Kim Kardashian Nude in Just Body Paint (VIDEO)

Kim Kardashian journeyed to the desert to find herself and let a bunch of dudes paint her and photograph her naked. Fucking peyote. Sorry, I mean, fucking big fat stack of cash. Kim explained how this particular project fits her goal "to be nude and do all this cool stuff". When pressed on what she meant by all this cool stuff, Kim admitted she really just meant being nude some more. We need to get Kim into the...read more

Kim Kardashian Topless Selfies Leaked by a Topless Kim Kardashian

There's an ease in knowing exactly what you are. You are tits and ass. You make a fortune being tits and ass. In a silver box your mom keeps a note she wrote when you were born hoping someday you'd grow up to be tits and ass. Kim Kardashian didn't hesitate when selecting photos from her soon to be released Selfies book to pretend were leaked early. Tits and ass. You're Aaron Rodgers. The world knows you're going to...read more

Kardashian Girls Leave No Money on the Table (VIDEO)

If you're wondering why Vagina Dad's girl children were not available to appear on the Diane Sawyer interview, it's because they were holding back on an E! two night special of their own documenting their own reactions to Jenner's gender bending announcement. There are emotions and then there are emotions you can turn into dollars on a cable net that has you and Sex and the City reruns to its name. NBC Universal which...read more

Kim Kardashian Gets Earth Day

There's something comforting in never having to wonder what the whore is planning. It's whore stuff. Mollusks have more complex agendas than Kim Kardashian who posted a photo of herself in a bikini against a green backdrop to honor earth day while pushing her book of selfies. In honor of Earth Day here is my best plant selfie from my new book #Selfish coming out May 5th! The exclamation point seems a bit much. The...read more

Amy Schumer Prays to False Gods

Nobody works harder than Amy Schumer to promote her show. Schumer threw herself mockingly on the ground before Kim Kardashian and Kanye West as they entered the Time Magazine 100 Most Influential Persons Gala to be honored for helping the magazine sell a few more copies before it circles one last time down the historical bowl. Schumer's stunt wasn't super funny, but you have to honor the initiative. You could easily...read more

Kim Kardashian Cropped

Kim Kardashian's likeness was blurred out of an ultra-orthodox newspaper in Israel because super religious Jews believe that pictures of skin revealing women inherently make them seem like whores. You could argue the general religious point, but since the actual example is Kim Kardashian, it's hard to argue against the specific. Kanye and Kim were in Israel to have their toddler christened at the site of Jesus'...read more

Kanye West Impromptu Swan

Kim Kardashian prompted her social media assistant to Tweet that Kanye West jumped out of bed to perform a concert in the Armenian capital city. That crazy impetuous fool. Crazy night! Kanye wakes me up & says he's doing a free concert in Yerevan, Armenia! I throw on sweats & we go! Nary a phrase of that is the least bit believable. Black men who bolt unannounced into the streets of Armenia don't fare well....read more

The Kardashian Genocide Episode

Kim Kardashian and The Big One got decked out for a visit to the Armenian Genocide memorial, it was like their Oscars. Their reality show camera crew and entourage were kept at a respectful six foot distance in honor of the great loss of lives. Also, they were tired of being pelted by rocks and cigarette butts. Khloe imagined a world without chimichangas providing her the perfect single tear for the solemn moment....read more

Khardashians Celebrate Genocide

The Kardashians headed to Armeniato honor the 100th anniversary of the 1915 Armenian genocide where anywhere from several hundred thousand to several million ethnic Armenians perished so that System of a Down could someday have arcane song lyrics. Genocide took a back seat on this day when Khloe Kardashian and Kim Kardashian and Kanye West and a camera crew landed in Armenia for a ten day trip visiting museums and...read more

Artist Remains Poor

Some Banksy discipleerected novelty signs across popular destinations in Los Angeles including the Kardashian owned DASH clothing store which read "No Kardashian Parking." I tend to generalize artists as a loose group of self-indulged assholes who live off the misplaced kindness of others. But I also believe that in the specific. Why do you have this much time and given those signs cost $40 bucks a pop I'd like to...read more

Rob Kardashian Hanging By A Thread

Rob Kardashian is either a fat recluse who needs help or a normal guy who appears this way compared to the rest of his family. Kris Jenner spoke about his condition on a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians: "I've gotten a few reports that he's been spending a lot of money and locking himself up in his room a lot and not really coming out... I'm just worried about what's going on...I feel like if I don't...read more

Kim Kardashian Flowerless

Kim Kardashian made a phone call to her straight husband Kanye West on her TV show which will not be on the air until 2037. She announced there is something wrong with the reproductive segments of her businessand it might prohibit her from having more children: "I'm trying to get a hold of Kanye cause I just came from my fertility doctor and they need me to go into surgery to kind of clear out something in my uterus."...read more

Jaime King Seems Acutely Sensitive

Jaime King claims that witnessingKim Kardashian bashed online for being huge and pregnant at the Met Ball two years ago made her cry for five hours. That seems like an awful long time. Especially when learning about The Holocaust in school only elicited a mild grimace. It was so stunning to me that people thought that that was okay -- not only okay but they condoned it.They would not even think about the way it would...read more

Rob Kardashian Deconstructed

The Kardashian whoremachine is floating a few trial balloons as reasons why Rob Kardashian referred to his sister Kim on Twitter as a lying manipulative murderous bitch. According to sources that are almost certainly Kris Jenner's media team, Rob Kardashian is just a silly prankster who loves practical jokes. Funny gags like eating disorders, depression, ditching his sister's wedding, punching women, and cutting sock...read more

Rob Kardashian On the Run And Shit Around The Web

Rob Kardashian called his sister Kim out for being a sociopathic murderer. Either he's right or he's wrong. Either way, he's dead. Read all about Rob getting Gone Girled. (TMZ) Start your week off right, with girls with giant boobs. (The Chive) Summer St. Claire shows her topless bug yums in the great outdoors. (Egotastic) Megan Fox models in a sheer bodysuit for a Korean skincare line. (Drunken Stepfather) Lauren...read more