Kim Kardashian Flowerless

By Matt April 02, 2015 @ 6:33 AM

KK

Kim Kardashian made a phone call to her straight husband Kanye West on her TV show which will not be on the air until 2037. She announced there is something wrong with the reproductive segments of her business and it might prohibit her from having more children:

“I’m trying to get a hold of Kanye cause I just came from my fertility doctor and they need me to go into surgery to kind of clear out something in my uterus.”

It’s unclear if this is real or not but judging by her acting I’d say probably not. If you’re the doctor you have to do the right thing. Medical malpractice suits are increasingly difficult to win and there’s a chick down the hall who needs a hysterectomy because her mood ring turned purple. Looks like someone switched the files. I’ve seen Armageddon. It’s time for good men to step up. Where can a brother score some scrubs?

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Jaime King Seems Acutely Sensitive

By Lex March 30, 2015 @ 12:52 PM

Kim-Kardashian-Met-Ball-2013

Jaime King claims that witnessing Kim Kardashian bashed online for being huge and pregnant at the Met Ball two years ago made her cry for five hours. That seems like an awful long time. Especially when learning about The Holocaust in school only elicited a mild grimace.

It was so stunning to me that people thought that that was okay — not only okay but they condoned it.They would not even think about the way it would affect her mental health and the child’s health…. What kind of world are we living in now where this is okay, where our bodies are being essentially sold to the highest bidder regarding their comments and that we are just put up on a cross to be persecuted?

Alright, simmer down there, wildly fortunate blond model Jesus. Consider the remote possibility that people simply don’t like Kim Kardashian. Also, that having a baby out of wedlock with a manic rapper in front of television cameras for money might be worse for baby’s health than Twitter jokes about mom looking like grandma’s couch or just a plain old fat whore. I wrote that latter one at the time, so I’d like some ‘called it’ points.

Here’s Jaime King posting photos of herself pregnant without clothes on to help bring dignity to pregnant women everywhere. Also, twelve thousand new joins on her Instagram account.

Jaime-King-Naked-on-Instagram

Photo credit: Getty Images

Rob Kardashian Deconstructed

By Lex March 24, 2015 @ 8:58 AM

Kris-Jenner-Rob-Kardashian-Kim-Kardashian-Vegas

The Kardashian whore machine is floating a few trial balloons as reasons why Rob Kardashian referred to his sister Kim on Twitter as a lying manipulative murderous bitch. According to sources that are almost certainly Kris Jenner’s media team, Rob Kardashian is just a silly prankster who loves practical jokes. Funny gags like eating disorders, depression, ditching his sister’s wedding, punching women, and cutting sock patterns in the dark basement at night next to the sarcophagus chambering his real dad’s cadaver. Classic knee-slappers.

It’s just him… He always posts things he thinks are funny and deletes and unfollows people… He’s so bizarre, he posts and deletes and thinks people aren’t going to notice.

Like guys with 5 million followers and tons of social media training often do. Forget how Twitter works. Another theory thrown out there by the team is that Rob is very frustrated with his weight and lack of motivation to get into ass fuck shape like his sisters:

He just doesn’t seem to care right now. He’s not motivated. He seems really sad about his weight, but he also isn’t trying to do anything about it.

Consider that a butterball warning shot from Mom, dipshit. She’s a ruthless succubus but she is all that stands between you and a face off with the midget plum hole sister you just outed as a murderous psychopath. You won’t win that fight. Now get back  in the basement and knit us some more socks. You Tweet that shit again, you’ll only need to make left ones for yourself.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Rob Kardashian On the Run And Shit Around The Web

By Jack March 23, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

169490050

Rob Kardashian called his sister Kim out for being a sociopathic murderer. Either he’s right or he’s wrong. Either way, he’s dead.

Read all about Rob getting Gone Girled. (TMZ)

Start your week off right, with girls with giant boobs. (The Chive)

Summer St. Claire shows her topless bug yums in the great outdoors. (Egotastic)

Megan Fox models in a sheer bodysuit for a Korean skincare line. (Drunken Stepfather)

Lauren Stoner in a bikini is faptacular. (Hollywood Tuna)

Jessica Lowndes Instagrams a picture of her sweet ass in a bikini. (Popoholic)

Anais Zanotti, Ana Braga, and Tahiti Cora frolic in bikinis. (The Superficial)

Rob Kardashian In A Twist

By Matt March 23, 2015 @ 8:08 AM

Chick 2

Rob Kardashian posted a photo of the evil manipulative chick from Gone Girl along with the caption “This is my sister Kim, the bitch from Gone Girl.” Curiously, Rob’s Instagram page consists solely of this photo because he either has body dysmorphia or nobody likes him enough to take pictures. After posting the photo Rob then unfollowed his entire family on Instagram like a motherfucking boss. I thought posting cryptic cries for attention on social media was reserved for teenage girls and stereotypical gay men in their early forties. Kim Kardashian is clearly a shameless dullard yet comparing her to a serial murderer seems misplaced. A better reference might be Charlie Sheen in Wall Street if he didn’t have a job and was dumb and had big fake tits with rapper cum caking on them. Or maybe Rob’s trying to tell us she really is murdering people who get in her way.  I guess we’ll know when Rob shows up in a ditch with slashes to his neck and designer socks. Nobody will say we figured this out too late.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

North West Knows What’s What (VIDEO)

By Lex March 19, 2015 @ 8:28 AM

The new $100 million deal with E! is done. Promo pieces used to bump the deal are no longer needed. Like North West. She’s staging furniture for an open house. The home sells, that swank divans go back to the show room. North isn’t even two and she knows her time has passed. She used to be cradled in fur. Now she’s desperately hanging on to luggage so she’s not left behind at LAX. Who’s that bitch snaking a ride? Oh, yeah, what’s her face. At some point, the entourage will grow as tired of her as her parents and she’ll be forgotten in a Burger King restroom. Smile and learn a couple songs, sweetheart. Maybe a decent family will take you.

Photo Credit: Instagram