Lauren Stoner Birthday Ass

By Lex February 02, 2015 @ 10:28 AM

Lauren Stoner Wears A Thong Bikini For Her Birthday In Miami
I find it comforting there’s a small corner of the world where guys sneak up on women with their cameras and snap pictures of their privates and the women thank them and ask when they’ll be published. None of this subtle nuance of anxious correctness and changing Northeastern feminist directives. Just a polite request to wait a second, let me flex my ass, is my mons lit well? It’s the difference between synergy and discord, a perfect market versus wasted resources, picture perfect taint versus a slap in the face and a fearless essay in the campus paper lamenting the existence of men. Good luck living in a world with no open jars.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lauren Stoner in a Bikini

By Lex December 30, 2014 @ 11:20 AM

Lauren Stoner Wears A Green Bikini While Walking The Beach In Miami
If I black out Michael Bay humping her while gloating about fucking over the Turtles origin story, I really do like this chick. She reminds me of every girl who ever told me to bugger off through a set of big teeth. It’s like receiving a directive from Smaug. You comply. Then tell your buddies Smaug was a lesbian.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lauren Stoner In A White Bikini

By Lex September 08, 2014 @ 2:11 PM

Lauren Stoner In A White Bikini In Miami
Overbites on girls kind of kill me. There’s something very arousing about a woman with a set of grinders like her parents just didn’t have orthodontic insurance. Some women have turned their non-traditional grills into iconic model smiles, but most do just end up being labeled crack whores the minute they get fucked up at a party and pass out in the high back chair. Lauren Stoner used to bang Michael Bay, so she’s fortunate that the harsh jokes won’t hit the topic of her teeth before her friends drag her home.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Lauren Stoner In A Bikini

By Lex June 18, 2014 @ 10:11 AM

Lauren Stoner In A Striped Bikini In Miami
It’s unfortunate that anybody should have the moniker of Michael Bay’s ex-girlfriend. When you bone somebody several factors more famous, this becomes your label. If you’re a woman, that sticks for a long time. It’s purely sexist. I want to search the depths of the earth for the fairness rock that will make the world’s inequities disappear. Right after I’m done staring at Michael Bay’s ex-girlfriend’s ass.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Lauren Stoner In A Green Bikini At Miami Beach

By Lex April 25, 2014 @ 10:27 AM

Lauren Stoner In A Green Bikini At Miami Beach

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News

Lauren Stoner In A Bikini

By Lex April 24, 2014 @ 4:46 PM

Lauren Stoner In A Black Bikini At The Beach In Miami
Luxury licensed brand hat. Check. Super reflective fighter pilot sunglasses. Check. Big fake tubes oiled to a fare-thee-well. Check. Called the boyfriend on the not his home phone that his not wife might pick up and told him you were looking forward to tonight. Check. You are super good to go for another part-time model beach day.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet