To be fair to children in general, a better headline might be “Award Shows Are Incredibly Stupid”, but since the Kids Choice Awards took place in Los Angeles on Saturday, we’ll stick to making fun of the little morons for now. Hosted by actor Josh Duhamel, who got the job after finishing third in a Timothy Olyphant lookalike contest, this year’s Kids Choice Awards honored a number of people who were willing to show up, including Katy Perry’s breasts and One Direction.
But the big winner of the night was Kristen Stewart, who was named Favorite Movie Actress for her breathtaking performance as a girl who looks confused in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part Thank God It’s Over.
Sandra Bullock and Neil Patrick Harris were likewise drenched in the green goo while presenting the award for favorite movie actress. Winner Kristen Stewart, recognized for her role in “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2,” joined in by hugging Bullock, getting messy in the process. Stewart also won the prize for favorite female buttkicker for her role in “Snow White and the Huntsman.”
Other film winners included Johnny Depp, who attended but was not slimed, as favorite movie actor for “Dark Shadows.” Favorite movie went to “The Hunger Games,” with “Wreck-It Ralph” winning favorite animated movie. Favorite voice from an animated movie went to Adam Sandler for “Hotel Transylvania,” and Dwayne Johnson won favorite male buttkicker for “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island.” (L.A. Times)
Of course Johnny Depp didn’t get slimed. God forbid someone get some sticky goo on his bitchin’ leather bracelets. But it’s great that Depp’s performance in the PG-13 Dark Shadows was honored by children in 22 countries, as there wasn’t a middle school cafeteria that wasn’t buzzing over that movie last year. “Hey, did you see Dark Shadows,” the cool kids would ask, adding, “My bad, I forgot you were giving birth.”
Hollywood ranks as the third biggest dank-smoking industry in the world, right behind the National Basketball Association and South American Air Traffic Controllers, so it’s no surprise that somewhere around 68.9% of actors and actresses are puffing tough on Trainwreck at any given moment. But Kristen Stewart at the Academy Awards last night, she and that limp and that wicked unexplained arm bruise, she crashed through the ‘Bridge Out at 420′ sign and flew right off the embankment.
Kristen Stewart had quite a 2012. She compelled her Snow White director to chow down on her lunch box during union mandated production breaks, busting up his marriage to a hot Euro model, no less, she finally got her top off fully legit in On The Road, and in between giving the finger to paparazzi, broke up with her gay boyfriend who will certainly be missing that middle finger. She’s busy. And super fucking high.
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Check out Liberty Ross and her amazing legs and nipples. She’s the model whose director husband dove into Kristen’s breach face first and cost himself any shot at ever tweaking those nipples again in bed.
Kristen Stewart had a premiere last night for her movie ‘On The Road’, which is just another way of saying Kristen Stewart wore a weird and unflattering outfit. To be fair, it does look better from the back, but a lot of that may just be the subliminal joy you feel when Kristen Stewart is walking away.
Do you have any idea how dull a girl has to be to wear an outfit that is skin tight AND see-through, and still be boring? Well you do now because Kristen Stewart did it last night at the London premiere of ‘Twilight: I Thought We Were Done With These’.
It didn’t help that she immediately went from “sexy movie star” right back to “schlumpy stoner”. I’ve never seen someone so attractive be so unsexy. Robert Pattinson is either blind or wears a strap-on.
When it came out that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with Rupert Sanders, and especially when she gave that horribly awkward public apology, everyone assumed she actually had sex with him. Or at least I did because she’s high all the time and girls like that have lots of random sex.
But now it seems that might not be the case, at least according to the two people who have every reason to lie about it.
“Kristen and Rupert both told their respective partners that they didn’t actually have sex,” a source close to the situation tells Radar. “Kristen was absolutely steadfast that she only engaged in several make-out sessions with Rupert but never slept with him. Rob didn’t believe her in the beginning but as time wore on he accepted her explanation. Kristen has given Rob passwords to her voicemail and e-mail account to prove she has nothing to hide and will do anything to get his trust back.”
Oohh, so she’s dingy looking, cheats and grovels with no dignity whatsoever? Yeah, don’t let her get away Rob, she’s a real catch.
WEIRD: Kristen Stewart was wearing Robert Pattinsons clothes two weeks ago, about a month after they broke up because she cheated on him.
XTRA WEIRD: She did it again yesterday, wearing one of his shirts to LAX.
“THIS BITCH IS INSANE”: These are the only two times she’s been photographed since July. She’s essentially left the house twice in six weeks, and she’s been in his clothes each time. Is that coincidence, or does she wear his clothes every single day and we just don’t see it? This dude is gonna end up in her bed with his feet between a block of wood while she picks up a sledgehammer and tells him this is for the best.