Kristen Stewart made a public apology

By brendon July 25, 2012 @ 2:21 PM

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This seems a little weird–though no weirder than seeing her play golf in Malibu five days ago in cut-off shorts and Vibram FiveFinger shoes–but Kristen Stewart has issued a public aplogy for cheating on Robert Pattinson. So if you see him, I guess maybe you could read this to him or something.

“I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.”

To which Rupert Sanders replied, “Are you gonna keep going on all day about what a terrible mistake I was? I’ve got feelings you know.”

(image source = fame/flynet)

Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson

By brendon July 25, 2012 @ 9:34 AM

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The new issue of Us weekly says, “Robert Pattinson’s biggest fear has been realized,” then goes on to imply that that fear is losing Kristen Stewart. Which seems very hard to believe because she’s annoying and weird looking. He lives in L.A., that combination will not be hard to replace.

On July 17 in L.A., Stewart, 22, was caught by photographers in a series of steamy rendezvous with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders, 41.
Sanders — married to British Vogue model Liberty Ross, 33 — has two children, ages 7 and 5. During his marathon makeout session with Stewart, “it seemed like they couldn’t get enough,” according to one photographer.

Wow this Rupert guy is a fuckin weirdo because Liberty Ross is pretty ugly too. If he hates his penis so much he should just chop it off.

REVEALING UPDATE - A “source” tells People, “Kristen is absolutely devastated. It was a mistake and a complete lapse in judgment. She wasn’t having an affair with Rupert. It was just a fleeting moment that shouldn’t have happened. She never meant to hurt anyone. She’s a good person who just made a bad choice.” So let’s hope Rupert hasn’t already killed his wife to start a new life with Kristen.

(image source = getty)

Kristen Stewart may have breast implants

By brendon July 18, 2012 @ 4:45 PM

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It seems unlikely, because I’m looking directly at her in the same pictures this so called “doctor” saw, but some are suggesting that Kristen Stewart got breast implants because of how she looked at Comic-Con. I could see suggesting she’s a “stoner” or “hoarder” or “boy”, but how they decided she had big tits is beyond me. Take it away Star

…the beauty’s supernatural-looking bust — prominent in a black bra under a tight white belly-baring shirt — sparked rumors that she’d gotten implants.
“Her breasts have gone from what looked like a large A cup to a large B cup,” says renowned New York City-based plastic surgeon Dr. Matthew Schulman.
“While this might be the result of a new, state-of-the-art bra, it’s most likely the result of a breast augmentation.”

First of all, “large A cup” is an oxymoron, so this doctor sounds drunk. Second of all, this bitch doesn’t even wash her hair, you think she cares enough about her apparence to get implants? I’d be thrilled if she saw a Playmate and at least got the hint to put on deodorant.

Kristen Stewart is way too cool to care about anything

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 2:42 PM

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Kristen Stewart is on the cover of the July issue of Vanity Fair, and go ahead and read the interview if you want. Or don’t, whatever man, she doesn’t even care.

“I have been criticized a lot for not looking perfect in every photograph.”

“But not for exaggerating, because I don’t ever do that.”

“I get some serious shit about it. I’m not embarrassed about it. I’m proud of it.”

“You and your professionalism can suck my dick.”

“If I took perfect pictures all the time, the people standing in the room with me, or on the carpet, would think, What an actress! What a faker!”

So she’s offended if people think she’s a good actress? This explains a lot.

“That thought embarrasses me so much that I look like shit in half my photos, and I don’t give a fuck. What matters to me is that the people in the room leave and say, ‘She was cool. She had a good time. She was honest.’ ”

“We wasted 6 hours and didn’t get a single usable picture but all that really matters is that Kristen had fun fucking everything up,” said No One Ever.

“I don’t care about the voracious, starving shit eaters who want to turn truth into shit.”

So I can call her ugly and she won’t care? Perfect. Because two of pictures of “Kristen” are actually images of my colon. Try to guess which ones.

Kristen Stewart actually looked hot today

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 4:41 PM

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It took a few years of trying and several hundred failed attempts, but Kristen Stewart actually looked like a girl today at the ‘Cosmopolis’ premiere in Cannes. Or at the very least a boy I’d let go down on me.

(image source = getty, wenn)

Kristen Stewart really is an idiot

By brendon May 15, 2012 @ 1:21 PM

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Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, and Chris Hemsworth all walked the red carpet in London last night for the premiere of ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’, and in the middle of all that, for reasons that only made sense in her pot addled mind, Stewart knelt down and flipped off Theron and Thor.

How this monotone 6 continues to get a free pass while Megan Fox gets attacked is one of the most baffling things I’ve ever seen. She always looks like she doesn’t think she’s in this scene, even while the other characters are all staring at her.

(image source = wenn, splash, getty)