Lady Gaga was in New York last night to play a party for amfAR, hosted by M.A.C, and out of all her crazy looks, this is the one I hope catches on. I like girls who look like they have some horrible plague-like infection and boils all over their face. And dull brown teeth with ghostly white skin, almost as if they just punched their way out of a grave. It taps right into my primal sexuality, turning me into more animal than man.
02.01.2010 monday afternoon headlines
KRISTEN BELL - is engaged, and I’ll tell you who the lucky fella is when we come back. And we’re back: Dax Shepard. (wonderwall)
SCIENTOLOGY - is profiteering in Haiti. “Yeah, no wonder Travolta was over there, haha,” Brendon said to buy time while he looked up if “profiteering” was good or bad. (gawker)
KATY PERRY - might have a “clothing optional” wedding, which is to say she might be naked. I can’t wait to find out if she does it! Oohhh, I wonder what the answer will be?! I bet it’s surprising! (people)
LADY GAGA - wore this as her third outfit at the Grammys last night. She looks like the mascot for some shitty minor league baseball team. (getty)
02.01.2010 lady gaga gets it
This was the second outfit Lady GaGa wore at the Grammys last night, and AHHHH WTF! To be honest I really do appreciate that she’s at least trying new things, she’s at least trying to be different and original and that’s all I can ask for, but good lord she is unpleasant to look at. No wonder she hangs out with Perez. It’s the only time she’s ever the good looking one. If she ever got pregnant and he was the donor, I would just start punching her in the stomach and wouldn’t stop until we got to the delivery room and a little ghost came out of her and floated up through the ceiling.
02.01.2010 look at me everyone
Lady GaGa was of course the center of attention last night at the Grammy Awards, even though her only wins came for Best Dance Recording and Best Dance Album. She was shut out of the big 3 categories, Record of the Year (Kings of Leon), Album of the Year (Taylor Swift), and Song of the Year (Beyonce - Single Ladies).
Nonetheless all eyes were on her because she wore 3 different shocking outfits, each one more shocking than the one before. I even hyperventilated and then blacked out for a while after I saw the third one, on account of how shocked I was. This was the first one, a dress designed by Niels Bohr. It looks like a old timey drawing of an atom and electron. And stuff. This isn’t especially relevant but just so you know what kind of page this is, I have no idea what an electron does.
(source = getty images)
02.01.2010 lady gaga took my breath away
According to the Grammys, the Grammys always has an amazing musical number that has everyone talking about it the next day. That seems more than a little presumptuous, but the attempt to cram wonder down our throats last night was the opening performance by Lady GaGa, which ended up as a duet with Elton John. It was the fulfillment of a fear I never knew I had, and began the nights theme of choosing duets based on picking random names out of a hat. The only things these two have in common is that they both have a penis, and they’re both visually disturbing. Forget about having sex with either one, I wouldn’t even eat one of them if I was a vulture in the desert.
12.30.2009 the top 100 stories of 2009 (51-100)
All the dumb websites and magazines and TV shows do lists at the end of the year, counting down and ranking everything you can imagine, and they’re all subjective and poorly thought out and painful to read. But nothing else is going on this time of year, and so here we go.
100. JASMINE FIORE WAS MURDERED - by her husband, who was a contestant on the VH1 show ‘Megan Wants a Millionaire’. He pulled out her teeth, cut off her fingers and threw her body in a dumpster. So at least he wasn’t a litterbug. (August 15th)
99. MICHAEL JACKSON DIED - This one should probably be higher on the list but fuck that dude. He was a pedophile and his music sucked. Good riddance weirdo. (June 25th)
98. SUSAN BOYLE IS AN OVERNIGHT STAR - Does it bother anyone that she can’t really sing? After the first 5 lines on her famous ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ appearance her voice completely went to hell. What do you, got asthma or somethin? (April 11th)
97. LINDSAY LOHAN SUCKS - The reviews for the debut of her fashion line could have been worse, but only if they included a bunch of racist name calling for some reason. (October 4th)
96. BRITNEY SPEARS IS STACKED - Britney wore a see-thru t-shirt while in Australia for her ‘Circus’ tour. It maybe wasn’t as newsworthy as Michael Jackson dying, but what can I say, I just really love looking at girls’ tits. (November 5th)
