By Lex January 21, 2014 @ 6:19 PM
if fairytales involved smugness and sexual obsession and pandering and mental illness and cynical promotion and out of wedlock babies, then Kim and Kanye would be a fairytale romance for the ages. And where else to host a fairytale wedding but a palace in France. Though recently denied their destiny on earth to be married at Versailles, Kim and Kanye continue to tour France for palacial venue options for a pre-sold TV packaged wedding of the century. France affords the the spectacle of a grand European wedding without the nuisance of outstanding battery and assault charges on the groom. Also, most of the men Kim has used and conned through the years live in the U.S. so they’re unlikely to scream out ‘Because she’s a fucking whore!’ in the audience when the minister asks that ‘If anyone knows a reason…’ question. It could only be more fairytale perfect if these two human stains were consumed by dragon fire.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com
By Jack January 21, 2014 @ 2:53 PM
Hollywood crypt keeper Joan Rivers aimed her millennia old venom at Kim and Kanye’s demon spawn North West. It all went down on an episode of Rivers’ horrifically terrible Fashion Police show. The subject of the Kardashian/West womb weasel came up and the ever controversial Rivers commented on North’s unibrow. She said,
“That baby is ugly … I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing”
Normally I would agree that it is fucked up to make fun of an infant. But that demon spawn looks like fucking Bert from Sesame Street. Not that Kim should wax that shit. She’s a little child and they just have to deal with the fact that she looks like one of those baby Ewoks from Return of the Jedi. When Kim was previously accused of waxing North’s eyebrows Kim tweeted back,
“Do people really think I would wax my daughters eyebrows so young? Come on, I’d wait until she’s at least 2 1/2!”
Haha, Kim’s paid social media writer made a funny. But seriously, laser a break in that brow, you shape-shifting succubus..
By Jack January 14, 2014 @ 6:21 PM
Kanye West is being a huge pain in the ass to Anna Wintour to get his slutty wife on the cover of Vogue. Kanye was reportedly spotted chewing Wintour’s ear off in Beverly Hills to plead Kim’s case. Anna Wintour is the notorious white witch editor of Vogue and she controls who gets the cover. It’s seen as the pinnacle of glamour for the ladies. Which is exactly why Wintour doesn’t want a big-booty whore that’s only famous for getting pissed on and laying famous black celebrities to be on the cover. Wintour doesn’t like Kim and thinks she lacks class. But that isn’t stopping Kanye from pimping his lady to her.
I don’t see why he’s so fixated on this. Print media is pretty much dead. Magazines only exist to give older people something to read at the dentist’s office. Everybody else is on the phone or iPad. Men don’t even buy nudie magazines anymore to whack off. Who gives a shit if she isn’t on the cover? Is she not getting enough attention as it is? If he just waits, Vogue will eventually be desperate enough to give in so that the four million strong retard Kardashian fan base army might pluck up their magazine and stop the sales bleed. When it’s time for lowest common denominator marketing, that’s when you call Kim.
By Lex January 13, 2014 @ 6:23 PM
You know you’re not supposed to even talk to Kanye. Kanye’s sphere of privacy continues on well past his Jesus-mandated zone of hearing distance and extends to his baby mama, wherever she may be. She’s like an embassy. No matter where she is, she’s Kanye soil. So when some teen in a Beverly Hills medical building calls Kim a stupid slut and a n***er lover, you know Yeezus Hulk is coming to do some smashing. Kanye found the rather impolite young man inside a chiropractor’s office and went dukes up while Kim screamed out, ‘we have it all on tape’. I’m not even sure what they have on tape. Maybe she meant Kanye banging her in the Bentley while Bruce Jenner rolled tape and dreamed of being the woman. Maybe they do have this idiot on camera mouthing his racial slurs. Unfortunately, Kanye and his bank account will soon find out that even heinous hecklers have the legal right not to be hunted down and beat up just for being verbal assholes. Also, that bit about ‘stupid slut’ might be defensible under the truth can’t be libel axiom.
By Travis January 07, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Because she doesn’t seem to do much of anything else, Kim Kardashian went shopping in Beverly Hills yesterday with a friend, and that friend could have been named Hitler Stalin Satan Babyfucker III and nobody would have noticed because Kim also managed to cram her giant mom breasts into her top once again. She’s also being praised by some because she gave a valet attendant a $100 tip for retrieving her Rolls-Royce, but at the same time she was also ticketed because she literally parked that same car wherever the fuck she felt. In the end, though, we can call this one a draw, because it didn’t involve her filming her TV show or pretending that her marriage is real, so no harm, no foul, all tits.
Photo Credits: revolutionpix/WENN.com
By Lex January 06, 2014 @ 1:13 PM
I don’t know why the Internet world of stranglers and Lego collectors is so up in arms over Kim Kardashian ‘warping’ photos of herself and her stripper BFF, Blac Chyna to look leaner and meaner and less riddled with scabes. They both do have big tits and enormous asses that appeal to circus workers with vague backgrounds and men looking to get raped on child support for the next eighteen years. Yeah, you might notice the warped door in the backdrop. Big shocker. Everything is Photoshopped. The curtain of social media has been pulled back. Even that candid shit on Instagram and Twitter has been faked by a woman who may not even exist in real life. She could just be a lidless vagina fashioned in the ethereal manner of Sauron. Grow up, kids. There is no Santa Clause, but if there was, and he was nailing Kim Kardashian for real, she’d be a lot fatter.
(Thanks to Alexis for sending us this faked ass tip.)
Photo credit: 2 Skeeves Instagram accounts