Everybody wants to know why the social outcasts from The Breakfast Club aren’t buying Lady Gaga’s new album. It’s so bad that when I searched Lady Gaga backdoor cucumber BDSM penetration, I got articles about how ARTPOP sucks and how Interscope is going to have to fire a large number of angry short people because they’re losing so much money on the album. Everybody in Gaga’s inner-circle has ditched her like rats fleeing a really unattractive Titanic. Did Gaga foretell her own future by posing crawling across the floor in a bikini while R. Kelly subjugates her beneath his prophylactic diaper? It would be a better story if Fame or Celebrity or German Measles killed Lady Gaga, you know, rather than just a really crappy album without radio play songs.
Lady Gaga is running out of bizarre costume ideas so she just headed out in London in her underwear and a bathrobe. We once found my Great Aunt Elaine looking like that outside a closed hardware store when she was in her 80′s. She said she was buying a socket wrench for Harry Truman. That’s when we knew it was time to start combing her attic for valuables she’d never know were missing.
Photo Credit: PCN, WENN
With only one preview shot of the forthcoming video for the Lady Gaga song about letting R. Kelly piss directly into her screeching portal, I’m already prepared to call this the musical event of the year. What could possibly go visually wrong with Megan’s Law website featured face Terry Richardson directing the bewildered ferret like countenance of Lady Gaga writhing around on R. Kelly homaging Kanye and flipping the bird.
I know you’re waiting for the DWUW video. Its unlike any video I’ve ever done. Very Personal. Just making it perfect. Exciting, — Lady Gaga tweeting her Little Monsters
By personal, I think Gaga means you might catch a glimpse of the sutures where he gunny sack used to be. Do What You Want will be the video they show on long sea voyages to keep the sailors from getting hard enough to rape each other in the boiler room. Can not wait.
I admire people who embrace their own bad press. Like when the high school girl mislabeled a slut by her jealous classmates decides, what the hell, I’ll just screw the whole football team. Or when Carmelo Anthony gets ribbed for putting up thirty shots in a single game, so the next night he launches thirty-five. Lady Gaga has taken a lot of garbage about her being a secret dude. Which if you knew how hard she worked to keep her man junk tucked behind her clamped legs, you’d realize is pretty damn disrespectful. To embrace the trash talk, Lady Gaga drew a mustache on her face, let her beaver grow out, and put a scorpion on her tit for the tranny culture magazine, Candy. There’s a lot you can take away from this provocative photo. What struck me is how I really need to stop thinking that there’s no possible way Lady Gaga could make herself less attractive.
Photo credit: Steven Klein/Candy magazine
Penis drawing blogger Perez Hilton escalated his feud with fellow drag queen Lady Gaga on the Wendy Williams show this week. Hilton has been waging a bitchy slap fight with Gaga for over a year. The thing is that no one knows why. They used to be BFF’s, hanging out together and talking about wigs and glitter and why the world needs them now more than ever. Then, all of a sudden, Perez turned on Gaga like a gay pitbull on a cock steak. Williams asked Hilton about his feud and he cryptically said,
“She has a history of, and I don’t want to name names — she globs on to people, uses them and once they’re no longer of use to her will just throw them aside. That is what I’ve observed.”
Now that is just obscure bitchy. How can you talk about history with somebody nobody even in your ass-chaps underground knew about just four years ago. Are you suggesting that world famous entertainers don’t make great friends? Oh, nos Perez. Unsmiley face. Jesus, you’re 35. Despite your wishes upon every falling star, you’re not actually a middle school girl. Now, draw a penis on a picture of Lady Gaga where her penis used to be and put this gripe behind you.