By Lex November 07, 2013 @ 3:35 PM
Kylie Jenner got a whole bunch of people offended when she casually mentioned on Twitter that her ever changing hair color was a result of her being bipolar. But, smiley face, to let us know she’s not really bipolar after all. That clever little minx. Mental health advocates were not pleased with Kylie’s flippant use of the very serious medical diagnosis to describe her whimsical change of hair colors. While others just called Kylie young and stupid, which is a more technically accurate assessment. Despite the misstep, Kylie fast approaches five million followers on Twitter, giving her one thousand times the combined followers of all the girls in the high school she quit. So, who’s laughing now, retards?
Photo Credit: Kylie Jenner/Twitter
By Lex November 05, 2013 @ 1:40 PM
Kris Jenner is the Energizer bunny of pimping out her kids. With all the negative news surrounding the family of late, divorces, illegitimate kids, all the buried babies yet to be washed up during the first winter rain, Kris grabbed her female children, some revealing dresses, and got everybody out to the beach to show off some titty. Of age, barely legal, fat and gunky, underaged, it did not matter. Just get the sun glare and the soft lenses working, the girls in some skin baring outfits, and start snapping away. And it’s all perfectly legal. She’s like the most dangerous Batman villain yet.
Photo Credit: The Kardashians/Instagram
By Lex October 29, 2013 @ 12:20 PM
It took her until sixteen, or seven years after being put on the pill, but Kylie Jenner finally has her own black celebrity boyfriend. Huzzah! In longstanding family tradition, Kylie will be soaked in a tub of secretions from the reproductive organs of woodland animals and then adorned head to toe in Kardashian Kock Beads. Each of her older half sisters will take turns punching her in the uterus to guarantee she’s fallow from any previous experimentation. Then Khloe will eat an entire Smithfield Country Ham without utensils and Kris will tell the funny story of the homeless man they ran over during Christmas ’07 and nobody even investigated.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex October 25, 2013 @ 3:20 PM
Nothing sucks worse than rolling up in your Benz to a luxury hotel in Beverly Hills with your 15-year old boyfriend and being denied booze cause of your stupid age. Especially when you call out to your executive producer to fix the situation then realize the guys from E! aren’t with you and you really are being told you can’t have bottle service. Fuck, I’d throw a shit fit too just like Kylie Jenner did.
Kylie went quick to the ‘Do you know who I am?’ line made famous by every young and out of touch celebrity nightmare before her, but to no avail. She couldn’t get her drink on. So she took her entourage and with a final out loud curse about the hotel being fucking lame, they took off for a place that would respect her earned social status.
Kylie’s reps got her to hit up Twitter to defend herself lest people think she was doing what she’s actually doing and stop buying her earrings and environmentally friendly teen-sex toy line.
So very true. Grown adults are the worst fucking liars. Like the twenty people at the hotel who saw you throwing a shit fit because you couldn’t get bottle service. They’re all in on it. They probably want you to go to school or some shit like that. They don’t understand you as an artist of the reality television medium. Keep on, keeping on, Kylie. This world needs drunk tarts just as much as it needs scientists.
Photo Credit: Kylie Jenner/Instagram
By Lex October 21, 2013 @ 2:38 PM
Kylie Jenner seems like the reluctant Kardashian. Yeah, she dropped out of school and is overdeveloped for her age and got a fancy ride for her sweet sixteen and she’s getting loaded at nightclubs. The Kardashian standard pedigree. But she still strikes me as Herbie the Elf. Maybe she wants to be a dental office receptionist. Perhaps she’s showing off brochures about exciting career opportunities in the oral hygiene appointment setting only to be rebuffed and mocked by a man with a bulbous nose and a goatee. That would be Kris Jenner in between waxings. Until Kylie’s professional ambition to work behind a sliding frosted glass window are achieved, expect her to continue to act more and more rebellious. Maybe get involved in Korean bondage porn or really break her mom’s heart by dating a white guy.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex October 17, 2013 @ 12:29 PM
We’re starting to piece together the evening that Kendall and Kylie Jenner got wasted at a bar. Naturally, it began with their chaperone and unemployed former snowboarder Scott Disick getting loaded at a fashion show and making an ass out of himself. At one point, one model even broke pose to flip him off. He later tried to pull the fashion designer off the runway, which would have at least been a funny drunken antic. But, like most things in Scott Disick’s life, he whiffed. It was after this event that Scott decided to roll out in his Bentley with his teen half-sisters or whatever they are out for some Grey Goose and dancing at a place where the Kardashians move to the front of the line. I imagine the E! reality folks were shocked to see Scott helping the underage family members get loaded, or more likely, they were buying the drinks. Teens with alcohol problems make for great reality TV. Kris Jenner would’ve stopped the whole thing but she was busy trying to roofie her daughter’s cocktails and whispering into the ears of famous guys in the club how badly her girls wanted to be with them, on camera if possible.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, WENN