Someday, when Kanye West leafs through the trampled heap of megalomania and poor decision making that ultimately shaped his life, he’ll remember that time he got Kim Kardashian naked and riding on his lap atop a motorcycle in one of his shitty music videos. He’ll smile knowing that for one shining moment, he was on top of his game. He was the crowned king Yeezus. Then the sadistic asylum guards will toss a backless surgical gown into Kanye’s room signaling that the daily humblings are about to begin.
Kim Kardashian took her newly 18-year old sister Kendall Jenner out for a little fun in New York City last night, and in case you were wondering if Kim feels threatened at all by the fact that Kendall is younger, more attractive and probably far more popular among the world’s perverts that have made this family powerful, she doesn’t. It’s probably only a coincidence that while enjoying a simple, nice evening with family, Kim wore a dress that made it impossible for even blind people to not stare at her giant mom breasts. It would have only been suspicious if Kris Jenner had built a tiny golden throne for herself and had it surgically implanted between Kim’s massive tits. Otherwise, this is a nonstory.
Photo Credits: Getty
Now that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have done so well in ruining the future of America by teaching kids that all they need to do to get famous is ride coattails or make shitty, lazy sex tapes, the rapper has taken his game to the Ivy League. Kanye spoke at Harvard yesterday as part of his DONDA Design Lecture Series, and if his lectures are anything like any of the other times that he speaks, I imagine the students and people in attendance left the room far more confused than they were an hour before. Naturally, Kim boasted about the event on Instagram, because I assume she thinks that just by speaking at Harvard, Kanye received a degree, and knowing how little a college degree is worth these days, she’s probably right.
Photo Credit: Virgil Abloh’s Instagram
I’m not sure when the International Seamstress Awards are, but somebody needs to win the Golden Singer for figuring out how to pack Kim Kardashian’s ass into this skirt without splitting it asunder. It’s like watching a cat wiggle through an impossibly tiny hole, if that cat had an enormous fat ass filled with Kanye spooge. I’m not sure what Kim was thinking bringing out her Level 5 Kaiju in public, but I suppose it was something along the lines of ‘I want attention, I have no talent… hey, I know what I can do.’
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, INFphoto.com, Splash
Family brothel operator Kris Jenner opened up to Joan Rivers about Kim Kardashian’s sex tape on the In Bed With Joan web show. Crypt Keeper Joan Rivers asked Kris how it felt to see her little girl get fucked and pissed on by Ray J. Not good apparently. Kris says she “fell apart” when the sex tape went public:
“I cried myself to sleep. I don’t think anything can prepare you for something like that when it comes to your daughter. I had to go into a room and cry for a couple days and say, ‘okay, pull yourself to–fucking–gether because you have to be here for all these kids and your family, and you have to show them as an example how to get through this.’”
Um, bullshit. It’s long been rumored that the of making a sex tape or the releasing of the sex tape was all Kris Jenner’s idea. As Kim’s manager she figured it was an easy way to launch the talentless whorebag to stardom. The sad thing is that she was right. If the world hadn’t seen that tape then no one would give a shit about who Kris Jenner or Kim Kardashian are. The day man invents a time machine, I expect erasing that moment in history to be one of the first tasks we all agree has to get done first.
Kris Jenner is the Energizer bunny of pimping out her kids. With all the negative news surrounding the family of late, divorces, illegitimate kids, all the buried babies yet to be washed up during the first winter rain, Kris grabbed her female children, some revealing dresses, and got everybody out to the beach to show off some titty. Of age, barely legal, fat and gunky, underaged, it did not matter. Just get the sun glare and the soft lenses working, the girls in some skin baring outfits, and start snapping away. And it’s all perfectly legal. She’s like the most dangerous Batman villain yet.
Photo Credit: The Kardashians/Instagram