Kanye makes Kim pump the gas

By brendon July 10, 2012 @ 12:40 PM

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KNOW YOUR PLACE, FATTY!

(image source of kanye and kim and his black lamborghini = fame/flynet)

Kim Kardashian could use some makeup

By brendon July 09, 2012 @ 4:06 PM

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Kim Kardashian went to a tanning salon in Studio City yesterday, and either she’s not doing it right or she’s in a kabuki play or she was bitten by a vampire because she went in tan and came out looking ghostly white.

Let’s just go with vampire bite because staking her in the heart is maybe not the worst idea in the world anyway.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Kanye really wants to marry Kim Kardashian. Still.

By brendon June 12, 2012 @ 4:10 PM

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An unnamed source (Kris Jenner) tells Us magazine that Kanye West is completely in love with Kim Kardashian and wants to marry her, just in case you forgot when an unnamed source told Us magazine the same thing 6 weeks ago.

“They’re seriously talking marriage. And yes, she would [accept his proposal].”
But tying the knot isn’t the only thing on (his) mind.
“Kanye says he can’t wait to see her carrying his child,” a source revealed. “He says she will look beautiful pregnant.”

Oh ok. So Kris Jenners’ new planted media story adds that Kanye wants to get Kim pregnant, but also says “they’re seriously talking marriage”, whereas before they were “very serious” and “talking marriage.” The space between the quotes last time really threw me off. What am I, a fucking mind reader?

Kim Kardashian is in Esquire

By brendon June 08, 2012 @ 6:10 PM

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Kim Kardashian is in the Mexican edition of Esquire this month, and even though I don’t speak Spanish it was full of surprising revelations. Specifically that she can lie back in water. Her ass is so big I assumed the buoyancy would keep her completely upright, bobbing up and down like a buoy in the ocean. This might be some kind of special effect they’re using.

Kim Kardashian is too fat for her dress

By brendon June 07, 2012 @ 4:10 PM

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Kim Kardashian was backstage at the Jimmy Kimmel show yesterday when she tweeted this picture showing that the zipper on her dress had broken. And do you know what kind of people have zippers break?

“About to do Jimmy Kimmel & my whole dress rips! Help!!! Time to sew me in…praying this works.”

Wait, why do we have to help? Don’t put this on us just because you can’t accept your dress size. That poor zipper never had a chance. She needed one of those industrial grade steel zippers like on tarps when they have to contain some kind of radiation.

(image source = pacific coast)

Kanye is canceling shows to hang out with Kim Kardashian

By brendon May 29, 2012 @ 3:01 PM

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Kanye West was in Cannes last week for the debut of his short film “Cruel Summer” on Wednesday, and the plan was for him to promote it by performing at the after party. Unfortunately he also brought Kim Kardashian to Cannes, and if she goes too long without food she get’s pissed, so instead of doing that he went to dinner with her.

The New York Daily News says…

West was supposed to join the star of his picture, Kid Cudi, for a “surprise performance” at the Provocateur nightclub.
Cudi did end up performing to a crowd that included Jay-Z (who was also at the screening), but (Kanye and Kardashian) made a brief appearance, then ducked out early for some quality time with each other.

So are they claiming that a musician went and got laid instead of working? Where, on Earth2? This is the first I’ve ever heard of such behavior.

(image source = fame/flynet)