By Lex January 06, 2014 @ 1:13 PM
I don’t know why the Internet world of stranglers and Lego collectors is so up in arms over Kim Kardashian ‘warping’ photos of herself and her stripper BFF, Blac Chyna to look leaner and meaner and less riddled with scabes. They both do have big tits and enormous asses that appeal to circus workers with vague backgrounds and men looking to get raped on child support for the next eighteen years. Yeah, you might notice the warped door in the backdrop. Big shocker. Everything is Photoshopped. The curtain of social media has been pulled back. Even that candid shit on Instagram and Twitter has been faked by a woman who may not even exist in real life. She could just be a lidless vagina fashioned in the ethereal manner of Sauron. Grow up, kids. There is no Santa Clause, but if there was, and he was nailing Kim Kardashian for real, she’d be a lot fatter.
(Thanks to Alexis for sending us this faked ass tip.)
Photo credit: 2 Skeeves Instagram accounts
By Lex January 01, 2014 @ 12:28 PM
Kardashian hustler training begins early for the girls. The feel of precious stones in the palm of the hand during the infant years, the ability to determine the true pre-tax income of a suitor from just the taste of his bodily fluids, and, naturally, vomiting to keep trim. By the time she’s not allowed to go to kindergarten, North will be able to tell the cut, clarity, carart, and color of this stone with just a simple sniff. Convincing a drunk Kanye that her vagina was actually her ass was just step one for Kim Kardashian’s diabolical progeny plan. Now the real training begins. The whore grows strong in this one.
Photo credit: Kim Kardashian/Instagram
By Lex December 31, 2013 @ 3:14 PM
It’s time for the trees to give a little something back.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex December 27, 2013 @ 2:53 PM
With the Kardashians, it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s faked for the cameras. I go with the rule that not a goddamn thing anybody in that family has done has been real since Robert hid the knife for Khloe’s bio dad. Nevertheless, they keep pumping out social media content like it’s non-fiction, including their family Christmas party with the theme of ‘naughty’. It’d be easy to suggest that the only time the Kardashians are the least bit real is when they’re being all slutty, but they can’t even do that honestly. Kris fucked up their chances to be decent self-hating tramps, in favor of self-aware moneymaking business girls. They’re about as sexually vibrant as the sore-ridden abuela in Tijuana giving sailors hummers while stirring the bean pot for her family’s dinner. Still, these photos make good recruitment tools for Al Qaeda. Death to the West.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Travis December 27, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
In a move that was probably intended to mock regular idiot Americans who battled their way through crowded lines in packed malls and department stores yesterday, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian did some post-Christmas shopping in Los Angeles and didn’t seem to have any problems finding what they were looking for. Kim was also showing off the Hermes handbag that Kanye got her for Christmas, and you know it’s from him because he had artist George Condo hand paint a bunch of nude women that look like her family on the side.
That looks kind of like Kendall Jenner on the right, with Kim next to her, seemingly being mounted by Kourtney, and then Khloe just doing her thing on the left. To keep her happy, they probably told Kris Jenner that all four of the women are her.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Travis December 17, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Kim Kardashian continued her neverending quest to make us believe that she’s the World’s Greatest Mother that is losing her birth weight thanks to so much hard work by taking her daughter Nori Christmas shopping in Beverly Hills yesterday. It’s remarkable that this kid isn’t even a year old and they’ve already given her a nickname so they can try to distract everyone from the fact that her name is actually North West. Still, by the time this girl turns 16, if her biggest problem is that her name is ridiculous and not that her parents are in prison or were already torn to pieces by angry mobs or she has giant devil horns, she can go ahead and chalk that one up as a victory.
Photo Credits: WENN.com