Sometimes when a celebrity in his 60s or early 70s, he doesn’t look his age and people are surprised to learn that he’s actually old as dirt. Larry King doesn’t fall into that category, because he’s 80-years old and looks like he’s in his 80s or early 90s. But he’s an icon and has been doing his thing forever, so people don’t give him too much shit over the fact that he constantly looks like he was confused and got dressed in his grandson’s closet this morning. Between the designer jeans and the purple shirt, I wouldn’t be surprised if his adult diaper is made by Louis Vuitton. But the youthful gear works, Larry, because we almost didn’t notice you fumbling with that pill bottle.
For once in its boring existence, PBS is doing something pretty cool, as the network created an online series called “Blank on Blank” that takes raw celebrity interviews and gives them new life with animated YouTube videos. The interviews range from old and lost to new and relevant, and some of them feature revealing new quotes from celebrities that we thought we’d never hear from again. Mainly because they’re dead.
Jim Morrison: Well, um… You know that’s something that really bothers me. What’s wrong with being fat? That’s what I want to know. Why is there such…
Howard Smith: I didn’t say there’s anything wrong with it.
Jim Morrison: Why is it so onerous to be fat? Um… I don’t see anything wrong with fat. You know? I mean, I remember when I used to weigh 185 pounds.
Yeah, 185-pounds is some real hippo shit right there, Jim. Still, it’s pretty cool that PBS was able to dig up this old interview for a new generation. It’s a lot better than, say, Larry King discussing the art of seduction. I simply read the title on that one and my dick vanished.
LARRY KING – announced his retirement last night and ‘Americas Got Talent’ judge Piers Morgan could sign a deal to replace him as early as today. King had no comment about Morgan because CNN had already pushed him down the stairs and locked the door behind him. (radar)
WONDER WOMAN – has a new costume and her slutty bodysuit has been replaced with pants and a jacket. The new writer also wanted to, “give her breast reduction surgery.” You’ve just made yourself a powerful new enemy, you sick son of a bitch. (ny times)
EMINEM – sold 741,000 copies of ‘Recovery’ last week, the biggest debut since 2008. The biggest debut of the decade of course was when my ex girlfriend saw my dick for the first time. Seriously. It’s humongous. Call me ladies! (yahoo)
ZOE SALDANA – is engaged. To a white guy. First Halle Berry now Zoe. Who does Seleta Ebanks date? Black guys won’t take this much longer, not when we’re giving them Khloe Kardashian in exchange. We could be on the verge of a race war. (msnbc)
JESSICA ALBA – is in Paris, but more to the point she looks fantastic in shorts. Too bad about that dumb kid, but at least Jessica didn’t get fat. That would be a much tougher problem. You can’t drown fat in a sink and throw it in a dumpster if you catch my drift. (splash)
“90210″ star Jessica Lowndes was the only one who mattered at the 51st Hollywood Stars celebrity softball game at Dodger Stadium this weekend. And when they say “Hollywood Stars”, they mean that in the loosest possible sense. Josh Henderson. Robert Hoffman. James Denton. It seems pretty clear these rosters were chosen by picking random names out of a hat.
The biggest “stars” on hand were Joel Madden, Rob Lowe and Larry King. Whats that? Yes, yes that’s correct. Larry King. He even went to the plate and somehow his ancient brittle bones didn’t explode into dust when he swung the bat.
Him being there made it look like a reunion game from back before black people were allowed to play. If he had a rookie card it would just been a drawing because pictures were still considered a sign of the dark arts, and he’d have mutton chop sideburns and one of those big mustaches that curl up at the end. And it would have been for some insane sounding team that you’ve never fucking heard of. The Boston Dandies, or the Rochester Rowderfoots, or some shit like that.
So at least Jessica didn’t look as bad as Larry. She still looked like a spaz though. I understand if she hasn’t played much softball, because hot girls don’t have time for that crap, but she is from earth right? I thought catching a ball was just something people could do. Like sitting upright or chewing.