By Lex November 25, 2013 @ 5:36 PM
When opportunity knocks, Kim Kardashian doesn’t just answer, she greases up her lady squeaker, spreads her legs akimbo, and trips opportunity right into making her a baby. When the earthquake hit Haiti, Kim used it as a primary centerpiece to divert attention away from her sham marriage to Kris Humphreys. While the press wanted to talk fraud, Kim was in Port-au-Prince passing out Kardashian Khaos gift cards to the starving kids in case they were ever in Vegas and in need of costume jewelry. With Typhoon Haiyan, Kim sniffed herself an even bigger opportunity to snatch a piece for herself. She gathered up a bunch of designer swag she’d been gifted and held an auction on Ebay to raise money for typhoon relief charities, with proceeds going…
“directly to the communities they’re serving in the Philippines and will help typhoon survivors get access to medical care and ultimately save lives. My prayers and thoughts are with those affected by the typhoon. Check out my eBay auction here and support those who need our help in the Philippines. Xo.” — Kim trolling for donors on her website.
With Kim, it’s hard to say which are less powerful, her thoughts or her prayers. Still, she was giving both out. What Kim probably absentmindedly forgot to mention was that she was taking a 90% gross percentage off the top for being fucking awesome. Medical aid for the dying Filipinos receiving ten percent. Even Gordon Gekko rose to call Kim a horrible greedy bitch. Sure, there are those of you who will say 10-percent is better than nothing, but that’s just because you’re still staring at her tits thinking you got a shot.
By Lex November 25, 2013 @ 2:13 PM
Somebody from the PR team told Kim and Kanye that before this bastard baby gets old enough to drop out of middle school, they need to get some photos taken pretending to be normal parents. As in, get on your $150 t-shirts and walk that baby around in a hermetically sealed bassinet. The move itself shocked the encircling team of nannies, handlers, and bodyguards who nervously shuffled around like Secret Service agents when the President decided to get out of his limo to go shake hands with the common folk. The entire parenting episode lasted about two minutes, or 10,000 pictures, at which point Kim and Kanye both shuddered and said ‘eww’ and deposited the baby back into the vault that can only be unlocked by cash offers of greater than $250,000.
Photo Credit: INFphoto, PCN, FameFlynet
By Lex November 20, 2013 @ 10:59 AM
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Splash
By Lex November 19, 2013 @ 2:20 PM
Someday, when Kanye West leafs through the trampled heap of megalomania and poor decision making that ultimately shaped his life, he’ll remember that time he got Kim Kardashian naked and riding on his lap atop a motorcycle in one of his shitty music videos. He’ll smile knowing that for one shining moment, he was on top of his game. He was the crowned king Yeezus. Then the sadistic asylum guards will toss a backless surgical gown into Kanye’s room signaling that the daily humblings are about to begin.
By Travis November 19, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Kim Kardashian took her newly 18-year old sister Kendall Jenner out for a little fun in New York City last night, and in case you were wondering if Kim feels threatened at all by the fact that Kendall is younger, more attractive and probably far more popular among the world’s perverts that have made this family powerful, she doesn’t. It’s probably only a coincidence that while enjoying a simple, nice evening with family, Kim wore a dress that made it impossible for even blind people to not stare at her giant mom breasts. It would have only been suspicious if Kris Jenner had built a tiny golden throne for herself and had it surgically implanted between Kim’s massive tits. Otherwise, this is a nonstory.
Photo Credits: Getty
By Travis November 18, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Now that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have done so well in ruining the future of America by teaching kids that all they need to do to get famous is ride coattails or make shitty, lazy sex tapes, the rapper has taken his game to the Ivy League. Kanye spoke at Harvard yesterday as part of his DONDA Design Lecture Series, and if his lectures are anything like any of the other times that he speaks, I imagine the students and people in attendance left the room far more confused than they were an hour before. Naturally, Kim boasted about the event on Instagram, because I assume she thinks that just by speaking at Harvard, Kanye received a degree, and knowing how little a college degree is worth these days, she’s probably right.
Photo Credit: Virgil Abloh’s Instagram