I Know When the Omen Child Will Be Birthed — Do You Know Her Name? It’s Worth 500 Clams

By Lex June 11, 2013 @ 2:28 PM

UPDATE 6/11/13: My gynecological claravoyance remains on tract. Baby’s coming in less than two weeks. Don’t forget to put a name to the demon spawn and win yourself that $500 gift card.

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I have it on pretty crappy authority that the next Kardashian bastard baby is coming earlier than expected. Most media reports have the triple-6 child coming in July. I heard June. June 23. So I made a countdown clock to celebrate. It’s right over there ===>

Here’s your chance to win a $500 Amazon Gift Card. Name the child that will be the manner of worldly destruction. Add a middle name as a potential tie breaker.

Tweet your first name and middle name answer to @DurdenShat. Try to follow so it’s not a pain in the ass to find you when you win. Contest ends when the demon seed plummets out of Kim’s gaping moneymaker, so don’t dawdle.

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. Begins on or about 6/5/13 & ends when the future  succubus is born. Open to legal residents of the US & DC (excl. AK, HI, PR & all US territories), who are at least 21 yrs old. AK, HI, PR, all US territories & where restricted or prohibited by law.  Sponsor: SPINMEDIA.

Kim Kardashian To Be All Alone When Her Baby Pops Out!

By Lex June 10, 2013 @ 5:54 PM

With just 12 days left until her demon seeds bursts across her uterine River Styx, Kim Kardashian is frightened to learn she’ll be all alone in the delivery room. And, by all alone, she is discounting her mom, her two hag full sisters, her personal secretary, her hair and makeup, her social media rep, a camera crew of four from E!, a photographer and his assistant from People magazine, the extensive medical team, and the private security stationed just outside the door to make sure only paying customers get to peek. So, alone except for the 20-25 other people. But I think she means Kanye won’t be there. Yeah, that’s not happening. Something to think about next time you allow your rapper boyfriend to shimmy shake from stink to pink. Still, Kim is trying to stay positive and maternal and focus on all the money this baby means.

Kris Jenner’s Talk Show Still Looks Awful (VIDEO)

By Travis June 07, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Long before reality TV shows became the perfect way for people with absolutely no talent to pretend like they were celebrities, networks handed out talk shows to keep semi-relevant people like Magic Johnson and Chevy Chase in the spotlight. Meanwhile, people with actual talent, like Oprah and Ellen, realized daytime talk shows could easily entertain the stay-at-home idiots and make them a ton of money. So it makes perfect sense that someone as talentless and greedy as Kris Jenner would think that she could host a daytime TV show as well.

Debuting on July 15, the Kris Jenner Show has a new promo out, and it’s pretty obvious that this show is just going to be another hour of the Kardashians pimping whatever horrible project they’re working on next. Eventually, Kris won’t even be able to get Kim Kardashian on the show and each episode will feature her screaming at Kylie and Kendall to look sexier.

Kim Kardashian In Pregnant, Armless Statue Form

By Travis June 06, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Sculptor Daniel Edwards is famous for his controversial nude celebrity statues, from pregnant Britney Spears presenting herself on a bear skin rug to bronzed Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez with their pet goose, and now he’s added to the collection with a statue of nude, pregnant Kim Kardashian, complete with a large belly, huge ass and puffy areola. It’s really the perfect thing for anyone who wants to see Kim naked but without Ray J riding doggy style.

The statue went on display at the LAB Art Gallery in Los Angeles yesterday, and people were allowed to rub the belly for good luck. One day, this statue could even find its way into the Louvre, where the Venus de Milo will be overheard saying, “Keep that talentless bitch away from me.”

(Photo Credits: WENN.com)

Bruce Jenner: I’ve Only Met Kanye West One Time

By Lex June 03, 2013 @ 2:39 PM

“Actually, I’ve only met him once. He’s never … he’s not around. He was in Paris the whole time writing and he just hasn’t been around,”  – Bruce Jenner to Extra.

And here’s that time. At the X-Factor watching Khloe Kardashian monotone her teleprompter lines in a dress that barely contained her winter thermal layer. Just look at Kanye. He looks like he can’t wait to join the Kardashian family ‘nobody fucking eat, we’re all fat’ picnics and cash counting overnighters. Kanye may be a heavily affected douche, but no man is immune to a thorough examination of the family he’s boning into and Kanye isn’t going to be playing that shit. Banging the snot out of a fame whore with a whooty he’d had a longing for in his nutsack, yes. Going emergency diaper shopping in preppy wear with Scott Disick for an E! reality show segment, don’t count on it. I wouldn’t let Kanye bathe that baby unsupervised. He may be that practical.

Kardashian Baby Shower Cupcake Exclusive: Chocolate and Vanilla

By Lex June 03, 2013 @ 12:04 PM

No, I’m not fucking kidding. This is an exclusive photo of the cupcakes The Kardashians gave away to all the well-wishers who came to genuflect before the future born scourge of the six or seven continents. Chocolate and vanilla side by side, as it is in Kim’s bed, so too is it on her cupcakes. And a pink ‘K’ as the couple revealed to their friends, by way of a pre-announcement publicity deal with E!, that they’re having a girl bastard. Kris Jenner is said to be over the moon. And she should be. Kardashian boys are a big fucking financial letdown. Do you really want another Rob in the family? Eats but doesn’t earn. No, sir. Give Kris a girl and some rather unevenly enforced age of consent statutes and she can turn a buck with the best of them.

Here’s the Kardashian hag sisters, Nene Leakes, Maria Menounos and some others who entered the coven over the weekend.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INF, PCN