Kim Kardashian's Tits Sells Birthday Tickets

Whenever my birthday rolled around, my parents told me I could invite two friends for ice cream and a movie, the latter of which turned out to be a View Master slideshow under a blanket. We couldn't even afford the Grand Canyon reel. It was usually just pictures of a sink hole in Florida my dad would cut from the newspaper and Scotch tape onto a yogurt cap. It wasn't until years later I learned we were't really poor,...read more

Kim Kardashian Assplay Cinema

Sometimes you just want to take your best gal to a weekend matinee. Maybe grandma. Or the nieces and nephews. You don't want to have to explain to a bunch of high fructose corn syrup jacked up grade schoolers where Kim Kardashian ass babies come from. Do you need to go backless at the mall theater? This isn't the seventh grade pool party where you're showing off your newly growing girl body. You're inflated to maximum...read more

Kimye Action Figures And Shit Around The Web

Kanye West And Kim Kardashian have made dolls of themselves for North West to play with. You have to wonder if the Kanye doll is a 'Betsy Wetsy' type that can pee in Kim's mouth. You know, realistic play is important. I think I'm going to make me some Kimye voodoo dolls. (TMZ) Surprisingly, years of ass to mouth didn't turn Sasha Grey into a feminist. (Huffington Post) Helen Flanagan has some big 'ol titty balls. (...read more

Kim Kardahian, Not Without My Baby!

I've often forgotten I have a girlfriend when I'm traveling abroad. Usually intentionally. What happens in a Romanian whorehouse not only stays there, for an extra twenty dollars American you can have everybody who might betray your silence drowned in a chemically tainted lake. Kim Kardashian's laughing off suggestions she temporarily forgot baby North in a Parisian hotel when checking out after Fashion Week. I'm not...read more

North West Could Use Some Fake Tits

Update: Just to be clear, between attorneys for black Jesus, my own counsel the ghost of Justice Brandeis, and one very pissed-off toddler, I'd like to clearly state that nothing in this post should imply, indicate, or infer that I honestly believe a young child should have breast augmentation surgery or engage in any types of illicit carnal transactions. There's time for everything in life. For this beautiful child,...read more

Kim Kardashian Attacked, Booed, and Pretty Shoddily Raised

According to the Kardashian fueled celebrity press machine, Kim Kardashian was nearly struck down in Paris by COBRA hellbent on thwarting her social progress for women and the poor and rappers with big cocks who can't afford to live in Los Angeles. Think of her as an Indira Ghandi or Golda Meir, if those ladies had chosen not to wear bras to get more attention. In reality, Kim was merely the latest victim of that...read more

Kim Gets Tackled And Shit Around The Web

A Ukrainian douche named Vitalii Sediuk who likes to fuck with celebrities tackled Kim Kardashian at Paris fashion week. This is the same dude that tried to kiss Brad Pitt and Will Smith and got punched in the face. Kim tried to turn it into her own JFK grassy knoll moment because her response to everything is to juice her publicity. See Kim's harrowing journey to the ground. (Huffington Post) This is South African...read more

Kim Kardashian Is the Big Sister You Wish You Had

There's no prouder moment for an attention starved whore than when you get to watch your half-sister by way of your tranny stepdad take her first steps on a runway in Paris. Naturally, you can't support your familial whoreling without ten hours of hair and makeup and a dress that reminds the wealthy men in the audience they can't plow their uncircumcised cocks through Kendall's tiny fashion model titties. Kris Jenner...read more

Kim Kardashian Violated By Hacked Photos She Probably Leaked

The outraged Olympics are about to begin again in Hollywood. Every reasonably attractive celebrity who ever filmed themselves fingering their clam is about to let their better educated press agents climb the soapbox under their banner. I can only imagine the outrageously pointed Tweet coming from Lena Dunham who will sweepingly denounce 175 million gawkers as rapists, while secretly lamenting why no man ever stands in...read more

Vanessa Hudgens Naked Selfies, Kim Kardashian Topless Throw Ins As Well, More Celebrity Leaked Photos

Way to fuck up my Saturday night. But, hell, for a chance to see Hope Solo wizard sleeves that even Gandalf would find overblown, not to mention disgusting, I can put down the absinthe. Another round of celebrity photos borrowed from the iCloud which runs about as safe as those old Western banks Butch and Sundance used to rob with a smile was dispersed onto the Internet via the Chans and Reddit re-feeds today. I had...read more

Kim Kardashian Making More Babies

According to the celebrity asslinguists at HollywoodLife, Kim Kardashian is over the haters who called her Shamu the last time she got pregnant and all her previously imprisoned fat cells multiplied at rates that made even Ebola jealous. Kim's now ready to have a legitimate baby. A little nugget to add to her collection of future exploited child stars and aborted fetuses Kris buried in the pet cemetery next to the gun...read more

No One Loves A Whore And Shit Around The Web

With all the hoopla over the celebrity nude photo leak, one has to wonder, why the fuck did nobody care the many times before celebrity photos and sex videos got shat out across the Internet? I'd say it's because people see Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton as lovable sweethearts, while Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, more like the girls Vegas conventioneers pay to see how far she can take a cucumber in her twat. Read...read more

Kardashians Don't Do Well With Silence

Some trumped out outrage is going around the Internet because the Kardashian whorelings were using their cellphones when Common asked for a moment of silence for Ferguson during the VMAs because as a black celebrity, he simply had no choice. While it's easy to focus on a picture of the back-brothel skank disrespecting a moment of silence, perhaps one could remember that the Kardashians donate almost ten percent of a...read more

Even These Tired Armenian Whores Couldn't Make the VMAs Interesting

I don't know what the hell happened at most of this year's VMA Awards. I fell asleep when Beyonce was singing something really loud and woke up two hours later and she was still fucking singing. Then she had a staged kiss with Jay Z and slapped him when she saw he was holding a baby she didn't remember having. The show opened strong when everybody got to pretend that Nicki Minaj's wardrobe malfunction wasn't setup or...read more

Kim Kardashian Takes An Ass Selfie

Technically, since her staff of eleven was involved in the shot, it's less of a selfie and more of a heavily staged ass sculpture. But if this is any indication of the quality of the photos in Kim Kardashian's selfies coffee table book, expect men masturbating in the reading areas of the Barnes and Noble to rise significantly. There's nothing finer than a short woman with an enormously fat injected ass who's taking a...read more