Kris Jenner used to beat Kim Kardashian

By brendon January 24, 2013 @ 4:53 PM

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In handwritten diaries by the late Robert Kardashian, father of at least Kim and Kourtney Kardashian, he wrote that his ex wife Kris Jenner would physically abuse and threaten her children, which in hindsight really does seem like something Kris Jenner would do.

In the journal entries, dated throughout 1989 and 1990, Robert paints a heartbreaking childhood portrait of Kim, Kourtney and Khloé and a damning picture of mom Kris Jenner.
“Kris was kicking and beating her and said she was going to kill [Kim]!” Robert claimed in his diary on Aug. 24, 1989. “Kim was hysterical.”

So far there’s no reason to doubt the authenticity of the diaries and since these were never intended to go public there’s no rational explanation for why he would lie. Another interesting note is that if you check Kris Jenners diary from August 24, 1989, it says, “had to teach Kim a lesson today. Bet she won’t even think about dating a black guy again.”

(source = intouch)

Kim Kardashian is working out to not gain weight while pregnant.

By brendon January 17, 2013 @ 3:10 PM

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Kim Kardashian has been eating for two lately, which is a statement that could have been made at any point during the past 5 years. But now she’s actually pregnant, and eating even more than usual, then working out really hard so she doesn’t gain weight because she clearly has no idea how pregnancy works. Hollywood Life says…

“She is just craving so many sweets now, like pies and ice cream. She is working out a lot because she doesn’t want to turn into a pregnant blimp!”

You can really tell that the source for this is another Kardashian because they’re the only ones dumb enough to name something really light (a blimp) as an example of something really heavy. “She’s getting big as a mouse, I tell ya!”

Kim Kardashian wont sell pictures of her baby (except for more money)

By brendon January 08, 2013 @ 3:09 PM

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It was very much out of character when Kim Kardashian reportedly turned down 3 million dollars for the first pictures of the baby she’s having with Kanye West, but very much in character now that it seems she did so because she’s holding out for more money.

…the longer they wait the better, because Kris Jenner has it all under control!
”Kris instructed Kim and Kanye to NOT sell photos of their baby for a mere $3 million! Kris thinks they could get double the amount.”

Yeah ok. Making every dime she can off what should be a private moment seems more like the Kardashians. Another good idea would be to televise her next gynecological exam on an episode of ‘Dirty Jobs’.

suck it in Kim Kardashian

By brendon December 13, 2012 @ 6:01 PM

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Kim Kardashian walked around Miami today in a shirt so short and a skirt so tight that it pushed her fat out as if she were a stress ball, which is maybe not the kind of thing you should wear if you’re a mean selfish bitch that people are just aching to make fun of.

(image source of kim in miami today = fame/flynet, inf)

Kim Kardashian took pictures at the Marine Corps Ball, then left

By brendon November 16, 2012 @ 6:36 PM

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Some people were impressed when Kim Kardashian agreed to go with Sgt. Martin Gardner as his date to the 10th annual Marine Corps Ball in North Carolina last night, but those people are idiots because (unlike when Mila Kunis went) it was a completely selfish act for publicity. Kim only went to have pictures taken. According to the photo agency, these pictures were taken at 7:01, and she was gone by 9:04.

Even Justin Timberlake managed to do this right and he’s a complete douche. Not only that but Kim didn’t even tell the guy she was leaving, she just went to the bathroom and crawled out the window. If I were that guy Kanye would be getting some stubby Armenian fingers in the mail right now.

Kim Kardashian is husky Catwoman, Kanye is Alpine Batman

By brendon November 01, 2012 @ 1:27 PM

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In the comics and movies, Catwoman is basically a gymnast who knows how to kick and punch people and she sneaks around stealing stuff in the sexiest way possible.

At Kim Kardashians Halloween party in Miami last night, Catwoman was a 200 pound lump whose only superpower is her ability to turn a penis red and flaky. Your mask is useless against that, Germaphobic Batman.

(image source = inf, splash)