Despite dozens and dozens of rumors to the contrary, Kirstie Alley swears that fellow Scientologist John Travolta is not gay, and if anyone could see through all the smoke and mirrors and discover the truth about something, it’s a Scientologist.
“Believe me, it took everything I had inside, outside, whatever, to not run off and marry John and be with John for the rest of my life,” Alley tells Barbara Walters on “Good Morning America” in an interview that aired earlier today.
“I know John. With all my heart and soul, he’s not gay,” she says.
Yes of course he’s not. He only jacked off a masseuse because his thetan levels were too high. Nothing a little time with the Wall of Fire can’t fix. I don’t know why people even bother taking medicines when Scientology can fix you for good, naturally.
With tonights MegaMillions lottery jackpot up to an estimated $640,000,000, even people who never played it before are playing. Even people who are already millionaires like Kirstie Alley, who has been on twitter almost all day talking about what she would do if she had all that money. Because apparently people weren’t making enough fat jokes about her lately.
There’s literally no one on earth who knows more about clothes than Tim Gunn. He’s been the mentor to the designers on ‘Project Runway’ since the show began in 2004, a job he got because he’s been part of the faculty at the Parsons New School for Design in NYC since 1982. He was also chair of the Fashion Design school from 2000 to 2007. Plus he’s gay.
“I think she’s between an 8 and a 10,” Tim told Steve Kramer.
“There is a phenomenon out there right now that I call the lying deceptive shell game of vanity sizing,” he explained. “In fact a 4 is really a 6 or an 8.”
The nerve of this bitch. Who does she think she is to stand there and lie right to our face. Bitch, I’m looking right at you. I can see you, and I know which one “4″ is, and I know the only time that clothing size would apply to you is if it were the number of X’s on the tag of your sweatpants.
Kirstie Alley told Entertainment Tonight that she’s now reached her diet goal and, are you ready to be wowed, is a size 4 after LOSING 100 POUNDS!!!
Meanwhile, back in reality, she’s a size 12, at best, after maybe losing 40 pounds, but got a flattering outfit one day and stood at angles that hid her giant ass during this interview.
“I feel like I’m back in my element. I honestly didn’t even realize what I looked like,” she told the show.
On September 13th, Alley made her modeling debut, walking for Zang Toi during New York Fashion week, showing off her new figure.
After years of suffering insults for her weight, Alley is proud to show off her new body and even more proud that she did it without the help of surgery.
“I haven’t had plastic surgery, but here’s the reason: People do plastic surgery to make you look younger,” she told “ET.” “I don’t think it makes you look younger … it can make you look weird.”
Yeah. That would be a shame. If you looked weird. Unlike what you look like now, which is Darth Vaders boss. That’s much more soothing to be around.
Despite all evidence to the contrary, Kirstie Alley claims to have lost 60 pounds while doing ‘Dancing With The Stars’, and now says she has a 22-inch waist. Just like Megan Fox. That’s Fox on the left in the headline btw, and Alley is on the right, in case you thought you were seeing double.
“My goal dress has a waist that’s 22 inches,” Alley tells Life and Style. “I tried it on, and I can almost zip it up.” She plans to wear the dress on her Italian vacation in a few weeks. “I’ll be my target size by then,” she exclaims.
That means the 60-year-old can soon start sharing clothes with Megan Fox!
“I do have a 22-inch waist,” says Fox (and) it takes a lot of hard work to stay that slim. “I did a lot of Pilates — an immense amount of Pilates.”
This obviously doesn’t even need to be said, but this is Fox at the Long Beach Grand Prix on April 16, and this is Kirstie Alley in New York yesterday. They couldn’t even share the same elevator, much less the same clothes. Kirstie might as well be saying she’s an Olympic champion now.
I didn’t want to ruin the surprise in the headline but last night was the finale for the twelfth season of ‘Dancing With The Stars’, and in the end, it came down to Kirstie Alley, a morbidly obese lump in her 60’s, and Hines Ward, the wide receiver from the Pittsburgh Steelers, one of the best pure athletes to ever play college football, a Super Bowl MVP and two-time Super Bowl champion.
Both had obstacles to overcome. Hines has been dealing with torn ligaments in his left thumb. Kirstie can’t leave the house for extended periods because standard toilets are too small and too flimsy.
But there could be only one winner.
- – SPOILER ALERT – -
Surprisingly enough, Hines Ward, the person who earns millions of dollars for his supreme, world class athletic ability, was a better dancer than this. An old lady who can’t dance by any reasonable definition. All she does is walk around the room at a normal pace, but while lifting her feet slightly higher than usual. It’s like watching someone walk on hot sand set to music.