Kardashian Baby Shower Cupcake Exclusive: Chocolate and Vanilla

By Lex June 03, 2013 @ 12:04 PM

No, I’m not fucking kidding. This is an exclusive photo of the cupcakes The Kardashians gave away to all the well-wishers who came to genuflect before the future born scourge of the six or seven continents. Chocolate and vanilla side by side, as it is in Kim’s bed, so too is it on her cupcakes. And a pink ‘K’ as the couple revealed to their friends, by way of a pre-announcement publicity deal with E!, that they’re having a girl bastard. Kris Jenner is said to be over the moon. And she should be. Kardashian boys are a big fucking financial letdown. Do you really want another Rob in the family? Eats but doesn’t earn. No, sir. Give Kris a girl and some rather unevenly enforced age of consent statutes and she can turn a buck with the best of them.

Here’s the Kardashian hag sisters, Nene Leakes, Maria Menounos and some others who entered the coven over the weekend.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INF, PCN

Kim Kardashian Wants People to Stop Looking at Her Fat Feet

By Lex May 31, 2013 @ 2:29 PM

Kim Kardashian Pregnant Cleavage At A Meat Market While Filming In Los Angeles
If there’s one thing a Kardashian knows, it’s that if you want people to stop pointing out your flaws, just show ‘em your tits. It’s not a complex strategy or all that imaginative, but it does work. With just a few weeks left until she squeezes that $20 million Omen bastard out her pee hole, expect to see plenty of cleavage.

Photo Credit: INF, Splash

Kim Kardashian Nearly Shows Off Her Baby’s Head

By Lex May 30, 2013 @ 12:12 PM

The more you can see Kim’s vagina, the more she smiles and waves. It’s just an automatic response programmed into her at the Japanese factory. Stick a finger in that thing and her voice box lets out a synthesized squeak. If you insert cash into her cleavage slot, the squeaks get louder. Pretty sophisticated animatronics.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

How Does A Kardashian Porn Parody Work?

By Travis May 28, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Kiara Mia (above left) is the star of such porn classics as Shrimp Fried Pussy, Couples Bang the Babysitter 8, Bra Busters 4, Mama’s Got Big Boobies, Tit-illation, Oil Overload 8 and, of course, A Love Story. But at age 36, Kiara is looking to expand her repertoire from adult film actress with enormous tits to adult film director with enormous tits, and she’ll make her debut behind the camera in a porn parody of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, according to TMZ.

How exactly do you make a porn parody of a family that is only famous because of a really crappy amateur porn film? I’m sure it’s not difficult. After all, the adult film industry is making porn parodies of absolutely everything these days. In fact, there will probably be a porn parody of this porn parody before it is even finished.

Or maybe life is one giant porn parody and we’re all just extras. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so thought-provoking this morning.

(Photo Credits: Kiara Mia’s Facebook)

Kanye West Still Thinks He’s Jesus

By Travis May 21, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Back in 2006, Kanye West declared that he should be featured in the Bible because he believed that he could tell stories in a way that would make kids want to learn about them, and because he had “changed the sound of music”. That same year, he also appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone wearing a crown of thorns. And yesterday, Kanye’s girlfriend Kim Kardashian posted a picture of his new album to Instagram and confirmed the long-running rumor that he had entitled it “Yeezus”.

All of this is fun to recap because just last Wednesday, Kanye performed at the Adult Swim upfronts and asked the crowd in one of his classic rants, “At what point did I become un-human where I had to turn myself back?” And I just hope that someone yelled back, “Are you fucking serious?”

Kim Kardashian’s Ankle Hams Don’t Fit In Heels

By Jack May 17, 2013 @ 1:00 PM

Kim Kardashian Pregnant With Swollen Feet In Los Angeles

Kim Kardashian continued her quest to accentuate just how fat she’s gotten by wearing a pair of ridiculously tight heels. She complained to her paid friends that her swollen feet hurt after she somehow managed to shove her puffed up pregger hooves into a pair of Givenchy heels in defiance of physics and God’s will. She was also wearing a white dress that was so tight I think I saw the baby’s face.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI