Kim Kardashian Still Naked, Finally Punished

Kim Kardashian has been shilling some morning sickness pill in her vapid social media posts, leading the Food and Drug Administration to step in and tell her to stop doing it and also you're spreading a new strain of syphilis to ISIS. It's called the Geneva Convention.The posts are apparently in violation because they don't mention the side effects of the drugs or of listening to Kim's thoughts: "I tried changing...

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Kim Kardashian Pregnant, Naked, Alone

Kim Kardashian responded to imaginary critics of her pregnant body by posting naked photos of herself. It's reflexive. The last time her mechanic told her she needed an oil change, she fucked seven guys at three different Jiffy Lubes. Jaime King cried and threatened to drive her newborn off a cliff. Kris Jenner distributed the nude pregnancy pictures to emirs in Dubai for a tribute contest. In the game of ridiculous...

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Kim Kardashian Bursting With Pride

Kim Kardashian is pregnant with another person whose life expectancy is 37. You can only be a shitty moron once removed. Plus they're developing new pills. Apparently when you get pregnant your tits get really big and swollen which in no way compensates for your distended gut. Are you craving ice cream because of the hormones or because society has declared you're allowed to? I'll say it, you're taking advantage. Had...

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Kylie Jenner Graduation Party Hosted By Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest hosted a high school graduation party for Kylie Jennerwhere he pretended heliked girlsand Kylie pretended Laurel Springs is a real place. Laurel Springs High School diplomasare the Hollywood equivalent of becoming a Universal Life Church minister so you can marry your buddy to his girlfriend in Laughlin before the baby shows. Only instead of fifteen bucks and a valid email address this one requires...

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Kim Kardashian Morning Rituals

Kim Kardashian crawling out of a ditch is a reminder of just how poor serial killers have become at finishing off their truck stop prey. Nobody takes pride in their work anymore. It's possible the scent of money brought her back from the great whore beyond. It's like watching our primordial ancestors first take to land. In six months this will be Bruce exiting the same ditch in similar wardrobe. That dent in my head...

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Kim Kardashian Smothered Music To Death In Its Crib

Sinead O'Connor has declared Kim Kardashian's tits on the cover of Rolling Stone magazines as an official end to music as we know it. in the very least, O'Connorseems to have missed Rolling Stone covers of the Boston Marathon bomber looking like a sexy James Dean and fake campus rape articles. Though it's hard to disagree with the general premise that Kim Kardashian on anything but your dick wrapped in three condoms...

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Kim Kardashian Thrown On Trash Heap

Kim Kardashian did a photo shoot for some Euro trash website looking like a dead hooker who just got dumped out of the trunk of a Buick. It appears she has gone from having a fat ass to having a fat ass. Like she's overweight. We're talking 4'8" 170. Her incredibly not gay husband is thrilled. We've all had that moment at the parent teacher conference while nodding to ourselves. It all makes sense now. Let's assume...

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Kardashian Sisters Form a Sexually Up For Anything Megazord

The Kardashian sisters stick together through their first three marriages and first five abortions. It's liturgyrepeated since their tween days deadlifting kettle-bells with their sphincter muscles in the family dojo. Seeing the fatinjectedsisters in tight white was like an erection gun for the inner city summer. Also, a green band trailerfor those going to Armenian heaven. It we'd yankedtheir reproductive parts from...

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Kim Kardashian's Master Class And Shit Around The Web

Toiletry bag itemKim Kardashian gave her lecture on the objectification of women and other topics thereby being further legitimized. She talked about what it was like to be used as spank material and what the best lighting is for a selfie. She also says that she didn't go to college and turned out all right. Let that sink in. Read some of Kim's pearls of wisdom. (Huffington Post) Kate Mara let's her titties hang out...

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Kim Kardashian Prepares to Breast Feed London

Seeing Kim Kardashian play London with her pregnancy boobs reminds us that hookers don't get maternity leave. I'm sure SCOTUS is on that. If Kim's tits disappear from public view for more than twenty-four hours, she ceases to be a real girl and goes back to being a wood carving on an old man's nightstand covered in decades of jizz. Quick, somebody say what a good mom she is so we can nod our heads and pretend we're...

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Kim Kardashian Ted Talks

NPR listeners were outraged when Kim Kardashian was invited on the station to speak intelligently, causing NPR listeners to not be able to casually mention that brilliantthing they heard this morning on NPR to their friends, rendering the entire listening process moot. Now Kardashian is launching a series of 'Kim talks' where she engages and educatesaudiences around the globe with her business and social insights for...

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Kim And Kanye Spawning

Kim Kardashian and her super notgay husband are having another child. The people who found the God Particle continue donating to Planned Parenthood. Kim has another eight months of being club hot and you can't wash jizz out of your hair forever plus your ass hurts. Hopefully it will be a boy so Jaden Smith can introduce him to gender fluidity over gluten free latkas. I don't know what fluiditymeans but neither to the...

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Kim And Kanye Ruin Disneyland And Shit Around The Web

Human bowel polyps Kim Kardashian and Kanye West celebrated the birth of North West by taking over regions of Disneyland and making every other child in the Magical Kingdom suffer the wrath of their selfie and show hogging narcissism. I'm glad Walt is dead. I mean, just in general. Watch the dreams of children die for this spoiled brat's amusement. (Huffington Post) Daniela Lopez Osorio is all greasy and bikinied. (...

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Kim Kardashian Seems Fatter

Kim Kardashian suffered the barbs of callous detractors who called her fatty whale names during her first pregnancy when she packed on two metric tons of baby and residual semen weight. The ridiculing was so painful that Jaime King cried for five hours because she was having trouble being pregnancy shamed online herself. It's a vicious circle that isn't clear really exists. Kim Kardashian wants more of it. She's...

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Kim Kardashian Rents Out Staples Center

Kim Kardashian went deep pockets for Kanye West's birthday, renting out Staple's Center and organizing a basketball game for Kanye and friends Tyga and Justin Bieber and NBA stars John Wall and James Harden. John Legend sang the National Anthem because patriotism and paychecks go hand in hand. Kim smeared her labia majora across different surfaces of the arena creating a Dora the Explorer set of clues for Kanye to...

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