By Lex December 16, 2014 @ 10:01 AM
According to hiphophangover.com, a news source about as reliable as Fox or MSNBC, so mostly just made up shit, Kylie Jenner is pregnant by Tyga. Kylie has repeatedly denied she’s dating the older rapper mostly while wryly smiling and burping up his baby sauce. Given the extent of the in utero burial grounds at the Kardashian home in Calabasas, it seems unlikely that Kris Jenner would allow her underaged daughter to carry a baby to term for lack of my body my choice options. Someday, Kylie will suffer the intense boredom of the dumb and bear the family another illegitimate mulatto child. Is that day today? Look to the Southern skies.
Photo Credit: Instagram/AKM-GSI
By Lex December 02, 2014 @ 11:31 AM
There will come a time in every Kardashian daughter’s life when they will be asked to employ their tits to bring some money to the family table. It’s roughly about the time they prematurely develop engorged breasts thanks to a strict diet of chickens who have consumed all the hormones Whole Foods removed from their foul. And then it proceeds on until death by the tractor the Grim Reaper rides to emphatically squelch the horrendous ones when the scythe just seems to swift and humane.
Photo Credit: Beats By Dre
By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 9:48 AM
Teens, old chicks, strange foreign chicks with pasties who nobody remembers inviting. All the girls went braless last night at the American Music Awards. After watching two minutes of sunken eyed anorexics talking fashion on E!, I discovered braless is a new style trend. I suppose it’s better than tiny hats. The Jenner girls don’t belong at a music awards show, but you ditch the bra and you’re on every short list, including the Cosby mentor program speed dial.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex November 19, 2014 @ 10:03 AM
Tyga canceled his music appearance at a West Hollywood nightclub because they refused to let his seventeen year old Kardashian girlfriend into the venue. Tyga’s has the fourth lamest fake rapper name ever, made a baby with Kim’s friend Black Chyna and is now not legally banging Kylie Jenner. Hence, girlfriend. I guess the club decided losing their million dollar liquor license wasn’t worth the appearance of statutory felonious rapper who doesn’t even make the top ten list of rappers the Kardashian girls have let slam them in the thumper. If Bruce Jenner wasn’t imagining being on the receiving end of some hot Tyga bone, he might be he appropriate person to step in and try to reverse seventeen years of concubine training of his youngest child. With Children and Family Services occupied with professional athletes beating their bastard sons with various implements, that leaves nobody left to protect this child growing up like the Lord of the Flies if the shipwrecked boys all had Range Rovers and moms urging them to screw black celebrities. I think this is sad, but I can’t feel anything.
Photo credit: Splash News
By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
If you’re going for the passed around the reef mermaid look, you could do worse than Kylie Jenner’s new hair extension line. Kylie stood next to her sister Kim with every indicator of a twinsies moment save for Kylie hoisting a Cali license plate I2WHORE. Outside of cancer patients and background dancers for Christina Aguilera, I’m not sure why hair extensions exist. I understand tit jobs, but I’m not sure many rich dudes are looking at artificial hair and thinking, fuck, I’d like to empty my back account for that long tressed babe. If only Kylie had stuck with school past the seventh grade. She could at least have a working knowledge of how her mother was misappropriating her paychecks.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex October 31, 2014 @ 10:39 AM
I don’t know precisely when parental intervention is necessitated, but if this were my daughter, after milking her for millions in merchandising deals, I’d probably tough love her into a nunnery somewhere in the Alps until she was able to raise the escape cash . Sure you intentionally raised a jaded and emotionally empty whore child, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pretend it’s not your fault and blame the Internet or sex in movies or Abercrombie ads. Have a good cry on Oprah, people will believe you.
You simply can’t have your seventeen year old daughter offering up her submissive sex in front of millions of other moderate to low levels of intelligence teen girls. Red Bull product placement monies aside. We can’t afford the resulting baby boom. Not with a ton of illegal immigrants still needing jobs.
Photo Credit: Instagram