewing for himself, starting with his idiotic whiteface routine and leading up to his list of famous sexual conquests. Despite being married to Mariah Carey and having children with her, Nick bragged last week that he slept with, among other C-listers, Kim Kardashian, and he thought that was cool...

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Kim Kardashian Shooting Selfies Through Thailand

Somebody at E! got a grant from the Thai government to have the Kardashian girls come over and teach all the underaged sex workers how to please foreign men without visible signs of tear. Now more than ever Thailand needs foreign dollars to keep its economy from collapsing. That isn't coming from Tom Yum soup sales alone. Each of the girls have been doing their part to promote Thailand and their amphetamine diet...

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Kylie And Kendall Jenner In Bikinis On An Elephant

Photo Credit: Instagram [gallery id="3997"]

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