By brendon November 22, 2011 @ 3:41 PM
Before we get to todays new story claiming Kris Humphries was mean to Kim Kardashian during their 72 day marriage, let’s flash back to this story 4 days ago:
“Kim was stunned by the amount of bad press and the public relations nightmare she has endured since deciding to file for divorce (so she’ll) be using (her TV shows on E!) to rehab her image.”
The upcoming season will feature Kim Kardashian as the “victim” and Kris Humphries as the “lazy and insensitive” villain.
Ok now try and guess what the new Us magazine cover story is about.
Kim Kardashian has been raked over the coals in the court of public opinion ever since she filed for divorce from Kris Humphries. But the real villain in the 72-day marriage, pals tell the new Us Weekly, was out-of-work NBA star Humphries, 26.
Awesome, isn’t it? I espcicially like how they tacked on “out-of-work”, as if the NBA lock-out is somehow his fault.
He could be downright cruel to Kardashian. “He belittled her in front of people,” one insider tells Us. “He’d call her stupid. It was truly sickening.”
The source adds that Humphries resented his wife’s fame and fortune. “He tried to control Kim by bringing her down…He would say truly terrible things. One time, he said she had no talent and her fame wouldn’t last.”
He even took exception to her world-famous posterior, calling her “fat ass,” the source says.
And when Kardashian (who rarely drinks and tends to go to bed early) asked her man to skip the nights out in favor of quality time, “He would tell her she was acting like too much of a wife and ‘get over it,’” another insider says.
Gosh I wonder who their source was? I know it wasn’t Kim because Us said she was in Honduras analyzing a meteorite that fell there, and they don’t even have phone lines in the mountains where Kim is but hopefully they will soon now that she’s negotiated a peace treaty to end their civil war.
(image source of old bikini pics proving that kris would have been right if he actually did call kim fat = inf, splash, fame)
By brendon November 09, 2011 @ 1:34 PM
Wouldn’t it be awesome if Kris Humphries not only had his real twitter but was also writing this identical looking fake one too. So he could talk shit about Kim Kardashian with impunity. Probably not the case though. God forbid these dullards ever do anything even remotely interesting.
Nonetheless, here’s a few highlights…
– “@KimKardashian: I can’t express how proud I am of Rob for getting to the semi-finals!”
I can’t express how shitty you are for divorcing me!
– “@KhloeKardashian: Saying someone is ugly doesn’t make you any prettier”
Unfortunately for you, neither does Photoshop
– In the week since announcing our divorce, Kim has been rammed senseless by more black dudes than the Colts’ offense
– People say Kim’s in hiding. I think she’s just catching up on all the black cock she missed out on while we were married.
– “@KhloeKardashian: Woah… Jet Lag is serious stuff”
So is marriage. Might wanna tell your sister.
– “@KhloeKardashian: OMG! Wheat Thins has a new limited time sweet cinnamon flavor. Why am I so excited about this?”
Because you’re an idiot.
– I’m painting my penis black in hopes that Kim will take me back :(
By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 3:14 PM
Considering that she doesn’t actually do anything, the public has always been fairly kind to Kim Kardashian. But that all changed after she filed for divorce 72 days after making 18 million dollars off her wedding to Kris Humphries, including a 2 million dollar engagement ring her mom said she deserved to keep.
Now the public sort of hates her, so she spent yesterday at Humphries home in Canhassen, Minnesota, pretending to fight for her sham marriage. And the paparazzi got pictures of it! What a lucky break for her! As everyone knows you can’t go ten feet in Canhassen, Minnesota, without tripping over the paparazzi.
(image source = inf)
By brendon November 04, 2011 @ 3:52 PM
It was pandemonium at LAX today when Kim Kardashian arrived from Australia and walked through the terminal with the frowniest face ever. What a lucky break that there were dozens of paparazzi there to capture it and show everyone how sad she is about her totally not-fake wedding. I wonder how they knew when her plane was arriving? Just good guessers, I suppose.
(image source = fame and inf)
By brendon November 03, 2011 @ 4:19 PM
It’s nice to see that even brilliant writers like Salman Rushdie aren’t above mocking Kim Kardashian on twitter.
1. The marriage of poor kim #kardashianwas krushed like a kar in a krashian.
2. her kris kried, not fair! why kan’t I keep my share?
3. But kardashian fell klean outa fashian.
I don’t actually know what the fuck that means but a guy who won the Booker Prize and was knighted for his work in literature is now making fun of Kardashians on the internet just like I do. We’re practically equals. I wonder if downloading porn all morning is a big part of his writing process too.
(source = entertainment weekly)
By brendon November 03, 2011 @ 1:22 PM
Kim Kardashian hasn’t been successful at all in convincing anyone that her marriage and almost instant divorce was anything more than a publicity stunt and trick to get lots of presents, so she’s gonna step things up and cancel her public appearances so she can focus extra extra hard on frowning in front of the paparazzi.
Kim has pulled out of a scheduled appearance at an Australian horse racing event — which would have nabbed her $153,000 for a one-hour appearance — to return home to Los Angeles and deal with the fallout from her divorce.
In a complete turnaround, the ubiquitous reality TV superstar, who was being paid to appear in the Swisse vitamins marquee at Saturday’s Stakes Day said she would be unable to attend the event in the wake of her divorce from basketballer Kris Humphries after just 72 days of marriage
Keep in mind that she was already in Australia and had been for a few days to promote her skin care line at a department store, but then public opinion turned against her, and suddenly she doesn’t have the courage to do appearances.
Hopefully Khloe made it back ok too. I heard that when the aborigines saw her one went to the edge of a cliff and blew into a conch shell and then a bunch of the tribes got together for the first time in over a hundred years. It had something to do with a painting on one of their cave walls and then they all got a bunch of nets.