Kim Kardashian is already freaking out Beyonce

By brendon July 10, 2012 @ 4:37 PM

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Kim Kardashian is still desperate to parlay her relationship with Kanye West into a friendship with Beyonce and Jay Z, so she reportedly spent $5,000 on a gold bracelet with pink and white diamonds for their daughter Blue Ivy, and then engraved it with a very presumptuous, “Love Auntie Kim.”

Guess how that went over.

“They have been friends for five minutes, but already Kim is try­ing to force herself into Beyonce’s life,” a source told The Enquirer.
“Despite Kim’s sex tape and bad marriages, Beyonce had been warming to her based on her charming demeanor and romance with Kanye, who’s a good friend.
“But she certainly doesn’t consider Kim family in any way, shape or form – and for her to suggest that close­ness really put Beyonce off.”

Ok fine that’s The Enquirer, so who knows, but it does sorta fit with a report in the new issue of Life & Style that says Kim is “not allowed to talk about” Beyonce or Jay-Z in public.

“She’d be kicked out of the clique so quickly if she made any misstep,” the insider explained. “Kim has to earn everyone’s trust.”

Wait. Does Kim Kardashian have any friends? Now that I think about it, in 10 years I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with anyone but Paris Hilton, Reggie Bush, and Kris Humprhies. Who all hate her now. Other than that she’s always with her family. That’s the same way rats and dingoes live, by the way. Hint hint, Kanye.

Kanye makes Kim pump the gas

By brendon July 10, 2012 @ 12:40 PM

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KNOW YOUR PLACE, FATTY!

(image source of kanye and kim and his black lamborghini = fame/flynet)

Kim Kardashian could use some makeup

By brendon July 09, 2012 @ 4:06 PM

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Kim Kardashian went to a tanning salon in Studio City yesterday, and either she’s not doing it right or she’s in a kabuki play or she was bitten by a vampire because she went in tan and came out looking ghostly white.

Let’s just go with vampire bite because staking her in the heart is maybe not the worst idea in the world anyway.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Kanye really wants to marry Kim Kardashian. Still.

By brendon June 12, 2012 @ 4:10 PM

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An unnamed source (Kris Jenner) tells Us magazine that Kanye West is completely in love with Kim Kardashian and wants to marry her, just in case you forgot when an unnamed source told Us magazine the same thing 6 weeks ago.

“They’re seriously talking marriage. And yes, she would [accept his proposal].”
But tying the knot isn’t the only thing on (his) mind.
“Kanye says he can’t wait to see her carrying his child,” a source revealed. “He says she will look beautiful pregnant.”

Oh ok. So Kris Jenners’ new planted media story adds that Kanye wants to get Kim pregnant, but also says “they’re seriously talking marriage”, whereas before they were “very serious” and “talking marriage.” The space between the quotes last time really threw me off. What am I, a fucking mind reader?

Kim Kardashian is in Esquire

By brendon June 08, 2012 @ 6:10 PM

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Kim Kardashian is in the Mexican edition of Esquire this month, and even though I don’t speak Spanish it was full of surprising revelations. Specifically that she can lie back in water. Her ass is so big I assumed the buoyancy would keep her completely upright, bobbing up and down like a buoy in the ocean. This might be some kind of special effect they’re using.

Kim Kardashian is too fat for her dress

By brendon June 07, 2012 @ 4:10 PM

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Kim Kardashian was backstage at the Jimmy Kimmel show yesterday when she tweeted this picture showing that the zipper on her dress had broken. And do you know what kind of people have zippers break?

“About to do Jimmy Kimmel & my whole dress rips! Help!!! Time to sew me in…praying this works.”

Wait, why do we have to help? Don’t put this on us just because you can’t accept your dress size. That poor zipper never had a chance. She needed one of those industrial grade steel zippers like on tarps when they have to contain some kind of radiation.

(image source = pacific coast)