Kim Kardashian Making More Apps

By Lex March 04, 2015 @ 9:47 AM

Kim Kardashian is on the cover of AdWeek. Probably not related to AdWeek naming her whoring and shopping mobile game for tweens the hottest app of the year. Major media is more incestuous than the Duggars. You know dad is creating those new grandkids. The article allows Kim to pretend she played some important design role in her current game and the next twenty-seven games she’ll release because young girls are stupid and we no longer protect them from bad things.

Something that really worked in the game that was kind of an accident are the updates. For example, your character can go on vacation to Mexico, and that’s one of the places that I go all the time.

That’s just insane. The leading edge of the IQ bell curve spent 11 billion minutes last year pretending to be a virtual Kim Kardashian on their phones. That’s 11 billion minutes that could’ve been spent listening to Kesha or watching Nickelodeon or being the precocious girl who plays up a few grades at high school rainbow parties. In short, Kim Kardashian is providing a valuable service for just a few bucks with no real victims. Hmm, I bet there’s a name for that profession.

Photo Credit: Adweek/Instagram

Kanye Grieves Like No Other

By Lex February 27, 2015 @ 9:34 AM

Kanye Touches Kim Kardashians Butt In Pink Latex
Sometimes you peel back the layers on a guy you just assumed was an asshole and you’re able to confirm your suspicions. I’d recommend this for days when there’s nothing good on TV. Kanye West broke down in tears on BBC radio talking about the recent death of his fashion mentor, Louise Wilson, a professor at a London Art School who Kanye once looked up on Wikipedia:

Louise Wilson was the baddest professor of all time of any fashion school ever — notorious for not letting people stop at a 7 or 8 ever, pushing people to a 12.”

I guess they don’t use the traditional base-10 scoring system in fashion. I don’t really remember Kanye attending art school in London, but it’s possible it was located next to his favorite leather trousers store and he audited.

Kanye recalls their last meeting at a trendy restaurant in London when Professor Wilson gave him some solid advice for the nannies raising his daughter:

So many students, they don’t give it their all. And the problem is as soon as they do anything halfway good — when they are 2 years old, 3 years old — their parents clap.’ And she just looked at me and she said, ‘Kanye. Don’t clap.’”

Kanye, don’t clap. I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kardashians Crashing More Vehicles

By Matt February 23, 2015 @ 6:32 AM


Every time you accidentally catch a glimpse of TMZ they’re reporting on a member of this family crashing a vehicle. Given this group is patently uninteresting and in desperate need of material I think it’s fair to posit they’re doing it on purpose like when a dog shits on the floor for attention. Kim, Khloe, Kylie were in Montana where they were supposedly skiing but were probably filming boring television on skis and constantly referencing that it’s cold out like we don’t get it. Their vehicle apparently skidded into oncoming traffic and swerved off the road but unfortunately nobody was hurt. Either TMZ has a source in Billings or these people are reporting their car accidents to tabloids before the police. Kim then alluded to the episode on Instagram:

“Thank you God for watching over us and keeping us safe.”

Actually your step fatherette just killed a person who doesn’t pray via social media. Maybe it’s all just random. Possibly skewed the other way towards premeditated. Banging black guys is no longer shocking. A fender bender is always a solid plot device. The shark has jumped over the mountain. If your family dies in a fiery blaze the funeral episode will be your highest rated. Something to think about. Just keep the bystanders out of it. They can still be saved.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kim Kardashian Super Cleavy While Heading To SNL 40th Anniversary

By Lex February 16, 2015 @ 7:50 AM

Kim Kardashian Super Cleavy While Heading To SNL 40th Anniversary

Photo Credit: Splash

Yeezy’s Pedophile Booty Dreams Come to Life

By Lex February 13, 2015 @ 9:26 AM

I don’t know what the fuck Kanye was selling last night. I think it was blank faced children in nude bodysuits. A horde of stolen Ukrainian teen sex slaves came marching out in suede booties to the sound of Kanye West’s voice booming on about engineering greatness once more. I don’t know. I feel like pedophilia has been around for a while. As have Northern Jersey hooker boots. Adidas got involved in this mess because they’re losing market share in lifestyle clothing outside of Iran where they maintain a stranglehold on fashion. Beyonce, Rihanna, and Diddy all applauded from the front row as Anna Wintour thought of ways to choke out North West who was screaming beside her. The kid’s not a brat, she just knows shitty overpriced footwear when she sees it.

Suck on that Beck, you non-pedo, non suede booty fashion supervisor.

Photo Credit: INF/Splash/Instagram

Baby North Got Her First Fur

By Lex February 12, 2015 @ 11:24 AM

Mama Kim Kardashian Got Baby North Her First Fur
People who love animals a whole lot are mortified that Kim Kardashian purchased fur for her gentle bastard daughter. I believe that’s badger. Protestors fail to understand Kim’s plan to shuffle North out into the woods to live an existence away from cameras and spotlights and magazine interviews where mom says she loves to take big cocks from behind. The fur will help North blend until such time as she can construct shelter and suss out food sources. If that fails, it’ll keep search and rescue from finding her body before the shocking conclusion to the final season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Bruce Jenner just killed a woman for real. The bar has been raised.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet