Kim Kardashian has stopped using birth control

By brendon August 09, 2012 @ 7:01 PM

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In the most definitive sign yet that Kim Kardashian really does want to settle down and start a family with Kanye West (or at least it would be if this were true), InTouch says they’ve been looking at house together and she’s “quit her birth control”. Though technically, swallowing is not a form of approved birth control, at least not if you ask those so-called “doctors”.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Kris Jenner sold Kim Kardashians sex tape

By brendon August 08, 2012 @ 1:35 PM

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It’s hard to believe that a mother would contact a porn producer to sell a home video of her own daughter having sex, until you realize that the mother is Kris Jenner and the daughter is Kim Kardashian. Then it’s not hard to believe at all, because that’s absolutely something they would do.

“Kris was totally involved in arranging the sale of Kim’s tape,” the source told Star magazine.
“The video already existed, and Kris was there every step of the way as a middleman to market it to an adult entertainment company.”

The Kardashians have always denied this, so it’s worth noting that Star says their source passed a polygraph. Also keep in mind that because of 2257, the only way a porn can be sold is if the “performer” signs a compliance form (like this or this).

“I saw Kris Jenner’s signature on the contract; I believe she got somewhere between $250,000 and $500,000 for the original deal with the middleman,” the source said.
“Everything she does in this world, every decision she makes on her daughters’ behalf, is based on greed and publicity, and has nothing to do with her family’s stability or happiness.”

This of course is a heinous allegation, one that I believe every word of. The only thing that’s hard to believe is that there’s only been one Kardashian sex tape. Kendall better check her mashed potatoes for roofies.

Kim Kardashian has an underwater camera

By brendon August 06, 2012 @ 12:22 PM

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Kim Kardashian spent some more time on twitter this weekend posting pictures of herself in a bikini, some of which were taken underwater and in artistic black and white. Looking at these, why it’s like we’re in some fancy museum, and Kim is an beautiful and enchanting mermaid from a fairy tale. Except with herpes.

surely this must have been photoshopped

By brendon August 03, 2012 @ 5:07 PM

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Kim Kardashian posted these bikini pictures on instagram last night with the captions “pool time”, which seems likely, and “#nofilter #nophotoshop”, which seems impossible. You mean to tell me this dark picture where the subject is at a 45 degree angle isn’t from some professional studio? That Kim Kardashian hasn’t studied this 900 page, 4 pound manual for the $900 software? It defies belief!

source = twitter and twitter

Kim Kardashian knows how to pick a flattering outfit

By brendon July 31, 2012 @ 4:51 PM

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West went to dinner in New York last night, and with her hair up and a sleeveless dress with no cleavage, it belied her usual gift for hiding her enormous ass. She looked so fat she might as well have gone dressed as a hot dog.

(image source = splash)

Kim Kardashian is already freaking out Beyonce

By brendon July 10, 2012 @ 4:37 PM

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Kim Kardashian is still desperate to parlay her relationship with Kanye West into a friendship with Beyonce and Jay Z, so she reportedly spent $5,000 on a gold bracelet with pink and white diamonds for their daughter Blue Ivy, and then engraved it with a very presumptuous, “Love Auntie Kim.”

Guess how that went over.

“They have been friends for five minutes, but already Kim is try­ing to force herself into Beyonce’s life,” a source told The Enquirer.
“Despite Kim’s sex tape and bad marriages, Beyonce had been warming to her based on her charming demeanor and romance with Kanye, who’s a good friend.
“But she certainly doesn’t consider Kim family in any way, shape or form – and for her to suggest that close­ness really put Beyonce off.”

Ok fine that’s The Enquirer, so who knows, but it does sorta fit with a report in the new issue of Life & Style that says Kim is “not allowed to talk about” Beyonce or Jay-Z in public.

“She’d be kicked out of the clique so quickly if she made any misstep,” the insider explained. “Kim has to earn everyone’s trust.”

Wait. Does Kim Kardashian have any friends? Now that I think about it, in 10 years I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with anyone but Paris Hilton, Reggie Bush, and Kris Humprhies. Who all hate her now. Other than that she’s always with her family. That’s the same way rats and dingoes live, by the way. Hint hint, Kanye.