By Jack October 16, 2013 @ 1:31 PM
Kris Humphires decided to unload the diamond ring he once gave Kim Kardashian for their fake TV marriage. The 16-karat ring was sold at Christie’s auction house for $749,000 to a mysterious buyer calling in a phone bid. My guess is that it was Kanye. He’s going to set the diamond in the tip of a big dildo and bang naughty groupies with it while relaying the story about how he stole Kim Kardashian away from her husband
Magazines for women are writing about how the auction closing is helping Kris Humphries to finally close the Kim Kardashian chapter of his life, but Lee Hutton, Kris’ lawyer, says he got over her long ago:
“I’m not sure if the ring or its sale helps with the process of moving on. I think he moved on long before the ring was even put into the auction. Kris, being an athlete, is getting ready for an upcoming seasons and ready for life’s lessons as they come along. This whole process was humbling but maturing.”
Great point, Lee Hutton. Sometimes it takes a fraudulent marriage to a duplicitous whore to build yourself into a stronger man. It does seem to be a common past of many great athletes, so perhaps there is something to this.
By Lex October 15, 2013 @ 2:52 PM
Nobody wants to pay a Fat Kim Kardashian. Fat Jessica Simpson may still be making a few hundred million selling her discount retail junk, but no Arab prince is going to hand over six rubies to jizz in the eye of a Fat Kim Kardashian. So Kim started the Atkins diet as soon as doctors told her it would be medically safe for the staff raising her baby. Kim’s had to learn to restructure her diet away from favorite carbs such as breads and pastas, and more toward fatty proteins like Khloe. It’s worked to the tune of a 25-lb. drop for the merchandising whore. With just 15-lb to go to reach her target weight of platinum rapper ass-tap worthy, Kim seems right on track with her career and covering up looks of surprise when people remind her she has a kid.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com, WENN
By Lex October 11, 2013 @ 2:26 PM
Kim Kardashian’s planned disguise of looking just like Kim Kardashian in Kim Kardashian’s G-Class Benz failed as she attempted one of her first rides out with her bastard baby. Kim recently returned from Paris, finding being away from the ladies who give her reports about her baby to be very emotionally challenging. So, it’s bonding time. Which in the Kardashian family means take your baby to a paid photoshoot. Paparazzi were not thrown off incognito Kim’s tracks, even when she tried to pass as a commoner by hoisting her $10K designer handbag in front of her face. Sometimes Kim is such a silly skank.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Jack October 07, 2013 @ 2:27 PM
Mother of the year Kris Jenner says that Kanye West is a great baby daddy to her sex star daughter. In an interview on the gaynoxious Hello Ross show, Jenner described what a loving and wonderful person Kanye is. I’m not sure if she knows a different Kanye because the guy she’s talking about doesn’t sound like the egomaniacal butthole we all know and despise. Jenner says,
“I love him so much and he’s such an amazing boyfriend to Kim and a great dad and a wonderful person.”
Really? Reaaalllllyy? I sort of don’t believe any of that. Though I kind of believe that Kris Jenner believes it. Especially if she’s talking about his earning potential, which I always assume she is when talking about anybody, including her own children. At some point, Kanye will find Kris slithering into his bed late at night. I hope he handles it better than Lamar. Don’t plead, that only excites her.
By Travis October 02, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
As Kim Kardashian continues to reconnect with all of her friends in the fashion industry at the Paris Fashion Week events, she’s also doing her best to make sure nobody talks about how she still looks pretty large after giving birth. Her method of choice? By shoving her gigantic mommy breasts in our faces and shaking them until our eyes pop out. It’s a pretty strong tactic, because I was originally sitting here, writing “Fatty” over and over, but now I just keep making squeezing motions with my hands while shouting, “HONK!”
(Photo Credits: Getty)
By Lex October 01, 2013 @ 5:22 PM
Kim Kardashian wanted everyone at Paris Fashion Week to know that her genetic destiny to be a plump Armenian matron remains at bay for now. Her strict diet of amphetamines and chewing on her worn shoes before she mails them off to her fetish fans for thousands of dollars is starting to work, but she needs more time. Flashing a little tit helped everybody ignore her obvious large midsection for at least one more day. It’s a solid strategy until her starving body can consume enough of its own belly fat to get her back into non-stretch band pants. Expect a lot more tit shows in the next three to four weeks.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com, WENN