All The Big Names in Haggery Came Out for Parental Equality

By Lex March 02, 2015 @ 9:04 AM

Real-Housewives-for-Equality
If there’s anybody who can speak to the need for gay parents, it’s a coven of surgically altered witches who’ve fucked up their kids with booze and pills and divorce and a haunting desire for fame. They ought to spell themselves back in time and hand over their newborns to the nearest male male couple with a designer crib and a dream. I can’t imagine the sexuality of parents matters much to kids growing up. Not as much as access to premium cable and money for braces. By the time you realize what your dads are doing in that bedroom with the never enter without knocking rule, you’re already into sports and siphoning off their weed stash slowly so they don’t notice. Lea Michele showed off her small tits just in case you had doubts about something.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/INF

Lea Michele Looks Inward To Selfie

By Matt December 22, 2014 @ 8:15 AM

Lea-Michele-Posing-Yoga

Lea Michele posts an awful lot of photos of herself doing yoga. Michele sees the ancient eastern practice as a way to clear one’s head and achieve inner enlightenment. At which point you definitely need to show everyone in the world how great your abs look. Your spiritual quest is usually complete at the very point you’re most fuckable. It’s because spirituality is all relative. If everyone felt great all the time we’d just start nitpicking more. Hey bitch, my chakras are in line and your roots are showing. It’s the chicks who need to lose five pounds who may never find themselves spiritually. Because they’re kind of pissed about chicks like yourself.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Lea Michele Knows When to Show Them

By Lex October 06, 2014 @ 11:29 AM

Lea Michele Wears Low Cut Dress At The Premiere Of American Horror Story
Lea Michele is making a habit out of showing up to other people’s premieres and showing off her tits. They’re not particularly large, though I’m sure they’re as perfect as her professional male escort boyfriend reminds her as he drags her Amex card through his iPhone magnetic strip reader. Lots of times you’ll see older celebrities with new tits like Sharon Stone pulling this red carpet stealing trick. It’s less common for young actresses. I’d call Lea Michele on her shit but she’d surely produce a poem from Dead Cory Monteith about being true to yourself and adopting rescue cats. Dead Cory left Lea with a ton of Get Out of Jail Free cards, in addition to his cardigan sweater collection she uses to clean up after her multi-orgasmic pro.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PacificCoastNews

Lea Michele Coming Out Party

By Lex September 09, 2014 @ 8:38 AM

Lea Michele Trying To Stay In Low Cut Top During Premiere In LA
Even though Lea Michele hasn’t show a particular skill at the acting craft, she’s famous enough that she got a guest starring role on the final season of Sons of Anarchy. I watch Sons of Anarchy because I like to see people of all races and colors being gunned down on the highways. It makes me feel post-racial. As with all media opportunities, at the premiere event Lea made sure to mention her dead boyfriend, not take questions about her current male prostitute boyfriend, and incessantly pursed her lips while trying to show off her tits which almost fell out of her top. I’ll give Lea this, she understands the game. If I find out she’s cackling and counting her gold when the cameras are off, I’d actually respect her more than if she kept up the whiny ingenue persona. I can respect crass honesty, but the latter requires a few elevator rides with a ticked off Ray Rice.

Photo Credit: Instagram, Getty

Lea Michele Lends Her Talents to Sons of Anarchy

By Lex July 30, 2014 @ 1:44 PM

Lea Michele Smokes A Cigarette In A Frumpy Waitress Outfit Filming 'Sons Of Anarchy' With Katey Sagal In Acton
If you need something dead, Lea Michele is your go-to girl. The Glee star took a break from mounting her male hooker on top of Dead Cory Monteith’s memory to film a scene for the final season of Sons of Anarchy. Lea will play Gertie, a truck stop waitress and struggling single mom. To prep for the role, Lea forced one of her assistants to tell her horrible stories of growing up between the coasts where they had no access to first-run theater. Expect a lot of emoting and long draws on the cigarettes as Lea tries to get to that Emmy stage for yet another tear-filled speech about hope and embracing the future and destroying bitches on the set who get in your way.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet

Lea Michele Posts Bikini Photos from Her Happy Hooker Vacation

By Lex July 22, 2014 @ 8:55 AM

Lea Michele Posts Bikini Photos To Instagram
Lea Michele continues to honor the one year anniversary of Dead Cory Monteith by boning the living shit out of her male escort boyfriend. Nobody blames Lea for finding comfort in the bulging biceps of a hunky prostitute. Who hasn’t? You can’t dwell forever on the list of men who’ve offed themselves to rid their craniums of your shrill tones. That would be a life filled with regret. If you listened carefully to Lea’s last album, you know that mourning and riding professional turgid cock are not mutually exclusive. Don’t make me quote Cannonball. I’ll sob like a girl child.

Photo Credit: Lea Michele/Instagram