Kim Kardashian is husky Catwoman, Kanye is Alpine Batman

By brendon November 01, 2012 @ 1:27 PM

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In the comics and movies, Catwoman is basically a gymnast who knows how to kick and punch people and she sneaks around stealing stuff in the sexiest way possible.

At Kim Kardashians Halloween party in Miami last night, Catwoman was a 200 pound lump whose only superpower is her ability to turn a penis red and flaky. Your mask is useless against that, Germaphobic Batman.

(image source = inf, splash)

Kim Kardashian is see-through, full figured

By brendon October 15, 2012 @ 11:35 AM

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Kim Kardashians big square ass was on full display yesterday when she wore a see-through skirt to go to dinner with Kanye west in Miami yesterday. There should be a law that makes people like Winona Ryder and Lindsay Lohan wear see-through clothes everywhere, all the time, so we can tell if they’re stealing. But it’s only for girls with good bodies. I would have just taken Kims word on it.

(image source = pacific coast, inf)

Kanye and Kim are “cooling off”

By brendon October 02, 2012 @ 1:13 PM

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It’s only a matter of time before Kanye West gets tired of Kim Kardasahian, because Kim Kardashian sucks, but is it happening already? “Um. Maybe,” says Page Six.

While Kim is in Miami to film her family reality show, Kanye has been living it up at Paris fashion week, even though he isn’t showing his clothing line there. On Sunday he was at a party hosted by Diane von Furstenberg and Olivier Zahm to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Purple magazine.
Another source tells us that things between Kanye and Kim are “cooling off” because “he’s getting tired of the constant press and promotion. He’s not as tight with her as he was.”

Of course he’s not. Kim was just in the UK magazine ‘Nuts’ and it’s a perfect reminder about what an insincere bitch she is. She once told Harpers Bazaar, “I’m sorry I did Playboy. I was uncomfortable.” Because 90 percent of their readers are women, 80 percent are well educated and almost half are married. The average reader of Nuts is a 17-year-old boy with an erection, so she told them, “I’m so glad I did (Playboy). It was easily the greatest experience Ive ever had.”

Oprah Winfrey has the same demo as Harpers Bazaar, so she told Oprah “her biggest regret” was making her sex tape. When Nuts asked her if she had “any regrets about the infamous sex tape”, she replied “No … He was my boyfriend at the time. It was nothing scandalous.”

She’s just a cunt who will say anything at anytime to appeal to that audience, you literally cannot believe a word she says. Unless she’s talking about how handsome I am. That’s really not even an opinion, it’s widely accepted fact.

Kim Kardashian is too fat for her dress, part 2

By brendon September 26, 2012 @ 2:21 PM

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First of all, holy shit look at the way Kris Jenner is leaning into Kim, practically pushing her back to make sure she’s in every picture. Kris Jenner is fucking insane.

Anyway. For the second time in three months (flashback!), Kim Kardashian has had the zipper running up the back of her dress break. Either because of poor workmanship (no) or because she’s fat (yes).

“What a poorly made dress,” Kim will no doubt conclude. She tried to be nice to the Chinese slaves she uses to make her clothes when she provided new drinking water and bathrooms (in the form of an arrow that points toward a river. It even says “watch out for crocodiles!” which is helpful assuming they read english) but they wanna play hardball. Fine. They can forget about getting air conditioning, now she’s gonna have all the tools heated so they burn their hands. “I bet they won’t rikey that,” Kim will add.

Kim spent some quiet time with Kourtney, the media

By brendon September 24, 2012 @ 6:24 PM

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The photo agency says that Kim and Kourtney Kardashian went to the beach in Miami today “for some sisterly bonding”, which of course means in full hair and makeup in front of a camera and film crew.

Kims tits looked great of course (god help me I love girls with big tits), but her outfit was weird. Her ass is too big to wear white and play in the ocean; it feels like there should also be pictures of her dancing and laughing in a cafe and then a voice-over where Kim says she needed an adult diaper that could keep up with her active lifestyle.

(image source = inf, splash, pacific coast)

this (or Kim Kardashian) is the girl in Kanyes sex tape

By brendon September 24, 2012 @ 3:56 PM

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There are so many conflicting reports about the Kanye West sex tape that it’s hard to even keep up, especially since I don’t want to keep up because I’d rather picture my grandparents having sex than Kanye and various fat girls. But, for example…

STORY: Kanye and Kim Kardashian hired 25-year-old model Mony Monn to say she’s the girl in the tape because it’s actually Kim, and if that gets out Kim will lose millions in her still-pending divorce from Kris Humphries. (examiner)

THE EXACT OPPOSITE: Mony say’s it’s not her: “I have no idea what you guys are talking about, THERE IS NO such thing as sex tape of me.” (twitter)

STORY: There’s actually two Kanye sex tapes for sale. “We’re told the tapes were both shot several years ago with exes.” (tmz)

THE EXACT OPPOSITE: There’s one tape, “shot sometime shortly before Kanye started dating Kim (in April of this year).” (radar)

So the only thing we can say for certain is that Kris Jenner is cackling like a witch because of all this free publicity for Kim. Seriously, that bitch is evil. She should just move into a castle shaped like a skull and get it over with.

(image source of mony, who really does look a lot like kim = instagram)