Kim K Loves Jesus And Shit Around The Web

Selfie queen and human urinal Kim Kardashian has said that she really wants to take a selfie with Jesus. Not Jesus the gardener but Jesus of Nazareth. I'm surprised she'd deign to allow our Lord and savior in her fucking incessant selfies. He'd probably stone that ho. Read all about Kim's selfie based faith. (The Superficial) Matthew McConaughey pisses people off for killing Bambi and his mom. (TMZ) Brazil's Miss Bum...read more

Kim Kardsahian's Naked Ass...Again And Shit Around The Web

Kim Kardashian is showing her bare ass again in Love Magazine. The magazine had thrown out a couple other ideas first just so everybody could have a good chuckle. Look into the butthole of doom if you dare.(The Superficial) Dakota James in a bikini gives me a special feeling downstairs. (Egotastic) Whose cheerleaders was more fuckable, the Seahawks or the Patriots? (TMZ) Kim, Kanye, John Legend, And Chrissy Teigen are...read more

If the Kardashians Tits Go Somewhere Without a Selfie, Did It Really Happen?

The porn star, the large one, the model, and her British lesbian girlfriend all went to see Sam Smith in concert. God invented Sam Smith so that he could finally take Spandau Ballet into heaven. It's a big to do when three or more Kardashians are in the same place at the same time. I believe the appropriate term for a group of Kardashians is a whoreling. After the show, Sam Smith allowed the girls to use him as a prop...read more

Kanye Watches Kim Kardashian Get Dressed

It's not unusual for a husband to watch his wife get dressed. Unless it is. It probably is. Kanye has been infatuated with his wife even before they were together. He used to imagine Kim while pounding Amber Rose with his headphones on. That's a special kind of bond that defies time and space and decency. Kim seems to enjoy the intense attention. She visited Entertainment Tonight to hawk some sort of shit and shared a...read more

Kanye West Is Humbled

Some autistic guy approached Kanye West and asked him to sign a photo of Kim Kardashianwhich had his crustedjizz on it. Embarrassingly enough the photo was from one of herweddings which got poor ratings and West refused to sign it. It's aprecarioussituation. Nobody likes to think about Kris Humphries bangingyour wife or even playing basketball. If it's any consolation they probably never fucked anyways. Normally I'd...read more

Kim Kardashian in a Fur Bikini

When not saving the afflicted with just the tip of his one in the stink finger, Kanye West is designing bikinis. He asphyxiated four adult male foxes with the heel of his boot to create this merkin inspired bikini for his wife and then snapped away and shared with the world. Kanye first fell in love with Kim while watching Ray J pound her ass her on video and has never stopped loving her. Or wanting to see her lady...read more

Kim Kardashian Trailblazes

Kim Kardashian's soon to be released book of selfies entitled Selfish just picked its cover image. The final choices were tits, ass, and a photo of Kim working with disabled children, all of which were progressively morefake. They went with tits after market testing showed that for the past ten million years people have loved tits. According to the publisher, Satan, this book is going to contain some never before seen...read more

Kim Kardashian Flies Safe

It seems a tad bit racist that I have to strip down to my bare soul to get through TSA security while Kim Kardashian gets to tote all sorts of sub-dermal shit right on through. Precious metals, kilos of atomic number 14, centrifuged lipid cakes, one half of a brain borrowed from a cadaver buried behind a mental hospital. You could pack enough plastique into that fat cap to blow up Neverland. I thought the entire idea...read more

Kardashians Lack Creative Fiber

Rob Kardashian forgot his phone and his two thieving whore sisters used it to take selfies and posted them to his Instagram account as a prank. Except this isn't real. Only half abandoned dropoutswho were teething during The Love Boat could apply themselves and stillcome up with something this lame: "I'm looking thru all of his text messages and WOW just WOW ladies." Wouldn't any of thehypothetical texts in his phone...read more

Charlie Sheen Slams Kim Kardashian, Why Not

Charlie Sheen went on a Twitter rant while sober people were sleeping about an at best second hand story regardingKim Kardashian. It centered around herreportedly denying a six year old girl an autograph. This is according to his friend C Thomas Howell who nobody knew had a drug problemuntil now, although it's hard to discern if Sheen was talking to the actual Howell or shadow people. If the story is true the rant...read more

Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Sell Jeans

If you've ever thought to yourself, damn, I'd love to splash chowder across Kim Kardashian's tits over the hood of my car then buy myself some $2600 French man trousers, this advertisement is for you. I say it's even sexier because a loving husband and his still wife are playing master and servant. Third marriages based in blind greed and anal cream piesare hot. French haute couture suddenly becomes relatable when you...read more

Kim Kardashian Jugs Are Her Curriculum Vitae

Sometimes, you see somebody getting out of a six-figure car and you think to yourself, I wonder how they got so big. There's no need for questions with Kim Kardashian. I like that about her. That dwarf can be stationed any of of the possible 360 degrees of rotation and you can at least spot how she afforded the custom Rover. If her cracks could speak, you'd learn about the origins of the remainder of her fortune. It's...read more

I Always Knew Less People Gave A Shit

Instagram notified a bunch of celebrities their accounts were being Purged, meaning some of their bogus followers were being deleted. Kim Kardashian lost 1.3 million pretend fans in a few hours, Rihanna 1.2, and Katy Perry 300,000 because her people are wholesome and less like obvious Spam Bots. Humans are easily swayed. You tell them you're popular and just like that you are. Let alone you don't do anything besides...read more

Kim Kardashian Divinely Fat

Kim Kardashianbelieves God was trying to teach her a lesson when she gained fifty pounds while pregnantand ithad nothing to do with her Immaculate Consumption of Ben & Jerry's or gluten free Dorritos Locos. In fact Kim was so fatigued during the process she couldn't even formulatean intelligent sentence: "I'd think God was doing this for a reason.He was saying: 'Kim, you think you're so hot, but look what I can do...read more