Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash
Lady Gaga is finally realizing her destiny to look like the wealthy Bolivian sister no man came to court. She’s just signed on with Live Nation so she can be managed by the same people who miraculously churn out millions of screaming Europeans for Madonna decades after her shock pop relevancy faded. Live Nation makes you money on the decades long downside. With Lady Gaga only finding only 700,000 sad angry cutters to buy her last album, it’s time for more elaborate video sets on stage, holiday retrospectives, Bests Of albums, and probably Kabbalah. With that pleasant punim and a magical wristband, Lady Gaga is going to churn cash until the end of time.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com
For Justin Bieber and KD Lang and Michael Buble and Ellen Page and Dead Cory Monteith and Drake and everybody not named Rush or Triumph or Gretzky, here’s Lady Gaga wearing no pants in the streets of Winnipeg. I don’t know why she’s not wearing pants. I don’t care why she’s not wearing pants. I just want you to know how truly crappy Neil Young music is and fucking apologize with some smuggled cigarettes. Only then will we take Lady Gaga back. You can euthanize her dog. With all the shit he’s been forced to see he’ll probably bound into the gasser.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
Cheeky. Get it? Fuck you. Somebody has to give that Gaga some loving. Even girls who resemble frightened woodland mammals need a little ass grabbing from a hunky boyfriend like Taylor Kinney. If I were Lady Gaga’s boyfriend, I’d constantly be toying with her rear. In fact, I’d tell her that if she truly loved me, she’d never turn around at all. Only I’d figure out a way to make it sound more romantic and less like her distressed marmoset face was killing my boners.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News
I don’t even like to think this, let alone say this out loud. There is a possibility that Lady Gaga and her Artfor$120 a Ticket Tour will be bumped next Monday night at the Verizon Center in D.C. in favor of a Washington Wizards home playoff Game 6. Naturally, Lady Gaga’s Little Monsters reacted with all the esprit de corps that lovable band of self-cutting misfits have come to embody:
A few others threatened civil disobedience, some potential acts of anti-social behavior, and for some, going so far as to say they would continue to never play sports for ever ever, and if they did ever play sports again, they promised to be picked last.
Hunter Nguyen was particularly devastated. He even said he was devastated to a newspaper. But when a bunch of other Lady Gaga fans also all announced they were devastated, Hunter decided to kick his loyalty up another notch:
Life seemed so much simpler before the Internet. A time when emotionally unstable young people could sit in their rooms and injure themselves while their step-parents had swingers parties in the garage. Before social media, maybe Hunter would actually do something about the tremendous pain he’s experiencing from missing Lady Gaga. Twitter is fucking up the proper culling of the herd.
Photo Credit: Splash
Photo Credit: Porter Magazine