Kim Kardashian Nearly Shows Off Her Baby’s Head

By Lex May 30, 2013 @ 12:12 PM

The more you can see Kim’s vagina, the more she smiles and waves. It’s just an automatic response programmed into her at the Japanese factory. Stick a finger in that thing and her voice box lets out a synthesized squeak. If you insert cash into her cleavage slot, the squeaks get louder. Pretty sophisticated animatronics.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

How Does A Kardashian Porn Parody Work?

By Travis May 28, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Kiara Mia (above left) is the star of such porn classics as Shrimp Fried Pussy, Couples Bang the Babysitter 8, Bra Busters 4, Mama’s Got Big Boobies, Tit-illation, Oil Overload 8 and, of course, A Love Story. But at age 36, Kiara is looking to expand her repertoire from adult film actress with enormous tits to adult film director with enormous tits, and she’ll make her debut behind the camera in a porn parody of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, according to TMZ.

How exactly do you make a porn parody of a family that is only famous because of a really crappy amateur porn film? I’m sure it’s not difficult. After all, the adult film industry is making porn parodies of absolutely everything these days. In fact, there will probably be a porn parody of this porn parody before it is even finished.

Or maybe life is one giant porn parody and we’re all just extras. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so thought-provoking this morning.

(Photo Credits: Kiara Mia’s Facebook)

Kanye West Still Thinks He’s Jesus

By Travis May 21, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Back in 2006, Kanye West declared that he should be featured in the Bible because he believed that he could tell stories in a way that would make kids want to learn about them, and because he had “changed the sound of music”. That same year, he also appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone wearing a crown of thorns. And yesterday, Kanye’s girlfriend Kim Kardashian posted a picture of his new album to Instagram and confirmed the long-running rumor that he had entitled it “Yeezus”.

All of this is fun to recap because just last Wednesday, Kanye performed at the Adult Swim upfronts and asked the crowd in one of his classic rants, “At what point did I become un-human where I had to turn myself back?” And I just hope that someone yelled back, “Are you fucking serious?”

Kim Kardashian’s Ankle Hams Don’t Fit In Heels

By Jack May 17, 2013 @ 1:00 PM

Kim Kardashian Pregnant With Swollen Feet In Los Angeles

Kim Kardashian continued her quest to accentuate just how fat she’s gotten by wearing a pair of ridiculously tight heels. She complained to her paid friends that her swollen feet hurt after she somehow managed to shove her puffed up pregger hooves into a pair of Givenchy heels in defiance of physics and God’s will. She was also wearing a white dress that was so tight I think I saw the baby’s face.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

How Come Kim Looks Fatter In Candids?

By Lex May 13, 2013 @ 4:20 PM

Kim Kardashian Big And Pregnant In Black Lace In Los Angeles
It’s amazing how dishonest candid photos can be. Unlike carefully contracted magazine covers and pre-approved Twitpics which utilize the scientific rigor of lighting and mirrors and angles and post-production to really capture the true subject, candid photos simply lie. For instance, these candid photos of Kim Kardashian waddling around like Dan Devito’s Penguin. You call this fat? Well, yeah, but it’s all sorcery and black magic. Refer to the Kris Jenner approved image library of pregnant Kim to see just how far off these candid snapshots are from reality.

Photo Credit: PCN

Kim Is Not Fat! Stop Calling Her Fat!!!

By Lex May 09, 2013 @ 12:21 PM

In your face. In your damn face. How dare you call Kim fat when clearly, judging by this carefully manufactured and highly paid for US Weekly photo interview, she is merely an average girthed pregnant woman. She’s almost not big enough. In fact, she looks pretty skinny. Oh, shit, Kim Kardashian is a pregnant anorexic bulimic piss-chugging fame whore with psoriasis. Red alert, Kim’s public relations team. Red fucking alert.