Kim Kardashian is practically a cancer survivor

By brendon September 11, 2012 @ 4:49 PM

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For the most part, the UK is blissfully unaware of Kim Kardashian, and obviously she can’t stand idly by while that happens so she’s in the new issue of Nuts magazine (pictured) and has an interview with the Guardian. If the goal was for people to know the real Kim Kardashian, it succeeds. She sounds like a vapid cunt, and she is one.

Take for example her thoughts (and I use that word in the loosest possible sense) about filming her wedding to Kris Humphries for her TV show.

“We had done filming our season at that point, so we decided to film for the wedding. And that was a decision that he and I made together. But I think that, with any decisions in life [brace yourselves], like, I spoke to a girl today who had cancer and we were talking about how this is such a hard thing for her, but it taught her a big lesson on who her friends are and so much about life. She’s 18. And I was like, that’s how I feel.”

Two things:

1. She’s not even talking about the divorce and the backlash from that. She’s talking about filming the wedding for a TV show, for which she got millions of dollars in gifts, and comparing the strain of that to being a teenager with cancer.

2. An 18-year-old girl told this cunt she had cancer, and Kim Kardashians only thought was how that related to Kim Kardashain.

She is the worst person on earth. Someone could tell Kim they were in the Towers on 9/11 and she’d interrupt to say, “Oh I know, I hate it when planes land early. It’s like, hello, I’m on a schedule, and now, my car isn’t even here yet, and, it’s like, what now, you know.”

Kanye agrees: Kim is only famous for her sex tape

By brendon September 05, 2012 @ 12:43 PM

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Kanye Wests album ‘Cruel Summer’ won’t be released until September 18, but a copy of the song ‘Clique’ has been leaked, and some people say the line, “Eat breakfast at Gucci. My girl a superstar all from a home movie,” is a reference to Kim Kardashian and her sex tape. So maybe he’s proud of that. And he should be. There’s no greater act of love than for a girl to give her boyfriend a blowjob and let him film it (hint hint).

(source = tmz. image source = splash)

Kim Kardashian can’t get a star on the Walk of Fame

By brendon September 04, 2012 @ 11:06 AM

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As mentioned earlier, it’s unthinkably easy to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. There’s 2,476 of them. Magic Johnson and Muhammad Ali are on there and they don’t even have anything to do with Hollywood. Big Bird and Kermit the Frog both have two. They give the things to almost anyone.

Except for Kim Kardashian, thank fucking God.

A rep for The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce (told the Hollywood Reporter) that it’s more than just a matter of taste that is keeping her without a star.
“Part of criteria in being honored is receiving awards such as Emmy’s, SAG Awards, Oscars etc. in the category of Television, Live Stage Performance or Motion Pictures. They have to have a career in the business of acting for five years or more.”

I’m not saying this lady is lying because everyone hates Kim Kardashian, but here is a list of mosters, vodkas, dogs, and cartoon bears who have stars on the Walk of Fame.

Godzilla
Winnie the Pooh
Absolut vodka
this German Shepard
this other German Shepard
this Border Collie
the crew of Apollo XI
Mayor Tom Bradley
the Dodgers
the Victorias Secret Angels

So it’s not as if you have to be an acclaimed actor, but it’s a better idea than blowing some guy on tape. Unless that guy is me. I’ll even make you a copy to use on your demo reel, if you want.

Kim Kardashian had a 3way with a male porn star

By brendon August 22, 2012 @ 3:10 PM

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Julian St. Jox, who has been in 1286 porn movies, including ‘Junk N Da Trunk 13′ and ‘Bootylicious 45: Lose A Ho, Gain A Ho’, tells Star that he had a three-way in 2001 with Kim Kardashian, who was 20 at the time, and another girl at a swingers party in Culver City. Oooo, Culver City! How exotic!

“It was around 11:30 p.m. when Kim showed up with a black male.”

Well his story checks out so far.

“As soon as Kim walked in, everyone was looking. She wasn’t known at the time at all, not like today, but for everyone who frequented these parties, she was interesting because she was a new face.”
“She was wearing a tight miniskirt and tank top and designer shoes and bag. From afar she looked gorgeous.”

Then she got closer and sorta looked like a cartoon goat. But he banged Kim and another porn star named Emily Ann anyway.

“(Kim) looked like she was enjoying herself very much. She knew what she was doing. She was very responsive to me.”

He also said she called him “Uncle OJ” the whole time. Probably. I just sorta skimmed this for the quotes to be honest with you.

(image source of kim in hawaii last week, where she went to yogurtland and got the largest possible size threedaysin a row = fame/flynet)

Kris Jenner is not dead. Unfortunately.

By brendon August 14, 2012 @ 6:00 PM

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Apparently there was a rumor on Twitter last night that Kris Jenner had died, and the entire world was dancing and celebrating like at the end of ‘Return of the Jedi’, but then Kim Kardashian had to butt in and ruin everything.

“The awkward moment when ‘RIP Kris Jenner’ is trending yet I’m the phone with her! LOL.”

Yeah. OK. That’s not how the “that awkward moment…” thing works by the way. I know I might as well find tweets from a kid with downs and make fun of them, but what Kim’s describing is not awkward. It’s also not ironic, which I’m sure was her second choice.

Of course I’m assuming Kim didn’t actually call her mom and, after some forced small talk, break the news that she was dead. Maybe that’s what happened, and it was awkward. “I’m so sorry mom, but I guess you should fall down now and I’ll call E! and TMZ and then, I don’t know, paramedics or someone.”

50 Cent on Kanye and Kim Kardashian: “One mans trash…”

By brendon August 13, 2012 @ 2:20 PM

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Taken out of context, it may have sounded like an insult when XXL asked 50 Cent about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian and 50 referred to Kim as “trash”, but when you read it in context…

XXL: “Kanye took to his Twitter to announce that he wrote the song “Perfect Bitch” about Kim Kardashian. What do you think?”
50 CENT: “I mean…if that man feel like she perfect, then she’s perfect. He could mean it and you’ll end up singing the words to it because he’s Kanye. You know how it is? One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

Oh ok never mind. It sounds just as bad in context. Then again what was 50 supposed to say? He’s right, Kim is trash. If she and Kanye get married this is what their wedding invitation should look like.