Kim Kardashian continued her quest to accentuate just how fat she’s gotten by wearing a pair of ridiculously tight heels. She complained to her paid friends that her swollen feet hurt after she somehow managed to shove her puffed up pregger hooves into a pair of Givenchy heels in defiance of physics and God’s will. She was also wearing a white dress that was so tight I think I saw the baby’s face.
It’s amazing how dishonest candid photos can be. Unlike carefully contracted magazine covers and pre-approved Twitpics which utilize the scientific rigor of lighting and mirrors and angles and post-production to really capture the true subject, candid photos simply lie. For instance, these candid photos of Kim Kardashian waddling around like Dan Devito’s Penguin. You call this fat? Well, yeah, but it’s all sorcery and black magic. Refer to the Kris Jenner approved image library of pregnant Kim to see just how far off these candid snapshots are from reality.
In your face. In your damn face. How dare you call Kim fat when clearly, judging by this carefully manufactured and highly paid for US Weekly photo interview, she is merely an average girthed pregnant woman. She’s almost not big enough. In fact, she looks pretty skinny. Oh, shit, Kim Kardashian is a pregnant anorexic bulimic piss-chugging fame whore with psoriasis. Red alert, Kim’s public relations team. Red fucking alert.
Ever since Kim Kardashian spread her way into the A-list social circle of Kanye West and Jay Z, it has been rumored that Beyoncé wants nothing to do with her. The reason, of course, would be that Beyoncé is a very talented pop superstar and Kim made a sex tape with Ray J. But things have probably been a little tougher for Kim now that she’s pregnant, especially when she showed up to Monday night’s Met Gala looking like one-third of the Rose Bowl Parade.
While Kanye was performing at the ball, he actually took a moment to tell Kim how awesome she is in front of all of the celebrities in attendance, and that must have felt nice after she couldn’t fit into her original dress and had to add sleeves to her gown because her arms looked like giant sequoias. So it was also nice of Beyoncé and her sister, Solange Knowles, to take a quick photo with Kim, so she could post it to Twitter and make the other Make-A-Wish children jealous.
Vogue editor Anna Wintour had famously banned Kim Kardashian from her annual Met Gala in previous years, but one of the perks of dating the world’s biggest rap star is that people tend to change their minds. So after Kim, Anna and Kanye West got together for lunch recently, it was pretty clear that Anna had lifted the ban for this year’s punk-themed event, which took place last night in New York City.
And while the rest of the stars that didn’t need special consideration showed up in outfits that adhered to the “PUNK: Chaos to Couture” theme (that naturally pissed off some in the punk world), Kim decided to dress as a set piece from the Golden Girls. In defense of the dress, it was designed by Kanye’s best friend, Riccardo Tisci of Givenchy, but Kim had it altered to feature sleeves because her stylist thought it made her arms look fat, according to The Daily Mail.
It has been about six years since Kim Kardashian accepted $5 million from Vivid Entertainment for the release of her amateur porn that she recorded with then-unknown hip hop artist Ray J in 2003. So while Kim and now-unknown hip hop artist Ray J presumably haven’t slept together in a decade, the latter has released a new video for his single, “I Hit it First”, which is obviously directed at Kim’s current boyfriend and eventual third ex-husband Kanye West.
Ray J even hired a Kim lookalike for the new video, which would be cool if he’d produced it in 2004 and all of the lyrics were about football players. But this is just sad now. Even a guy waking up from a coma after 10 years is probably like, “Get over it, loser.”