Kendall And Kylie Are Influential Whores And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 13, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Mini-Kims Kylie and Kendall Jenner have been named among America’s most influential teens by Time Magazine. I was going to say this is the day our civilization officially went down the shithole, but it’s really probably just Time Magazine that did.

Read all about the Jenner’s whorish mammoth influence. (Huffington Post)

Sweet mother of fuck McKayla Maroney is flexible. (Drunken Stepfather)

Bethenny Frankel looks like they stuck two water balloons to a skeleton. (Hollywood Tuna)

Hey, wanna see Megan Fox’s black lace panties? (Popoholic)

The Internet wants to euthanize Taylor Swift’s pussy. (The Superficial)

Kate Upton forgot to wear a bra to this photo shoot. (COED)

Sammy Sosa looks like a busted gay ghost version of himself. (Busted Coverage)

Kylie Jenner’s Metamorphosis And Other Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 09, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Kylie Jenner is slowly turning into Kim K Superstar. She’s starting to inject her lips and get other cosmetic work done. I’m pretty sure somebody foretold of something close to this back in biblical times. The outcome is not super for the human race.

Watch her change into a mutant. (Celebslam)

Martha Hunt’s titties look amazing on the runway. (Drunken Stepfather)

I’d like to take a number at the Xenia Deli, if you know what I mean. (Hollywood Tuna)

Alexis Ren shows off her inner sexy cat in these Halloween costumes. (Popoholic)

Amanda Bynes gets caught shoplifting…twice. (The Superficial)

Paula Patton sloughing off slimeball Robin Thicke in a divorce. (Dlisted)

Areana Cirina is the only reason to watch that shitty Parenthood show. (COED)

Tyga and Kylie Jenner Statutory Date Raping

By Lex October 09, 2014 @ 8:40 AM

17 Year Old Kylie Jenner Wears Short Dress On Date With Rapper Tyga In Encino
If anyone knows how to tightrope walk around a statutory rape prosecution, it’s Kris Jenner. You don’t rise to pimp head of a multimillion dollar teen prostitution ring without picking up a little streetwise jurisprudence. Kylie Jenner is just seventeen and according to the state of California, she’s still an illiterate minor. That means whatever the hell her rapper boyfriend slash Kim’s best girlfriend’s baby daddy is doing with her after sushi dates is technically a sex crime. Not as bad as Stephen Collins flashing his pecker to grade schoolers or guys at the office peeking at Jennifer Lawrence hacked naked selfies, but a crime just the same. When you limit your potential sex partners to reasonably successful black rappers, there has to be some concession to age differences and depth of criminal backgrounds. STDs may slowly burn away, but a Kardashian girl never forgets her first publicity fuck.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Kylie Jenner Is Sending Signals

By Lex October 03, 2014 @ 2:43 PM

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I haven’t watched a lot of After School Specials, but I’m pretty sure when you’re going through a divorce and your teen daughter is posting racy bikini photos online and dating 25-year old rappers with babies it’s a sign she needs a hug. Also condoms. Lots of condoms. Kylie Jenner had to feel somewhat wanted knowing her mom asked for full custody of her in settlement papers with her pre-op decathlete ex-husband. Especially if she missed the handwritten contract revision notes where Kris Jenner scribbled, I get the big titted teen for the next $100K, you owe me for all the fucking toy helicopters!

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kendall Jenner Denies Being a Cold Texter

By Lex August 29, 2014 @ 12:25 PM

Kendall Jenner In A see Through Top With Kylie Jenner Promoting Their DuJour Magazine Shoot In New York
In a growing scandal nobody really gives a fuck about, they just need an excuse to show half naked teen girls (myself included), Kendall Jenner denies that she and her working girl sisters were texting during the VMA minute of silence for kids throwing Molotov cocktails at cops in Ferguson:

I just specifically remember not texting and bowing my head down for the moment of silence and that’s all I have to say about that.

Whoa, thanks Obama for giving us a quote in between your national security briefings. I actually believe that these moronic vag-bots text and Tweet so much of their every waking hour that they probably do remember the few brief moments when they’re not typing LOLZ what a bicchh! into their phones. Also a Kardashian is going to remember the one time in her life when she bows her head and a cock doesn’t slide into their mouth. I find these lovely young ladies innocent of disrespect! Now, onto the For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge counts.

Photo Credit: Getty, INFphoto.com, Pacific Coast News

Kardashians Don’t Do Well With Silence

By Lex August 27, 2014 @ 3:11 PM

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Some trumped out outrage is going around the Internet because the Kardashian whorelings were using their cellphones when Common asked for a moment of silence for Ferguson during the VMAs because as a black celebrity, he simply had no choice. While it’s easy to focus on a picture of the back-brothel skank disrespecting a moment of silence, perhaps one could remember that the Kardashians donate almost ten percent of a their Ebay discarded clothing sales to a charity nobody has ever vetted. Khloe and Lamar spent several years raising money for a stomach cancer charity that helped pay Lamar’s friend to build a basketball court. The matriarch of the family was having interracial sex outside her marriage before that was even considered cool. You tell me who has done more for the black man — Common or The Kardashians? If the answer comes from the voluminous subset of those who’ve been blown by a Kardashian, I can give you your answer.

For the record, moments of silences can be called for by anybody. It doesn’t make them sacrosanct. Kylie should’ve called for a moment of silence so she could text Jaden Smith and asks him if he knows what the fuck a Ferguson is.

Photo credit: Tabir Akhter / Twitter