Lady Gaga And Donatella Versace Welcome Travelers to Their Haunted Crypt

By Lex January 20, 2014 @ 1:42 PM

Lady Gaga And Donatella Versace Arrive At A Fashion Show In Paris
I’m not much into omens, but when these two ladies of the dark bid you welcome into their stone temple, I’d run the other way and cover myself in juniper leaves. Lady Gaga’s makeup artist managed to cake her into looking like the sister chosen to seduce the wayward traveler into the coven, where that hapless soul would find Donatella Versace and the blood curdling cries of the devil’s feast. Some would call it a Versace fashion show, the handful of survivors won’t be able to speak its name allowed.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Lady Gaga Looked Ridiculous At The Golden Globes

By Travis January 13, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Does Lady Gaga’s shameless demand for attention know no bounds? The singer showed up to the Golden Globes last night in perhaps the most outrageous and offensive costume that she has ever worn, and it’s really just pathetic, the lengths she’ll go to in order to shock and offend us with her so-called “art”. An elegant gold dress and wavy blonde hair? Who the fuck does this woman think she is to constantly hijack these shows with her pathetic antics? She’ a pantsuit and Toyota Camry away from becoming the most vile and despicable attention whore on this planet.

Photo Credits: Getty

Lady Gaga Distancing Herself from R. Kelly

By Lex January 03, 2014 @ 5:36 PM

Lady Gaga Poses Topless But Covered For A Versace Ad
Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for a woman to launch a bawdy sexualized song with a known defiler of underaged girls. Lady Gaga probably didn’t give a shit until her new album tanked in sales simultaneous to the uproar over R. Kelly’s pissing on pubescent girls came back into the media spotlight. Such is the whimsical nature of creating art with sex offenders. Lady Gaga’s P.R. machine, along with her desperately bleeding cash record label, got Christina Aguilera to re-do ‘Do What U Want’ taking over R. Kelly’s role in the duet with Lady Gaga. They released it on iTunes and are mostly hoping people forget about the R. Kelly intercourse version showcased on SNL and at the American Music Awards.

“When I heard she [Christina] wanted to collaborate, I said of course! She’s such an innovative artist and a risk taker. And as a fellow female, I have so much respect for that.”  – Lady Gaga pretending to tell a truth

Yes, of course she wanted to collaborate, after she got offered lots of money to make people forget about the dude who used to arrange underaged sex shows in his condo. I didn’t really need a new version of this crappy song to make me forget about the two month old version of the crappy song. I’m guessing we’re not likely now to ever see the provocative music video Terry Richardson was creating for the R. Kelly and Lady Gaga version. I wonder if they sampled the crying girls from Chicago. That’s so Artpop!

Photo Credit: Versace

Lady Gaga Has Fallen And She Can’t Get Up

By Lex December 16, 2013 @ 5:40 PM

Everybody wants to know why the social outcasts from The Breakfast Club aren’t buying Lady Gaga’s new album. It’s so bad that when I searched Lady Gaga backdoor cucumber BDSM penetration, I got articles about how ARTPOP sucks and how Interscope is going to have to fire a large number of angry short people because they’re losing so much money on the album. Everybody in Gaga’s inner-circle has ditched her like rats fleeing a really unattractive Titanic. Did Gaga foretell her own future by posing crawling across the floor in a bikini while R. Kelly subjugates her beneath his prophylactic diaper? It would be a better story if Fame or Celebrity or German Measles killed Lady Gaga, you know, rather than just a really crappy album without radio play songs.

Lady Gaga Likes Attention

By Lex December 10, 2013 @ 2:52 PM

Lady Gaga Steps Out Of Her Hotel In An Orange Bra In London
Lady Gaga is running out of bizarre costume ideas so she just headed out in London in her underwear and a bathrobe. We once found my Great Aunt Elaine looking like that outside a closed hardware store when she was in her 80′s. She said she was buying a socket wrench for Harry Truman. That’s when we knew it was time to start combing her attic for valuables she’d never know were missing.

Photo Credit: PCN, WENN

Lady Gaga Mounts R. Kelly In Preview Mode

By Lex December 09, 2013 @ 4:51 PM

With only one preview shot of the forthcoming video for the Lady Gaga song about letting R. Kelly piss directly into her screeching portal, I’m already prepared to call this the musical event of the year. What could possibly go visually wrong with Megan’s Law website featured face Terry Richardson directing the bewildered ferret like countenance of Lady Gaga writhing around on R. Kelly homaging Kanye and flipping the bird.

I know you’re waiting for the DWUW video. Its unlike any video I’ve ever done. Very Personal. Just making it perfect. Exciting, — Lady Gaga tweeting her Little Monsters

By personal, I think Gaga means you might catch a glimpse of the sutures where he gunny sack used to be. Do What You Want will be the video they show on long sea voyages to keep the sailors from getting hard enough to rape each other in the boiler room. Can not wait.