By Travis November 13, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
At a random ceremony in the Bronx, attention-deprived pop star Lady Gaga unveiled her latest stupid fashion design, “VOLANTIS,” which she claims is the world’s first flying dress. What VOLANTIS actually is would be better described as a hilariously dumb one-person helicopter with a harness shaped sort of like a white dress. Even more accurately, it could be referred to as a flying death trap that will undoubtedly get someone killed, maybe even Lady Gaga herself. And I imagine that Lady Gaga’s funeral would just be a complete mess since there’d be no one to tell people when they should clap.
By Lex November 11, 2013 @ 1:08 PM
Apparently, if you don’t have to chisel the Daedalus maze of her labia, you can whip out a Lady Gaga thirty foot tall statue in like four hours. It seems like just yesterday Jeff Koons was snapping shots of the mole like creature with a giant blue ball birthing out of her cloacal sac. Now, it’s finished and on display at the Brooklyn Naval shipyards in honor of some art exhibit which is standing in as a promotional vehicle for the launch of Lady Gaga’s ArtPop album release today. Everybody celebrates Veterans Day differently. For Gaga fans, it’s staring at the blue snatch bubble of their queen.
To complete the circle of idiocy, Lady Gaga slipped into the ‘Volantis’ a space age concept dress that flies. It made a shit ton of noise as it barely lifted off the ground and lurched forward a few feet. This was apparently the height of genius for art nerds who fall leagues below tech nerds in tangible accomplishments.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex November 08, 2013 @ 1:43 PM
You may know Jeff Koons as the artist who makes shiny metal and glass sculptures out of common icons of pop culture. You may know Lady Gaga as the woman who looks like the mentally disturbed patient from 4C that even the randy orderlies are too scared to grope after lights out. The two have teamed up for a photo shoot of Lady Gaga naked with a blue glass ball covering her lady parts. For those of you who didn’t take five years of junior college art, I can tell you rather definitively that the blue ball represents our healthy planet threatened by the noxious industrial gases produced by Lady Gaga’s vagina. See how she’s smothering Mother Earth with her carbon demon. Start riding mopeds or we’re all being sucked up into that itchy morass like the USS Constellation into the Doomsday Machine.
Photo Credit: Jeff Koons
By Lex November 04, 2013 @ 2:10 PM
Men don’t understand the intimate connection a woman has to feel before she flashes her beaver in public. It’s not just a physical thing. It’s an intense spiritual bridge between hairy clam owner and a couple thousand gay British men moderately to severely disappointed that a prick didn’t pop out of Lady Gaga’s panties. The emotions were so intense that Lady Gaga broke down in tears on her departure from London the next morning. Though maybe she was also crying because no prick popped out. That has to be a daily disappointment.
By Lex October 29, 2013 @ 2:58 PM
At some point years ago Kelly Osbourne had the bright idea to call Lady Gaga a butterface. Yes, we all see the irony. Lady Gaga’s carrot-brained junior scouts swore vengeance on Ozzy’s booze and food addled daughter and called her a fat cow and talked about burying her in the desert and other Internet anon pleasantries. In the latest lame shot across the bow, Lady Gaga had the nerve to show off a birthday cake she got for Kelly, but presented on the X-Factor to her mom in the U.K. while Kelly was in Los Angeles. Kelly tweeted a picture of the cake back to Gaga and told her to #EatMyShit. I guess she really wanted that fucking cake in person. Now the war is afoot once more. Lots of high strung mall employees will not survive.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex October 28, 2013 @ 3:36 PM
Lady Gaga stripped off all her clothes at a London nightclub looking like Grandpa Munster slipped her a potion to drive her snooping ass out of the house. I’m told the nightclub attendees were mostly gay men who used the evening to assure themselves that women are gross and cocks rule. If Lady Gaga had turned around to face the crowd she might have provided them a visual conundrum.
Photo Credit: WENN