Coachella Concedes

It's hard to state the exact moment at which an annual countercultural event sells out. It's usually a process. Inevitably marked by Paris Hilton showing up in expensive clothes made to look vintage. Coachella was a music thing until somebody realized it could be a monster fucking money making thing and suddenly Jay Z and Beyonce are headlining an indie music and arts festival in the desert. The entire list of...read more

Kimberley Garner Bikini Teasing

This British chick is the epitome of the slogan, no talent, no problem. It's a new slogan. Still testing out. Hot young women have always done well in the pocket book. The 2016 difference is the ability to make cash money by selling direct, versus previous generations who had to fuck older dudes with bristly mustaches and a fondness for soft cheeses to get their first Mercedes. If you're good looking and have nice...read more

Coachella Happened, It Will Happen Again

Coachella isn't just about the cutting edge of Madonna and Drake kissing on stage, it's about the people. If you're a ticket buyer who spent their entire last paycheck from the Coffee Bean on a single wristband, you're in with the tens of thousands sweaty masses taking ecstasy and imagining you're a musical vanguard. If you've got a decent publicist, you're in the cordoned off wide open area for the celebrities and...read more

Kimberley Garner Sells Bikinis

If you're a model and you're not going to wear a bikini to your own bikini line launch, I'm not buying. I work for my money. I'm the president and a client. I know you're British so let me tell you how we do things here in the land of big fat success. As showy and obvious as possible. The next time you get in front of those cameras, ask yourself this, are you selling or suggesting? That's right. Now off comes the top....read more

Celebrities Show Off Their Bikinis On Christmas

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Kimberley Garner Has a Keen Ass for Sales

This British chick designs, fabricates, sews, scissors, packs, ships, and sells her own swimsuit line. She also wears them around vacation hotspots so other women will ask her where she bought her suit and she can modestly say, check out my website. I'm not sure she does any of the hard work save for the wearing part, but if you're a hot young blonde with nice cans, that's the value added step. Any old Indonesian...read more

Kimberley Garner Thinks She's Marilyn Monroe

Kimberley Garner has starred on a reality TV series in England, so naturally she also describes herself as a model and actress, because that's the kind of bullshit logic that reality shows teach people. But I wouldn't even be talking about her if she didn't know how to push all the right buttons, and she got our attention last night when she conveniently let the back of her dress blow up at an event that was honoring...read more

Kimberley Garner Poses In A Striped Bikini

Kimberley Garner is either posing for a photo shoot or she's trying really hard to let men know she's fertile. It could be both. When I see a girl like that on the beach, I'm always thinking the same thing, can child support really be that expensive when you're broke? You can have half my Obamacare, woman. Sure, take some for the baby too. It's like the Cloak of Invincibility, though I'm sure an uplifting billboard...read more

Kimberley Garner In A Bikini

Sometimes a woman's ass is so fine, you just want to do something stupid. Like write her a poem or tell her you have a real job or ask her to marry you. The poetry and the lying stuff can be really humiliating, but it won't cost you alimony when she decides she needs to find herself. I'd stick with that. Here's British reality show chick Kimberley Garner in a bikini with butt cheeks that look like I doodled them in...read more

Kimberley Garner Is Trying Hard to Be Famous

Fame is an elusive bitch. Like the exact opposite of a stalker girlfriend who won't give you back your apartment key. This one's trying not to be found. Kimberley Garner was on a reality show in Britain but she's trying to get her shit to the next level. It won't be from barely dressed photo shoots. At some point, she's going to need to merging her body with somebody higher up on the fame food chain. There should be a...read more