Lady Gaga Joins the Musical Deathstar

By Lex June 13, 2014 @ 4:32 PM

Lady Gaga Steps Out In A Sheer Bra In New York
Lady Gaga is finally realizing her destiny to look like the wealthy Bolivian sister no man came to court. She’s just signed on with Live Nation so she can be managed by the same people who miraculously churn out millions of screaming Europeans for Madonna decades after her shock pop relevancy faded. Live Nation makes you money on the decades long downside. With Lady Gaga only finding only 700,000 sad angry cutters to buy her last album, it’s time for more elaborate video sets on stage, holiday retrospectives, Bests Of albums, and probably Kabbalah. With that pleasant punim and a magical wristband, Lady Gaga is going to churn cash until the end of time.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet,

Suck It, Canada. Lady Gaga Has No Pants

By Lex May 23, 2014 @ 4:49 PM

Lady Gaga Pantless Walking Her Dog In Winnipeg
For Justin Bieber and KD Lang and Michael Buble and Ellen Page and Dead Cory Monteith and Drake and everybody not named Rush or Triumph or Gretzky, here’s Lady Gaga wearing no pants in the streets of Winnipeg. I don’t know why she’s not wearing pants. I don’t care why she’s not wearing pants. I just want you to know how truly crappy Neil Young music is and fucking apologize with some smuggled cigarettes. Only then will we take Lady Gaga back. You can euthanize her dog. With all the shit he’s been forced to see he’ll probably bound into the gasser.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Lady Gaga’s Boyfriend Is Cheeky

By Lex May 14, 2014 @ 12:56 PM

Lady Gaga Gets Her Butt Pinched By Taylor Kinney In New York
Cheeky. Get it? Fuck you. Somebody has to give that Gaga some loving. Even girls who resemble frightened woodland mammals need a little ass grabbing from a hunky boyfriend like Taylor Kinney. If I were Lady Gaga’s boyfriend, I’d constantly be toying with her rear. In fact, I’d tell her that if she truly loved me, she’d never turn around at all.  Only I’d figure out a way to make it sound more romantic and less like her distressed marmoset face was killing my boners.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News

Little Monsters Bravely Face the Apocalypse

By Lex May 06, 2014 @ 3:38 PM

Lady Gaga Strips Down To Nipple Pasties Onstage For The Start Of Her artRAVE Tour In Ft Lauderdale
I don’t even like to think this, let alone say this out loud. There is a possibility that Lady Gaga and her Artfor$120 a Ticket Tour will be bumped next Monday night at the Verizon Center in D.C. in favor of a Washington Wizards home playoff Game 6. Naturally, Lady Gaga’s Little Monsters reacted with all the esprit de corps that lovable band of self-cutting misfits have come to embody:


A few others threatened civil disobedience, some potential acts of anti-social behavior, and for some, going so far as to say they would continue to never play sports for ever ever, and if they did ever play sports again, they promised to be picked last.

Hunter Nguyen was particularly devastated. He even said he was devastated to a newspaper. But when a bunch of other Lady Gaga fans also all announced they were devastated, Hunter decided to kick his loyalty up another notch:


Life seemed so much simpler before the Internet. A time when emotionally unstable young people could sit in their rooms and injure themselves while their step-parents had swingers parties in the garage. Before social media, maybe Hunter would actually do something about the tremendous pain he’s experiencing from missing Lady Gaga. Twitter is fucking up the proper culling of the herd.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lady Gaga Sexy In The Summer 2014 Issue Of Porter Magazine

By Lex April 11, 2014 @ 10:30 AM

Lady Gaga Sexy In The Summer 2014 Issue Of Porter Magazine

Photo Credit: Porter Magazine

Lady Gaga Says Women Should Submit

By Michael March 25, 2014 @ 2:21 PM

Lady Gaga In The March 2014 Issue Of Harper's Bazaar

Lady Gaga said in a recent interview that not only is she submissive in a relationship but that other women should listen up to their men’s commands as well. Gaga has been lauded as a feminist icon by the gay men and obese under 30 women that are her fan base. I’m not exactly sure what she does that’s so feminist. I doubt that Gloria Steinem would let someone puke on her tits unless it was an involuntary reaction to seeing her tits, which could happen.  But apparently in her relationship to Taylor Kinney, Lady Gaga takes a backseat:

“Oh yeah, he’s [Kinney], like, totally in charge. When I’m home I’m, like, shoes are off, I’m making him dinner, you know? He has a job, too, and he’s really busy. I’m in charge all day long. The last thing I wanna do is tell him what to do. We’re just really good friends. It’s not good for relationships to tell men what to do, female listeners who are out there.”

You don’t really hear that kind of talk much anymore. Maybe I’ll tell my wife that Lady Gaga says she needs to shut up and make me a sandwich. Maybe she’ll say ‘why don’t you go have sex with Lady Gaga if she’s so great?’. I’ll contemplate and shiver and go put down all the toilet seats in the house and put some mints in her tampon boxes as little heart surprises. Next life.