Laura Cremaschi in A Bikini

When Trump says rapists and unlicensed ice cream truck vendors are pouring illegally across the border I hope he's not lumping in the loose foreign models streaming into Miami to show off their tits and vaginas. Even the most ardent ICE enforcer has to understand the need for categories when it comes to who is and isn't allowed in this country. If you were a big draw at the Berlusconi sex parties, stamp that visa. You...read more

Laura Cremaschi in a One Piece Thong

Skinny party girls from Italy just seems like something I should be into more. I don't do well with the nuances of relationships with women who believe in love. It's far too ethereal. Girls who work Italian rich guys' private functions seem like they'd never say confusing things like needing to feel important, longing to be understood, or wanting to let back inside the apartment because it's cold outside. Where do...read more

Laura Cremaschi Bikini Changes At The Beach

Immigration doesn't seem like such a head scratching social issue when viewed through the lens of Laura Cremaschi's mons pubis. Cremaschi is a political asylum candidate in the U.S. ever since she got caught hostessing the Italian Prime Minister's teen bacchanalias. If you consider that for every one of these Cremaschis, we get thirty thousand Central American pre-teens who can de-tick a burro and patch holes in...read more

It's World Cup Sexy Soccer Cliche Time

I have vowed to punch each and every much smaller than me person who announces this month that soccer is the world's most popular sport. Human papillomavirus is the world's most popular STD. Go ask Michael Douglas' throat cancer how awesome it was jumping on that popularity bandwagon. I don't care how many foreign self-described models slip into something soccer sexy, I'm not watching any sport where teams...read more

Laura Cremaschi In A Blue Bikini

I'm looking at Laura Cremaschi and I don't see Italian Prime Minister underaged sex party scandal, I just see a beautiful human being with Photo Credit: Splashread more

Laura Cremaschi In A Thong Bikini

I don't know who invented Pilates but I'd like to give them a great big bear hug. I don't even know what Pilates is, something to do with rubber bands and converted Tony Little Gazelle machines. I just know it's turned an entire generation of girls asses into perfectly round evocations of the archetypal signal for reproduction. I'd like to think the girls are getting something out of it too, but that's really...read more

Laura Cremaschi in A Bikini

I'd advise against women in the public eye holding phallic shaped toys and objects. Some schmuck like me is going to make a cock joke and you're going to realize the Miami Beach pool noodle wasn't really going to save you from Jaws or Vibrio vulnificus or the Cuban refugees swimming ashore. You've got an incredibly nice ass. You don't need the props. Photo Credit: Splashread more

Laura Cremaschi In A Wet T Shirt In Miami

I think Italian catwoman has solved the dilemma of what to wear at the beach when you want to look like one of those fake college chicks who win all the wet t-shirt contests during Spring Break. They always says Lauderdale Community College, but I suspect they're not really the part-time applied arts students they claim to be. Nobody could carry that course load and still have time to get their tits weight six times a...read more

Laura Cremaschi In A Pink Thong Bikini

Yes, Laura, we see your tits. You can't go through life marching around like you're back in your twelve and under pedo-pageants in Italy trying to win the skills competition for the local wealthy furriers. You've got big fake boobs now. Act like a grown up and quit the prancing. Photo Credit: Splashread more

Laura Cremaschi Plays Calcio in a Thong

Soccer will never catch on in the U.S. until they add a halfcourt rule and a shot clock of some kind. That's what turned the NBA into a multibillion dollar sport. Getting Italian party girls into the mix isn't such a bad rule idea either. Short Latinos and tall Germans might make for fun viewing once every four years, but you line up eleven professional escorts with huge yabbos in thongs on either side of the pitch...read more

Laura Cremaschi in A Bikini

This Laura girl was one of the many showgirls involved in all those Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi underaged sex parties for which he's standing trial. The term showgirl has pretty much meant hooker since about 1950. Just like escort, Thai masseuse, or any girl named Jayde with a 'y'. The very idea of a sex party seems like such a fucking turnoff, which is a real trick since sex and party are two of the most...read more

Laura Cremaschi In A Bikini

Laura Cremaschi is Italian so she's not as afraid of the sun as the American girls running around on the beach in Miami. Sure, she might have wrinkles when she's 50 and spots when she's 60, but for now, she's calling out every girl in a stupid Panama hat and a sun-protective designer label smock on the beach as a total pussy. Taunting has its place. And that place is squarely between hardly dressed women on a beach....read more