Kristen Stewart actually looked hot today

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 4:41 PM

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It took a few years of trying and several hundred failed attempts, but Kristen Stewart actually looked like a girl today at the ‘Cosmopolis’ premiere in Cannes. Or at the very least a boy I’d let go down on me.

(image source = getty, wenn)

Kristen Stewart really is an idiot

By brendon May 15, 2012 @ 1:21 PM

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Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, and Chris Hemsworth all walked the red carpet in London last night for the premiere of ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’, and in the middle of all that, for reasons that only made sense in her pot addled mind, Stewart knelt down and flipped off Theron and Thor.

How this monotone 6 continues to get a free pass while Megan Fox gets attacked is one of the most baffling things I’ve ever seen. She always looks like she doesn’t think she’s in this scene, even while the other characters are all staring at her.

(image source = wenn, splash, getty)

Kristen Stewart really went all out

By brendon May 08, 2012 @ 2:40 PM

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My plan was to make a .gif of Kristen Stewart at the Metropolitan Museum of Arts annual ball in New York last night, to show the way she looks and moves in real life, to capture the sparkle in her eyes and the radiant glow in her complexion.

And so I did. That’s it up there under the headline. It’s 4 minutes long.

(image source of kristen at the 2012 met gala ball = getty)

Kristen Stewart doesn’t like ‘Twilight’ either

By brendon April 16, 2012 @ 7:21 PM

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It was a little surprising when Robert Pattinson admitted that he would probably hate the ‘Twilight’ movies too if they weren’t paying him to feel otherwise, but not that surprising because the ‘Twilight’ movies suck.

But now it seems monotone bore Kristen Stewart might feel the same way because she told an Australian movie magazine that her role in ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’ is better than her role in ‘Twilight’.

“It is fairly common to have your story as a woman, even if you’re the protagonist, facilitated by all of the male characters. It’s so rare to have a female lead character being so proactive. She pushers her own story forward, rather then being affected by all of the outside elements. Hopefully we do that, I’m really proud to be a part of something like that. It’s always food for women to feel empowered.”

Are we sure she’s talking about the right movie? Because in ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’ literally everything Kristen Stewart does is driven by “outside elements” and her actions are only possible because the male characters show her what to do.

Luckily the only people who might care about this are ‘Twilight’ fans, and ‘Twilight’ fans are fat girls, and all that talk about “food for women” made them hungry and instead of being outraged they went to get a Cinnabon.

Kristen Stewart was “sexy”

By brendon November 15, 2011 @ 1:48 PM

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The tabloids are losing their mind today because Kristen Stewart, who is plain and ordinary in every way, wore this dress with a slit up the side at the ‘Twilight’ premiere last night. Unfortunately she’s so awkward and boyish that she stood there with her leg at a 30 degree angle the whole time, as if she was trying to trip someone or hail a cab in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, to make sure we noticed.

But the fans were going crazy anyway. And why wouldn’t they. They get to see a third and fourth movie about the hazards of dating a werewolf and vampire, because apparently it takes four movies to explain that.

(image source = getty)

holy shit, ‘Snow White’ looks terrible

By brendon November 10, 2011 @ 5:51 PM

Kristen Stewart is the star of ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’, but anytime she tries to act it’s as if she’s reading the script for the first time, and the words are upside down and backwards, and she got really really high first. That’s probably why they don’t let her talk, at all, in the trailer that came out today (HD copies here).

In fact she’s barely even in it. Maybe because it eventually dawned on someone that this movie is about Charlize Theron being jealous because Kristen Stewart is hotter than she is, and how that makes no sense, so they just edited around her. I wouldn’t be against them doing that with the whole movie by the way.