Kim Kardashian Smothered Music To Death In Its Crib

Sinead O'Connor has declared Kim Kardashian's tits on the cover of Rolling Stone magazines as an official end to music as we know it. in the very least, O'Connorseems to have missed Rolling Stone covers of the Boston Marathon bomber looking like a sexy James Dean and fake campus rape articles. Though it's hard to disagree with the general premise that Kim Kardashian on anything but your dick wrapped in three condoms...read more

Kim Kardashian Thrown On Trash Heap

Kim Kardashian did a photo shoot for some Euro trash website looking like a dead hooker who just got dumped out of the trunk of a Buick. It appears she has gone from having a fat ass to having a fat ass. Like she's overweight. We're talking 4'8" 170. Her incredibly not gay husband is thrilled. We've all had that moment at the parent teacher conference while nodding to ourselves. It all makes sense now. Let's assume...read more

Kardashian Sisters Form a Sexually Up For Anything Megazord

The Kardashian sisters stick together through their first three marriages and first five abortions. It's liturgyrepeated since their tween days deadlifting kettle-bells with their sphincter muscles in the family dojo. Seeing the fatinjectedsisters in tight white was like an erection gun for the inner city summer. Also, a green band trailerfor those going to Armenian heaven. It we'd yankedtheir reproductive parts from...read more

Kim Kardashian's Master Class And Shit Around The Web

Toiletry bag itemKim Kardashian gave her lecture on the objectification of women and other topics thereby being further legitimized. She talked about what it was like to be used as spank material and what the best lighting is for a selfie. She also says that she didn't go to college and turned out all right. Let that sink in. Read some of Kim's pearls of wisdom. (Huffington Post) Kate Mara let's her titties hang out...read more

Kim Kardashian Prepares to Breast Feed London

Seeing Kim Kardashian play London with her pregnancy boobs reminds us that hookers don't get maternity leave. I'm sure SCOTUS is on that. If Kim's tits disappear from public view for more than twenty-four hours, she ceases to be a real girl and goes back to being a wood carving on an old man's nightstand covered in decades of jizz. Quick, somebody say what a good mom she is so we can nod our heads and pretend we're...read more

Kim Kardashian Ted Talks

NPR listeners were outraged when Kim Kardashian was invited on the station to speak intelligently, causing NPR listeners to not be able to casually mention that brilliantthing they heard this morning on NPR to their friends, rendering the entire listening process moot. Now Kardashian is launching a series of 'Kim talks' where she engages and educatesaudiences around the globe with her business and social insights for...read more

Kim And Kanye Spawning

Kim Kardashian and her super notgay husband are having another child. The people who found the God Particle continue donating to Planned Parenthood. Kim has another eight months of being club hot and you can't wash jizz out of your hair forever plus your ass hurts. Hopefully it will be a boy so Jaden Smith can introduce him to gender fluidity over gluten free latkas. I don't know what fluiditymeans but neither to the...read more

Kim And Kanye Ruin Disneyland And Shit Around The Web

Human bowel polyps Kim Kardashian and Kanye West celebrated the birth of North West by taking over regions of Disneyland and making every other child in the Magical Kingdom suffer the wrath of their selfie and show hogging narcissism. I'm glad Walt is dead. I mean, just in general. Watch the dreams of children die for this spoiled brat's amusement. (Huffington Post) Daniela Lopez Osorio is all greasy and bikinied. (...read more

Kim Kardashian Seems Fatter

Kim Kardashian suffered the barbs of callous detractors who called her fatty whale names during her first pregnancy when she packed on two metric tons of baby and residual semen weight. The ridiculing was so painful that Jaime King cried for five hours because she was having trouble being pregnancy shamed online herself. It's a vicious circle that isn't clear really exists. Kim Kardashian wants more of it. She's...read more

Kim Kardashian Rents Out Staples Center

Kim Kardashian went deep pockets for Kanye West's birthday, renting out Staple's Center and organizing a basketball game for Kanye and friends Tyga and Justin Bieber and NBA stars John Wall and James Harden. John Legend sang the National Anthem because patriotism and paychecks go hand in hand. Kim smeared her labia majora across different surfaces of the arena creating a Dora the Explorer set of clues for Kanye to...read more

The Whoriest Place on Earth

Evenas smallpox are still being scraped off the flocking of the Matterhorn, the Kardashians have decided to rent out Disneyland for North's upcoming second birthday. You may recall North as the bastard child of Kim Kardashian by way of Yeezus seed and the dark arts.No fault to the child. Though some diligent member of Opus Dei will have to dispose ofher mortal coils before the presence of six spring lambs. That's...read more

Kim Kardashian Tight Plastic

If you think anass pregnancy is going to stop Kim Kardashian from strapping into a molded plastic dress and flashing her cans to push product, fuck, you don't think that. Stepdad isn't the only one getting paidto show off his tits. There's mouths to feed and your Kim Kardashian Dance Like You're Working forTipsmobile game for tweens is down in sales three percent this quarter. Dad can't sell records forever. Covering...read more

Kim Kardashian Got Knocked Up and Nobody Noticed

What if you were an attention whore and got pregnant and nobody noticed? It's like it never really happened. News that Kim Kardashian was now carryingfuture ex-husband rapper baby number two made it about a tenth of a parsec across the Internet before Vagina Dad's picture appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair and ruined everything. Narcissism is a fixed pie universe. Even though Caitlyn Jenner's soon to be vagina will...read more

Bruce Jenner Ready for the Butcher

Bruce Jenner went on Keeping Up With The Kardashians to announcehe has made an appointment to fully transition into being a woman.This is a watershed moment for the rights of former Olympic gold medalists to live as the gender they super really want to. Think about James Meredith applying to be the first ever African-American student at the University of Mississippi. Now imagine instead he had wanted to get a pedicure...read more

Kim Kardashian Nude in Just Body Paint (VIDEO)

Kim Kardashian journeyed to the desert to find herself and let a bunch of dudes paint her and photograph her naked. Fucking peyote. Sorry, I mean, fucking big fat stack of cash. Kim explained how this particular project fits her goal "to be nude and do all this cool stuff". When pressed on what she meant by all this cool stuff, Kim admitted she really just meant being nude some more. We need to get Kim into the...read more