By Lex October 25, 2013 @ 1:56 PM
In case you forgot, Kanye gave Kim a fifteen carat ring at a rented out AT&T Park the other night to symbolize his limitless love for making ass-babies with her. The proposal was captured on videotape so it could be projected in Al Quaeda recruiting sessions overseas showing why America is the Great Satan. If all you knew of America as a street urchin in Yemen was Katy Perry bootleg CDs and watching Kris Jenner finger her abacus to determine how much money Kim’s third wedding was going to net the family, you’d probably get into the shoe bomb volunteer line as well.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, WENN
By Jack October 23, 2013 @ 12:21 PM
According to sources near Kanye West he does not want to get a prenup before marrying Kim Kardashian. It seems that in the delirium of love that he feels for that big assed schemer, he’s choosing to ignore the wise prenup advice in his own song, Gold Digger.
“Kanye’s in love with Kim to the point of infatuation. It’s scary because the love is so powerful, Kanye doesn’t even want to have a prenup. He thinks it’s tacky and he doesn’t want to offend Kim or make anything seem awkward. He loves Kim too much for that to even cross his mind. He thinks of his money and his accomplishments and hers and he wants to share them with her — no strings attached.”
If this is true, Kanye is stupider than I thought. He is worth at least two and a half times what she is. Kim is only 33 years old and has already been divorced twice, the last time after a quickie sham wedding and a brutally ugly legal proceeding that followed. Does Kanye think he’s going to make her an honest woman? Good luck with that. He’s got a baby already which ties him in financial for life, why throw in a community property marriage? There is an old Cuban saying that my grandmother would kick out every now and then, “Why buy the whole hog when all you want is a little sausage?” Kanye is about to buy the whole hog.
(Photo Via Daily Mail)
By Travis October 22, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Kim Kardashian celebrated her 33rd birthday yesterday just like any of us would, as she attended a party thrown in her honor at AT&T Park in San Francisco, which had been completely rented out by her boyfriend Kanye West for the evening. Kanye actually started the night off by honoring 12 Years a Slave director Steve McQueen at the Hollywood Film Awards, but he made it back in time to not only celebrate Kim’s birthday, but finally propose to her in front of her whole family. This is bad news, of course, for anyone who wagered money on this relationship being a sham, created solely for the purpose of giving Kim a child to exploit and Kanye enough attention for his recent album and upcoming tour.
But if your money is on a hilariously ugly divorce that costs them and the state of California millions and ruins a young child’s life, I’d say you’re in the driver’s seat right now.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Jack October 17, 2013 @ 1:41 PM
Kim Kardashian won’t be getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame anytime in the near future. That’s because the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, who decides who gets a star, says that her big ass isn’t eligible for immortality. Why? Because she’s a fucking reality star, that’s why! They don’t deserve to be on the same sidewalk with Marlon Brando or Meryl Streep, or, you know, Ryan Seacrest, who at least has an Emmy or something for acting straight. Hollywood Chamber of Commerce spokesman Ana Martinez explained why Kim isn’t getting a star by stating that,
“”We don’t have reality stars on the Walk of Fame. We’re happy to consider reality stars once they get nominated for, or win, an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar. We’ll consider them when they’re legitimate actors or singers.”
Yeah, let’s wait on that. Kanye, of course, thinks this is unfair and told Jimmy Kimmel he thinks Kim shouldn’t be excluded because she’s only famous for being on a shitty reality show or getting pissed on in a sex tape. The other issue is that someone has to nominate her in order to receive the accolade. No one has ever done that for Kim, as Ana Martinez said,
“I hate to say it, but a lot of people just don’t like like her. No one has ever nominated her.”
I’m guessing she didn’t really hate to say that or she wouldn’t have added that part about a lot of people not liking Kim. Lassie and Donald Duck both have stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and they are a fucking dog and a cartoon duck. But, then again, they are better actors and are more real than Kim Kardashian.
By Travis October 17, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
By the time that North West is old enough to be exploited for her gender and not just her youthful innocence, social media will probably have advanced far beyond the Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. that we know today. But someone will eventually explain to North that her mother, Kim Kardashian, rose to fame by recording herself having sex with Ray J and posting “sexy” pictures of herself online, like this one that she posted yesterday. The most shocking element of this photo is probably that North isn’t actually in the picture, but I’m sure that’s because she was probably on the roof playing with knives for Kris Jenner’s new reality series pitch.
Photo Credit: Kim Kardashian’s Instagram
By Jack October 16, 2013 @ 1:31 PM
Kris Humphires decided to unload the diamond ring he once gave Kim Kardashian for their fake TV marriage. The 16-karat ring was sold at Christie’s auction house for $749,000 to a mysterious buyer calling in a phone bid. My guess is that it was Kanye. He’s going to set the diamond in the tip of a big dildo and bang naughty groupies with it while relaying the story about how he stole Kim Kardashian away from her husband
Magazines for women are writing about how the auction closing is helping Kris Humphries to finally close the Kim Kardashian chapter of his life, but Lee Hutton, Kris’ lawyer, says he got over her long ago:
“I’m not sure if the ring or its sale helps with the process of moving on. I think he moved on long before the ring was even put into the auction. Kris, being an athlete, is getting ready for an upcoming seasons and ready for life’s lessons as they come along. This whole process was humbling but maturing.”
Great point, Lee Hutton. Sometimes it takes a fraudulent marriage to a duplicitous whore to build yourself into a stronger man. It does seem to be a common past of many great athletes, so perhaps there is something to this.