Kristen Stewart is Snow White. See.

By brendon September 28, 2011 @ 4:39 PM

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‘Snow White’ has been a famous story for generations, but everyone has always hated that she doesn’t wear armor and ride a horse on the beach and mumble incoherently with a dead, lifeless expression on her face. Thank God Hollywood has finally decided to fix those obvious shortcomings.

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Kristen Stewart found something she’s good at

By brendon July 12, 2011 @ 5:42 PM

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I truly do not understand the appeal of Kristen Stewart, or how she has any semblance of a career as an actress because she’s genuinely terrible at it, but she does know how to pick out a pair of jeans, I’ll give her that. Her jeans are so tight I bet they could push her hymen back together. Medically speaking, she might be a virgin again.

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Robert Pattinson is nice, has cool stories about clowns dying

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 9:57 AM

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Every now and then it’s nice to hear about an actor who isn’t completely insane, or even more shocking; grateful. Especially one who became hugely famous seemingly overnight. That’s why it’s so hard to dislike Robert Pattinson, even though his movies practically demand it. Page Six says…

Robert Pattinson knows how to work a crowd.
The “Twilight” hunk showed up an hour before the premiere of “Water for Elephants” to schmooze with fans Sunday night.
His driver dropped him at the top of the block so he could stroll along West 54th Street and sign autographs.

Maybe he’s so nice because he knows how fickle fate can be. And what better way to learn that than by watching a clown burn to death. On the Today show yesterday he explained why, even though his new movie is about the circus, he’s only been once and has no desire to go back.

“The first time I went to a circus, somebody died. One of the clowns died.”
“His little car exploded. The joke car exploded on him. Everybody ran out. It was terrifying.”

At least the clown died doing what he loved; seeing someone throw a bucket towards him that was actually filled with confetti and spraying him with seltzer water. What a way to go!

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Tuesday afternoon headlines

By brendon November 09, 2010 @ 4:55 PM








CONAN O’BRIEN – brought in 4.2 million viewers last night for the premiere of his TBS show, easily defeating Leno (3.5 million) and Letterman (3.4 million). And he showed how they plan to keep using old characters like the Masturbating Bear while getting around NBC’s intellectual property right claims. When it comes to apex predators wacking off, accept no substitutes. (deadline)

SETH ROGEN – says he was so nervous to propose to his girlfriend, he just ran in the house and did it. It was not good timing. “She was in our closet, changing, and she was literally only in her underpants. I had already kind of started. I didn’t picture it like this, and I know she didn’t picture it like this.” Wow so she was topless? What a whore! (people)

KRISTEN STEWART – will be “practically naked, a lot” in the next Twilight movie, though I didn’t catch the name of it. To be honest I thought we were done with these. How long is this gonna go on? (e!)

kristen stewart is really sorry

By brendon June 04, 2010 @ 10:37 AM

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In the July issue of British Elle, ‘Twilight’ star Kristen Stewart compared being followed by the paparazzi to getting raped. And after that, “the blogosphere exploded in outrage”. In other words, 5 self-important nerds and unloved cows in baggy jeans demanded an apology. And got one, it would seem. People says…

“I really made an enormous mistake – clearly and obviously … and I’m really sorry about my choice of words.”
“I’ve made stupid remarks before, and I’ve always reasoned: ‘Whatever. They can think what they want,’ ” she says (but) in this instance, she feels compelled to address the situation. ” ‘Violated’ definitely would have been a better way of expressing the thought,” she notes.
(In the past) She has done public service announcements for the advocacy group RAINN and for SOC.
The irony of the situation is not lost on the actress. “People thinking that I’m insensitive about this subject rips my guts out. I made a big mistake.”

Hopefully tomorrow she’ll issue another apology to people who have had their guts ripped out. Anyone who speaks in hyperbole to illustrate a point can go fuck themselves, I say.

these two are officially pretending to date

By brendon February 23, 2010 @ 2:59 PM

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All the weird and unpopular teen girls who write fan fiction about Edward Cullen dreamily showing up in Biology one day and realizing they’re not ordinary, they’re special and amazing, need to put their dreams on hold, because he’s now admitted for the first time that Kristin Stewart is the girl he pretends to date so people won’t think he’s gay. The Sun says…

The mystery of their relationship status has been driving fans of the vampire saga loopy.
The pair at first went to ludicrous lengths to avoid being seen together by devoted fans.
“It is extremely difficult but we are together, yes.
“We can’t arrive at the same time because of the fans. It goes crazy. This was supposed to be a public appearance as a couple but it’s impossible. We are here together and it’s a public event but it’s not easy.
“We have to do all this stuff to avoid attention.”

I really don’t get this girls appeal, even as a pretend girlfriend. She’s not ugly but she’s not pretty either. She’s like the girl at the beginning of commercials who uses the wrong shampoo or can’t do a sit up. On every picture she’s ever taken, it looks like a red X is gonna be stamped over her at any second.