Kim Kardashians first husband beat her up. A lot.

By brendon April 26, 2010 @ 7:57 AM

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Some people say kids are our most precious resource, but those people are God damn liars. You can’t go 10 feet without seeing some punk ass kid. How precious could they really be? Our real most precious resource is hot sluts with huge breasts. That’s why Kim Kardashian is a perfect little angel, and that’s why it’s extra enraging to hear that her pussy ex-husband would, ahem, “punch her in the face, slam her against walls and throw her across the room.’

KIM KARDASHIAN suffered brutal beatings at the hands of her ex-husband DAMON THOMAS, according to newly-published court documents.
Kim eloped to Las Vegas, Nevada, and married music producer Damon in January 2000 when she was just 19.
But the marriage was ill-fated, ending three years later after Kim was allegedly held prisoner.
America’s Star magazine have now obtained the 2003 court documents in which Kim claims Damon would punch her in the face, slam her against walls and throw her across the room.

And the Daily Mail adds this charming gem…

He allegedly showed naked pictures of one of Kim’s sisters to her father, branding the siblings ‘whores’, and constantly wanted to know where Kim was.

I heard one time that Kim has 34DD’s. In other words, I believe her story. She’s telling the truth, there’s no doubt about it. That dude did it.

Vigilante justice gets a bad rap but it shouldn’t. Here’s an example: I’ll give 1000 dollars to every person who sends in a video of themselves punching Damon Thomas in the face. Not the first person. Every person. He’s a real tough guy who enjoys fighting so I bet he won’t even mind. We should share the gift he gave to Kim. When you never know if a fist might suddenly smash you in the face, life is more exciting!

kim kardashian is an angel

By brendon April 22, 2010 @ 5:07 PM

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I used to think Kim Kardashian (seen here today in Australia) was ugly but then she lost about 20 pounds without affecting her huge huge breasts, and know I realize she’s beautiful and I love her very very much. Will there ever be a day when I see a picture of her awesome tits without instantly getting a near painful erection? I hope not, because it will mean I’ve been dead for about a week.

tuesday morning headlines

By brendon April 20, 2010 @ 11:23 AM

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SANDRA BULLOCK - was photographed last week without her wedding ring on. Wait, is there some sort of trouble in her marriage? This is the first I’ve heard of anything like that. (people)

ELIN NORDEGREN - packed up the two kids she had with Tiger Woods and flew home to Sweden in a private jet yesterday. She and Tiger continue to live separately and spend virtually no time together. It sounds a lot like my marriage to Megan Fox. (radar)

KIM KARDASHIAN - is defending herself after PETA complained about the way she picked up a kitty in this picture. “Rest assured, the owner and vet were on set and showed me how to pick him up. The cat was not harmed in any way and is perfectly fine! I love animals and would never do anything to harm animals.” That cat is a hero. When she picks it up, it lifts her huge tits and makes them look awesome. It’s a WonderCat. (kim kardashian)

PEOPLE WHO READ TYLER - are sexy. Like Cami for example. And she wants to be in Front magazine, so go to her facebook and stare at her hot ass, because apparently that will help for some reason. It feels good to help others. That’s what this website is all about. (facebook)

kim kardashian is photogenic

By brendon April 19, 2010 @ 3:51 PM

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Kim Kardashian posted this picture (full size) on her twitter page last night, behind the scenes of some photo shoot. But she didn’t say what it was for. All she said was, “Pic from my shoot yesterday…good kitty cat!” Should she be holding it like that? Is she hurting that cat? It looks like she’s hurting it. Now I’m gonna get an erection every time I see an ad for Animal Cops. Great. There’s no way that’s healthy.

friday afternoon headlines

By brendon April 16, 2010 @ 7:23 PM

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KIM KARDASHIAN - is bare ass naked in an un-retouched photo for Bazaar magazine (hq full size here). I hope she does Playboy again. Because I liked seeing her naked. Especially her boobs. I hope my insight into this matter has answered any questions you may have had. (us magazine)

KIM KARDASHIAN - is dating soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo, who is a nice contrast to her ex boyfriend Reggie Bush. In the sense that he’s clearly super super off-the-charts gay. (OK magazine)

KEIFER SUTHERLAND - was thrown out of a London strip club late Wednesday night, with no shirt on, by 4 bouncers, for “disorderly conduct.” IT WAS A FUCKING WEDNESDAY. God that dude is cool. (ny post)

(UPDATE!) WHY IS - a video picture set of a cute girl getting stoned off her ass so compelling to watch? It’s one of lifes greatest mysteries, that neither science nor religion has yet to answer. (you tube htgb)

SOPHIE MUNK - had her car broken into in Beverly Hills. So she called the cops and then posed for pictures in skin tight leather pants. It’s one of the few police reports you’d be able to jack off to.

leave kim and i alone

By brendon April 09, 2010 @ 3:52 PM

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Fine, okay. Yes. Kim Kardashian and I are spending some time together, okay. I didn’t want it to come out this way but yeah. Kim is a really special lady. So yesterday I got my blue and yellow swim trunks and we tried to spend some time alone on the beach in Miami. Are we “dating”? Look, I don’t know what to call it, okay. To be honest I think maybe she’s just looking for a good time right now, you know what I mean buddy.

(source = splash news online)