Kim Kardashian’s Kid Trying to Tell Us Something

By Lex November 11, 2014 @ 10:40 AM

Kim Kardashian Holds Hand Bag With North Wests Bloody Hand Print On It
I’m no psychologist, but I once got paid two hundred bucks for a grad student to ask me an alarmingly large number of questions about sexual attraction to inanimate objects. This $10K Hermes handbag the Belgian nannies forced North West to paint for her mom’s birthday isn’t just the random machinations of a toddler. There’s something dangerous ruminating in that imprisoned brain of the first daughter-whore. Note the bloody handprint surrounded by the more colorful splashes of sapphire and yellow. Like the rising hand of so many aborted older sisters and brothers she will never know. Suffering, marked with the sprinkling of hope. Redrum, Danny. Somebody copter in and save that baby before the next moon.

Photo Credit: INF

Kim Kardashian Tits Can Sell Anything

By Lex November 10, 2014 @ 12:32 PM

Kim Kardashian Gets Cleavy In Nude Top At Hairfinity Launch Party
This wee porn star will go anywhere at any time for any filthy large amount of money. Long after the Apocalypse Kim will still be crisscrossing Old New York vacuuming up precious metals like a whore version of Wall-E. With the right encouragement Kim could’ve easily become an IHOP waitress or heart donor instead a pair of tits in heels. Ambition really is a double edged sword that you need to think twice before ramming into your twat.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Mothers Against Whores Target Kardashians

By Matt October 31, 2014 @ 6:34 AM

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An online petition is circulating to remove a line of Kardashian Kids clothes from Babies ‘R Us. The items in question include a fake leather mini skirt with attached diaper cover and a fake fur animal print vest. The clothes are designed for children aged 0-24 months meaning you can mold your baby girl into a skank fresh out of the womb. Most mothers find it offensive a chick famous for getting bent over in front of the first HD cam would be influencing their young daughters. Idolizing nasty idiots shouldn’t start until puberty prematurely induced by hormones in our chicken. Of course these mothers could simply not buy this shit and spend the time signing this petition by reading to their kid, but give them credit for that. Better to give the Kardashian crowd some free advertising. Between procreating and feverishly buying shit to throw in a closet these pudgy crusaders have neglected to realize that the worse shit gets, the more these whores reap the benefit. They’re like Wall Street brokers who bought out the stock in Armageddon. They’d say thanks if they were aware of this.

Photo Credit: Toysrus.com

Kim Kardashian Breasts Ruin Bruce Jenner’s Birthday

By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 11:25 AM

Kim Kardashian Is Nippy In All White For Bruce Jenners Birthday
Why not show a man exactly what kind of woman he can never be. On his birthday no less. While Bruce Jenner toils away with the nails and the hair and the rouge and the squeezing his junk tight enough between his legs to maneuver into women’s restrictive undergarments, along comes his cunt of a stepdaughter to remind him of the tits he will never have. Science just doesn’t offer that yet. Bruce will never know the thrill of rapper sperm splashing onto his engorged mammaries. When he cleans the jetsam off his stomach he’ll only be able to cry at the big racked girl he shall never be. Thanks, Kim. Happy Birthday to Daddy.

Photo Credit: INF/AKM-GSI

Kim K Is The New Lucy And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 29, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Walking urinal Kim Kardashian compared her reality show to the iconicĀ I Love Lucy 1950′s sitcom. Not really compared, she claimed her show was better since it had produced more episodes. I want to get my Ricky Ricardo tux on and slap the collagen out of her lips.

Read the latest drivel from this delusional twat. (The Superficial)

Bruce Jenner got his nails did all perty. (TMZ)

I don’t know who Bo Koehler is but I do appreciate her tits. (Drunken Stepfather)

Sara Malakul Lane is one sexy fucking bunny. (Hollywood Tuna)

Natasha Barnard in lingerie is faptacularly sexy. (Popoholic)

Amanda Bynes is still fucking nuts. (Dlisted)

The WWE Divas wear skimpy Halloween costumes. You’re welcome. (COED)

Kim Kardashian’s Tits Sells Birthday Tickets

By Lex October 27, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Kim Kardashian Celebrates Her Birthday With Boobs At Tao
Whenever my birthday rolled around, my parents told me I could invite two friends for ice cream and a movie, the latter of which turned out to be a View Master slideshow under a blanket. We couldn’t even afford the Grand Canyon reel. It was usually just pictures of a sink hole in Florida my dad would cut from the newspaper and Scotch tape onto a yogurt cap. It wasn’t until years later I learned we were’t really poor, my parents just didn’t like me.

Kim Kardashian throws more lavish events every October to commemorate the first time Dead Robert Kardashian looked into her eyes and wondered if she was his. It helps to have nightclub sponsors in Vegas scooping gobs of cash down your top to lend your special day to their weekend promotional calendar. People used to see Sinatra perform in the nightclub then go upstairs and bone hookers in their bedroom. Now they put the hookers on blocks right in front of the nightclub. That’s a little thing called progress. Suck it, China.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet