Kim Kardashian See Through to the Chops

It's unclear if Kim Kardashian is using her hand to be demure, or to prop up the heavy head of her ass baby. This is the danger in having yes-men running your wardrobe team. You need at least one courageous gay dude to stand up and say, I can see your fucking fetus in that dress. You're not a Filipina hooker, you're KimK Super Fucking Star! Blowjobs behind the Henry Moore landscapes. This fancy building doesn't pay...read more

Kim Kardashian Invited Strangers to Hang Out

Decipheringa Kardashian public relations event takes several layers of investigation, followed by an antibiotic cycle and a six molar bleach bath. According to their press release, Kim Kardashian flew inevery single "fan"she follows on social media to her birthday luncheon. She has sixty million followers. She follows about ten of them which kept her bill at the Four Seasons semi-reasonable. The fans came from all...read more

Kardashian Love Saves Lammy

The good news, you're alive. The bad news, you're still married to Khloe Kardashian and she's gnawing the dried remains of hooker girl juice off your right thigh. Lamar Odom regained consciousness in his Vegas hospital thanks to the adrenaline needle Kris Jenner plunged into his heart when E! producers chided that the Odom coma shots were super boring. The Kardashian family jetted back and forth between parties and...read more

Kim Kardashian Topless Tittery Now on Sale

There's two ways to look at the Kardashians. One is drunk and fapping to their squat fat naked whorish frames. That's my usual. The second is to admire their sheer brassy money making balls tucked deep enough into their collective bank account that you have to call them them the raping railroad barons of the 21st century. Still, I go with the whacking. The Kardashian and Jenner girls have teamed up with a web...read more

Miley Cyrus Topless On Facetime

Miley Cyrus is overachieving. Like Rudy, if everybody agreed they would fuck Rudy if nobody else would ever find out. She can't sing, but she's a multi-platinum recording artist. She's not sexy, but she's become the go-to girl on sexuality. Her tits wouldn't make first round cuts as minor league hockey ice girl, but she's using them to make herself the top searched name on Google. There have been inexplicable one hit...read more

Kim Kardashian Still Naked, Finally Punished

Kim Kardashian has been shilling some morning sickness pill in her vapid social media posts, leading the Food and Drug Administration to step in and tell her to stop doing it and also you're spreading a new strain of syphilis to ISIS. It's called the Geneva Convention.The posts are apparently in violation because they don't mention the side effects of the drugs or of listening to Kim's thoughts: "I tried changing...read more

Kim Kardashian Pregnant, Naked, Alone

Kim Kardashian responded to imaginary critics of her pregnant body by posting naked photos of herself. It's reflexive. The last time her mechanic told her she needed an oil change, she fucked seven guys at three different Jiffy Lubes. Jaime King cried and threatened to drive her newborn off a cliff. Kris Jenner distributed the nude pregnancy pictures to emirs in Dubai for a tribute contest. In the game of ridiculous...read more

Kim Kardashian Bursting With Pride

Kim Kardashian is pregnant with another person whose life expectancy is 37. You can only be a shitty moron once removed. Plus they're developing new pills. Apparently when you get pregnant your tits get really big and swollen which in no way compensates for your distended gut. Are you craving ice cream because of the hormones or because society has declared you're allowed to? I'll say it, you're taking advantage. Had...read more

Kylie Jenner Graduation Party Hosted By Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest hosted a high school graduation party for Kylie Jennerwhere he pretended heliked girlsand Kylie pretended Laurel Springs is a real place. Laurel Springs High School diplomasare the Hollywood equivalent of becoming a Universal Life Church minister so you can marry your buddy to his girlfriend in Laughlin before the baby shows. Only instead of fifteen bucks and a valid email address this one requires...read more

Kim Kardashian Morning Rituals

Kim Kardashian crawling out of a ditch is a reminder of just how poor serial killers have become at finishing off their truck stop prey. Nobody takes pride in their work anymore. It's possible the scent of money brought her back from the great whore beyond. It's like watching our primordial ancestors first take to land. In six months this will be Bruce exiting the same ditch in similar wardrobe. That dent in my head...read more

Kim Kardashian Smothered Music To Death In Its Crib

Sinead O'Connor has declared Kim Kardashian's tits on the cover of Rolling Stone magazines as an official end to music as we know it. in the very least, O'Connorseems to have missed Rolling Stone covers of the Boston Marathon bomber looking like a sexy James Dean and fake campus rape articles. Though it's hard to disagree with the general premise that Kim Kardashian on anything but your dick wrapped in three condoms...read more

Kim Kardashian Thrown On Trash Heap

Kim Kardashian did a photo shoot for some Euro trash website looking like a dead hooker who just got dumped out of the trunk of a Buick. It appears she has gone from having a fat ass to having a fat ass. Like she's overweight. We're talking 4'8" 170. Her incredibly not gay husband is thrilled. We've all had that moment at the parent teacher conference while nodding to ourselves. It all makes sense now. Let's assume...read more

Kardashian Sisters Form a Sexually Up For Anything Megazord

The Kardashian sisters stick together through their first three marriages and first five abortions. It's liturgyrepeated since their tween days deadlifting kettle-bells with their sphincter muscles in the family dojo. Seeing the fatinjectedsisters in tight white was like an erection gun for the inner city summer. Also, a green band trailerfor those going to Armenian heaven. It we'd yankedtheir reproductive parts from...read more

Kim Kardashian's Master Class And Shit Around The Web

Toiletry bag itemKim Kardashian gave her lecture on the objectification of women and other topics thereby being further legitimized. She talked about what it was like to be used as spank material and what the best lighting is for a selfie. She also says that she didn't go to college and turned out all right. Let that sink in. Read some of Kim's pearls of wisdom. (Huffington Post) Kate Mara let's her titties hang out...read more

Kim Kardashian Prepares to Breast Feed London

Seeing Kim Kardashian play London with her pregnancy boobs reminds us that hookers don't get maternity leave. I'm sure SCOTUS is on that. If Kim's tits disappear from public view for more than twenty-four hours, she ceases to be a real girl and goes back to being a wood carving on an old man's nightstand covered in decades of jizz. Quick, somebody say what a good mom she is so we can nod our heads and pretend we're...read more