Kim Is No Angelina And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 20, 2014 @ 12:00 PM


Unctuous ass model Kim Kardashian tried to be like Angelina Jolie and adopt a poor kid from Thailand but after a few minutes of personal reflection, the kid chose third world shithole and malnourishment over a life with Kim. From the mouths of babes.

Read all about Kim’s motherhood rejection. (The Superficial)

Motherfucking Jose Canseco was lying about his finger falling off. (TMZ)

Luci Ford wears a see-through bra and it’s marvelous. (Drunken Stepfather)

Cameron Russell wears lingerie like a fucking champ. (Hollywood Tuna)

Shailene Woodley is a shitty actress but she’s got nice legs. (Popoholic)

ABC fears Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea’s asses. (Dlisted)

I’d let tennis champ Taylor Lederman play with my balls any day. (Busted Coverage)

Kim Kardashian In a Body Condom in Australia

By Lex November 18, 2014 @ 9:30 AM

Kim Kardashian Wears Busty Pink Latex Dress For Her Fragrance Launch
Soft-brained people on all continents are buying up hundreds of millions of dollar worth of celebrity perfume. I’ve never in my entire life wanted to smell like anybody else. I’ve occasionally witnessed adult content where I’ve thought packing a dick the size of a viking broad sword might be kind of groovy, but I never wanted to arrive at a venue and smile confidently as people told me I reeked of beef sweat and Caverject. Women delve into the single white female mimic fantasy far deeper. Buying into the products of a borderline moronic midget squeezed so tightly in latex her herpes sores were oozing beneath her gown. If it makes you feel good, fuck it, buy it, spritz it, and sit on your couch chunking nutella until your fabulous life arrives. Kim wins, you lose, but who is really the winner? Nope, still Kim.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Kylie Jenner A Chip Off the Old Titty Block

By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Kylie Jenner Wears Bra Top While She Launches Her New Hair Extension Line In LA
If you’re going for the passed around the reef mermaid look, you could do worse than Kylie Jenner’s new hair extension line. Kylie stood next to her sister Kim with every indicator of a twinsies moment save for Kylie hoisting a Cali license plate I2WHORE. Outside of cancer patients and background dancers for Christina Aguilera, I’m not sure why hair extensions exist. I understand tit jobs, but I’m not sure many rich dudes are looking at artificial hair and thinking, fuck, I’d like to empty my back account for that long tressed babe. If only Kylie had stuck with school past the seventh grade. She could at least have a working knowledge of how her mother was misappropriating her paychecks.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Kim Kardashian Naked and Unpaid, What the Fuck Happened to America?

By Matt November 12, 2014 @ 11:01 PM


Kim Kardashian was not paid for her Charlie McCarthy like like full frontal cover shoot for Paper Magazine since Paper Magazine is not a legitimate magazine and does not have the money to pay their cover models. Hence their willingness to put a lubed up silicon injected case of steatopygia on their cover. The New Yorker and Buttman passed because they have standards. Paper Magazine would gladly slap James Franco humping a Fleshlight on their cover if his agent called. Anything to get over the hump toward becoming a legitimate publication.

Kim’s look at me now grand Shopped up titty extravaganza is some kind of wonderful. Or horrible, until you imagine calling her names while pulling her genie hair then it goes back to wonderful. Try to imagine how disappointed sperm is when it finds out who you were looking at when you made it. I’m crying too.

Photo Credit: Paper Magazine

Kim Kardashian Nude, It’s Exactly As You Didn’t Imagine

By Lex November 12, 2014 @ 9:14 AM

Kim Kardashian Poses Nude For Paper Magazine
I could read the part where Kim Kardashian is such a self-aware laugh riot who felt emboldened and liberated by having her Photoshopped bare ass appear in a New York rag, but in homage to Kim, I’m pretending reading is boring and hurts my head. Also, it saved me two minutes to which I applied my Learning Annex intro to Photoshop skills of my own. A little nip here, a tuck there, and suddenly you have the perfect embodiment of rapper trash toy. I know Kim isn’t wounded by any of the vitriol lobbed against her. There’s something admirable about that. It also means we all need to try a little harder.

Photo Credit: Paper Magazine


Kim Kardashian’s Kid Trying to Tell Us Something

By Lex November 11, 2014 @ 10:40 AM

Kim Kardashian Holds Hand Bag With North Wests Bloody Hand Print On It
I’m no psychologist, but I once got paid two hundred bucks for a grad student to ask me an alarmingly large number of questions about sexual attraction to inanimate objects. This $10K Hermes handbag the Belgian nannies forced North West to paint for her mom’s birthday isn’t just the random machinations of a toddler. There’s something dangerous ruminating in that imprisoned brain of the first daughter-whore. Note the bloody handprint surrounded by the more colorful splashes of sapphire and yellow. Like the rising hand of so many aborted older sisters and brothers she will never know. Suffering, marked with the sprinkling of hope. Redrum, Danny. Somebody copter in and save that baby before the next moon.

Photo Credit: INF