By Matt March 23, 2015 @ 8:08 AM
Rob Kardashian posted a photo of the evil manipulative chick from Gone Girl along with the caption “This is my sister Kim, the bitch from Gone Girl.” Curiously, Rob’s Instagram page consists solely of this photo because he either has body dysmorphia or nobody likes him enough to take pictures. After posting the photo Rob then unfollowed his entire family on Instagram like a motherfucking boss. I thought posting cryptic cries for attention on social media was reserved for teenage girls and stereotypical gay men in their early forties. Kim Kardashian is clearly a shameless dullard yet comparing her to a serial murderer seems misplaced. A better reference might be Charlie Sheen in Wall Street if he didn’t have a job and was dumb and had big fake tits with rapper cum caking on them. Or maybe Rob’s trying to tell us she really is murdering people who get in her way. I guess we’ll know when Rob shows up in a ditch with slashes to his neck and designer socks. Nobody will say we figured this out too late.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex March 19, 2015 @ 8:28 AM
The new $100 million deal with E! is done. Promo pieces used to bump the deal are no longer needed. Like North West. She’s staging furniture for an open house. The home sells, that swank divans go back to the show room. North isn’t even two and she knows her time has passed. She used to be cradled in fur. Now she’s desperately hanging on to luggage so she’s not left behind at LAX. Who’s that bitch snaking a ride? Oh, yeah, what’s her face. At some point, the entourage will grow as tired of her as her parents and she’ll be forgotten in a Burger King restroom. Smile and learn a couple songs, sweetheart. Maybe a decent family will take you.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex March 12, 2015 @ 9:35 AM
Kim Kardashian showed her appreciation for the new fat contract from E! by nearly baring her breasts on the new Keeping Up with the Kardashians season. This as opposed to baring her breasts for half a dozen cheap magazines in the past few months and sailors in the port of Long Beach for $50 a peekaboo. I applaud the producers for trying to come up with something worth watching. Tits. Screaming. Revelations. And a pan around the room at shocked looks from the vault of stock shocked looks from shows past. If you were raised in a whorehouse, this will remind you of home. If you’re just a bored fat person, this will tickle your folds and lock you into the next episode. If you’re the rest of us, you’re just rooting for her arm to tire and men dressed as monks to bukkake her fake yabbos.
Photo Credit: “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” E!
By Lex March 09, 2015 @ 8:49 AM
It’s creepy that your husband lays out and approves your clothes at thirty-four, even if it does bring back childhood memories of hosting dad’s client friends. It’s International Women’s Day. Time to lay out some ground rules. Rule one, stop dressing me like a fuck toy. Show off my tits and ass, fine. But I don’t need to look like the mountain goat all the other goats hump because she’s got her hoof caught in the precipice. There is no rule two unless the temperatures rise in Paris. The French love the smell of an unwashed vagina more than most, but nobody exalts the scent of Yeezus musk cooked in hide.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex March 06, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Kim Kardashian’s claim that she has sex with Kanye five hundred times a day seems exaggerated. It’s probably closer to fifty and only some of that is Kanye. That’s entire reason for the bakery Turn-O-Matic tickets at the entrance to Kim’s fuck cave. Plausible deniability. Also to stop vehicles from ramming.
Kim’s revelation comes in the latest promo for her sister-whores program which officially surpasses the nine year Iraq War as the longest pointless engagement in our nation’s history. Khloe makes a face like somebody stole her last four pastrami sandwiches and Kris tries to pretend she can voluntarily twitch her facial muscles. Not watching is not an option. Kim and Kanye just fucked seventeen times in the two minutes it took you to read this. This is what it’s like when doves cry.
Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews
By Lex March 05, 2015 @ 8:52 AM
In France to discuss the social repercussions from trans-African Muslim population resettlement, Kardashian went platinum blond so she could have but five minutes break from people referring to her as that brunette whore who queefs ingots. She looks particularly emotional. Like the dude who made Chappie feel real feelings kicked her in the cooey with some activation dust. She just seems so real now. It’s almost eerie. Imagine if she speaks during sex. Eww. Somebody make her go back. This is unsettling.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet