Every male member of the Kardashian family deals with the stress of being emasculated by the coven of shrill she-demons in their own self-destructive manner. Lamar Odom holed up in a motel smoking crack with Vietnamese twinks. Bruce Jenner chose to lop off his dick. Rob Kardashian is binge eating. The family decided the chunky scion should no longer be featured on the mothership show designing socks or trying to spell the latin name of his sisters’ STDs. Instead they just talk about how fat and stupid he is behind his back. The producers at E! have staged a storyline where Kris Jenner pretends to have true human concerns for her son’s physical and mental well-bring with breaking news reports of Rob ordering food at In & Out Burger and refusing to purge. She cries and worries about how her son might die, or worse, have $100,000 worth of surgery to become Rebel Wilson. This is all a windup to Rob hanging from a 101-freeway sign with the words I Was Never One of You painted in Nutella on the gut of his lifeless body. Sweeps week. Check the freeway signpost ladder for fingerprints. Then cross check against those lifted off Marcus Allen’s cock in the late 80′s. I guarantee you he didn’t go up there alone.
If you’re wondering why Vagina Dad’s girl children were not available to appear on the Diane Sawyer interview, it’s because they were holding back on an E! two night special of their own documenting their own reactions to Jenner’s gender bending announcement. There are emotions and then there are emotions you can turn into dollars on a cable net that has you and Sex and the City reruns to its name.
NBC Universal which claims about 90% of shitty content on the air at any given time, worked the upcoming E! Special into a top line promo campaign on Good Morning America showing clips of Jenner and Kardashian girls effusively expressing their love for Bruce. Also, Kim talking about how feminine Bruce’s polished toenails are. I think, I vomited half way through. In one touching scene, Kris Jenner forces water out of one of her fabricated eye slits pretending she just found out her husband of twenty years was a tranny. I might feel just a little bad when Rob the Redeemer locks all the doors and torches the family home. Please let the pets out first.
The Kardashian whore machine is floating a few trial balloons as reasons why Rob Kardashian referred to his sister Kim on Twitter as a lying manipulative murderous bitch. According to sources that are almost certainly Kris Jenner’s media team, Rob Kardashian is just a silly prankster who loves practical jokes. Funny gags like eating disorders, depression, ditching his sister’s wedding, punching women, and cutting sock patterns in the dark basement at night next to the sarcophagus chambering his real dad’s cadaver. Classic knee-slappers.
It’s just him… He always posts things he thinks are funny and deletes and unfollows people… He’s so bizarre, he posts and deletes and thinks people aren’t going to notice.
Like guys with 5 million followers and tons of social media training often do. Forget how Twitter works. Another theory thrown out there by the team is that Rob is very frustrated with his weight and lack of motivation to get into ass fuck shape like his sisters:
He just doesn’t seem to care right now. He’s not motivated. He seems really sad about his weight, but he also isn’t trying to do anything about it.
Consider that a butterball warning shot from Mom, dipshit. She’s a ruthless succubus but she is all that stands between you and a face off with the midget plum hole sister you just outed as a murderous psychopath. You won’t win that fight. Now get back in the basement and knit us some more socks. You Tweet that shit again, you’ll only need to make left ones for yourself.
Photo credit: FameFlynet
I’m not sure what $100 million U.S. is in haggard vagina dollars, but it’s probably still a lot. Kris Jenner nailed down a fat Comcast contract for herself and her sexually active ducklings to keep making their show on E!, inclusive of TV spin-offs, digital projects, and aerosolizing toxins from the top of tall towers to retard a next generation of viewers. It’s moments like these when I think of every single letter ever received about not giving the Kardashians any press so they might go away.
The E! deal includes the services of Kris Jenner, her five whorelets, plus that dude who gets loaded and fucks babies into the shortest one. Jenner rakes ten percent of everybody else’s fees, on top of her own appearance dollars, so expect her to stow about $15 million into her own ocean floor bottom safe. Bruce Jenner isn’t part of the new contract since he’s selling his cock lopping under his own imprint. This is one expensive fucked up human circus and a prime example of what happens when a network can’t come up with a single second idea in eight years. Expect your Comcast cable rates to double in the next four years. Consider it penance for every time you ever nailed a girl with a double digit IQ.
Kris Jenner posted a photo of her crying grandchild North West understandably having a tantrum while waiting for her super straight dad’s suede booty fashion show to start. That’s fine. Tagging Beyonce and a host of other celebrities in the post could be pushing it. I feel we should allow children the decision to become useless assholes instead of having the decision thrust upon them. Like with Mormons or those guys who build fireplaces. It’s a low percentage but a few do opt out. Kendall Jenner pondered her fate and promptly dropped out of high school. She was at least sprouting pubes and the instantly gratifying decision was hers alone. This is a fucking baby. The New York Post ran with Kris Jenner’s objectification and plastered it on their front page because their editors are just as dead inside but more poor. When all is said and done you’re just helping the terrorists. I’m not a conspiracy nut but they grow poppies. Connect the dots.
Photo Credit: Instagram
Mother of whores Kris Jenner is telling inside sources that she was unaware that Bruce Jenner wanted to be a chick. She says that’s how bad the communication was or some shit. That is pretty bad when you don’t know that your husband wants to cut off his dick.
Read all about the extent of Kris’ denial. (TMZ)
Elsa Hosk in see-through underwear? Yes, please, and thank you. (Egotastic)
Mila Kunis is a big fan of her huge tits. Me too. (Huffington Post)
Want to see Kim K full frontal nude…again? (Drunken Stepfather)
Sandra Kubika in Valentine’s Day lingerie is the only gift I need. (Hollywood Tuna)
I would like to gnaw on Taylor Swift’s legs. (Popoholic)
Kaylee J. Lavigne and Saab Marty go splashy splashy in wet white t-shirts. (The Superficial)