By Lex December 18, 2014 @ 9:48 AM
I didn’t think Simon Cowell would stick with his buddy’s wife he knocked up for almost a full year now since she shat out his spawn. But there they are in Barbados with the little bastard, her other son from her marriage tucked safely away in boarding school on the most remote islet of Tierra del Fuego. Only in the movies do relationships originated in sin and deceit lead to horrible outcomes. In real life, you get Caribbean vacations and cute as a button kids who make for wonderful magazine covers. Though I wouldn’t try this at home unless you’re pretty fucking rich.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex August 19, 2014 @ 9:03 AM
You’ve got to be pretty stoked when your boring husband befriends a wealthy celebrity who shows a strong interest in plowing you. In a Lifetime movie, this would end up in some kind of deadly love triangle. In real life, Simon Cowell bangs a baby in you and you tell your husband you’re leaving for the world of luxury hotels and spas and yachts. It’s like hitting the Scratchers jackpot. You put your existing kid in the care of Jewish nuns in Gstaad and off you go for a whirlwind eighteen month run until you come back to the London brownstone to see a note on the door telling you your stuff is in storage and thank you for vagina service and if you shut the fuck up there’s a decent check coming your way. It could be worse. Most women never get the check.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News
By Lex February 24, 2014 @ 5:02 PM
This isn’t Lauren Silverman’s first go-round with making a baby with some rich dude. She knows the life span of these commitments. You’re only as good as your latest paternity claim. And what better way to seduce your baby daddy for another round of statutory obligations then showing off your milk-laden boobs to draw daddy in for another rodeo. It’s only been eight days since Lauren Silverman gave birth to her husband’s wealthy friend’s bastard baby, her own little cuckolded Hannukah miracle. But that HGH pumping through Simon’s veins is going to be expelled in seedy format in somebody else’s wife if Lauren doesn’t keep the allure alive. She left the baby in the care of the traveling baby nurses and bodyguards and took her braless tits and Simon for a walk along the beach in Miami. It’s important that couples keep the romance alive after baby enters the picture. Tens of millions of dollars worth of importance.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Pacific Coast News
By Travis January 06, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Because everyone with a ton of money is currently on vacation in St. Bart’s, Simon Cowell is also there with his pregnant girlfriend Lauren Silverman on his Slipstream yacht. Maybe it’s because their relationship started with a terrible affair that destroyed not only a marriage but also a friendship, but I’m surprised that Simon and Lauren are still together and haven’t jumped to the inevitable settlement part of their breakup just to save everyone some time. Then again, maybe all it took for a wealthy playboy like Simon to settle down was the idea of a family, and he and Lauren will spend the rest of their lives together in marital bliss. You know, as long as she makes it back on the Slipstream’s return voyage.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Lex December 27, 2013 @ 2:00 PM
There’s nothing more romantic than a Christmas beach stroll with your buddy’s wife who you knocked up over the summer. I’m sure her seven year old son understands that this Christmas mommy is away because the rich dude from the X-Factor made a baby inside of her and can’t be near him as part of the divorce settlement agreement. Not to get all Holden Caulfield, but it’s pretty amazing how we fuck over kids just to get laid. Like banging Carmen Electra on the side of your last hot girlfriend wasn’t enough for you in your 50′s? Fuck, get laid. Screw a thousand hot women. I would if I could. Just stop railing other people’s wives and moms. Yeah, it’s her fault too. But she probably believes in romance and fairytales, if not your offshore holdings. Your’e a man. Act like one. Draw a line in the sand somewhere, even if you have to draw it with your dick. I hope Neptune sends a shark to eat the both of them.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Travis August 30, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Media mogul Simon Cowell and the ass-grabbing woman he knocked up, Lauren Silverman, hit the town last night for a little dinner at an Italian restaurant, and they sure look happy, don’t they? In fact, I can’t tell who looks happier – the guy who got his best friend’s wife pregnant or the now ex-wife of his best friend who got a ridiculously wealthy celebrity to knock her up. There are also rumors that Simon might even be willing to marry Lauren at some point, to which I’m sure Andrew Silverman responded, “Well, it was all worth it then, wasn’t it?”
(Photo Credits: WENN.com)