Kardashian Baby Arrives, Just as Was Foretold

By Lex June 16, 2013 @ 12:13 AM

I can tell you now that a well-placed source within the Kardashian camp, let’s call her, Whore X, clued me into the fact that this baby wasn’t coming in mid-July. That was a shady ruse designed to deke the press, at least the ones who didn’t pay seven figures exclusive coverage deals. Since nobody listened to Father Brennan once again, the devil baby is upon us. What shall be our end times? Brimstone? Locusts? A Keeping Up With the Kardashian Bastard Babies spinoff? The only person truly happy with the birth news was Kanye, and that’s because he was getting his knob polished by a girl with low self esteem backstage at his concert as Kim was kegeling out little Damiena.

Kanye Denies Cheating; Kim Kardashian Strips Off Her Makeup

By Lex June 12, 2013 @ 1:58 PM

Kim Kardashian Makeup Free While Filming The Kardashians In Malibu
If you weren’t sure that Kanye West did not cheat on Kim Kardashian, now you can be sure:

This most recent attack on Kanye West and his family is totally without merit. It’s a blatant attempt by a misguided individual who is clearly seeking publicity, and another in a series of malicious stories drummed up by non-credible ‘news’ sources.
— a public relations rep for Kanye West told TMZ.com

How much more raw emotion and honesty do you need in a denial? And you’re just reading this. Imagine hearing it read aloud by the P.R. rep. Powerful, powerful stuff.

For her part, Kim stripped herself of all makeup on the set of her real life real show. That ought to make Kanye bone other women less.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Leyla Ghobadi Claims She Slept With Kanye

By Travis June 12, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

This may blow your minds, like actually make your heads explode in complete shock, but a model that nobody has heard of is claiming that she slept with someone famous. In this case, Canadian model Leyla Ghobadi recently told Star Magazine that she had sex with Kanye West during Kim Kardashian’s neverending pregnancy.

Leyla claims that Kanye spotted her in the crowd at one of his shows and had his team find her and bring her backstage so they could meet. After some hesitation on her part, Leyla claims she eventually hooked up with the rapper after he assured her that his relationship with Kim was just a publicity stunt, according to the New York Post.

But Leyla, angel that she is, claimed she’s coming forward now because if she was pregnant like Kim, she’d want to know, even though she thinks this might “destroy the Kardashian family”, in which case – you’re a god damned hero, Miss Ghobadi.

I Know When the Omen Child Will Be Birthed — Do You Know Her Name? It’s Worth 500 Clams

By Lex June 11, 2013 @ 2:28 PM

UPDATE 6/11/13: My gynecological claravoyance remains on tract. Baby’s coming in less than two weeks. Don’t forget to put a name to the demon spawn and win yourself that $500 gift card.

- – - – - – - – - – -

I have it on pretty crappy authority that the next Kardashian bastard baby is coming earlier than expected. Most media reports have the triple-6 child coming in July. I heard June. June 23. So I made a countdown clock to celebrate. It’s right over there ===>

Here’s your chance to win a $500 Amazon Gift Card. Name the child that will be the manner of worldly destruction. Add a middle name as a potential tie breaker.

Tweet your first name and middle name answer to @DurdenShat. Try to follow so it’s not a pain in the ass to find you when you win. Contest ends when the demon seed plummets out of Kim’s gaping moneymaker, so don’t dawdle.

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. Begins on or about 6/5/13 & ends when the future  succubus is born. Open to legal residents of the US & DC (excl. AK, HI, PR & all US territories), who are at least 21 yrs old. AK, HI, PR, all US territories & where restricted or prohibited by law.  Sponsor: SPINMEDIA.

Kim Kardashian To Be All Alone When Her Baby Pops Out!

By Lex June 10, 2013 @ 5:54 PM

With just 12 days left until her demon seeds bursts across her uterine River Styx, Kim Kardashian is frightened to learn she’ll be all alone in the delivery room. And, by all alone, she is discounting her mom, her two hag full sisters, her personal secretary, her hair and makeup, her social media rep, a camera crew of four from E!, a photographer and his assistant from People magazine, the extensive medical team, and the private security stationed just outside the door to make sure only paying customers get to peek. So, alone except for the 20-25 other people. But I think she means Kanye won’t be there. Yeah, that’s not happening. Something to think about next time you allow your rapper boyfriend to shimmy shake from stink to pink. Still, Kim is trying to stay positive and maternal and focus on all the money this baby means.

Kris Jenner’s Talk Show Still Looks Awful (VIDEO)

By Travis June 07, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Long before reality TV shows became the perfect way for people with absolutely no talent to pretend like they were celebrities, networks handed out talk shows to keep semi-relevant people like Magic Johnson and Chevy Chase in the spotlight. Meanwhile, people with actual talent, like Oprah and Ellen, realized daytime talk shows could easily entertain the stay-at-home idiots and make them a ton of money. So it makes perfect sense that someone as talentless and greedy as Kris Jenner would think that she could host a daytime TV show as well.

Debuting on July 15, the Kris Jenner Show has a new promo out, and it’s pretty obvious that this show is just going to be another hour of the Kardashians pimping whatever horrible project they’re working on next. Eventually, Kris won’t even be able to get Kim Kardashian on the show and each episode will feature her screaming at Kylie and Kendall to look sexier.