Kim Kardashian Divinely Fat

Kim Kardashianbelieves God was trying to teach her a lesson when she gained fifty pounds while pregnantand ithad nothing to do with her Immaculate Consumption of Ben & Jerry's or gluten free Dorritos Locos. In fact Kim was so fatigued during the process she couldn't even formulatean intelligent sentence: "I'd think God was doing this for a reason.He was saying: 'Kim, you think you're so hot, but look what I can do...read more

Kim Kardashian Less Relevant When Clothed

Kim Kardashian showed up dressedto celebrate the release of that magazine that ran her naked Photoshopped pictures, the clothes rendering herself instantly nine times less worthwhile than baseline. Kim Kardashian has been gifted the talent of being shamelessly naked and covered in oil, or spunk, if you can happen to afford the platinum package. Forsaking her gift runs the risk of angering the gods who tapped who with...read more

Kim And Kanye Most Liked In History

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's wedding photo got 2.4 million Likes on Instagram, the most of 2014 and the most ever for a photo on Instagram. To be fair it was a slow year. Scores of retarded teens and the unemployed had to wade through countless boring shots documenting many state's first Gay Marriages, the discovery of the oldest Roman Temple on record, a bunch of stem cell stuff, some Higgs-Boson shit, a Super...read more

Kim Kardashian Surveys the Troops Abroad

With so much riding on current U.S. armed forces forward positioning in the Middle East, it only made sense to dispatch Kim Kardashian dressed like somebody her stylist saw in an old USO magazine to Abu Dahbi to assess our military state of readiness. Kim toured Persian Gulf region arsenal and met with soldiers each of whom she promised could cream pie her enormous bunghole if they destroyed ISIS and went on to become...read more

North West: Stripper Baby And Shit Around The Web

Kim Kardashian said she will be proud when North West inevitably also poses nude. She also said she has a bunch of other hopes for her daughter, but who honestly pays attention once a mom says she can't wait for her toddler to get naked for the cameras. Read all about Kim's wonderful parenting. (The Superficial) Iggy Azalea is not impressed by Eminem's rape threats. (TMZ) Hey, wanna see Christina Milian's nipple? (...read more

Kim Is No Angelina And Shit Around The Web

Unctuous ass model Kim Kardashian tried to be like Angelina Jolie and adopt a poor kid from Thailand but after a few minutes of personal reflection, the kid chose third world shithole and malnourishment over a life with Kim. From the mouths of babes. Read all about Kim's motherhood rejection. (The Superficial) Motherfucking Jose Canseco was lying about his finger falling off. (TMZ) Luci Ford wears a see-through bra...read more

Kim Kardashian In a Body Condom in Australia

Soft-brained people on all continents are buying up hundreds of millions of dollar worth of celebrity perfume. I've never in my entire life wanted to smell like anybody else. I've occasionally witnessed adult content where I've thought packing a dick the size of a viking broad sword might be kind of groovy, but I never wanted to arrive at a venue and smile confidently as people told me I reeked of beef sweat and...read more

Kim Kardashian Boobs Dine Out At Icebergs

Photo Credit: AKM-GSIread more

Kylie Jenner A Chip Off the Old Titty Block

If you're going for the passed around the reef mermaid look, you could do worse than Kylie Jenner's new hair extension line. Kylie stood next to her sister Kim with every indicator of a twinsies moment save for Kylie hoisting a Cali license plate I2WHORE. Outside of cancer patients and background dancers for Christina Aguilera, I'm not sure why hair extensions exist. I understand tit jobs, but I'm not sure many rich...read more

Kim Kardashian Naked and Unpaid, What the Fuck Happened to America?

Kim Kardashian was not paid for her Charlie McCarthy like like full frontal cover shoot for Paper Magazine since Paper Magazine is not a legitimate magazine and does not have the money to pay their cover models. Hence their willingness to put a lubed up silicon injected case of steatopygia on their cover. The New Yorker and Buttman passed because they have standards. Paper Magazine would gladly slap James Franco...read more

Kim Kardashian Nude, It's Exactly As You Didn't Imagine

I could read the part where Kim Kardashian is such a self-aware laugh riot who felt emboldened and liberated by having her Photoshopped bare ass appear in a New York rag, but in homage to Kim, I'm pretending reading is boring and hurts my head. Also, it saved me two minutes to which I applied my Learning Annex intro to Photoshop skills of my own. A little nip here, a tuck there, and suddenly you have the perfect...read more

Kim Kardashian's Kid Trying to Tell Us Something

I'm no psychologist, but I once got paid two hundred bucks for a grad student to ask me an alarmingly large number of questions about sexual attraction to inanimate objects. This $10K Hermes handbag the Belgian nannies forced North West to paint for her mom's birthday isn't just the random machinations of a toddler. There's something dangerous ruminating in that imprisoned brain of the first daughter-whore. Note the...read more

Kim Kardashian Tits Can Sell Anything

This wee porn star will go anywhere at any time for any filthy large amount of money. Long after the Apocalypse Kim will still be crisscrossing Old New York vacuuming up precious metals like a whore version of Wall-E. With the right encouragement Kim could've easily become an IHOP waitress or heart donor instead a pair of tits in heels. Ambition really is a double edged sword that you need to think twice before...read more

Mothers Against Whores Target Kardashians

An online petition is circulating to remove a line of Kardashian Kids clothes from Babies 'R Us. The items in question include a fake leather mini skirt with attached diaper cover and a fake fur animal print vest. The clothes are designed for children aged 0-24 months meaning you can mold your baby girl into a skank fresh out of the womb. Most mothers find it offensive a chick famous for getting bent over in front of...read more