Kim Kardashian Morning Rituals

By Lex July 17, 2015 @ 9:10 AM

Kim Kardashian crawling out of a ditch is a reminder of just how poor serial killers have become at finishing off their truck stop prey. Nobody takes pride in their work anymore. It’s possible the scent of money brought her back from the great whore beyond. It’s like watching our primordial ancestors first take to land. In six months this will be Bruce exiting the same ditch in similar wardrobe. That dent in my head is where I got hit with my own courage award. No, I’m not pressing charges. I’ve never cum so hard in my life.

Photo Credit: System Magazine

Kim Kardashian Smothered Music To Death In Its Crib

By Lex July 15, 2015 @ 10:06 AM

Sinead O’Connor has declared Kim Kardashian’s tits on the cover of Rolling Stone magazines as an official end to music as we know it. in the very least, O’Connor seems to have missed Rolling Stone covers of the Boston Marathon bomber looking like a sexy James Dean and fake campus rape articles. Though it’s hard to disagree with the general premise that Kim Kardashian on anything but your dick wrapped in three condoms and a polyurethane dental dam is a bad thing. O’Connor ranted on her Facebook page followed only by people who don’t like themselves very much:

What is this cunt doing on the cover of Rolling Stone? Music has officially died. Who knew it would be Rolling Stone that murdered it? Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh can no longer be expected to take all the blame. Bob Dylan must be fucking horrified. #BoycottRollingStone #AGenerationIsBeingGroomedAndSilenced.

Bob Dylan is stoned out of his gourd humping a young model wondering why you brought his name into this. Music is a business. Rolling Stone isn’t doing so well in the business. If your bald ass moved copies like Kim Kardashian, you’d be on the cover. The notion that twenty years ago there was integrity in music when people were still buying your music is convenient revisionist history. You were big when the teen girls loved you. Now they love Miley Cyrus and Kim Kardashian’s well-heeled tits. Boo fucking hoo. Would another Mumford and Sons cover make you shut your yap? Don’t go away angry, just go the fuck away. Now then, Kim, where were we. Yes, the lathering of the iodine on the genitals. My favorite part.

Kim Kardashian Thrown On Trash Heap

By Matt July 10, 2015 @ 7:11 AM


Kim Kardashian did a photo shoot for some Euro trash website looking like a dead hooker who just got dumped out of the trunk of a Buick. It appears she has gone from having a fat ass to having a fat ass. Like she’s overweight. We’re talking 4’8″ 170. Her incredibly not gay husband is thrilled. We’ve all had that moment at the parent teacher conference while nodding to ourselves. It all makes sense now. Let’s assume all Kim Kardashian has going for her is her looks. She’s fucked. I’ve seen hotter ass in a Barstow Chili’s. In the kitchen. At closing time. On Christmas. Perhaps this signifies the end to an illustrious career of being a mute whore. Fill it in, boys! Kanye needs to hit the bath house.

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Kardashian Sisters Form a Sexually Up For Anything Megazord

By Lex July 09, 2015 @ 10:52 AM

Kardashians Unite In White
The Kardashian sisters stick together through their first three marriages and first five abortions. It’s liturgy repeated since their tween days deadlifting kettle-bells with their sphincter muscles in the family dojo. Seeing the fat injected sisters in tight white was like an erection gun for the inner city summer.  Also, a green band trailer for those going to Armenian heaven. It we’d yanked their reproductive parts from the outset, this might be simply amusing. Walking away into the sunset is not an option. Leg shaking creampies into the gutter seems more realistic. Girls will be girls.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kim Kardashian’s Master Class And Shit Around The Web

By Michael July 01, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Toiletry bag item Kim Kardashian gave her lecture on the objectification of women and other topics thereby being further legitimized. She talked about what it was like to be used as spank material and what the best lighting is for a selfie. She also says that she didn’t go to college and turned out all right. Let that sink in.

Read some of Kim’s pearls of wisdom. (Huffington Post)

Kate Mara let’s her titties hang out all over the place for Esquire. (Egotastic)

Enrique Iglesias gets arrested for being muy sexy…and driving without a license. (TMZ)

Heidi Klum in lingerie is still highly wankable. (Drunken Stepfather)

Who knew Chrissy Teigen’s fake ass tits could still get erect nips? (Hollywood Tuna)

Josephine Skriver in a swimsuit makes my mouth water. (Popoholic)

Who says sports fans can’t be friggin’ sexy? (The Chive)

Kim Kardashian Prepares to Breast Feed London

By Lex June 30, 2015 @ 8:28 AM

Kim Kardashian Major See Through Cleavage In London
Seeing Kim Kardashian play London with her pregnancy boobs reminds us that hookers don’t get maternity leave. I’m sure SCOTUS is on that. If Kim’s tits disappear from public view for more than twenty-four hours, she ceases to be a real girl and goes back to being a wood carving on an old man’s nightstand covered in decades of jizz. Quick, somebody say what a good mom she is so we can nod our heads and pretend we’re decent folk. Where’s the baby again? Just kidding. Nice dress.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet