Kim Kardashian Less Relevant When Clothed

By Lex December 05, 2014 @ 9:31 AM

Kim Kardashian Looks Chesty For Paper Magazine Issue Release In Miami
Kim Kardashian showed up dressed to celebrate the release of that magazine that ran her naked Photoshopped pictures, the clothes rendering herself instantly nine times less worthwhile than baseline. Kim Kardashian has been gifted the talent of being shamelessly naked and covered in oil, or spunk, if you can happen to afford the platinum package. Forsaking her gift runs the risk of angering the gods who tapped who with the whore stick and declared her human tit candy. Curses range from the inability to utter polysyllabic words to spending your life with a large cock buried in your dumper. There is no resort spa where Fate won’t find you, Kim.

Photo Credit: INF/Getty

Kim And Kanye Most Liked In History

By Matt December 04, 2014 @ 8:12 AM

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s wedding photo got 2.4 million Likes on Instagram, the most of 2014 and the most ever for a photo on Instagram. To be fair it was a slow year. Scores of retarded teens and the unemployed had to wade through countless boring shots documenting many state’s first Gay Marriages, the discovery of the oldest Roman Temple on record, a bunch of stem cell stuff, some Higgs-Boson shit, a Super Bowl, a Kentucky Derby, a World Cup, some Women Priests, the Cool Pope, a Hawaiian Lava Flow, a Meteor Storm, a Total Lunar Eclipse, Immigration Reform, human rights protests in Mexico, people lighting themselves on fire in China, the fake Olympics in Russia, and a bunch of tranny attention getting shit James Franco did to make finally land on this photo of two assholes kissing each other  and seal it with their digital stamp of approval.

Close runners up were Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Miley Cyrus. Go ahead and halt your Harvard research studies. We are a dumb nation whose dumbest among us spend lots of time on social media pretending it’s the real world and they’re important in it. If we could transmit a deadly electric shock to everybody who regularly updates their status on social media, the remaining living members of our country would be collectively smarter than the Taiwanese and the smart parts of South America, so just the first one really.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kim Kardashian Surveys the Troops Abroad

By Lex December 02, 2014 @ 12:34 PM

Kim Kardashian Visits The Troops In Abu Dhabi
With so much riding on current U.S. armed forces forward positioning in the Middle East, it only made sense to dispatch Kim Kardashian dressed like somebody her stylist saw in an old USO magazine to Abu Dahbi to assess our military state of readiness. Kim toured Persian Gulf region arsenal and met with soldiers each of whom she promised could cream pie her enormous bunghole if they destroyed ISIS and went on to become multi-millionaire recording artists with enormous black dicks. Kim homaged Jane Fonda by straddling a large Howitzer barrel but she did it at night when nobody was looking leaving just a smudge of herpetic goo and desert flies for the field artillery mechanics to sniff out after Reveille.

Photo Credit: Instagram/AKM-GSI

North West: Stripper Baby And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 21, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Kim Kardashian said she will be proud when North West inevitably also poses nude. She also said she has a bunch of other hopes for her daughter, but who honestly pays attention once a mom says she can’t wait for her toddler to get naked for the cameras.

Read all about Kim’s wonderful parenting. (The Superficial)

Iggy Azalea is not impressed by Eminem’s rape threats. (TMZ)

Hey, wanna see Christina Milian’s nipple? (Drunken Stepfather)

Alena Blohm is ja gooden frau in lingerie. (Hollywood Tuna)

Jehane Gigi Paris does it again in these smoking hot bikini pics. (Popoholic)

Giada De Laurentiis doesn’t swallow. (Dlisted)

Old busted ass Mickey Rourke is going back to boxing. (MoviePilot)

Kim Is No Angelina And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 20, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Unctuous ass model Kim Kardashian tried to be like Angelina Jolie and adopt a poor kid from Thailand but after a few minutes of personal reflection, the kid chose third world shithole and malnourishment over a life with Kim. From the mouths of babes.

Read all about Kim’s motherhood rejection. (The Superficial)

Motherfucking Jose Canseco was lying about his finger falling off. (TMZ)

Luci Ford wears a see-through bra and it’s marvelous. (Drunken Stepfather)

Cameron Russell wears lingerie like a fucking champ. (Hollywood Tuna)

Shailene Woodley is a shitty actress but she’s got nice legs. (Popoholic)

ABC fears Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea’s asses. (Dlisted)

I’d let tennis champ Taylor Lederman play with my balls any day. (Busted Coverage)

Kim Kardashian In a Body Condom in Australia

By Lex November 18, 2014 @ 9:30 AM

Kim Kardashian Wears Busty Pink Latex Dress For Her Fragrance Launch
Soft-brained people on all continents are buying up hundreds of millions of dollar worth of celebrity perfume. I’ve never in my entire life wanted to smell like anybody else. I’ve occasionally witnessed adult content where I’ve thought packing a dick the size of a viking broad sword might be kind of groovy, but I never wanted to arrive at a venue and smile confidently as people told me I reeked of beef sweat and Caverject. Women delve into the single white female mimic fantasy far deeper. Buying into the products of a borderline moronic midget squeezed so tightly in latex her herpes sores were oozing beneath her gown. If it makes you feel good, fuck it, buy it, spritz it, and sit on your couch chunking nutella until your fabulous life arrives. Kim wins, you lose, but who is really the winner? Nope, still Kim.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI