By Travis March 26, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Over the weekend, Ford officials responded to a really stupid decision by an advertising agency in India to give the Kardashian sisters a little dab of rape culture by basically admitting that the automobile manufacturer doesn’t review its ads before they hit the streets. JWT India’s recent posters for the Ford Figo showed Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian bound and gagged in the back of Paris Hilton’s car, as if the irrelevant former reality star would be seen driving a tiny car or could handle Khloe’s retard strength by herself.
Needless to say, Kris Jenner and the Kim Kardashian Moneymaking Experience weren’t going to just let this one fly by, so they released their own response, and it’s as litigious as you’d expect from a family that sold a fake wedding to E! for $17 million.
“The ‘leave your worries behind’ Ford ads are disgusting, vile and offensive to all women,” a Kardashian attorney told “omg! Insider.” “It is unacceptable that Ford would align itself with an ad agency that would so carelessly release these ads. The Kardashians do not take this lightly and they are exploring all of their legal options.” (Yahoo!)
If anyone knows what is disgusting, vile and offensive to all women, it’s the women who became famous because one of them made an amateur porn movie that was basically directed by her own mom. And it’s the women who challenge each other to pussy-smelling contests by rubbing napkins on their vaginas. And it’s the women who… just go ahead and insert anything else they’ve ever done here, because it’s all equally horrible.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
By brendon October 16, 2012 @ 1:16 PM
While standing in his finest black t-shirt and most solemn bandana skull cap, Hulk Hogan announced a $100,000,000 lawsuit over his leaked sex tape today, suing both Gawker Media, who released edited portions of the tape, and Bubba the Love Sponge, his former “best friend” whom he claims gave the tape to Gawker.
Hulk Hogan filed two lawsuits Monday over the infamous sex tape featuring his bedroom romp with his best friend’s ex-wife — even as the best friend denies any involvement in releasing the tape.
(Hogans attorney) said the two suits would argue one basic concept — invasion of privacy.
Well he’s off to a bad start because he can’t prove (yet) who leaked the tape and Gawker is incorporated under a shell company in the Cayman Islands so good luck suing them, but on the plus side, his attorney is scaring the shit out of me right now. It’s like someone tried to kill an evil ventriloquist dummy by burning it but all the fire did was make it come to life. If I were on a jury my pants would be soaked in urine. I’ll do whatever you say just please don’t kill me.
(source = ny daily news, image source = getty)
By brendon July 24, 2012 @ 11:31 AM
71 people were shot when James Holmes opened fire during the midnight premiere of ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ on Friday, but Torrence Brown, Jr. wasn’t one of them. He was there (he works in the movie theater and a friend of his was killed) but he wasn’t injured in any way.
Nonetheless he’s the first to hire an attorney and announce a sweeping lawsuit because money. First he’ll sue the movie theater, because he thinks emergency exit doors should have magic charms on them like in ‘Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’ so only the penitent man shall pass.
Then he’ll sue:
Holmes’ doctors. (Browns attorney) says it appears Holmes was on several medications — prescribed by one or more doctors – at the time of the shooting and he believes the docs did not properly monitor Holmes.
Was James Holmes on some sort of “medication”? Perhaps! Did the doctors monitor him correctly? I have no idea, but let’s sue them anyway and look into that later. I don’t have all day, ya know.
(Brown will also sue) Warner Bros. (claiming) “Dark Knight Rises” was particularly violent and Holmes mimicked some of the action.
Keep in mind that Holmes hadn’t even seen ‘Dark Knight Rises’. He was at the premiere. But according to the attorney, he watched 20 minutes of it, went home, dyed his hair like a character from a different movie, built a time machine to go buy 4 guns and wire his apartment with explosives, then came back to our time and shot up the theater. He invented time travel, we can’t arrest him now, he’s the future of humanity.
John Travolta was trolling male masseuses for easy gay sex, but everything fell apart because he was so creepy about it, and I’m not talking about the sexual battery lawsuit filed yesterday, or the new one filed today, but an email I posted in 2006 saying Travolta was doing the exact same stuff back then while filming ‘Hairspray’ in Toronto.
While in town, he went to the Mayfair Raquet and Fitness Centre to get some massage therapy and he specifically requested male therapists. The RMT he ended up with is a fairly flamboyant gay man. After his first treatment he promptly rebooked weekly appointments with the same therapist.
Here’s where it gets better. Last week the club asked him to no longer come back due to “too much gay behaviour in the locker rooms” as he was making other members very uncomfortable.
And I know I’ve said this before but I used to work at the Ritz-Carlton in Marina del Rey, and Travolta personally invited me to his room on several occasions. He did the same with our doorman. So when his lawyer says these events are “a complete fiction and fabrication” and that “None of the events claimed … ever occurred”, it is laugh out loud funny, because these events have occurred dozens of times, for years, all over the place. It’s offensive to me. Because Travolta offered those guys money. What do I look like, some cheap slut?
The lawsuit filed yesterday by an unnamed male masseuse against John Travolta for sexual battery is full of gag-reflex testing details like in the headline, and that’s just a prelude to things like Travoltas opinion on the taste of cum and whether or not the masseuse would experience “the best fucking of his life” (spoiler alert: according to Travolta, yes).
Here’s a few, um, “highlights”?
- “(Travolta) lumbered to his feet and began to move towards Plaintiff with erect penis bouncing around with his stride.”
- “(Travolta) began screaming at Plantiff, telling Plantiff how selfish he was, that (Travolta) got where he is now due to sexual favors he had performed when he was in his ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ days; and that Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity.”
- (He said) he had done things in his past that would make most people throw up.
- When he started he wasn’t even gay and that the taste of ‘cum’ would make him gag.
- He was smart enough to learn to enjoy it, and when he began to make millions of dollars, that it all became worth it.
I don’t mean to be a Monday morning quarterback, but telling a guy that he’ll probably find gay sex repulsive and it’s only worth it if it makes you famous and pays millions of dollars, is maybe not the best way to convince a guy to anonymously blow you for a few hundred.
By brendon October 11, 2011 @ 2:07 PM
A woman in Michigan is suing the producers of the critically acclaimed movie ‘Drive’ because she thought it would be like ‘Fast and the Furious’, and it wasn’t, and that really upset her. To the point where she feels the courts need to intervene. Please believe me when I tell you I’m not misrepresenting this story in any way.
If this works she’ll also sue the estate of William Faulkner after reading ‘Sound and the Fury’. “What the fuck, where’s the drifting! If a story doesn’t have people driving smoothly around corners, they can expect to hear from my attorney.”