Kim Kardashian Ted Talks

NPR listeners were outraged when Kim Kardashian was invited on the station to speak intelligently, causing NPR listeners to not be able to casually mention that brilliantthing they heard this morning on NPR to their friends, rendering the entire listening process moot. Now Kardashian is launching a series of 'Kim talks' where she engages and educatesaudiences around the globe with her business and social insights for...read more

Kim And Kanye Spawning

Kim Kardashian and her super notgay husband are having another child. The people who found the God Particle continue donating to Planned Parenthood. Kim has another eight months of being club hot and you can't wash jizz out of your hair forever plus your ass hurts. Hopefully it will be a boy so Jaden Smith can introduce him to gender fluidity over gluten free latkas. I don't know what fluiditymeans but neither to the...read more

Kim And Kanye Ruin Disneyland And Shit Around The Web

Human bowel polyps Kim Kardashian and Kanye West celebrated the birth of North West by taking over regions of Disneyland and making every other child in the Magical Kingdom suffer the wrath of their selfie and show hogging narcissism. I'm glad Walt is dead. I mean, just in general. Watch the dreams of children die for this spoiled brat's amusement. (Huffington Post) Daniela Lopez Osorio is all greasy and bikinied. (...read more

Kim Kardashian Seems Fatter

Kim Kardashian suffered the barbs of callous detractors who called her fatty whale names during her first pregnancy when she packed on two metric tons of baby and residual semen weight. The ridiculing was so painful that Jaime King cried for five hours because she was having trouble being pregnancy shamed online herself. It's a vicious circle that isn't clear really exists. Kim Kardashian wants more of it. She's...read more

Kim Kardashian Rents Out Staples Center

Kim Kardashian went deep pockets for Kanye West's birthday, renting out Staple's Center and organizing a basketball game for Kanye and friends Tyga and Justin Bieber and NBA stars John Wall and James Harden. John Legend sang the National Anthem because patriotism and paychecks go hand in hand. Kim smeared her labia majora across different surfaces of the arena creating a Dora the Explorer set of clues for Kanye to...read more

The Whoriest Place on Earth

Evenas smallpox are still being scraped off the flocking of the Matterhorn, the Kardashians have decided to rent out Disneyland for North's upcoming second birthday. You may recall North as the bastard child of Kim Kardashian by way of Yeezus seed and the dark arts.No fault to the child. Though some diligent member of Opus Dei will have to dispose ofher mortal coils before the presence of six spring lambs. That's...read more

Kim Kardashian Tight Plastic

If you think anass pregnancy is going to stop Kim Kardashian from strapping into a molded plastic dress and flashing her cans to push product, fuck, you don't think that. Stepdad isn't the only one getting paidto show off his tits. There's mouths to feed and your Kim Kardashian Dance Like You're Working forTipsmobile game for tweens is down in sales three percent this quarter. Dad can't sell records forever. Covering...read more

Kim Kardashian Got Knocked Up and Nobody Noticed

What if you were an attention whore and got pregnant and nobody noticed? It's like it never really happened. News that Kim Kardashian was now carryingfuture ex-husband rapper baby number two made it about a tenth of a parsec across the Internet before Vagina Dad's picture appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair and ruined everything. Narcissism is a fixed pie universe. Even though Caitlyn Jenner's soon to be vagina will...read more

Bruce Jenner Ready for the Butcher

Bruce Jenner went on Keeping Up With The Kardashians to announcehe has made an appointment to fully transition into being a woman.This is a watershed moment for the rights of former Olympic gold medalists to live as the gender they super really want to. Think about James Meredith applying to be the first ever African-American student at the University of Mississippi. Now imagine instead he had wanted to get a pedicure...read more

Kim Kardashian Nude in Just Body Paint (VIDEO)

Kim Kardashian journeyed to the desert to find herself and let a bunch of dudes paint her and photograph her naked. Fucking peyote. Sorry, I mean, fucking big fat stack of cash. Kim explained how this particular project fits her goal "to be nude and do all this cool stuff". When pressed on what she meant by all this cool stuff, Kim admitted she really just meant being nude some more. We need to get Kim into the...read more

Kim Kardashian Topless Selfies Leaked by a Topless Kim Kardashian

There's an ease in knowing exactly what you are. You are tits and ass. You make a fortune being tits and ass. In a silver box your mom keeps a note she wrote when you were born hoping someday you'd grow up to be tits and ass. Kim Kardashian didn't hesitate when selecting photos from her soon to be released Selfies book to pretend were leaked early. Tits and ass. You're Aaron Rodgers. The world knows you're going to...read more

Kardashian Girls Leave No Money on the Table (VIDEO)

If you're wondering why Vagina Dad's girl children were not available to appear on the Diane Sawyer interview, it's because they were holding back on an E! two night special of their own documenting their own reactions to Jenner's gender bending announcement. There are emotions and then there are emotions you can turn into dollars on a cable net that has you and Sex and the City reruns to its name. NBC Universal which...read more

Kim Kardashian Gets Earth Day

There's something comforting in never having to wonder what the whore is planning. It's whore stuff. Mollusks have more complex agendas than Kim Kardashian who posted a photo of herself in a bikini against a green backdrop to honor earth day while pushing her book of selfies. In honor of Earth Day here is my best plant selfie from my new book #Selfish coming out May 5th! The exclamation point seems a bit much. The...read more

Amy Schumer Prays to False Gods

Nobody works harder than Amy Schumer to promote her show. Schumer threw herself mockingly on the ground before Kim Kardashian and Kanye West as they entered the Time Magazine 100 Most Influential Persons Gala to be honored for helping the magazine sell a few more copies before it circles one last time down the historical bowl. Schumer's stunt wasn't super funny, but you have to honor the initiative. You could easily...read more

Kim Kardashian Cropped

Kim Kardashian's likeness was blurred out of an ultra-orthodox newspaper in Israel because super religious Jews believe that pictures of skin revealing women inherently make them seem like whores. You could argue the general religious point, but since the actual example is Kim Kardashian, it's hard to argue against the specific. Kanye and Kim were in Israel to have their toddler christened at the site of Jesus'...read more