Kim Kardashian Breasts Ruin Bruce Jenner’s Birthday

By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 11:25 AM

Kim Kardashian Is Nippy In All White For Bruce Jenners Birthday
Why not show a man exactly what kind of woman he can never be. On his birthday no less. While Bruce Jenner toils away with the nails and the hair and the rouge and the squeezing his junk tight enough between his legs to maneuver into women’s restrictive undergarments, along comes his cunt of a stepdaughter to remind him of the tits he will never have. Science just doesn’t offer that yet. Bruce will never know the thrill of rapper sperm splashing onto his engorged mammaries. When he cleans the jetsam off his stomach he’ll only be able to cry at the big racked girl he shall never be. Thanks, Kim. Happy Birthday to Daddy.

Photo Credit: INF/AKM-GSI

Kim K Is The New Lucy And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 29, 2014 @ 12:00 PM


Walking urinal Kim Kardashian compared her reality show to the iconicĀ I Love Lucy 1950′s sitcom. Not really compared, she claimed her show was better since it had produced more episodes. I want to get my Ricky Ricardo tux on and slap the collagen out of her lips.

Read the latest drivel from this delusional twat. (The Superficial)

Bruce Jenner got his nails did all perty. (TMZ)

I don’t know who Bo Koehler is but I do appreciate her tits. (Drunken Stepfather)

Sara Malakul Lane is one sexy fucking bunny. (Hollywood Tuna)

Natasha Barnard in lingerie is faptacularly sexy. (Popoholic)

Amanda Bynes is still fucking nuts. (Dlisted)

The WWE Divas wear skimpy Halloween costumes. You’re welcome. (COED)

Kim Kardashian’s Tits Sells Birthday Tickets

By Lex October 27, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Kim Kardashian Celebrates Her Birthday With Boobs At Tao
Whenever my birthday rolled around, my parents told me I could invite two friends for ice cream and a movie, the latter of which turned out to be a View Master slideshow under a blanket. We couldn’t even afford the Grand Canyon reel. It was usually just pictures of a sink hole in Florida my dad would cut from the newspaper and Scotch tape onto a yogurt cap. It wasn’t until years later I learned we were’t really poor, my parents just didn’t like me.

Kim Kardashian throws more lavish events every October to commemorate the first time Dead Robert Kardashian looked into her eyes and wondered if she was his. It helps to have nightclub sponsors in Vegas scooping gobs of cash down your top to lend your special day to their weekend promotional calendar. People used to see Sinatra perform in the nightclub then go upstairs and bone hookers in their bedroom. Now they put the hookers on blocks right in front of the nightclub. That’s a little thing called progress. Suck it, China.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kim Kardashian Assplay Cinema

By Lex October 20, 2014 @ 12:10 PM

Sometimes you just want to take your best gal to a weekend matinee. Maybe grandma. Or the nieces and nephews. You don’t want to have to explain to a bunch of high fructose corn syrup jacked up grade schoolers where Kim Kardashian ass babies come from. Do you need to go backless at the mall theater? This isn’t the seventh grade pool party where you’re showing off your newly growing girl body. You’re inflated to maximum capacity. You’ve got to wrap that dramatically warped flesh frame in some kind of prairie frock before boys at the mall start experiencing the overwhelming desire to slap their girlfriend on the ass and start calling her bitch.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kimye Action Figures And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 07, 2014 @ 12:00 PM


Kanye West And Kim Kardashian have made dolls of themselves for North West to play with. You have to wonder if the Kanye doll is a ‘Betsy Wetsy’ type that can pee in Kim’s mouth. You know, realistic play is important.

I think I’m going to make me some Kimye voodoo dolls. (TMZ)

Surprisingly, years of ass to mouth didn’t turn Sasha Grey into a feminist. (Huffington Post)

Helen Flanagan has some big ‘ol titty balls. (Drunken Stepfather)

Caitlin O’Connor wears her bikinis at night. (Hollywood Tuna)

Angela Ruiz in lingerie is muy sexy, mang. (Popoholic)

Angelique “Frenchy” Morgan brings her own flotation devices to Malibu. (The Superficial)

Drake is harassing strippers for talking about how small his dick is. (Dlisted)

(Photo Via The Huffington Post)

Kim Kardahian, Not Without My Baby!

By Lex October 06, 2014 @ 9:46 AM

I’ve often forgotten I have a girlfriend when I’m traveling abroad. Usually intentionally. What happens in a Romanian whorehouse not only stays there, for an extra twenty dollars American you can have everybody who might betray your silence drowned in a chemically tainted lake. Kim Kardashian’s laughing off suggestions she temporarily forgot baby North in a Parisian hotel when checking out after Fashion Week. I’m not sure which of Kim’s wide array of fake laughs she employs to blow off suggestions she forgot her bastard child, but probably Minor Chuckle #17, her go to for allegations of abortions, affairs, and forgetting an oversized syringe sticking out of her left ass cheek after leaving the ‘flower shop’.

Do u guys really think a 1 year old would be inside the lobby by herself. Oh wait she was waiting to check out lol. -- Kim tweeted to retort such a silly notion

Lol indeed, my little pumpkin head. It is rather preposterous to think Kim would forget her child given how that is the goose that shits out the golden eggs. That kid is worth more than her engagement ring. More than the Aflac policy on her ass. And many multiples more than she sold her virginity for before she was famous. You don’t just leave that behind in a foreign hotel like you might Khloe after you tricked her into believing the rooftop pool was filled with Skittles while you all dashed for the airport.

Photo credit: PCN Photos