By Lex June 23, 2015 @ 9:19 AM
Here’s the thing most people don’t seem to understand about the age of consent. That’s consent for sexual activity. As a random example, Tyga. It’s a crime for him to pound Kylie Jenner Jenner in her fart hole nightly. Even if she’s a precocious millionaire high school dropout and ass fucking is a super responsible form of birth control. By contrast, it’s perfectly okay to stare at Kylie Jenner’s tits and imagine sticking your dick between them, In fact, if you don’t, Kris Jenner will pick that up in her Cerebro helmet and Kylie will receive three switch lashes to her abdomen when she returns home. Nobody gets out unblemished. You can’t make babies with your thoughts. Not yet.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex June 19, 2015 @ 9:55 AM
The ministers of social media are outraged over Tyga posting a track to Soundcloud that mentions Kardashian pussy and how the D-list rapper sees himself being arrested over it in the near future. Nobody seems super bothered that Tyga’s raping Kylie Jenner offline, but artistically featuring Boozie Badass behind a Casio keyboard beat seems gratuitous.
Tyga insists that he produced this symphony about being sucked off by bitches two years ago, long before he was pumping a fetus into the underaged Jenner. The song’s reference is innocuously about him wanting to rape Kim, or Khloe if he’s on the sizzurp. That’s legal in most states, though slightly more disturbing. I’ve never been a prematurely-sexualized illiterate rich seventeen year old girl, but I’m guessing this all seems pretty romantic. Me and you and our bastard baby against the world. What do you mean you want a paternity test? No, I don’t like to ride horses. Stop punching me in the stomach. Ow.
By Matt June 19, 2015 @ 8:05 AM
Kylie Jenner took a break from being statutorily raped to go on Snapchat and talk about how she has been bullied all her life which is odd because she never went to school. It appears Jenner is referring to cyber bullying, and confusing the term with people just commenting that she might be retarded, as evidenced by her diatribe:
“I’ve been bullied since I’ve been nine. From the whole world, it feels like sometimes… and I think that I’ve done a really great job in handling all this. There are bullies everywhere, so this was just a little like Snapchat, to tell whoever with their own bullies, that the only opinion that ever really matters is yours and to never change.”
I think you’ve done a piss poor job in handling this. Does that make me a bully or an honest American? The only opinion that matters is yours? If everyone felt that way the wold would be going to absolute shit. Maybe this is her fault. Cankles. Jenner first appeared on Keeping Up With The Kardashians when she was nine so some would be willing to write her off as a Harvard Medical Experiment and count the days until she starts taking testosterone and gets a pump action penis because that’s not weird and has nothing to do with being traumatized. Fuck off, trashy shit for brains. That’s my opinion, I’m never changing it. Because I’ve found my center.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex June 12, 2015 @ 10:35 AM
You know what they say about kids who grow up in brothels with dads who want to be working the clients rather than just working the register. There’s nothing Kylie can do at this point that can’t be blamed on her shitty parents. Including eloping with her older rapper boyfriend. It’s not something typically encouraged. And it’s not really eloping, since the reading challenged couple have pre-announced an August timeline for their marriage. That’s just force of TV scheduling habit.
According to RadarOnline, Kylie and Tyga will be married shortly after Kylie turns eighteen this summer and the couple will move far away to New York or even Europe as that’s the farthest place right on the Google map.
“Kylie is done with the constant criticism and micro-management from her family, especially Kim, and she’s dead set on going her own way as soon as possible.” — anonymous insider
It is amazing how anonymous insiders sound so much like reporters making up stories on a slow news day. If you’re going to have four marriages and a couple or three kids by men of dubious character, you need to start sometime. In ten years there will be major advancements in therapeutic headgear for your offspring. Get yourself out there. Nobody rich dies of The AIDS anymore.
Photo credit: Getty Images
By Lex June 09, 2015 @ 10:14 AM
Kim Kardashian went deep pockets for Kanye West’s birthday, renting out Staple’s Center and organizing a basketball game for Kanye and friends Tyga and Justin Bieber and NBA stars John Wall and James Harden. John Legend sang the National Anthem because patriotism and paychecks go hand in hand. Kim smeared her labia majora across different surfaces of the arena creating a Dora the Explorer set of clues for Kanye to find his second birthday gift, her younger sisters to fuck. It’s not incest if you’re not blood. Check your bible. Duggar recommended verses.
The price tag to take over Staples is $110K which is an expensive birthday gift except in the event E! is paying for it out of production dollars. Previously the couple rented out AT&T Park for their engagement party and are taking over Disneyland for their daughter’s second birthday. You could see this as gross excess or just be happy these incorrigible whores won’t be ruining your kids Chuck E. Cheese party. It’s all about containment. Ebola is only a problem when it’s not isolated. Try not to step directly into the bloody stools. It’s not like the Lakers need the place.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex May 29, 2015 @ 10:34 AM
Kylie Jenner’s 957th unexcused absence from school was a day well spent. The Jenner daughter sorted out her feelings on chemtrails and dad’s nationally televised castration by grabbing brothel locker partner Pia Mia Perez and rebooting Adrian Lyne’s Foxes along Rodeo Drive. If nobody sees your camel toe, do you really exist? I’ll leave that to Socrates. Kylie has been forced to shoot down rumors once again this week that she’s carrying Tyga’s baby, reiterating her confidence that you can’t get pregnant from casual ass sex if you dookie immediately after. Book learning is overrated. It’s all about brief educational pamphlets.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/FameFlynet