Kanye West Will Appear On The Kris Jenner Show

By Travis August 20, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

One of the only redeeming qualities that Kanye West has had is the fact that he seems like he despises Kris Jenner, which is hilarious because she tries so hard to make everyone believe that her life and family are perfect, and she totally doesn’t look at her daughters and grandkids and see them as piles of cash. But fuck that remaining shred of Kanye’s humanity, because he recorded an interview for The Kris Jenner Show yesterday that will air on Friday.

According to the Daily Mail, Kanye joked that he was so in love with Kim Kardashian that he considered becoming an athlete, and people laughed because his baby’s mother used to date Reggie Bush and Miles Austin, and she was married to the chromosome-deficient Kris Humphries. And what better way to say you love someone than by making jokes about all the people she’s had sex with in front of her own mother and the 16 people who watch her show?

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Kim Kardashian Sticks Out Her Tongue and Says ‘Ah… I’m Still Fucking Here’

By Lex August 08, 2013 @ 11:38 AM

Kim Kardashian isn’t going to show herself until she loses some of the twenty stones she put on in baby weight carrying her first bastard baby ever to full term. So, like March, 2017. But staying out of the public eye hasn’t been easy for Kim. So, she went on Keek to show off her heavily made up face and stick out her tongue causing four different central African tribal princes to ejaculate in their cloths. Another 500,000 people checked her out on social media. Because she’s Kim Kardashian. She attracts both stupid and cash at startling rates.

Kim Kardashian Starting a Baby Clothing Line

By Lex August 06, 2013 @ 3:15 PM

While some people see births and marriages and divorces and death as stressful life cycle events, the Kardashians see these are money making opportunities. No sooner has Kim delivered her bastard baby that she’s announced plans to get together with her fashion buddies and start a fashion line for babies.

“It is very cute to design for babies. [It would be] soft colors, pastels, something very dreamy and still trendy,” said Kim’s designer friend Lloyd Klein, trying to sound gayer than any gay man ever before him.

This baby clothing line will be pretentious and stupid and baseless and Kim will make millions from it. Because that’s how nature takes money from dumb people and transfers it to people who are just as dumb but far more ambitious.

Kim Kardashian Pisses Off Facebook With Fake Baby Pic

By Jack August 02, 2013 @ 1:33 PM

Kim Kardashian pulled a fast one on her Facebook friends by posting a picture of her holding a baby that was not North West. The baby she’s carrying in sister Kourtney’s son Mason, but honestly, who gives a shit about him. He’s not North West, the Yessiah. Kim’s Facebook friends left 3500 comments full of ire over this bullshit game of psyching people out with pics of her womb ferret. Her mom posted a similar fake baby North pic a few weeks ago. No one is going to see that baby until Kim and Kanye find the outlet willing to pay them small nation GDP products.

Everything Kim and Kanye do is geared towards squeezing out the most money possible, even with their kid. Do you think it’s an accident that Kanye’s shitty new album was “leaked” the day before the kid was born? All of these fake baby pics are meant to increase demand for real pictures of North West. If you raise demand you also increase what you can charge. They are price gouging their baby.

(Picture from Kim Kardashian’s Facebook Page)

Kim And Kanye Don’t Want People To Think They Are In The KKK

By Jack July 29, 2013 @ 11:33 AM

We’ve all had fun laughing at Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for naming their bastard daughter North West. But it’s not like the Kardashian family is new to naming their kids something stupid. Every member of that brood has a name that begins with the letter K. So, why didn’t they name this future reality show exploited child with a K name? Because Kim was afraid of people mistaking their brood for the KKK. As in, the Ku Klux Klan. In an upcoming episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, scholarly Kim explains to her shiftless brother Brody that “Our kid, if it’s a K, then they’ll call us the KKK.” Kim Kanye and Baby K.

I’d like to build a logic tree depicting Kim and Kanye’s thinking through on this one. They couldn’t just avoid the ‘K’ name because it’s a stupid ass tradition designed in Hades by the puppet master Kris Jenner? It had to be because of some illogical and completely unsubstantiated fear of being a family of color who people might believe are sending secret Klan signals? And your backup plan is to give the kid a stupid fucking directional name that actually will haunt them forever? Abort.

Kim Kardashian Wanted to Apologize to Kris Humphreys on Skype

By Lex July 26, 2013 @ 3:30 PM

Word is out that Kim Kardashian felt heartsick that Kris Humphreys never believed she loved him and that their wedding was just a financial scam for reality TV. So she wanted to set up a Skype chat with Kris to apologize to him, make it right, and let him know she really did love him for all seventy-two days of their marriage. Well, maybe like the first sixty before the People magazine check cleared and she secretly schemed to file divorce papers. Kris was apparently considering talking to Kim, until he realized she wanted to air the Skype chat on The Kardashians reality show. You know, to maybe help other couples in similar multimillion dollar wedding-scam Skype apology situations. Kris Humphreys is a stupid man, but he’s not a really really stupid man. So he told Kim to take a hike. And Kim was left to feign distraught solo over her divorce for the reality crew cameras. I know it’s not nice to call a new mother a callous fame-seeking lying whore. So I won’t.