By Jack February 04, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Selfie queen and human urinal Kim Kardashian has said that she really wants to take a selfie with Jesus. Not Jesus the gardener but Jesus of Nazareth. I’m surprised she’d deign to allow our Lord and savior in her fucking incessant selfies. He’d probably stone that ho.
Read all about Kim’s selfie based faith. (The Superficial)
Matthew McConaughey pisses people off for killing Bambi and his mom. (TMZ)
Brazil’s Miss Bum Bum now also topless, that’s a double your pleasure thing (Egotastic)
Adriana Lima in a cutout dress is faptacular. (Huffington Post)
Luci Ford sports a white bikini for you, just for you. (Drunken Stepfather)
Julia Pereira wears a black string bikini and it is wonderful. (Hollywood Tuna)
Britney Spears is back to being highly fuckable in lingerie. (COED)
By Jack February 02, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Kim Kardashian is showing her bare ass again in Love Magazine. The magazine had thrown out a couple other ideas first just so everybody could have a good chuckle.
Look into the butthole of doom if you dare.(The Superficial)
Dakota James in a bikini gives me a special feeling downstairs. (Egotastic)
Whose cheerleaders was more fuckable, the Seahawks or the Patriots? (TMZ)
Kim, Kanye, John Legend, And Chrissy Teigen are just like us and eat at The Waffle House. (Huffington Post)
Paz de la Huerta’s tits are more talented than her. (Drunken Stepfather)
Brooke Burke is still pretty darn fuckable. (Popoholic)
Katy Perry gets Super Bowl tattoo because she’s peaked. (Dlisted)
By Lex January 30, 2015 @ 10:08 AM
The porn star, the large one, the model, and her British lesbian girlfriend all went to see Sam Smith in concert. God invented Sam Smith so that he could finally take Spandau Ballet into heaven. It’s a big to do when three or more Kardashians are in the same place at the same time. I believe the appropriate term for a group of Kardashians is a whoreling. After the show, Sam Smith allowed the girls to use him as a prop for their selfies as he gave them a few bars of his new sad song about when cock goes flaccid. Kim and Khloe just sighed, while Kendall and Cara finger banged each other and promised their love would be forever. Then somebody made a joke about it being a school night and everybody laughed and queefed.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex January 28, 2015 @ 8:08 AM
It’s not unusual for a husband to watch his wife get dressed. Unless it is. It probably is. Kanye has been infatuated with his wife even before they were together. He used to imagine Kim while pounding Amber Rose with his headphones on. That’s a special kind of bond that defies time and space and decency. Kim seems to enjoy the intense attention. She visited Entertainment Tonight to hawk some sort of shit and shared a snapshot of life with Kanye:
I mean, we do everything together from right as I was leaving here, like, ‘How do I look babe? How does my outfit look?’ And you know, he’s like ‘Eww, those shoes are bad, take those off, here, put these on, OK.
That’s darling. Or gay or crazy. We won’t know for certain until the murder-suicide note becomes public. Family and friends will comment in cutaways on the E! Special how there simply were no signs. And we will chuckle and mutter ‘Eww, those shoes’.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Matt January 26, 2015 @ 7:33 AM
Some autistic guy approached Kanye West and asked him to sign a photo of Kim Kardashian which had his crusted jizz on it. Embarrassingly enough the photo was from one of her weddings which got poor ratings and West refused to sign it. It’s a precarious situation. Nobody likes to think about Kris Humphries banging your wife or even playing basketball. If it’s any consolation they probably never fucked anyways. Normally I’d find this situation awkward. You don’t want to think about the other dicks your wife has had in her. It averages between 7.5 and 402 but Kim’s obviously higher on the curve. When there’s an easily accessible video of your lovely bride being bent over in good lighting it must be all the more difficult. If his marriage is real he should down some pills and finally pull the trigger.
Photo Credit: Youtube.com
By Lex January 21, 2015 @ 11:21 AM
When not saving the afflicted with just the tip of his one in the stink finger, Kanye West is designing bikinis. He asphyxiated four adult male foxes with the heel of his boot to create this merkin inspired bikini for his wife and then snapped away and shared with the world. Kanye first fell in love with Kim while watching Ray J pound her ass her on video and has never stopped loving her. Or wanting to see her lady parts stuffed on camera. Don’t believe what you hear about divorce rumors in the gossip rags, this marriage is only ending when death overtakes one or both. Preferably by vengeful widowed foxes with thousands of super sharp tiny fangs. I hope they take pictures and post.
Photo Credit: Instagram