By Lex August 10, 2015 @ 12:53 PM
You just knew there’d come a day when ambiguously inspiring hashtags would become corrupted in the name of big business. Not so long ago you could trust that anyone of the ten thousand new socially or politically rousing hashtags created each week really meant something. No longer. Lea Michele is cash fronting a big pharma campaign for women’s birth control with the powerful hashtag #ActuallySheCan.
I attribute my personal and professional successes to not only my self-reliance and determination, but to the inspiration, education and support I received from others who helped me stay true to myself and my goals. There is nothing more gratifying than seeing a woman leave her mark.
Though not her baby mark, naturally. Given that Lea is currently banging a dude who used to be a male escort for hire, I’d think some more serious prophylactics ought be considered before any penetration of her Glee. ActuallySheCan what? Not be forcibly impregnanted thereby destroying her chances at teen casting sessions? Do you see how quickly everything falls apart when you try to make a buck off the sanctity of hashtags? You can’t fake box if you’re pregnant. But heaven doesn’t like liars. Dead Cory Monteith wanted so much better for you.
Photo credit: Instagram
By Lex March 02, 2015 @ 9:04 AM
If there’s anybody who can speak to the need for gay parents, it’s a coven of surgically altered witches who’ve fucked up their kids with booze and pills and divorce and a haunting desire for fame. They ought to spell themselves back in time and hand over their newborns to the nearest male male couple with a designer crib and a dream. I can’t imagine the sexuality of parents matters much to kids growing up. Not as much as access to premium cable and money for braces. By the time you realize what your dads are doing in that bedroom with the never enter without knocking rule, you’re already into sports and siphoning off their weed stash slowly so they don’t notice. Lea Michele showed off her small tits just in case you had doubts about something.
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By Matt December 22, 2014 @ 8:15 AM
Lea Michele posts an awful lot of photos of herself doing yoga. Michele sees the ancient eastern practice as a way to clear one’s head and achieve inner enlightenment. At which point you definitely need to show everyone in the world how great your abs look. Your spiritual quest is usually complete at the very point you’re most fuckable. It’s because spirituality is all relative. If everyone felt great all the time we’d just start nitpicking more. Hey bitch, my chakras are in line and your roots are showing. It’s the chicks who need to lose five pounds who may never find themselves spiritually. Because they’re kind of pissed about chicks like yourself.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex October 06, 2014 @ 11:29 AM
Lea Michele is making a habit out of showing up to other people’s premieres and showing off her tits. They’re not particularly large, though I’m sure they’re as perfect as her professional male escort boyfriend reminds her as he drags her Amex card through his iPhone magnetic strip reader. Lots of times you’ll see older celebrities with new tits like Sharon Stone pulling this red carpet stealing trick. It’s less common for young actresses. I’d call Lea Michele on her shit but she’d surely produce a poem from Dead Cory Monteith about being true to yourself and adopting rescue cats. Dead Cory left Lea with a ton of Get Out of Jail Free cards, in addition to his cardigan sweater collection she uses to clean up after her multi-orgasmic pro.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PacificCoastNews
By Lex September 09, 2014 @ 8:38 AM
Even though Lea Michele hasn’t show a particular skill at the acting craft, she’s famous enough that she got a guest starring role on the final season of Sons of Anarchy. I watch Sons of Anarchy because I like to see people of all races and colors being gunned down on the highways. It makes me feel post-racial. As with all media opportunities, at the premiere event Lea made sure to mention her dead boyfriend, not take questions about her current male prostitute boyfriend, and incessantly pursed her lips while trying to show off her tits which almost fell out of her top. I’ll give Lea this, she understands the game. If I find out she’s cackling and counting her gold when the cameras are off, I’d actually respect her more than if she kept up the whiny ingenue persona. I can respect crass honesty, but the latter requires a few elevator rides with a ticked off Ray Rice.
Photo Credit: Instagram, Getty
By Lex July 30, 2014 @ 1:44 PM
If you need something dead, Lea Michele is your go-to girl. The Glee star took a break from mounting her male hooker on top of Dead Cory Monteith’s memory to film a scene for the final season of Sons of Anarchy. Lea will play Gertie, a truck stop waitress and struggling single mom. To prep for the role, Lea forced one of her assistants to tell her horrible stories of growing up between the coasts where they had no access to first-run theater. Expect a lot of emoting and long draws on the cigarettes as Lea tries to get to that Emmy stage for yet another tear-filled speech about hope and embracing the future and destroying bitches on the set who get in your way.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet