Kim Kardashian Is a Scientific Wonder

By Lex July 03, 2014 @ 5:55 PM

Kim Kardashian Shows Off Her Curves In A Tight Dress In New York
I can’t fathom the engineering science that goes into slamming Kim Kardashian into these tight dresses she keeps wearing. We ought to send some of those skilled girdle artisans down to New Orleans to fortify the levees. There’d be a great YouTube video in showing how all that flesh and skin rash is compacted into a sleek garment. I imagine one of Kim’s handlers pops it each evening and Kim whirls about the room like a balloon with the air spewing out. Kim’s going to love the Hamptons. The Hamptons will not love her back. She won’t give a shit.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Kim Kardashian Goes Braless In The Hamptons

By Lex July 01, 2014 @ 10:25 AM

Kim Kardashian Goes Braless In The Hamptons

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash

Kim Kardashian’s Blond Hair Was Just a Wig, But Her Tits Are Still Real, Right?

By Lex June 26, 2014 @ 5:26 PM

Kim Kardashian Shows Off Her Cleavage Leaving Her Apartment In New York
Every time Kim Kardashian changes hairstyle, a collective sexual moan emanates from the E! offices down the street. It’s a very primal response for the minions living off her tits. When Kim changes hair color, Jesus, there hasn’t been such an audible bukkake since the last time Chelsea Handler was cruising executive row trying to launch her talk show. Kim shared a picture of herself with blond hair the other night and the Internet went crazy, especially Dubai IP addresses where bidding for a night lightly to moderately beating Kim climbed to 2 million barrels of oil. Alas, it turns out the new blond do was just a wig! ‘Oh, Fuck Me, Black Celebrity Jesus!’ screamed Kris Jenner who was halfway through bleaching her hair and merkin to match her daughter in her creepy stalker chameleon routine. Kim’s smallest decisions have big consequences for dumb people everywhere.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, INFphoto, FameFlynet

Kim Kardashian Looking Chesty Out To Dinner With Kanye West In West Hollywood

By Lex June 23, 2014 @ 11:20 AM

Kim Kardashian Looking Chesty Out To Dinner With Kanye West In West Hollywood

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News

Hannah Kunkle’s Divine Visions of Kim Kardashian

By Lex June 20, 2014 @ 2:18 PM

Hannah Kunkle's Paintings Of Kim Kardashian As Religious Figures
Brooklyn art school graduate Hannah Kunkle was touched with a vision of Kim Kardashian. So she painted. And painted. And when she was done painting, she painted some more. Then she went to a hip little sandwich shop in Park Slope you’ve never heard of and when she returned home, there were her completed religious works of Kim Kardashian as Shiva, the Santeria, the Pieta, and a bunch of other VIPs of the earthly religions. Kunkle’s paintings were put on display at Brooklyn art gallery that had to put up something controversial so that more than Kunkle’s art school friends would show up. The result was a great stir among the local clergy, you know, once some reporter from the Daily News told them it existed than asked them leading questions about their feelings.

Father Michael Perry of Our Lady of Refuge Church in Flatbush called the show “dumb and stupid.”

That about sums it up. As for the artist Kunkle, she explained her profound work with a bit of her own millennial artist wisdom:

I’ve never got haters before. I love it.

It’s times like these I miss the Inquisition. They made some mistakes, but they flayed a lot of really annoying painters.

Photo Credit: Hannah Kunkle

Kim Kardashian Shows Off Her Cleavage In New York

By Lex June 17, 2014 @ 10:10 AM

Kim Kardashian Shows Off Her Cleavage In New York

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News